Legally Blonde

Translation

2009-04-17T07:36:00.003-04:00

Client #1: I have a question about the Interrogatories. [I am needy.]

Me: Ok. [Big Surprise.]

Client #1: Do you think we can meet to go over them. [I am ultra needy.]

Me: Yeah. Finish the ones you can and then call to schedule an appointment. [I don't want to deal with you right now, but you'd called 5 times in less than 4 hours and I figured my support staff would kill me if I didn't call you back you needy jerk-off.]

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Client #2: I am not going to agree with the settlement. [I am crazy.]

Me: I don't really know what the settlement is, I haven't had a chance to talk to the other attorney about it. [I really don't care.]

Client #2: I think I should have gotten (lists unreasonable demands). [I am really crazy.]

Me: Well, like I said, another attorney handled it, I don't even know if it was placed on the record - in which case you'd be bound by it. [I really don't care.]

Client #2: Can you look into it? [I don't trust anyone but you since you are nice enough to listen to my batshit crazy rantings all the time and the other attorney isn't.]

Me: Yes, I will. But I am going to be honest with you, prepping for 3 trials that are all set for next week, I probably won't do it right away. [You need to step off and relax. I really don't care about your issues right now, but eventually I will have to pay some attention to some of them - the fact that you're crazy is not an issue I am going to deal with, until that day comes, I am a little busy.]

Ike Turner

2009-02-09T13:56:00.004-05:00

So, since I disappeared off the face of the earth I've dated two guys. I'll start with the second.

We dated for about two months. During those two months I started to progressively notice warning signs which told me it probably wasn't going to last. Everything was always my fault. I was the one who never compromised.¹ I never wanted to spend time with his friends. I didn't want to introduce him to my friends, and then when I made plans to do just that he didn't feel up to it (which probably had a lot to do with the flat screen TV arriving that day). Not to mention during one fight he flipped out and started throwing things and grabbed Theodore's leash from my hand. Seriously. Not. Cool. I abruptly left, and by that time I was rather sure things were not going to work out with Ike Turner and myself.

So, the day after Christmas we were exchanging gifts. I had knitted him a hat and scarf (which he'd commented that he wanted) and I'd gotten him something I'd heard him comment he'd wanted. Between the very nice yarn I used ($50.00 in yarn) and the other item I spent about $150.00, plus my time. He got me a Starbucks gift set (since I like coffee), a $50.00 visa gift card (just leave the cash on the nightstand next time) and a poem he'd written and signed "love." We hadn't used the "L" word yet, and being that I was pretty certain things weren't going anywhere, I wasn't even considering saying it. Now, anyone who has had this word said to them and not returned it knows the word has a self life of an expired dairy product. We ordered dinner that night and he commented how he was going to get a movie, I replied "there are so many here, why don't we just pick one together." But, no. He had his mind made up. He got some shitty movie I had no desire to watch. So I went about my knitting and just ignored it. That was not good enough. It just further proved that I am not interested in what he is and I cannot be bothered to fain interest. Nevermind that I compromised by shutting up and watching his crappy movie.

Anyway, a huge fight ensued. There was crying (on his behalf)². There was screaming (on his behalf). I just largely ignored it, told him to drop it since he'd been drinking. But he wouldn't. He kept pushing the issue that I don't care about what he cares about. So while I had decided not to mention the shitty gift he got me much earlier, I could not contain it any longer. I politely pointed out how much thought I'd put into his gift and that he couldn't even manage to get a gift card for a specific store. He never asked what I wanted or where I shopped. There was more crying (on his behalf). I decided it was over and packed my things to leave. More screaming ensued. All childish and insulting in nature, my favorite being that I'd never be happy and that I'm a miserable person.

The irony, ever since I dumped him I've been so happy just to be out of a totally dysfunctional and messed up relationship I've been practically glowing.

¹This one really pissed me off. Just because I don't make a big fuss about something does not mean I didn't compromise. A lot of my compromises are silent.
²Seriously.

My New Hobby...

2009-01-26T19:44:00.011-05:00

Of course, after I promised to be more diligent, a mess of unforeseen circumstances occurred and have left me exhausted.

In order to make good on at least one promise in my post, my newest hobby is knitting. I took it up about 2 months ago and I'm already pretty good. Being that it is an overtly feminine pastime I'm rather surprised that I am even doing it, let alone decent at it. Behold:

The Braided Scarf I knitted for myself.

CABLING! I am so awesome, I know.

The Basketweave Scarf I knitted for a friend.

The details of this scarf did not photograph well, plus it was gigantic at over 80'' long and over 10'' wide.¹ But that was how he wanted it.

Impressive, I know. I'm sure my male reader(s) are bursting with fruit flavor. I've finished other stuff too, but I don't have pictures.

------------------------------------------------

¹That's what she said.

Mea Culpa

2009-01-22T19:47:00.003-05:00

I suck. I know. I doubt anyone checks here anymore, but maybe a few bloglines readers haven't taken me off their feeds. I'm getting the itch to write again. I'd like to "promise" that I'll be better, I'll show up when I promise, I won't keep you waiting for ~~hours~~ ~~days~~ months on end. But making that promise would be about as meaningless as when I told my newly ex-boyfriend that I'd make an effort to let my guard down. If you take me back I promise to update you on the following:

What is going on with my life-work, personal, family and other;
How cute Theodore is these days;
Tell you what my latest hobby is; and
Share at least one Crackhead Uncle story.

I figure bribery is always the best option. If you won't do it for me, do it for Theodore. He lacks the dexterity and opposable thumbs to have neglected you so long. And if you won't do it for Theodore, do it for the Crackhead Uncle story, you know it'll be good.

Question.

2008-08-15T01:27:00.002-04:00

Is there anything better than going out with 3 guy friends, one of which you used to date, and catching them talking about how good you look and how good your hair looks when you go to the bathroom?

No. I didn't think so.

The New Classics

2008-07-04T09:50:00.007-04:00

Seen at The Neutral Zone Trap - The "new classics" from the last 25 years. According to Entertainment Weekly, and who I am to argue with Entertainment Weekly. Plus it kinda goes along with the fact that I just turned 25.

Movies I've seen in bold. Commentary when applicable.

1. Pulp Fiction (1994)
2. The Lord of the Rings trilogy (2001-03) - I refuse to watch movies about hobbits. And shouldn't this be 3 separate entries?
3. Titanic (1997)
4. Blue Velvet (1986) - I keep saying I'm going to watch it, maybe this will inspire me.
5. Toy Story (1995)
6. Saving Private Ryan (1998)
7. Hannah and Her Sisters (1986)
8. The Silence of the Lambs (1991)
9. Die Hard (1988)
10. Moulin Rouge (2001)
11. This Is Spinal Tap (1984) - Never had any interest.
12. The Matrix (1999)
13. GoodFellas (1990)
14. Crumb (1995)
15. Edward Scissorhands (1990)
16. Boogie Nights (1997)
17. Jerry Maguire (1996)
18. Do the Right Thing (1989)
19. Casino Royale (2006) - I have never watched a Bond movie and do not plan on starting now.
20. The Lion King (1994)
21. Schindler's List (1993)
22. Rushmore (1998)
23. Memento (2001)
24. A Room With a View (1986)
25. Shrek (2001)
26. Hoop Dreams (1994)
27. Aliens (1986)
28. Wings of Desire (1988) - I have honestly never heard of this movie.
29. The Bourne Supremacy (2004) - meh.
30. When Harry Met Sally... (1989)
31. Brokeback Mountain (2005)
32. Fight Club (1999)
33. The Breakfast Club (1985)
34. Fargo (1996)
35. The Incredibles (2004)
36. Spider-Man 2 (2004) - I have an intense irrational hatred for Kristen Dunst most likely related to her bad teeth and ridiculous clothing and can only stand movies where she dies, someone is trying to kill her, or she plays a cheerleader and I love it because it's a guilty pleasure (See: Virgin Suicides, Drop Dead Gorgeous, and Bring It On).
37. Pretty Woman (1990)
38. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004) - Yes, I realize Kristen Dunst is in this movie, but it's easy to hate her character so it was ok. And she wasn't a lead.
39. The Sixth Sense (1999)
40. Speed (1994)
41. Dazed and Confused (1993)
42. Clueless (1995)
43. Gladiator (2000)
44. The Player (1992)
45. Rain Man (1988)
46. Children of Men (2006)
47. Men in Black (1997)
48. Scarface (1983)
49. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (2000) - Some of my friends in high school saw this like 5 times at the theatre. I was always "busy".
50. The Piano (1993)
51. There Will Be Blood (2007)
52. The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad (1988)
53. The Truman Show (1998)
54. Fatal Attraction (1987) - Saw it when I was about 5 or 6. I'm sure that has nothing to do with all my trust issues.
55. Risky Business (1983)
56. The Lives of Others (2006)
57. There’s Something About Mary (1998)
58. Ghostbusters (1984)
59. L.A. Confidential (1997)
60. Scream (1996)
61. Beverly Hills Cop (1984)
62. sex, lies and videotape (1989)
63. Big (1988)
64. No Country For Old Men (2007)
65. Dirty Dancing (1987)
66. Natural Born Killers (1994)
67. Donnie Brasco (1997)
68. Witness (1985)
69. All About My Mother (1999)
70. Broadcast News (1987)
71. Unforgiven (1992)
72. Thelma & Louise (1991)
73. Office Space (1999)
74. Drugstore Cowboy (1989) - I really liked this one and doubt many people have seen it.
75. Out of Africa (1985)
76. The Departed (2006) - WHY IS THIS SO LOW ON THE LIST?
77. Sid and Nancy (1986)
78. Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991)
79. Waiting for Guffman (1996)
80. Michael Clayton (2007) - MMMMM. CLOONEY!.
81. Moonstruck (1987) - CHER!
82. Lost in Translation (2003)
83. Evil Dead 2: Dead by Dawn (1987)
84. Sideways (2004)
85. The 40 Year-Old Virgin (2005)
86. Y Tu Mamá También (2002)
87. Swingers (1996)
88. Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery (1997)
89. Breaking the Waves (1996)
90. Napoleon Dynamite (2004)
91. Back to the Future (1985)
92. Menace II Society (1993)
93. Ed Wood (1994)
94. Full Metal Jacket (1987)
95. In the Mood for Love (2001)
96. Far From Heaven (2002) - Seriously?
97. Glory (1989)
98. The Talented Mr. Ripley (1999)
99. The Blair Witch Project (1999)
100. South Park: Bigger Longer & Uncut (1999)

When I read the list I figured I'd watched 75% of them. Turns out I haven't seen 25, 27 if you count the LOTR Trilogy as 3 separate movies. There are a few movies that I just cannot believe are not on here, when movies like Far From Heaven made the list (seriously?). Such as: The Big Lebowski, Blow, Donnie Darko, Forrest Gump, Kill Bill Vol. I and II, Magnolia, Mulholland Drive, Requiem for a Dream, Traffic, Trainspotting.

Fancy

2008-06-30T22:10:00.003-04:00

I got a Blackberry. So amazing. I had internet on my Q while I studied for the bar, but I shut it off once I was home (unemployed) all the time. I forgot how addicting it is.

The Hearing is almost over. Hopefully it ends well.

Tired.

2008-06-24T06:40:00.004-04:00

I'm in the midst of an evidentiary hearing (unsupervised) right now.

I cannot really say things are going great.

Theodore's Pool Day.

2008-06-22T20:21:00.006-04:00

In the yard telling me how I need to fill the pool.

Filling the Pool.

Trying to get his Toys.

Testing the waters.

Finally in the Pool.

Thinking his Goldfish is coming after him because of the currents from the hose.

Doggie Treats

2008-06-17T21:27:00.003-04:00

In honor of Take Your Dog to Work Day, which Theodore will be attending, I thought I'd share my dog treat recipes. This way you know exactly what is in the treats and they are low in preservatives and fillers.

Peanut Butter Treats:
3 Cups of Whole Wheat Flour
1 1/4 Tablespoon Baking Powder
1 1/4 Cup Peanut Butter
1 Cup (Soy) Milk

Combine dry ingredients. Combine peanut butter and milk until smooth. Gradually stir peanut butter mixture into flour mixture. Knead dough by hand and then roll out on a floured surface (I use whole wheat flour) to desired thickness and cut out treats. (I have an adorable bone-shaped cookie cutter about 1'' long). Bake on a cookie sheet for 15-20 minutes at 400 degrees and allow to cool before serving.

Cheesy Treats
4 Cups Whole Wheat Flour
3/4 Cups Vegetable Oil
3 teaspoons Garlic Powder
2 Eggs
1 1/4 Cups Shredded Cheese
1 1/4 Cups (Soy) Milk

Combine flour and garlic powder, gradually add vegetable oil, eggs, cheese and milk. Knead dough by hand and then roll out on a floured surface (I use whole wheat flour) to desired thickness and cut out treats. Bake on a cookie sheet for 15-20 minutes at 400 degrees and allow to cool before serving.

Petri Dish

2008-06-15T19:37:00.006-04:00

Being the tremendous germophobe that I am, I find these really creepy and I cannot see a practical use for them outside of prop for a weirdo biology teacher or uber nerdy child. I had a math teacher in high school who celebrated Pi Day with her husband (a mathematician), I could easily see her science teacher doppelganger exchanging these for monumental occasions likes the start of cold and flu season.

However, I am tempted to get Theodore the Giardia one so that he can toss it around and kick its ass.

"I remember when we were driving, driving in your car."

2008-06-12T18:18:00.007-04:00

Weird things that have happened in the last 2 weeks involving my car:

I bought a new one. I got rid of my 4-Wheel Drive SUV and got something more environmentally friendly. And it's Inferno Red which is fun. And it has a built in cooler that is chilled by the air conditioning. I have no idea when I'll ever use this, but don't act like you're not impressed.
Today on my way home I changed lanes (which I had plenty of room to do), but apparently it pissed the lady behind me off, in fairness I am not altogether sure if I signaled, but whatever. She just laid on the horn, I seriously thought it was broken like in Little Miss Sunshine. After about a minute I lost my patience and flipped her off through my handy-dandy moon-roof. She sped up next to me, flipped me off, and then got back behind me. Then the car in front of me slammed on the breaks, so I had to, which made her think I was brake checking her. So then the honking started again. Then a car actually cut me off, so I had to hit the brakes again making her think I again brake checked her. So the honking resumed. Then she sped up, got right next to me, flipped me off almost side swiped me, and then cut me off. At that point I decided it was time to just get away from her anyway possible, so I went to the mall and spent money.
The other day I was driving to work and I looked in my rearview-mirror as all responsible drivers do. I saw this chick (seated in the passenger seat) all over the guy driving. Kissing his neck, his ears, rubbing his chest, you get the picture. I'm a bit put off that people have energy for that so early in the morning. And a bit jealous. Then all of a sudden she disappears. I start laughing hysterically. Then I realize I don't want the guy getting road head during rushhour driving behind my new car so I move over a lane, only for her to pop back up less than a mile down the road. Seriously, who does that at 8:10 in the morning?

Say what you will about my absence, but at least when I return I bring stories about road rage and road head with me.

Testing...Testing...1, 2, 3.

2008-06-11T20:24:00.005-04:00

Is anyone still there?

I have been feeling the itch to blog lately. Will you take me back? I promise not to desert you for a month and a half ever again if you forgive me baby.

Go Long.

2008-04-27T15:44:00.004-04:00

This is the most awesome thing ever.

This is the second most awesome thing ever.

The least awesome thing ever is that Theodore is sick, which semi accounts for my lack of posting. But it's more that I've been semi-checked out for awhile. The only reason I stopped Friday Dog Blogging was that my camera batter was dead. For over 2 months. And I kept forgetting to charge it. This weekend I finally managed to, so maybe I'll get back on top of that.

200K

2008-04-26T12:15:00.003-04:00

At 10:13 a.m., from a visitor in the United Kingdom searching for the purpose of legally blonde, this blog reached it's 200,000th hit.

I find the search rather apt.

Housewifery

2008-04-22T19:46:00.005-04:00

I made manicotti tonight. Homemade marinara and all. Without asking my mom any questions. I am rather proud of myself right now, despite the fact that by the end of it I was basically covered in Ricotta Cheese because the ever so handy Food Network technique of cutting the end off a ziploc bag rather than use a pastry tube was kinda messy. Or I'm just uncoordinated. I especially liked it when I squeezed the bag a smidge too hard and the zipper broke open and the ricotta/spinach/egg/seasoning mixture came bursting out. Regardless, it probably would have been worth the time to search through the cabinets to find the pastry bag.

No word yet on how good it is since it's still in the oven baking.

Recent Conversation at a Bar

2008-04-15T07:14:00.004-04:00

Friend 1: You haven't had sex with him yet?
Friend 2: Nope.
Friend 1: How long have you been dating?
Friend 2: A year, give or take.
Friend 1: Seriously? That long?
Friend 2: We do other stuff, and I just think it'll be a waste of my time.
Friend 1: Why?
Friend 2: [Holds up fingers about 2 inches apart].
Friend 1: It cannot be that small.
Friend 2: Ohh. But it is. It would seriously be a waste of my time.
Friend 1: Did you ever think that maybe it starts vibrating?
Friend 2: No, the thought that he is a machine had not crossed my mind.
Friend 1: Well, you never know.

Scared.

2008-04-07T19:31:00.006-04:00

Tomorrow, for the second time since I've been at my new job, I have to go to the building where the firm I clerked at during law school is. Anyone who has been reading for a substantial period of time knows that this exponentially raises the risk that I run into [Hours], which is one of my greatest dreads in life.

The first time I had to go through a rather rigorous security check-which I was not prepared to pass (who knew you cannot take iPods, mirrors, and camera phones into quasi-Court buildings; when you can take them into actual Court buildings?) and I ended up calling an associate I used to work with to come pick up my "contraband" from me so I could make through security. Which meant later I had to actually go up to [Bill, More, and Hours] and run the risk of having to take an elevator with [Hours] or seeing him in the lobby of the office.

At least tomorrow I will be prepared and the worst case scenario I run into him in the lobby of the building (which actually, the way that scene is playing out in my head with me literally running into him is rather frightening).

The worst part is that I do not know what I would do if I ran into him. He ignored me the last 5 months I worked in the office and pretended I didn't exist when I passed him in the hallway after I refused to tolerate his abuse any further. On one occasion he went so far as to fake a cell phone call when he was going to lunch with 3 other partners (all of whom were standing right there) in an attempt to not get into an elevator I was already on-which backfired when the partners told him to just get on and he was forced to have a fake conversation for the next 27 floors. In all probability he would ignore me, but on the off chance that he attempts to engage in conversation with me I'd like to come off as the articulate and fabulous person that I am.

The only reason I am scared he'd talk to me is that recently he saw my dad downtown and he not only waived but he made a point of crossing the street to say hello. Despite the fact that my father hates him, and [Hours] knows he hates him, due to the abuse I was forced to endure.

Maybe I should just be pre-emptively uber nice to him if I see him. Since I know it would make him extraordinarily uncomfortable to talk to me.

Dear Guy on the Treadmill Next to Me,

2008-03-30T13:23:00.003-04:00

When you see I'm pouring sweat and have a heartrate of about 170 it's kind of annoying for you to get on and start running at what most people would consider a sprint and barely break a sweat.

Hugs and Kisses,
Elle Woods

Dry Cleaners, Part II

2008-03-23T22:13:00.004-04:00

I have been frequenting the same dry cleaners since this post (the more expensive one). They have been pretty good, except one time they didn't have one of my suits ready on time because it wasn't pressed.

All in all, I was happy. Until I went in yesterday to pick up the suits I dropped off on Friday. And there was a handwritten sign on the counter.

"Unfortunately, we are unable to accept clothes with bodily fluids on them."

My immediate reaction: Is that a really common issue?

High School Aged Male Dry Cleaners Employee: You have no idea. It happened twice today.

My Next Thought: People admit to it?

HSAMDCE: Ohh Yeah. Luckily, state law prohibits us taking them.

My Final Thought: I need a new dry cleaners.

Awkwardness of the Day

2008-03-18T22:01:00.002-04:00

My client blanantly hitting on me. Even in front of my boss. To the point that my boss had to tell him I am unavailable.

"Now it's up the stairs, And out of view, no prying eyes."

2008-03-17T21:34:00.006-04:00

Recently I heard a song for the first time. A country song. By an American Idol alum. Sure I might be a bit behind the forefront when it comes to Country Music and American Idol. Both of which I generally pride myself of not being fond of, but with lyrics like

Right now, he's probably buying her some fruity little drink cause she can't shoot Whiskey; and
Right now, she's probably up singing some white-trash version of Shania karaoke.

How can you not love it? I never thought the day would come when I'd be singing along with Carrie Underwood nonstop.

It's right up there right now with the Bettie Serveert version of "Lover I Don't Have to Love", which I also have a tendency to sing along with in my office.

Stressed

2008-03-16T21:45:00.003-04:00

I have a feeling this week is going to be hectic. I feel extremely guilty about not working all weekend. I'm also out of vodka and wine. Which means, around 8 I had a carb breakdown; pasta, homemade marinara and of course, cheese. I justified it by eating whole wheat pasta, but I'm not sure it makes much difference.

Happy Saturday.

2008-03-15T09:02:00.005-04:00

There are very few things that get me excited to leave the house before 10 a.m. on a weekend, shopping, a Michigan Football game, and a Spa Day is an exhaustive list.

Today I'm having a Facial, getting my hair cut and colored, and having a manicure and pedicure.

Battle of the Sexes

2008-03-10T19:10:00.003-04:00

One of the most frustrating parts of my job is the treatment I get from other attorneys. Namely, male attorneys. I have decided the methodology of this treatment has many facets, such as:

I am a female;
I am young, as evidenced by my Bar Number;
I sound even younger than I really am, at first they usually give me the old "you aren't the attorney, are you?";
The field I am in lends itself to emotion, which leads male attorneys to generally try to push the buttons of female attorneys;
I'm not likely to tolerate bullshit;
I know the Court Rules, which many of them do not and have told more than one to "read the Court Rules and call me back" when they are trying to get away with improper service, etc.; and
I am female.

Generally, after a couple conversations the condescending tone dissipates. Then there are the assholes, who continually attempt, in vain, to get a rise out of me.

I have been dealing with a particularly egregious asshole a lot recently. Basically our conversations consist of him yelling at me, me listening and telling him I cannot agree to whatever it is he is yelling about that day, then him yelling more and telling me we'd get a lot further if not for my "tone", and finally me making a snarky comment and ending the conversation.

While for the most part it's not a huge issue, I will say it gets tiring to continually be challenged, clearly because of my age and sex. I know some people will say that is not why, but miraculously when my boss talks to them everything is handled quickly and without harassment.

I'd like to say it will get better as I get older and more well known. But based on how the vast majority of older female attorneys act in my field, and how jaded they seem, I feel it will be an ongoing battle until I've proven myself to be "one of the guys", which could be years.

"Cat People Should Marry Cat People and Dog People Should Marry Dog People."

2008-03-04T21:17:00.004-05:00

I realize things are very bland around here. So I've decided to venture into rarely chartered waters, and blog about my social life. I've been having issues with the men in my life. Saying men makes it seem like there is a plethora. There is not, it's just two men.

The first, we shall call "Cat Guy", I believe he has been mentioned briefly here before. I've dated him on and off since before I graduated. According to a friend, he is clearly my boyfriend. I, however, hate that word and prefer to call him something along the lines of my special male friend. He's is very sweet, is an excellent cook, and sincerely dotes on me. The issue being, he has cats. Cats make my eyes want to fall out of my head and make it nearly impossible to breathe. I guess my biggest issue with regard to him is finding a suitable allergy medication.

The second, we shall call "The Asshole", I've known him since I was 5 years old. We have always been friends, but one day, while I was "off" with "Cat Guy", we made out. I made it clear that I thought it was a bad idea, and that it shouldn't happen anymore. Everything seemed fine, except when we started hanging out again. And he started being a "total dick face", pressuring me to make out again, making me feel bad, etc. When I resisted, and subsequently left, I got ridiculous voicemails saying that my life was "borderline pathetic" and other nice things like that. I honestly don't know how to handle the situation, since as much as I'd like to just write him off, I have known him for a really long time and I'll have to see him at events with mutual friends.

So, I'm not really sure there are solutions to either of these issues. Maybe I just want validation for not talking to "The Asshole" anymore. Or a recommendation for an allergy medication.

Awkward.

2008-02-27T21:52:00.002-05:00

I do not think I ever posted about it, but when I wrote about getting this interview I never mentioned how badly things went. The guy literally leaned back in his chair ignoring me while he asked questions, lectured me about what I was doing with my life, and even went so far as to say I should be "offering to run errands for attorney's and pick up their dry cleaning so they'd let me look at their files"...Like I never saw a file when I clerked.

I only bring it up now, since I ran into him at Court today. We didn't actually speak, but it was the most awkward 5 second eye lock I've ever experienced.

Solicitation

2008-02-24T17:32:00.003-05:00

Caller: Hello, this is [Insert random Indian Name], I'm calling on behalf of [Law School], is Ms. [Woods] available?

Elle Woods: This is her.

Caller: Have you been keeping up with the changes at [Law School] with the Alumni Magazine?

Elle Woods: Not particularly, I page through it on occasion.

Caller: Well, I'm glad to hear you use your free subscription. We are expanding facilities, unfortunately tuition costs are increasing and we're trying to keep costs down for students.

Elle Woods: Ohh, that's terrible. Almost exactly like when you increased tuition 38% after my first year of law school and forced me to give you more money than I ever planned, and leading me to vow I'd never give any additional money to that institution.

Caller: Thank you, have a nice day.

Boring.

2008-02-20T21:41:00.005-05:00

I wish I had exciting things to report, but I really like work, outside of all my insane clients there is nothing to complain about.

I'm trying to give up coffee. Note I said coffee, not caffeine. I'm switching to Green Tea, mostly for the increased metabolism. I'll still be having my afternoon diet coke (and the caffeine in the Green Tea), don't worry.

Finally, I had a really good lunch today at Noodles and Company that was only 360 calories! Pasta! Cheese! And White Wine sauce, for only 360 calories! Fantastic!

Colours of the World...Spice Up Your Life.

2008-02-17T08:58:00.011-05:00

My friend and I made the best decision of our lives and upgraded our tickets, to 5 rows from the end of the Catwalk. As much as I'd love to post all 80 pictures I have from the event, I'll just give a couple teasers.

Favorite Part of the Show: Posh's gloves.
She wore them with every costume. I like to think they were an homage to Karl Lagerfeld.

Mama, I love you. I realized Posh is not really person sized, but I didn't realize how tiny Geri had gotten. Also, her abs on the website are NOT airbrushed, those are real.

Yes, you can see Posh when she turns sideways. Barely.

If you can't dance to this you can't do nothing for me baby.
So Fierce.

Worst part of the show: the couple in front of us. The guy must have bought the girl the tickets for Valentine's Day or something since she kept thanking him. After she thanked him they'd always end up making out. (He was about 6'5'' and she was about 5'10'' with her heels on) I ended up getting so pissed (since seeing around one person that tall is hard for me, let alone when they put their heads together), that I took a picture and showed it to them, asking where they wanted me to send it. They finally got the idea. I think it's cool he bought her the tickets, but grow a pair of balls and tell her to take a friend. If there really is such a thing as a man card, his needs to be revoked.

Friday Dog Blogging: You Tube Edition

2008-02-15T18:38:00.002-05:00

Theodore attempts to get kibble from his buster cube.

"Can you ever just be whelmed...I think you can in Europe."

2008-02-13T22:42:00.002-05:00

Lately I have been so busy at work. It's not like I'm spending inordinate amounts of time at the office, I don't get in much before 9 am, and most days I'm out by 5 pm-5:30 at the latest. However, at the office it has been non-stop. I turn around and it's 4 pm. I try to be ahead of things, but lately I just feel like I'm putting out fires.

In addition to work, I have a substantial commute, try to make dinner when I get home, pack a healthy lunch for the next day, checking personal and work emails, grooming myself which includes basically showering and getting ready in the morning, waking up in the middle of the night thinking about client issues, playing with Theodore, and occasionally preparing for Court the next morning; I feel overwhelmed.

Digital Era

2008-02-09T16:06:00.000-05:00

Lately, I have been considering opening a savings account. It seems like a good idea to keep some "back up" cash. The obvious choice to open it at was with the bank whom I have a checking account with. Until today. Basically, every time I have to order checks it's a huge hassle, but since it happens so intermittently, I always forget about it.

I've been with the bank for about 7 years now. I ordered checks when I opened the account, and I've had to reorder them once since. Today I realized I was down to 1 remaining check, so I might as well reorder. I use roughly one check a month, to pay my mother for car insurance. Previously, when I had more bills, I would write maybe 3 checks a month. Plus, sporadic checks to friends for reimbursement for things like concert tickets. Given that my bank makes me order checks in intervals of 200, it takes me roughly 3.5 years to go through an order. That, in and of itself is ridiculous, what else do you buy 3 years in advance?

I attempted to order them online, but it said that my information could not be retrieved. So I called the bank, which then transferred me to the company that they use for the checks. After about 10 minutes of phone system bullshit, the informed me that I hadn't ordered checks recently enough for them to process my order and that I would need to call my bank.

So I did. They informed me that they did not have my information and could not process my check order. Excuse me? You are my bank? How do you not know my account number, routing number and address? You expect me to go into a bank for something I was able to do over the phone previously?

I have since decided to not only open my savings account elsewhere, but to move my checking account with it.

Friday Dog Blogging: Cutie Edition

2008-02-08T19:15:00.001-05:00

Consumer Reports

2008-02-07T21:10:00.000-05:00

Honey, can I hold the remote?

Vasectomies could be a thing of the past thanks to a remote-controlled implant that can stop the flow of sperm.

Skinny Water: Fewer Calories Than regular Water?

Diet water squeezes onto store shelves...Skinny Water contains the fewest calories, per bottle, than any of the popular enhanced beverages.

Genius.

2008-02-06T07:15:00.000-05:00

Way to go Democrats. Front load the primary system so that "we'll know the candidate earlier". That seems to be working well. Probably almost as well as your strategy of completely ignoring Michigan and Florida, when in recent years candidates have had to win 3 of the 4 between Michigan, Florida, Ohio and Pennslyvania. It makes perfect sense to have the Republicans telling those key swing states how much they care. Particularly when it comes to Michigan where the economy has been in a recession for some time now, we're leading the country in foreclosures, and there is just a general sense of desperation in the air.

Maybe my annoyance is just my apathy about the entire situation further manifesting itself.

Cutest Thing I've Heard In Awhile

2008-02-04T22:24:00.000-05:00

Lately, my dad has been getting off work rather early in the afternoon, which means Theodore spends a few hours in the kitchen and then is free to roam the house once my dad gets home.

Theodore immediately goes and lays on my bed for the remainder of the day. Then, at 5:30 he comes out and sits about 5 feet from the front door, staring at it, waiting for me to come home.

You Know You're Boring When...

2008-02-02T08:15:00.001-05:00

you choose not to go out on Friday night since you're doing your taxes, and then you are up by 8:00 a.m. on Saturday.

Friday Dog Blogging: Ball Boy

2008-02-01T19:15:00.000-05:00

Teddie sits on his "Other Mom" (Read: Grandmother) holding his favorite of four identical mini tennis balls.

Cleaners

2008-01-30T18:37:00.000-05:00

Today I tried to take a couple suits to the dry cleaners. It's in a location that is difficult to reach, but it didn't used to be as bad when I lived near there and passed it a couple times a day. It's hard to explain to people who do not understand Michigan Left's. But I had to turn around to get into the cleaners, but you cannot access the cleaners from from the road I was on, and you cannot access the road I needed to be on to enter from the road I was on, so I had to turn onto another road, and then turn left onto the road I needed to be on, and finally right into the cleaners. Then to get back on track I had to turn right out of the cleaners, the opposite direction of what I needed to be going, turn right on the first road I was on, Michigan Left to turn around, turn right back onto the road I was first on, Michigan left again to turn the direction I needed to be going. In case any of that was unclear I documented the paths below. The yellowish color is the path to get to the cleaners, and purple path is what it took to get back to the correct direction.

To make matters worse, the cleaners has changed hands and as I walked in I saw a giant sign reading:

PRE-PAYMENT REQUIRED
CASH ONLY!

Perfect. I only carry debit, and while they suggested I use their convenient onsite ATM. Thanks but no thanks, I'm not about to pay a $2 fee when I only come to this cleaners since it's the cheapest in the area ($1.99 per piece). When I left the door was flung open by the 50 mph wind gusts, which I didn't notice until I got to my car, only to see the owner giving me a dirty look as he closed it, as if I intentionally left it open.

So I stopped at another cleaners on the way to work, which is much easier to access. It is, however, a bit more expensive ($2.99 per piece) and also requires pre-payment.

Call me crazy, but isn't it weird for dry cleaners to require prepayment?

Clueless

2008-01-29T19:39:00.001-05:00

My clients have a tendency to drive me crazy. I do not really think that they mean to drive me crazy, it's just that a lot of them are crazy themselves, so I guess they do not know any better. Not to mention, they all seem to think that the are my only client, which is rather far from the reality.

A lot of times when they call I don't remember what the hell their case is about or who the hell they are until I'm 2-3 minutes into the call.

Plus, my predecessor seems to have been doing a very poor job of updating clients. Which wouldn't be such a big deal if I knew the details of the cases or what was going on, but I don't, so mostly I just make it up as I go along. Maybe that's why they call it "practicing" law.

Friday Dog Blogging: I Need To Take Pictures Earlier In The Week Edition

2008-01-25T19:42:00.000-05:00

Theodore enjoys one of his rawhides.

The Grey Area

2008-01-22T20:25:00.000-05:00

There are aspects of my job that I feel more comfortable with each day. However, as I settle in more I realize how little I know. Plus, I'm trying to catch up on a bunch of cases, and it's kind of a "grey area" as to what I can bill for that. Obviously I do not think it's fair to bill to review things my predecessor already did, however, I do have an hourly requirement I'd like to start meeting. It's an ever greyer area what I can bill for revising things my predecessor did wrong.

There has been plenty of interesting fodder which could make for a hilarious post. Sadly, none of it I feel comfortable posting.

Friday Dog Blogging: You're Home Edition

2008-01-18T19:23:00.000-05:00

Everyday when I get home from work, after the jumping and excitement on Theodore's part has stopped, I get looked at with sad eyes asking if I'm going to leave him again tomorrow. It's something like this:

Shopping Spree

2008-01-17T20:56:00.000-05:00

In the past 2 days I've ordered:

a pair of black pants
a black suit
a black jacket
a pair of grey pants
a grey suit
a grey cardigan
a pair of white pants
a white cardigan

Apparently not only am I developing an shopping addiction, but I've also developed a phobia of color.

Playtime

2008-01-16T19:27:00.001-05:00

I am really enjoying the new job thus far. I'm starting to settle in. I will say, I feel like I'm playing lawyer, not that this is what I'll be doing for the rest of my life.

Separation Anxiety Update

2008-01-14T19:12:00.000-05:00

Well, I survived. As did Teddie, in fact I think he was probably more well adjusted than I was.

Life at the firm is already insane. I won't really be posting about it until I feel the environment out. But I will say I already have my own clients and I'm meeting with them alone, drafting pleadings, and (obviously) arguing motions.

Separation Anxiety

2008-01-13T21:06:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow I have what I'd consider a stressful day. I have to argue in court for the first time ever (I've yet to even go to motion call). To make the experience even more fun, my boss will be there. I spent the day fighting the urge to cry and/or throw up from the nerves.

Plus I have to leave Teddie for the longest time period I've ever left him. He has never been alone more than 6 hours, so I've always crated him. However, the way things work out tomorrow he'll have to be alone for about 10 hours. Being that I'm already stressed, the guilt of that proved to be a bit too much. I am attempting to see if he can be left in the kitchen, which led to him crying to be let out, which led to me crying out of guilt for being unfair to him, which led to my dad telling me to get a grip. Admittedly I was being overly emotional, but it's not like I was just crying about the dog situation, it was clearly a combination of everything.

Friday Dog Blogging: Birthday Edition

2008-01-11T09:34:00.000-05:00

Teddie licking all the carob dip off his birthday treat.

Meme

2008-01-09T09:18:00.000-05:00

1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY?" YOU SAY?
Fool to Cry-The Rolling Stones.

HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?
Only Heart-John Mayer

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Who'll Stop the Rain-CCR

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
A Certain Shade of Green-Incubus

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Surf Song-Jack Johnson

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Wonderwall-Oasis

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Touch the Sky-Kayne West

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
I'm on Fire-Bruce Springsteen

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT OFTEN?
Gin 'n' Juice-Snoop Dogg

WHAT IS 2 + 2?
All Along the Watchtower-Jimi Hendrix

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
The Space Between Us-Dave Matthews Band

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
More Than A Feeling-Boston

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
The Good Fight-Dashboard Confessional

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Lay Lady Lay-Bob Dylan

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Wonderful Tonight-Eric Clapton

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Time of Your Life-Green Day

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
While My Guitar Gently Weeps-The Beatles

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Swallowed-Bush (You can't make this shit up people.)

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
Tarantula-Smashing Pumpkins

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Only in Dreams-Weezer

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Wisemen-Slightly Stoopid

Via Lily Greypure.

I'm Glad It's Your Birthday, Happy Birthday To You.

2008-01-08T13:18:00.000-05:00

Today is Theodore's first birthday. We celebrated with a trip to the Doggie Bakery where we got Carob Frosted Doggie Treats for him to enjoy tonight. We also went to the pet supply store and got him a couple new toys, a new bag of rawhides, and a couple other treats.

The only bad part is I always feel bad after giving him a rawhide, since all he does is pace around the house for an hour, stressed out, trying to hide it.

Friday Dog Blogging: Belated Edition

2008-01-05T09:27:00.000-05:00

"Were you joking when you said quantity and not quality?"

2008-01-03T21:36:00.000-05:00

Fuckabee? Seriously?

It's weird that I'm more worked up about the Republican Candidates, none of whom I plan to vote for in November, than the Democratic Candidates. I think it's because I'm not really excited about any of them (like I was with Howard Dean in '04), but will most likely vote for whoever the party nominates. Before someone gets all worked up and calls me a sheep, my follower mentality in this election is largely because I find Barack and Hillary to both be decent candidates, yet am not sure that either of them are "electable". I also get the feeling that they are both so focused on seeming "Presidential" they are are unable to build the excitement that Howard Dean did going in the primaries. Big deal, the guy yelled in a weird voice.

UPDATE: I feel the need to clarify since I don't know how many of you know what is going on with the Michigan Primaries. My attitude probably has a lot to do with the fact that my vote won't actually count in the primaries. Hillary is the only major Democratic candidate on the ballot, even writing in any of the other major candidates will not be counted. Lastly, our delegates won't even be counted, so Hillary being on the ballot is irrelevant. At this point I'm very unlikely to even bother to vote, since there is no point in voting Democratic, and voting Republican would be based on which Republican I thought the Democrats could beat. Generally I donate about $25 a year to the democratic party, sure it's not a lot, but it's not like I make a ton. This year I've decided that money will go to animal rescue rather than a party who chooses to disenfranchise an entire state.

We haven't had campaigning here outside of a few Mitt Romney commercials, in which he tells of plans to cut taxes on large companies "so they can compete against China", plus at the end of the commercial during which he is talking the entire time he goes "I'm Mitt Romney and I approved this message." I know that's a standard "sign-off", but the way it comes across to me is "In case you weren't sure if I was in control of my mouth during the last 30 seconds, I did mean to say all that."

Basically, there just isn't a lot to get excited about around here.

Obligatory New Years Post

2008-01-01T17:49:00.000-05:00

I've never been a big fan of celebrating New Years, overly crowded bars and drunken strangers spilling drinks on me has never been my idea of a good time. Plus the entire experience is usually so anti-climatic, I think the last person I kissed on New Years was a gay (male) friend 2 years ago.

So this year when the friend that I have sorta been seeing asked me what I was doing for New Years my answer was simple, I was staying home. Apparently that answer was not satisfactory, and led to an entire debate about how I am passive aggressive and wouldn't just admit I wanted to spend New Years with him, which led to me calling him egotistical and wrong. After much nagging I finally agreed to go out to watch the Wings game (insert random tangent about how much I hate hockey), I stipulated that I wasn't feeling well, but that I'd put in my best effort.

As we arrived at the bar I immediately was put on notice of what type of establishment it was by the three overweight, middle-aged, unattractive women leading a sing-a-long from their bar stools. Then it was a hassle to even get the hockey game on, which I was fine with me since any football game is better than a hockey game to me. To make matters even more fun, my seat was at a weird angle that forced me to slouch and weirdly bend my neck to see the television.

All of that I could tolerate, but when my "special male friend" started ranting about how much he hates Theodore for no apparent reason, and I got up to pee and both women's restrooms were out of order I drew the line¹. I used the men's (something I generally would only do while intoxicated), and came out and politely asked my friend to lay off the "threatening to kill my dog". When my request wasn't honored I decided to leave, without regard for the fact that I drove everyone. Sure it was bitchy, but the smokey environment was making me sicker by the minute, and they were within walking distance of one of their houses.

I was home by 10, took my temperature to learn I was running a low-grade-temp, and in bed by 10:45. All I wanted for New Years was to rest, which I guess occurred. As for New Year's Resolutions, I've never been big on making them, however this year I am going to focus on not doing things I don't want to just to make others happy.

¹I feel the need to point out that the bar isn't actually a total dive, it just appeared to be last night.

Friday Dog Blogging: Let Sleeping Dogs Lie

2007-12-28T09:25:00.000-05:00

Theodore has been getting a lot of additional attention since his Uncle has been home. I think he's had to go into his crate for about 2 hours total in the last week since someone is always home now. Plus his Uncle has been trying to take him for runs. Theodore generally refuses to run and braces himself with all 4 legs so his Uncle usually ends up carrying him like a football, until they get close to home when Theodore wiggles out and sprints to the front door.

In unrelated news, I am currently debating if leftover Tiramisu could be considered a breakfast food. Unfortunately, I am leaning towards no.

I Still Cannot Compose Coherent Paragraphs.

2007-12-26T14:57:00.000-05:00

It should come as no surprise that it was another [Woods] Family Christmas for the record books. In no particular order:

Uncle Crackhead brought his girlfriend's new 5lb puppy to Christmas Eve. It was bought at a Pet Shop, do not even get me started on my hatred of people who buy animals from pet shops.
After Theodore had played with the dog my Uncle blurted out that the dog has Giardia. Apparently bringing a dog with an extremely contagious (to humans and other dogs) parasitic infection to a holiday function is fair-game. After I found this out I elected to take Theodore home.
Said puppy was purchased OVER A WEEK AGO yet the prescription has not been picked up. Most likely the dog will die of the infection before they get around to taking care of it.
Neither Uncle Crackhead or his Girlfriend are allowed unsupervised visitation with their children, yet they got a dog. Obviously they are already taking stellar care of the puppy.
My brother and Cousins organized a beer pong tournament in the basement. All of participants were under the age of 21.
On the way home my brother drunkenly declared to my parents that he "smokes weed" and is "proud" of it. I repeatedly advised him to shut up. I finally understand how Criminal Attorney's feel when their clients just cannot keep their mouths shut to the cops.
Giving Theodore bones really just results in stress to him, as he paces the house trying to find a place to hide it (since all the humans he lives with are clearly dying to steal his treats).
My brother apparently still suffers from bouts of sleep walking like he did as a child.
When my brother is sleep walking he seems to think his door is a toilet.
Yelling "Stop pissing on your door! Why are you doing that?" to someone who is sleep walking is an ineffective way to wake them. They might respond, but they will not wake up.
Telling them to clean up their piss while they are sleep walking is also an ineffective way to wake them, however, eventually they will clean it up if you nag them enough and direct them on each individual step.
Even making someone who is sleep walking shower does not wake them up. They still won't remember anything in the morning.
Sleep walking is a really weird disorder.
Shopping today was awesome.

Yeah. I need therapy after these Holidays.

Friday Dog Blogging: King of the Mountain Edition

2007-12-21T19:10:00.000-05:00

Theodore looks like he is scaling Mt. Everest here. Really it's just a mound of snow from the snowblower and the blue background is my neighbor's house. I edited out the garbage cans that they ever so politely leave on the side of their garage rather than in it.

Discussion With Theodore: Part II

2007-12-19T18:36:00.001-05:00

Scene: Elle Woods enters the house, Theodore, who is usually secured in his crate meets her at the front door.

Elle: What the hell are you doing out here? I put you in your crate this morning.

Theodore: Those bars can't hold me bitch.

Elle: No, seriously Circus Dog, how did you get out?

Theodore: I could tell you. But I'd have to kill you.

Elle: I'd love to see that. Since you lack the dexterity and oppose-able thumbs.

Theodore: Are you sure you stupid bitch?

Elle: You're calling me stupid? You ate your own shit one day last week.

Theodore: [Vomits].

Elle: Are you fucking kidding me? What the hell did you eat after your little escape?

Theodore: I forget, get down here and clean it up, maybe you'll figure it out dumbass.

Elle: Stop talking to me like that. See if I give you any rawhides for the next week.

Theodore: Whatever, that other bitch will.

Elle: You're talking about your grandmother like that now?

Theodore: [Vomits].

Elle: That better be it you freak.

Theodore: If you're lucky. Now, will you please sit the fuck down. I need someone to sit on and warm myself up and since you're the only one here I'll guess you'll do.

Elle: Like I want you around me.

Theodore: Come on baby, I'll never treat you like this again. You know how sorry I am when I hurt you, but you make me do it baby. I get jealous when you go out all day and leave me in that crate. You don't know what it's like to worry that you're playing with other dogs.

Elle: You're plenty of dog for me right now, don't worry.

Discussion with Theodore

2007-12-18T10:39:00.000-05:00

I borrowed the dog translator from Law with Grace to help transcribe this recent conversation.

Theodore: Boots? You fucking expect me to wear boots?

Elle: Well you were limping and acting like you hurt your paw on the salt the other day.

Theodore: So you bought a dog shoes? You've finally lost it.

Elle: It's not like they're pumps. Besides, I got you a matching sweater.

Theodore: Ohh, the fact that you're trying to put me in a matching outfit makes it so much better. I tolerate the sweaters since it's fucking cold where you were dumb enough to decide to live. You're really an embarrassment, I hope you know that.

Elle: I know you're in your "teenage years" but you do not need to call me an embarrassment. Do you think I like it when you lick where your testicles used to be in front of people?

Theodore: I can't believe you have the audacity to bring that up. You castrate me and then pass judgment about how I choose to mourn the loss of my masculinity. I can't even properly hump those long haired whore dogs next door, and those bitches are begging for it if you know what I mean.

Elle: Thanks for that visual imagery. You were castrated when I adopted you, by the way. I thought you'd appreciate the boots. They could make going outside to go potty a bit more enjoyable.

Theodore: Potty? God you're an idiot. You know what would be more enjoyable. Not freezing my non-existent balls off when I have to go outside. I'm going to convince your brother to take me back to California with him when he leaves. I hear the bitches out there are major sluts.

Elle: Your uncle didn't even like you when you first got here. He only likes you now since he doesn't have to dog-sit you anymore during the day. Plus he'd just use you to pick up girls.

Theodore: You're jealous of our bond. He told me I'm the best wingman he's ever had. Back to the topic at hand, I have a much better solution the wearing boots issue.

Elle: Fine, what is it you spoiled brat?

Theodore: I'm just going to piss in the house. See if you can stop me dumbass.

Open Letter to Joe Lieberman,

2007-12-17T10:43:00.000-05:00

Please stop trying to trick people into thinking you're an independent. You're not. You're a Republican. Democrats know it, and I get the feeling that the Republicans do too, although Ann Coulter hasn't been taking my phone calls recently so I'm not really sure.

It's not that I don't understand endorsing McCain. While I disagree with a lot of his political beliefs, but i think he has the most integrity of all the candidates (however that isn't saying much when the field includes Hillary, Mitt "Flip Flopper-Religion is Morality" Romney, and Mike "My Son Kills Animals" Huckabee) which is something that is easy to get behind these days. However, if you're going to endorse Republicans, call yourself one.

Hugs,
Elle

Public Service Announcement

2007-12-16T15:33:00.000-05:00

I hadn't mentioned any of this here since my ever so simple plan of ignoring it had been going rather well. But as I spend a lazy afternoon checking other sites I am seeing things that seem to fit the same pattern of what I experienced.

Beginning in September I started to receive threatening comments and emails on not only current but also really old posts. The comments were basically all the same, I was called a whore/slut/skank and the poster threatened to expose me. I was completely weirded out, but I ignored him, and it seemed to stop. Based on the comments I received and 5 minutes of investigation, he refers to himself as John or Jack most times (really narrows it down), he is most likely applying to law schools now, and I can provide an email address and other sites he's posted on using that email address if anyone is so inclined.

I write this not only to let other (female) bloggers know that this weirdo isn't just targeting them but also to explain why things will most likely taper off here in the near future. I've been rather tight lipped about it, but I found a job, in the area of law I wanted to practice in. I'm extremely excited and I don't want to take any actions that could compromise that. While I really enjoy posting here I really doubt I will be able to find the proper balance once I start work.

UPDATE: it's WAY more widespread than I thought. Grace posted his IP address, as I said earlier he has emailed me.

Snowy Weather

2007-12-16T15:03:00.000-05:00

Theodore spent the day enjoying the fresh powder.

You Came And You Gave Without Taking...

2007-12-16T08:22:00.001-05:00

All day yesterday there were constant television interruptions by local stations, warning of how mindblowingly awful the weather was going to be starting a little before midnight and lasting into Sunday. Realizing that this happens every-year in Michigan I wasn't too worried, since it's the snows that they don't predict that cause the issues, not the ones where the Road Commission is posed 12 hours before waiting for the first overtime of the season. This isn't Florida people, we know how to handle snow removal, and if you haven't figured out how to drive in it yet buy an SUV. Regardless, I had decided on a quiet night in, possibly baking cookies, since I've never been one for unnecessarily braving the snow.

Until one of my gays called me with an offer I just could not refuse. Barry Manilow tickets since his parents didn't want to go out when there was the possibility of snow fall. It's not that I'm some huge Barry Manilow fan (or "Fanilow" as I believe they like to be called), it's that I'm always up for an evening of feathery, glitterly, campy goodness.

I went in with high expectations, knowing people rave about what a showman he is, and the Fanilows were going crazy so I figured I was in for an amazing show. Sadly, I was wrong. The entire thing was very minimalist, with about 4 dancers until the last number (Copacabana), where in addition to the dancers Barry threw on a yellow jacket and 3 show girls with feathery Las Vegas style head-dresses joined them onstage. I could go on, but I somehow doubt anyone is still reading my random ass post about Barry Manilow.

I guess I'll just have to wait until the Spice Girls to get my full dose of Camp. I am certain they won't fail to deliver.

It's Britney Bitch...

2007-12-15T13:54:00.000-05:00

For those of you who are so inclined MTV.com is showing Britney's new video Piece of Me in full online for 48 hours. It's my favorite song on the new album, the video is actually not bad, and Brit doesn't look like a crackwhore in it. Baby steps people.

Ohh Britney. I wish I could quit you. And while we're talking, that purple dress in the video could have used about an inch more fabric at the bottom, but I can forgive you for that.

Friday Cat(?) Blogging

2007-12-14T11:36:00.000-05:00

Just when I thought cats couldn't scare me more than they already do. The article says the cats only glow where there isn't a lot of hair (mainly the face), however it's only a matter of time before these evil cats are cloned with hairless evil cats producing ultraviolet radiating supercats whose sole purpose in life is to torment me and host kitty rave parties where young impressionable cats use too much catnip and generally misbehave.

I do kinda feel sorry for the cats since it's clear that animal testing most likely occurs on them. Which I assume involves trance music being play at obnoxiously loud volumes to compare their sensitivity to regular cats.

Friday Dog Blogging: Dog Butt Edition

2007-12-14T08:07:00.000-05:00

Timeline of the Afternoon.

2007-12-11T18:59:00.000-05:00

5:10-I am sitting on my bed reading emails when I hear a strange sound underneath. I pull Theodore out and pry open his mouth, where I find a piece of a wine glass he broke about a week ago (which I swore I found all of). I am unsure if he actually swallowed a piece of it or if he just "mouthed" it.

5:15-I begin feeding him bread as instructed by his doctor.

6:30-Theodore begins vomiting. Repeats said behavior roughly every 5 minutes. Bonus that there is no blood in the vomit. I begin pacing the house.

7:00-Theodore proves his intelligence, despite being dumb enough to chew glass, by ringing the bell to go outside and vomit, something he has not been trained to do.

7:10-My vet proposes the theory that Theodore is allergic to wheat, which is actually causing the vomiting. I finally sit down and Theodore cuddles up in my lap. I am waiting for him to vomit on me like some scorned Frat Boy for not paying better attention to him, which allowed him to get glass, and led us down this entire ordeal.

Perfume

2007-12-09T19:23:00.000-05:00

Today I had a random, well dressed, stranger tell me he is in love with me after smelling me as I walked by in the mall. While clearly this was a weird thing to say, I find it even weirder that I can't even figure out what he was smelling; since the only things he could have smelled were my conditioner, soap, and a bit of solid perfume.

Friday Dog Blogging: Snow Dog Edition

2007-12-07T16:38:00.001-05:00

Despite his size, Theodore proves his manly nature by his love of snow.

Frigid.

2007-12-02T12:09:00.000-05:00

I desperately needed new boots this year. While my various colors of 3''-4'' heeled leather boots are extremely practical for navigating the icey walkways and snowey sidewalks between my car and wherever I am going, they are not ideal for dog walking. I've owned UGGs before and while they are really warm (which is why I do not understand why people wear them in the summer or in California), they do not really hold up well in the snow.

So a couple weeks ago I started the quest for new winter boots. To complicate matters, 6 years ago when "The North Face Craze" swept across the country I swore I'd never buy one of their fleeces/backpacks/boots. A hiking backpack to carry your books to class, even in Michigan weather, is a bit excessive.

Being that I have a tradition of eventually selling out so long that 14 year old me would most likely not recognize 24 year old me it makes perfect sense that I bought these:

At least if I decide to take up hiking I'll be prepared (after I buy a new jacket since my Leather Jackets and Peacoats might not be warm enough).

Friday Dog Blogging: Shower Edition

2007-11-30T13:13:00.000-05:00

Before:

The Wet-Down:

The Please Stop Spraying Me In The Face:

The Attempted Escape Mid-Shampoo:

The Shake-Off:

The Patented-Teddie-Towel Dry:

Post Blow-Drying:

Lastly, Theodore tells me what he thinks of the entire process:

Morning Wake Up Call

2007-11-28T21:22:00.000-05:00

Alternate title: How I made $25 bucks today.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
8:30 a.m., the house phone rings, for some reason, I answer it.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Elle: Hello?
Male Voice: Is [Jonathon] there?
Elle: He's working.
Male Voice: (annoyed) I found his wallet. It was on my sister's furnace. I assume he was doing something down there with my niece.
Elle: My dad was doing something with your niece?
Male Voice: Huh? How old are you? Your dad is 20?
Elle: Ohh, I guess you mean my brother. That sounds more like him.
Male Voice: Well, if it's alright I can drop it off for you. I'm not even going to ask what he was doing that he left his wallet on top of the furnace.
Elle: (mumbling) I can guarantee it was one of 2 things.
Male Voice: Excuse me?
Elle: Nothing. I should be around all day, you can drop it off whenever.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Later in the day....
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Brother: What up?
Elle: I have your wallet.
Brother: The one I lost this summer?
Elle: Yes, but didn't you lose 2 this summer?
Brother: Whatever. I found the 2nd one I lost. Where was it? Did Jill have it?
Elle: No. It was at some other chick's house. On her furnace. I think her name was Amanda. Her uncle called. Super early. Super Annoyed.
Brother: I've never even been to her house. I know who she is, but I've never been there.
Elle: Whatever. You owe me. It's obvious you were either smoking something you shouldn't have been or screwing based on where it was found.
Brother: Yeah. Umm. Do me a favor, I'm sure there are zigzags and condoms in there, take them out in case mom and dad see it before I get home.
Elle: I'm keeping the money in here as an idiot tax, I hope you know that.

Friday Dog Blogging: Black Friday Edition

2007-11-23T14:44:00.000-05:00

Last Saturday, Teddie informed the groomers that he needed to show his support for the Wolverines. In return, they "bowed" him.

Clearly, he was very masculine while he cheered for his beloved Wolverines.

Happy Thanksgiving!

2007-11-22T12:31:00.000-05:00

The last time I saw my Crackhead Uncle I had Theodore with me. He proceeded to be a complete dick and was rude to everyone around just because Theodore was there (even though he was politely laying on the floor chewing his rawhide). However, that assessment might be a bit unfair since I could not actually understand what he was saying, I'm just judging from his general tone.

If he tries it today I won't be polite and will most likely offer some tidbit along the lines of "just because you're a crackhead/alcoholic and your kids aren't allowed to see you let alone come to holidays does not mean you need to be rude to mine, he was invited, unlike your crackwhore girlfriend."

This should go over well.

Pre-Black Friday Shopping

2007-11-21T18:29:00.000-05:00

I accidentally just bought¹ a $80 pair of Calvin Klein jeans. I also proceeded to have them altered while I waited since I really wanted to wear them tonight and all designer jeans are about 5'' too long for me even in heels. I know Calvin Klein isn't the "hippest" designer anymore, but I refused to spend over $100 and didn't want something with a bunch of random designs on it (which would make it obvious if I re-wore them). Sadly, buying jeans was basically the highlight of my week.

I also ordered business cards yesterday. I guess that is exciting. They say "The Law Office of [Elle Woods]". And by office I mean, desk in the corner of my room with a laptop on it.

¹Or convinced my mom to buy as an early Christmas present.

Go Blue.

2007-11-15T10:36:00.000-05:00

I just watched The Rivalry. It takes a person with a certain demeanor to cry as Bo discussed his friendship with Woody and how it was not formed in spite of the rivalry, but because of it. They were the only people who could understand the intensity that the other had for the game.

I Swear.

2007-11-14T09:35:00.000-05:00

I am getting sworn in today. I really don't want to go and the thought of wearing a suit (and nylons) for 1/2 a day has me sick to my stomach.

Friday Dog Blogging: Archives Edition

2007-11-09T11:15:00.000-05:00

Theodore was not feeling photogenic this morning so I had to reach into my archives. I found a pciture of him cuddling with his Teddy-Bear that his original mom gave him,

Semi Exciting News

2007-11-07T13:55:00.000-05:00

After 20 resumes and cover letters sent out in the last week I managed to get an interview.

Someone said to me today that they thought it would be "easier" to get a job here than in a place with more law schools (and more competition) like New York City. When put that way I suppose that statement makes sense.

But when you consider there were over 1000 lawyers just flooded into what is arguably the worst economy in the nation, and then throw in Tort Reform (which in all other states that have passed it has been declared unconstitutional since it makes plaintiff's access to courts nearly impossible), No-Fault Insurance, and a Supreme Court that is in the pockets of insurance companies so they feel it's their job to limits plaintiff's access to courts; it makes finding a job of any kind very difficult.

The simple reality is there are just not enough jobs here. While in areas like New York City, from what I gather, it's more "the pay isn't high enough."

Group Therapy

2007-11-06T23:22:00.000-05:00

A friend of mine needs your help. Here is the situation:

A few weeks ago a girl messaged him on facebook saying she "liked his picture" and asking "whats up" (sic). He ignored it. A week later she wrote back the same thing. This time he wrote back "Thanks." She wrote back, asking if he "wanted to hookup." He asked for a clarification of "hookup" and said replied "bang."

He is torn between banging "strange" as he calls it. And the very real possibility that I keep bringing up that she is a psycho/disease spreading whore/killer/legal bachelor's ex/psycho.

I saw a picture of the chick. He gives her a 5, but upgrades her to a 6 due to huge breasts. I would give her a 6, but bump her down to a 5 for obvious fake breasts.

Despite my warnings, he still wants to hook up with her. Basically since he likes the idea of having a girl knock on the door and having sex 3 minutes later. I think the idea of letting her know where you live, or walking into a death trap at her place, plus the disease potential vastly outweighs his chance to get some "strange."

Thoughts? Feel free to comment anonymously on this one, but do include if you're male or female since he thinks it'll be split down "party" lines while I think most people male or female who are not idiots can agree this is a bad idea.

Spice Up Your Life

2007-11-05T11:25:00.000-05:00

My friend just emailed me to confirm that we got Spice Girls tickets for Chicago. So excited!

Sicko

2007-11-04T18:17:00.000-05:00

To cap off a perfect weekend, I woke up at 3:16 this morning with a sore throat. I got up and started taking all sorts of herbal supplements and then went back to bed until "9:45"...Which I didn't learn was really 8:45 until some family came over around "12:00" and asked if I had set the clocks back.

I thought I was going to be able to tough it out with just Airborne, Echinacea, and Yin Chiao¹; however, even though I feel a bit better it's looking like I might need to see a doctor since I started running a fever and my tonsils have spots.

¹Yes, I am taking some random Chinese supplement that has not been tested by the FDA and which I cannot read anything on the bottle besides "take 3-4 pills up to 3 times daily."

(Friday) Dog Blogging: Belated Halloween Edition

2007-11-03T10:28:00.000-04:00

The Tedosaurus-Rex Stalks his prey.

And finally attacks.

Sigh.

2007-11-02T11:46:00.000-04:00

My first full day as an attorney and so far I've:

Been rejected for a job I applied to this morning.
Been told I applied in the wrong format (for a different job), but I cannot figure the correct format out (and the website listed the format I applied in as correct).
Been cancelled on for a date this weekend by the guy I've been dating since May.
Decided I need to dump said guy.

I just know this is going to be an awful weekend.

I Passed

2007-11-01T14:57:00.000-04:00

166 MBE. Holy Shit.

Weirdness.

2007-11-01T10:21:00.001-04:00

I had guessed earlier in the month that this would be the week bar results were released. I was thinking about it earlier this week and even predicted it to a friend.

That said, I was handling it much better before I knew they were in the mail.

Music Survey

2007-11-01T08:16:00.000-04:00

Since I need to distract myself, via You're so Vain.

Which bands/artist do you own the most albums by?
I haven't bought albums lately. It's probably a tie between Weezer, Foo Fighters, Madonna, Led Zeppelin, and Bob Dylan.

What was the last song you listened to?
My Name is Jonas (Weezer)

What's in your CD player right now?
I'm not sure, the only CD player I even own is in my car. If I had to guess I'd say there is a Matt Nathanson CD in it.

What’s your favorite local band/group?
Manna and Quail.

What was the last show you attended?
Sigh. I will admit, Christina Aguilera.

What was the greatest show you’ve ever been to?
Cher, Farewell Tour.

What's the crappiest show you've ever been to?
Sadly, Elton John and Billy Joel. Elton was losing his voice and Billy was drunk. But it was still awesome.

What’s the most musically involved you have ever been?
I was in choir in Junior High and High School. The most involved I get now is dancing and signing like a weirdo.

What show are you looking forward to?
I am hopeful to get Spice Girls tickets for Chicago.

What is your favorite band shirt?
I'm not sure I own one anymore.

What musician would you like to hang out with for a day?
Currently I'd love to spend a day with Britney and try to talk some sense into her. Once that failed after about 2 hours I'd regret not picking Robert Plant, Bob Dylan or Stephan Jenkins

Who is one musician or group you wish would make a comeback?
Obviously my wish already came true when the Spice Girls reunited.

Who is one band/artist you've never seen live but always wanted to?
Bob Dylan. And the Spice Girls.

Name 5 of your favorite songs of all time?
In no particular order my current 5 favorites:

Tangled Up In Blue (Dylan)
D'yer Ma'ker (Led Zeppelin)
Say It Ain't So (Weezer)
Boy Named Sue (Johnny Cash)
Cocaine (Clapton)

Name 4 flawless albums:

Highway 61 Revisited (Dylan)
Let it Bleed (The Rolling Stones)
The Fourth Album (Led Zeppelin)
The Blue Album (Weezer)

How many music related videos/DVDs do you own?
None. I do own a few tapes though.

Rattle and Hum (U2)
Like a Virgin (Madonna)
Spice World (The Spice Girls)

How many concerts/shows have you been to, total?
Way too many to count.

Who have you seen the most live?
Tie, I've seen four shows of: Weezer, Third Eye Blind and Reel Big Fish.

What is your favorite movie soundtrack?
Magnolia.

What was your last musical "phase" before you wised up?
I wish I could say I've wised up and don't listen to awful pop music like The Spice Girls and Britney.

What's your "guilty pleasure" that you hate to admit to liking?
The Spice Girls and Britney.

What album have you purchased the most copies of?
I bought 3 copies of Goldfinger, but 2 were gifts.

Who is your favorite musician?
Dylan.

Nervous.

2007-10-31T19:41:00.001-04:00

Bar Results were mailed today. Stay tuned.

How Boring Am I? Very.

2007-10-30T14:32:00.000-04:00

Via Harmless Error:

1. Name one person who made you laugh last night. I was sick last night and I don't think I laughed. If I did was too jacked on cold medicine to remember.

2. What were you doing at 0800? Taking Theodore for a walk.

3. What were you doing 30 minutes ago? Sending an email about a possible job opportunity.

4. What happened to you in 2006? 2nd semester of 2L, 1st semester of 3L and I finally escaped the clutches of Hours.

5. What was the last thing you said out loud? "Teddie, how did you manage to change the time on my alarm clock?"

6. How many beverages did you have today? Venti Passionberry Lemonade Tea, Water, and a Diet Fountain Soda.

7. What color is your hairbrush? As if I only have one hairbrush.

8. What was the last thing you paid for? The tea lights (pumpkin spice flavor) for my Pumpkin.

9. Where were you last night? I went to bed around 10 since I felt so bad. Theodore joined me around 11:00

10. What color is your front door? A warm shade of tan.

11. Where do you keep your change? In my "mom" wallet.

12. What’s the weather like today? It's just an average fall day.

13. What’s the best ice-cream flavor? Butter Pecan.

14. What excites you? Depends on my mood.

15. Do you want to cut your hair? No, I think I'm going to grow is back out.

16. Are you over the age of 25? NOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

17. Do you talk a lot? YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

18. Do you watch the O.C.? I own all 4 Seasons on DVD. So that is a yes, I have seen every episode numerous times.

19. Do you know anyone named Steven? I know a few guys who go by "Steve".

20. Do you make up your own words? Yes. A lot. So much that my friends used to refer to my words as "Woods"-Bonics.

21. Are you a jealous person? Most likely.

22. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter ‘A’. I just made one.

23. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter ‘K’. 3.

24. Who’s the first person on your received call list? My mom.

25. What does the last text message you received say? "P.S.-I like the picture of Teddie", sent by my brother thanking me for the Halloween care package I mailed him with Candy, Soap, Shampoo, Lip Balm, and a picture of Theodore.

26. Do you chew on your straw? No that is one oral fixation I have avoided.

27. Do you have curly hair? Yes, but I straighten a lot. Today, however it's straight.

28. Where’s the next place you’re going to? Probably the kitchen or to take a bath.

29. Who’s the rudest person in your life? I tend to avoid rude people. However my dad is kinda unavoidable.

30. What was the last thing you ate? I can't remember. I am eye-ing the caramel appel a friend made me though.

31. Will you get married in the future? Who knows.

32. What’s the best movie you’ve seen in the past 2 weeks? The only movie I've watched in the last two weeks was Erin Brocovich on cable while I was bored. So I guess it wins by technicality.

33. Is there anyone you like right now? I like 2 guys. I've been dating one for a bit and I'm not entirely sure about him and I just met another one who has potential.

34. When was the last time you did the dishes? The dishwasher does the dishes.

35. Are you currently depressed? Sigh. Yes. I'm getting really nervous about bar results, not having a job and my student loan payment coming due soon.

36. Did you cry today? No. I am not a crier. Unless I am PMSing.

37. Why did you answer and post this? I was bored.

38. Tag 5 people who would do this survey. I hate tagging. Do it if you want.

Horray!

2007-10-27T20:31:00.001-04:00

In case you haven't noticed, two of my favorite boys are back. Legal Bachelor and Moonlighting in Misery.

Friday Dog Blogging: Spoiled Dog Edition

2007-10-26T08:41:00.000-04:00

Theodore deliberates which toy he would like to play with.

The winning choice, his Mini Tennis Ball, not really a surprise since those are his newest toys and therefore his favorite.

Trashy.

2007-10-24T17:53:00.000-04:00

Something about Disposable Underwear that doesn't sit well with me. Mainly I think it's that I've been trying to be environmentally friendly lately, going so far as to switch to Diva Cup since I didn't want the waste from tampons.

The commercial I saw marketed using a slogan along the lines of "easier than doing laundry". While I can't say I've never bought new underwear rather than do laundry, I didn't see a reason for that new underwear to be disposable. Eventually you're going to have to do laundry (unless you have a disposable wardrobe), and I just washed all the underwear then.

The other way I've seen them marketed is as underwear for use after a one-night-stand. I kinda feel that the type of girl who has a one-night-stand won't care if they have to go panty-less.

I guess people could use them for travel, but it's not like underwear takes up a lot of room in a bag.

Dog Blogging: Bowing Edition

2007-10-24T15:14:00.000-04:00

Theodore is utterly embarrassed after his trip to the groomer results in him being "bowed" without my permission.

Luckily I removed them immediately after snapping the pictures so he doesn't have to be ashamed at obedience class tonight. It's hard enough to make passes at the cute Pomeranian since he's a eunuch, having bows would make it impossible.

Michigan Dog Blogging: Because I Can Edition

2007-10-22T17:24:00.000-04:00

Theodore cheers on his beloved Wolverines as I nervously pace the house.

No comment on if I was wearing a matching sweatshirt.

Friday Dog Blogging: Fall is Here Edition

2007-10-19T09:28:00.000-04:00

Hit Me Baby One More Time1

2007-10-19T08:40:00.000-04:00

I have been avoiding posting about Britney since, well, what a long strange trip it's been. I was so optimistic after she dumped K-Fed. Then came the partying with Paris, the crotch shots, the suspected drug use, rehab, leaving rehab after about an hour, shaving her head, attacking a car with an umbrella, more rehab, the firing of all support, estrangement from her family, all but certain drug use, the child custody case, a judge calling her a "frequent and habitual drug user", the hit and run accident, failure to have a valid drivers license, "failure" to take drug tests, the VMAs, the complete revocation of visitation rights and now bad collagen and running over someone's foot.

I'm not trying to make excuses, but isn't it clear that the "frequent and habitual drug user" is a shitty driver? Do you think maybe flashing bulbs in her face while standing right next to her car and blocking her exit might end up with someone getting their foot run over?

¹Admittedly the lamest title ever.

For Those Of You Who Have Yet to Take the Bar

2007-10-17T23:40:00.000-04:00

Being that this started as a blog about law school I thought I'd take a moment and actually explain a few things. Some people (read: Law Students) seem to know nothing about the bar exam. Which I sympathize with, since I only knew what I was told from an attorney I worked with. Clearly this isn't exhaustive and doesn't address things like the MPRE or Character and Fitness, nor is it accurate for all states, but it may help give some of you a clue. I would also like to apologize in advance for the grammatical errors I am sure this post will be full of, as I am far too tired to proofread it and I'm really only writing it after a string of questions from a friend who was clueless.

The majority of states (everywhere except Washington and Louisiana) require students to take the Multistate Bar Exam (MBE). It's a 200 question multiple choice test which is administered on something like the 2nd to last Wednesday in July and February. The test is then scaled across the nation and, at least in my state, the scaled score is used in calculating your final score. The scaling is very secretive and I have no idea how it works. The MBE covers:

Constitutional Law
Contracts/Sales (U.C.C.)
Criminal Law/Criminal Procedure
Evidence
Property
Torts

In my state, if one has a high enough score on the MBE they can "multistate out" by attaining a high enough score and your essays don't really count. PMBR prepares bar takers exclusively for the MBE while BarBri prepares bar takes for the MBE and Essay portions.

States also give an essay portion which usually covers a wider range of topics and in some states "re-tests" the MBE subjects-only you also need to know the distinctions for the state you are sitting in. I am also told some states also give their own multiple choice portion in addition to the essay portion. States administer their essay portions on varying days. Some on Tuesday, some on Thursday. Some have 2 days. Some stretch it out and give essay portions on Monday and Friday, so you're tested for an entire week. The varying schedule of state essay portions and the ability to transfer scores allows some (sick) people to take 2 bars. Who would ever want to take the essay portion of one state, the MBE and then fly to another state to take another essay portion is beyond me, but people do it.

The formula in Michigan to compute your final score is rather complex.

Basically, they take into account that the maximum on the MBE is 200 while the maximum the essay portion is 150 and then compute an average. In Michigan, if you score a 150 on the MBE your essays are graded for "good faith". Otherwise you need to have a score above 135 using the above formula.

Don't say I never warned you.

Waterproofing

2007-10-17T18:07:00.000-04:00

I think it goes without saying I'm a bit clumsy. Particularly once I have a few "adult beverages" in my system when we're out on the lake during the summer. If only I'd thought of an invention as genius as the Key Buoy; or it's trashy cousin, the Butt Buoy.

Although the only thing I've "dropped" in the water lately is myself. The dock and boat spread apart as I had one foot on each as I helped tie the boat up. This of course led to a failed attempt at pulling myself back into the boat. Fully Clothed. While my phone was in my pocket.

So really, I guess this would be a better invention for me to invest in. I guess I could just get this, but I think a Ziploc bag would be just as effective. Plus I could leave a bunch of air in it and I bet it would still float with my keys in it, eliminating my need for a Key Buoy.

From The Kitchen.

2007-10-16T19:23:00.001-04:00

I've mentioned a few times I've been cooking a lot more lately. Today I made pizza entirely from scratch. No cheating with store bought sauce or dough. The only assistance I had was from the bread machine, which mixed and raised the dough.

Before Baking:

After Baking:

And yes, it is delicious.

Top 5 Reasons I'm a Dork.

2007-10-15T08:06:00.000-04:00

I was tagged by Harmless Error, so here we go.

I sleep with a doll that I've had since I was 18 months old and I post about injuries she sustains.
In high school my friends and I were obsessed with the Spice Girls. We learned the dances and dressed up as them when we went to see Spice World. My best friend and I can usually still be convinced (after a certain amount of distilled spirits) to do the dance to Spice Up Your Life. I am still hopeful they will add a date closer to me and that I will be able to get tickets.
I cried last week when I watched the episode of Grey's where the lady puts her hand on a hot stove in an attempt to get out of taking the bar exam for the 5th time. I don't know if I cried because I understood or because of the thought of trying to take the bar exam 5 times.
I love The O.C., 90210, My So Called Life, Freaks and Geeks, and Dawson's Creek. Apparently I have some teenage angst issues I'm still trying to work out at the age of 24.
I listen to Barry Manilow. Enough said.

I hate tagging, so if you want to tell people why you're a dork go ahead, and just leave a note in the comments that you did.