Friday Dog Blogging: Mechanic Dog Edition

While originally optimistic about being helpful and changing my oil, Theodore is quickly frustrated when he realizes he doesn't have the manual dexterity the job requires and decides to just relax with his Frisbee.


Dell, despite their lack of trying to fail, managed to get my laptop back to me just in time for Friday Dog Blogging. How where they trying to fail? They shipped it to my prior address. Where the laptop was shipped to 3 years ago when I bought it. Because that makes sense. Never mind that the box to send it back was sent to my new house, and that DHL went to my new house to pick it up. I spent 2 hours on the phone trying to correct this issue when I saw on the DHL website where it was being shipped to. I was transferred around 3 times, disconnected, and eventually my demeanor bordered on irate. I was promised the issue was fixed and that it would be delivered to the correct address (a day late). Then I received the "confirmation e-mail" from DHL which informed me that the laptop had been delivered. To the wrong address.

Stay Tuned.

My laptop has to go in for a final repair before it turns 3 and the warranty expires. Posting will be sporadic until the geniuses at Dell replace the broken case.

Anyone have experience with sending laptops in? I've done it twice before and I've always removed the hard-drive first. This time I forgot to package it up before the DHL man was here, so I just kinda shoved it in the box after quickly removing the battery. Hopefully it comes back all right.

Friday Dog Blogging: In Need of a Haircut Edition

Snapped just after the trip to the Groomer. What you cannot see is that the Groomer shaved his belly into what has been termed a "Porno Cut", which is probably why he looks so sad.

Indifference 2008

Is anyone else completely sick of the 2008 Presidential Campaign already despite the fact that it's only September 2007? Only 14 more months. I better hurry up and get my voter registration changed.

Go Blow Blue.

I'm supposed to deal with waiting for my bar results and this bullshit.

No wonder Theodore didn't want to wear his Michigan Sweater today. To make matters worse I have to deal with my brother texting me "Fight On"...It's going to be a long fall if this continutes.

Friday Dog Blogging: I'm Bored With My Bone Edition

Why I Have Yet to Leave the Law School E-Mail Group.

E-Mail I just received from the Law School E-Mail Group:

Sorry- I think this goes out to everyone in the Law School, but I didn't know any other way to reach students in my class/section.

Hi!
My name is [Redacted], and I am a first year student at [school] seeking a study group. I am in Section [x]. I live in downtown [city], but I can drive to meet a group. If you already have a group, and are looking for more folks, great. Or, you can join my one-man army. Just shoot me an email!

Thanks!
[Redacted]

I checked the academic calendar, they are 2 days into the semester.

So True.

This might be the greatest and most informative website ever made.

Friday [Dog] Blogging: Introductory Edition

E. Mc Pan says I can blog about whatever kind of animal I choose to on Fridays. Therefore, I choose the Tedosaurus-Rex.

No, I did not properly make my bed today mother.

Exciting News

Dear Ms. [Woods]:

The State Bar Character & Fitness Committee has recommended the approval of your character and fitness to the State Board of Law Examiners.

Sincerely,
Character and Fitness Department

I Need to be Able to Afford an Apartment.

When did the Swiffer become a substitute for a sponge and a little elbow grease?

It seriously drives me insane when I ask for something to clean up a spill with and someone either directs me to or brings me a swiffer. They are clumsy and move in jerky patterns across any sort of tile (which correct me if I'm wrong, but that is the surface they were designed to be used on).

Yes, I do technically have "better" things to do than blog about cleaning products on Friday night. But I chose to stay home with the baby, which resulted in him finding an old bag of onions (do not even ask), which led to the floor needing to be cleaned, which led to me asking for something "to scrub the floor with", which led to my Mother bringing me a swiffer to use in an foot wide area under a stand in the kitchen, which led to me bitching about how there was NO possible way to even manipulate the swiffer within the space and how crappy swiffers are in general, which led to a pissed off post after 9 p.m. on a Friday rampant with run on sentences about cleaning products. This all also led to a fight with my father about me leaving a sponge out (when he wouldn't so much as get off his ass and get me paper towel so I could dry the area I scrubbed on my hands and knees)-which I could not get up to get since I was attempting to keep the baby away from the bleachy floor.

Also, why was I told that I didn't need to cook dinner tonight since "they were", yet we have yet to eat and dinner is just now going into the oven. So at best we they will eat at 10:00 p.m. and I will go hungry since I cannot eat this late at night.

You Expect Me to Title Posts Before 8 a.m.?

Things smoothed out with the asshole trainer. Basically I realized he is a idiot who needed to be shown who the "Alpha Dog" is. So when he called Teddie "She" again I just gave him a look, he quickly corrected himself. When he called me "Sweetie" I snapped back "Actually, it's Doctor¹." Then when all the other (idiot) dogs were unable to demonstrate stay, down, and wait all of a sudden Teddie was his favorite dog to work with. Which was still moderately annoying to me since he tried every.other.dog. first, but whatever.

My brother leaves today to drive across the country. You'd think he'd have hung out with me once since the bar, but no. Plus now we are in this HUGE fight since I told his friend about how he and his other friend were pissing in Gatorade bottles when they would party here (since they didn't want to wake up the house flushing the toilet) and then label it"PISS" and put them in the refrigerator-only to be found by me at a later date. Do not even ask why they didn't just piss in the yard, piss off the deck, piss into the woods, piss in the street, piss into a toilet and not flush. I do not know the answer despite many questions being asked. Then he got Teddie "into a condition where he ate more dog food at 11 pm" last night, which was the last straw for me and I flipped out on him about how inconsiderate and irresponsible he is and how I couldn't wait until he had kids since I was going to buy them as many substances as they wanted to indulge in.

¹Juris Doctor, does that count?

Parenthood

Elle Woods: I finally understand why the next-door neighbor has so many Popsicles on hand at all times.
Mom: Why?
Elle Woods: Well, you know how her kids are so unruly and wound up all the time?
Mom: Yeah.
Elle Woods: And you know how she usually just gives them a Popsicle or something?
Mom: Yeah.
Elle Woods: Well, I just gave Teddie a Greenie since he was being such a hyper little spaz, and look at him now.
[Mom looks at the Puppy sitting calmly chewing looking like he might take a nap at any minute-which he later did].
Mom: I think you'll make a fine parent.

Recent Reader E-Mail:

I just found your blog...and it is making me think about the nagging feeling I have had in my gut for the past year. I am about to start my 2L year - and I hate law school and I am not excited about being an attorney. I worry that these years thinking all I wanted was to go to law school and be a lawyer were wrong and have only conspired to make me feel like I can't back out. Besides, I have all my 1L debt, a bunch of private school undergrad debt, and NO IDEA what I would do if I didn't do these next two years and finish what I started.

Do you really feel like law school has been the biggest mistake? If so, why? If you were about to be a 2L and only 1/3 of the way through would you still keep going? What kind of a job to do you think you will end up with - and more importantly, was it what you wanted in the first place?

Sorry for all the questions...I am just having angst while I get my OCI shit together for the fall and think about the fact that I just have a gut feeling this is wrong. Any advice, etc would be most appreciated.

My Response:

Honestly, I don't think it was the biggest mistake of my life, I know it was. Unless you are in the top 10% of your class what you do not realize is that you will most likely end up taking a job for around 50K a year. I could have probably found something out of college for 40-45K and I wouldn't have almost $1000 a month student loan payments.

I have no idea what type of job I will find and I honestly am concerned that my car will be repossessed before November when I have any chance of finding a job, according to my career services office, since nobody is going to hire me before I get my bar results (and even then only if they are positive).

If I had to to do over again, I would have dropped out of school after 1L. I actually didn't want to go to law school and went through a big depression before I started since deep down I knew it was wrong for me, but I felt pressured by family (and I had thought it was what I wanted to do since high school so it was hard to let it go).

I convinced a friend of mine to drop out after first semester 1L who was similar to us in that she always thought she wanted to go but when she did, she hated it (and while she is a very smart girl she did terribly). She dropped out, found a job, and is extremely happy, and every time I talk to her she is reassured in her decision. Similarly, I had a friend at my school who was MISERABLE, hated every minute of school and finally after 2L (when he was only a 1.5L due to dropping so many classes or getting kicked out for non-attendance) he dropped out. He is now working as a mortgage banker, making 70K a year and loving his life. There is life after law school, it's just a matter of figuring it out.

I know the feeling of being scared to drop out since you already have so much debt that you don't know how you would pay it. Trust me, all that will happen is that it will triple, you will still be making about the same amount, and you will be working insane hours and hating what you do.

I am certainly only one person, but if I had to do over, there is no doubt in my mind I'd have dropped out.

Anyone else have anything to contribute? Anyone else still reading?

Another Puppy Post...

Since I have nothing better to write about. Our first obedience class was yesterday. Teddie did marvelously. Me, not so much. They say it's about training the human more than about training the dog, which given that I managed to piss off the trainer within the first 10 minutes and was extremely annoyed 1/2 way through with his approach to small dogs, made me extremely "hesitant" to listen.

• First he kept calling Teddie "she", which I corrected and he got all pissy about.
  
• Then he would ask for someone to volunteer their dog to demonstrate, and when I did (and nobody else did) he would literally take one of the big dog owner's leashes from their hand and use a big dog and look at me and say "I like to use big dogs for these."
• Next he yelled at me for "bending down" to give my dog treats, yet I wasn't bending. I was dipping at the knees just far enough to reach him, almost into a "Bunny Dip." When I questioned how I was supposed to give a dog that is 10'' at the shoulder treats without bending and without him jumping up without dipping he ignored me.
• Last I was scolded for letting my dog sleep with me since it will communicate he is the "Alpha Dog"-if you saw his behavior it would be clear this is not the case.

In other news I am exhausted from the early morning potty walks, work, afternoon walks playing, cooking dinner, playing, and then finally putting the baby to bed.

First Outfit.

One more since it's so cute and he was so good about letting me dress him up.

"Somebody Has a Case of the Mondays."

Teddie has been meeting all sorts of new friends. Friday we went to the dog park and I was bossing around all the other dogs (2 Great Danes, a Boxer, a few Labs, a Collie, an Australian Shepherd, and a Whippet) making them chase after him. There is something a bit terrifying when your 8.5 lb dog is using himself as bait for various dogs who weigh over 100 lbs.

He also recently met my gay next-door neighbors 4 lb Maltese whose name is Snowball, who is a bit of an aggressive sniffer. After over a minute of Snowball sniffing Teddie the following conversation ensued:

John: Snowball! I do not know why you are so interested, he has the same thing you have!
Elle: Umm, You of all people should know that doesn't mean he is not interested.
John: [Turns bright red and starts dying laughing].

Obedience classes start Wednesday. I have to take some sort of soft treat. The catch is he has to be able to eat it for an hour straight and not get sick. They also want it to be "smelly", I am thinking I will boil chicken with garlic, but I am not sure if Dogs can eat garlic.

Just for fun, here is a picture of him looking at me like I'm a bad mother for not paying attention to him while I blog.

Wedding Questions...

How long do you have to have been dating someone before it becomes fair-game to ask them to attend a wedding with you? I have a few weddings this fall and at least one of them I'm sure I'll get an "and guest" for. These are the first of my friends to get married so I'm rather new to all this.

Also, is it worse to be the "single girl" or to go with someone who doesn't know anyone else there? I suppose that question depends on the person and how clingy they will be.

Tired.

Time my Brother got home last night: 11:50 p.m.
Number of friends he brought with him: 4
Number of those friends who had dreadlocks: 1
Number of glasses of wine I had with them on the deck before Teddie and I went to bed: 2
Time I was woken up by them still partying: 4:20

Kids These Days.

My brother and I have had it out a couple times since I moved back in. You would think it would be one of us fighting with our parents, but he has been extremely inconsiderate so there has been much yelling despite us generally being friends.

I moved in Saturday, he was working a wedding and called here numerous times after 10:00 p.m. (which my Dad told him was the latest he is allowed to call like 3 days before this) to ask stupid questions-I'm not really sure what transpired since the Baby and I were tired. Generally he calls to let them know he is too messed up to drive home, I think he should start using better time management skills and get messed up earlier if he needs to call home before 10. So he gets home on Saturday at 2:02 a.m.¹, proceeds to enter the master suite (where my parents are sleeping) and go take a shower. Despite there being 2 other showers in the house, one of which is in the basement bathroom where nobody would have even heard. Cut to the end of his 15 minute shower when he starts:

1. Telling my parents he is going out.
2. Telling my parents he is going to go hot-tubing with 2 chicks he and his friend met at the wedding they were working.
3. Telling my parents the girls parents invited them over and saying they were allowed to stay the night.
4. Asking if he can take a case of beer since it's too late to buy it, as if he is old enough to buy it.
5. Justifying being allowed to take the beer since he was going to be staying the night with the skanks he met whose drunk parents apparently invited he and his friend over.

Seriously. Then at 10:30 a.m. when I was talking to the puppy he started FREAKING OUT yelling at me that I was waking him up. It was around this time when I gave him an explanation regarding appropriate times to talk and be active around the house and how 2 a.m. was not one of those times.

So then last night he went out and came home at 4 a.m., at which point he again woke the dog up. So I took it out to potty, and of course it didn't have to go. Awesome.

¹At which point I woke up, and went to grab a glass of water without taking the puppy out since he appeared to still be sleeping. I was wrong and the puppy peed on the carpet. Clearly this had me a bit mad since he would have just kept sleeping and been fine had he not been woken up.

MUAHAHAHAHAHA!

Sometimes, all is right in the world. I finally get an adorable puppy¹ and Paris Hilton loses her inheritance. Sure she still has tons of money from being famous for doing nothing outside of being a Stupid Spoiled Whore, but at least she earns² that money.

¹More pictures to come when I'm not too lazy to upload my pictures.
²On her back.

"It's My Party, and I'll Cry if I Want To."

I have to crate the Baby today. We practiced yesterday when we all went over to the neighbors for a birthday party, there was a lot of crying on his part. I had to ignore it, since apparently he cannot learn that he gets whatever he wants when he cries, which seems a bit hypocritical.

Anyway, I made it an hour before I couldn't take it anymore and came home to let him out, today I have to work and won't be able to come save him. I wonder who will be more sad, Mom or the Baby?

"Have You Met Ted?"

I bring to you Theodore the 7 month old Apricot/Cream Toy Poodle I adopted...

Here he is playing with his favorite nylabone, he ended up eating over 1/2 of yesterday, which apparently I am a bad mother for allowing him to do.

Here he is being lazy in his day bed (he's a bit spoiled and gets to sleep with me at night).

The pictures are crappy since I yesterday I didn't have my cord for my camera (since it was at my old place) and today I was moving/dealing with a puppy/cleaning/crate training/dealing with a puppy so I just used my phone.

He is a total chick dog, when my brother had to take him out today he refused to walk him around the neighborhood and just walked him around the yard multiple times until he went to the bathroom. But, he is a non-shedding dog (which for someone with allergies is a major plus), he has had obedience training, he is 90% potty trained (he rings a bell when he needs to go out), and he is really sweet.

On that note we are going out for the final potty of night and then going to bed.

Survival Guide

I promised a Guide to Surviving the Bar Exam once I had detoxed from all of it a bit, so here we go.

1. Find a friend who has previously taken the bar. E-Mail them daily venting. People who have not been through this have no idea what it's like and while they really try and be supportive a lot of times they just have no clue and do not understand that "pep talks" are really not helpful.
2. You will probably want to tell your mom to "f*ck-off" at least once. Mine happened when one week before exam I was mildly freaking out she told me I was just going to "buckle down" and "learn it" since I'd "always been able to before"...I didn't actually cuss at her, but I did goan in disgust and demand to talk to my dad who isn't the "pep-talk" type.
   
3. Realize that your friends who are taking the bar might not be the best support system since either they will make you feel that you are not studying enough or they are neurotic freaks, or both.
   
4. Stop talking to friends who are not supportive, like the ones who tell you that you're "moody" when they call you drunk at 1 a.m. in July. You can talk to them after this is all over if you choose. I have one friend that was such a jerk during all this I highly doubt I will talk to him ever again.
5. Make your own plan. Stick to it. The BarBri study plan is insane and it's unlikely that you will be able to keep up with it and keep your sanity, particularly if you are doing PMBR problems.
6. If you think you are not studying enough you probably are studying the right amount.
7. If you know you are not studying enough you probably are not.
8. The week before the exam start figuring out how long it takes your coffee or other morning caffeinated beverage to go through you.
9. Make lists. What you're going to pack, what you're going to take into the exam, what you need to buy still. There is just so much going on in your brain that sitting down and taking 2 minutes saves you 20 in the store as you wander around thinking about what else you needed. The one day I forgot my list at the grocery store was a disaster.
10. Study the subjects which are not often tested. Everyone knows the big areas (and I guarantee you do too), but when I got to the essay question on Partnerships and later to the one on Bailments was extremely happy I'd read back through my notes for those.
11. Use your words. If people are pissing you off, tell them. If you do not want your family to tell you about deaths that occur one week before the exam, tell them.
    
12. If you're fussy, and it's possible, go get your caffeinated beverage the day before since I really doubt you are going to want to run to Starbucks right after you get out of bed at 6 a.m.-I ran and picked up like Quad-Venti-Non-Fat-Iced-Latte the night before, but I asked the Barrista to hold the ice so I could take it back and put it in the fridge.
13. Pack your Gallon Sized Plastic bag (if your state allows you to take things in) the day before the exam.
14. Take basically everything they say you can into the exam. Even if you do not have a runny nose, take in tissues. You might want to throw them at the crazy girl crying across from you.
15. Have a good breakfast the day of the exam. I had leftover pizza the first day. It was perfect, it soaked up the coffee, kinda stuck to me, and gave me carb energy. The second day I had Special K and I was starving around 10:30.
    
16. If you're a smoker throw a pack with 1-2 cigarettes into your pocket with a lighter. Worst case you lose a couple smokes and a lighter-which in reality is a typical night at the bar. Best case, you are smoking on your way to the car to get your lunch while everyone else is wishing they were.
    
17. Take an Aleve each morning before the exam. It won't make you drowsy and it'll help prevent headaches.
    
18. There is no possible way to prepare for how much your hand is going to hurt during the essay day. You are aware that it hurts while it's going on, but then when you try to put your pencil down and your hand looks like some sort of weird deformed claw you have to force open it becomes clear just how badly it really hurts.
19. Don't be the person who takes out their inhaler after reading the first question on the essay day.
20. Scope out the bathroom scene in case you have to go. I didn't need to or have time during the essay day, but during the MBE during the morning I needed to and during the afternoon I just needed to get my head together. I was flustered since I hadn't paid attention or asked what the procedure was (which was admittedly easier than many states).
    
21. Calm down during the exam. For all my freaking out beforehand I was remarkably calm during the exam. I knew I'd done everything I could and that knew this stuff.
22. Pack your lunch. I've heard about schools offering lunches, I suppose that would be ok. My site opened the concession stand, but trust me there is nothing you are going to be able to eat there if you have a nervous stomach.
    
23. Drink something caffeinated on the lunch break. If you're like me you'd been consuming about 9-12 shots of espresso per day leading up to the bar so just having one in the morning will probably cause a pretty bad afternoon crash.
    
24. If you can, take in something like chocolate covered espresso beans. It's a good way to get a much needed energy boost in the afternoon of the MBE.
25. Do not talk to many people during the break the day of the MBE. First off, not everyone has the same questions in the morning, so you might be giving away answers. Second, it will most likely freak you out.
    

In terms of surviving the whole process I would like to thank: my Parents, my Brother, my friends who had previously taken the bar, my Roommate, Caribou Coffee, Potbellies Sandwiches, and the Makers of: 5-Hour Energy Drink, Adderall, Aleve, Airborne Nighttime, and Marlboro Lights.

Now, if I only knew how to put this all out of my head until November 22nd (seriously that is when they told us they would be released) I would be all set. Until then I am going to read some non-law related materials for the first time in a really long time and work on adopting a dog.

It's Over.

Everyone said when I was done I would have this overwhelming sense of relief. That might have been the case if today hadn't gone as it did. The morning went really well, I knew most of the answers, my timing was excellent (not too fast, not too slow), and generally I didn't think the problems were that hard. Then lunch happened.

People were gossiping, as they tend to. And everyone was going on and on and on about how hard it was and how it was so much harder than the PMBR questions they'd been doing and blah blah blah. My friend and I who hadn't thought it was that bad looked at each other when we overheard this with a sense of impending terror. All sorts of things were rushing through our minds. Were we making sloppy errors? Did we miss a lot of stuff? Were we letting them trick us. I just kept to myself and went back inside and avoided the discussion to the best of my ability.

Then the afternoon started. Around question 25 questions into the 100 question afternoon session I was exhausted and having trouble focusing. The problems had clearly gotten a lot harder and while I was able to eliminate 2 choices on almost every problem once I got to that point I had no clue. I started just applying the PMBR techniques; picking an "if" answer choice over a "because" answer choice, picking the most "Horn-Book" sounding answer, and largely just going with my gut since "it's attached to [my] head" as the ever so dreamy PMBR guy says. With every successive page turn I really kept hoping it would let up, that the fact patterns would get shorter, that my answer choices would stop making weird patterns on my answer sheet.

Around question 135 I realized if I didn't get it together I was going to fail. I tried to stretch, which basically did nothing for me. I decided my timing was alright and that I really needed to get up, walk, go to the bathroom (even though I didn't have to go) and clear my head. So I took a brisk walk to the bathroom (which was very close and actually not a super huge hassle to use), blotted my face with damp paper towel and pulled my act together.

I sat my down and finished. I won't say things got better, since they didn't, but I did manage to compose myself and that was all that really mattered.

I had been told that leaving the bar exam is the greatest relief you'll ever feel in your life. Like a 1000 pound weight has been lifted off your chest. I literally felt so awful I thought I was going to puke in the parking lot. Of course I didn't talk to anyone afterwards, since that would be against the rules, but lets just say I do feel a bit better now.

Being that I'm not doing anything the next couple days I plan to write a post of all the little tips. Sure it won't do anyone any good right now, but at least I'll do it when it's fresh in my memory so I can link back to it in February or next July if this place is still around.

The real question is, why have I not had a glass of wine yet?

Exciting News!

I am looking at dogs to adopt, I'm going to meet one on Friday. If he isn't a spaz and his neuter goes well I could adopt him as early as Saturday.

Yes, this is what I was doing last night rather then reading through notes, flashcards or doing practice problems.

Seriously?!

How is Blowhan even going to go and get arrested a 2nd time for Possession of Cocaine and D.U.I. in the middle of when I'm taking the bar exam?

In other news the essay portion went fine. Sure there were things I didn't know, but the stuff I didn't know was the same stuff nobody else knew so it should be alright.

"I'm Perfectly Calm, Man"

There is no discernible reason for me to be up this early, outside of the fact that I needed to drink my coffee 2 hours before I the exam so I wouldn't have to get up to pee. I seriously went to Starbucks last night, bought my Iced-Quad-Venti-Non-Fat-Latte without ice, and put it in the fridge so I could drink it as soon as I got up.

When I started this whole process I figured I would be a total freak the day(s) of the exam. When I was in college I had panic attacks regularly my senior year and I was waiting for them to start again to an extent and then I realized, back then the issue was that I was not able to control my own life, I've been fine since the bar exam is all about control and structure. I follow the same routine on a daily basis, I keep track of everything I've done so I know what I need to do more of, and I have been able to plan everything out-right down to when to drink my coffee so peeing isn't an issue.

Now, if I could only figure out if I am allowed to take cigarettes and a lighter inside so I don't have to go all the way back to my car for my nicotine fix I'd be just fine.

Calm Before the Storm.

I've had a sense of calm come over me. To an extent it's going to come down to if I studied the right things, but I that is the case for everyone outside of the few freaks with photographic memory. I keep reminding myself for every essay I didn't do well on there were also topics where my response looked like the model answer. So I'll just hope for 15 essays on the Elective Share of a Surviving Spouse and State/Federal Practice and call it a day.

Good luck to everyone out there taking the bar these next few days. And remember what our Wills/Trusts/Personal Property/Equity BarBri lecturer said about the Rule Against Perpetuities, "if you get a really hard RAP problem, just mark 'A'. Either you guess and get it right, or you haven't wasted the time and everyone gets it wrong, then the Bar Examiners will throw out question and it won't matter."

Sigh.

I really just want to give up on Secured Trans and Commercial Paper. At this point the plan is to ramble something off about Bona Fide Purchaser for Value Without Notice, Order Paper, Bearer Paper, Order Paper becoming Bearer Paper and move onto the next essay since there is really no chance of me remembering any thing else.

Also, the Domestic Relations I tried to do earlier were less than stellar. How the hell was I supposed to know I should mention the parties capacity to enter into a marriage before I discuss it? This justifies my hatred/fear of the entire institution of marriage and all that comes along with it.

I'm really tempted to throw my books up against a wall and call it a day, but then at 7:00 when I go over and pick them up it will be degrading and humiliating, even if nobody witnesses it.

Bar Exam Preparation by the Numbers

Average number of cigarettes smoked per day before May: 0

Average number of cigarettes smoked per day in May-June: 3

Average number of cigarettes smoked per day in July: 10

Average number of Triple-Non-Fat-Sugar-Free-Lattes per day before May: 1

Average number of Triple-Non-Fat-Sugar-Free-Lattes per day May-June: 1.5

Average number of Triple-Non-Fat-Sugar-Free-Lattes per day July 1-7: 2

Average number of Triple-Non-Fat-Sugar-Free-Lattes per day July 8-22: 3.25

Average number of 5-Hour Energy Drinks per day in May: 0

Average number of 5-Hour Energy Drinks per day in June: 1

Average number of 5-Hour Energy Drinks per day in July: 1

Average number of total calories consumed per day in May: 1800

Average number of total calories consumed per day in June: 1600

Average number of total calories consumed per day in July: 1200

Average number of hours spent studying per day in May: 7

Average number of hours spent studying per day in June: 9

Average number of hours spent studying per day in July: 13

Average milligrams of Adderall consumed per day before studying began: 0

Average milligrams of Adderall consumed per day since 6-Day PMBR began: 20

Average number of hours slept per night in May: 7.5

Average number of hours slept per night in June: 6

Average number of times I spoke to my Dad per week before May: 2

Average number of times I spoke to my Dad per week May-June: 3

Average number of times I spoke to my Dad per week in July: 7

Number of times I told my Dad not to tell me if a family member dies between last Friday and next Wednesday: 2

Total number of hours slept between July 8th and 19th: 40

Average number of hours slept per night since July 19th: 7

Pounds Lost since May, 28th: 23

Number of birthdays celebrated: 1

Number of years old I am since said birthday: 24

Number of years old I admit to being: 23

Number of times my residence changed: 1

Number of times I was too sick to get out of bed: 2

Number of Manicures since May: 2

Number of Pedicures since May: 1

Number of times cried since studying began: 2 (when I found out I was going to have to move I cried for basically an entire evening, and once I made myself cry watching sad movies since I could feel it coming on)

Number of days in the last week I had a "Carb Breakdown" and ate an entire bag of Cheddar Chex Mix: 2

Number of times I regretted it afterwards: 2

Number of watches purchased at Target yesterday: 3 (1 was due to irrational fear that my battery in my Kenneth Cole Watch will die during the bar exam, the other 2 were because they were cute)

Number of times I have thrown highlighters or other writing instruments: 7

Number of times I have thrown a book: 2

Number of times Secured Transactions of Commercial paper was involved: 2

Number of times per day I have to remind myself to calm down due to irrational anger: 10-15

Number of times I have told people to stop giving me the "Pep Talk" since they haven't been through this and have no idea what it's like: at least 10

Number times it was my I told my Mother to stop: 7

Average number of times per day I realize my hands are shaking: 3

Number of times I walked out of a BarBri lecture since it wasn't helpful and I had too much to do and would rather not waste my time: 1

Number of times I walked out of a BarBri lecture since I would rather have stuck flaming hot pokers in my eye than be there: 1

Number of BarBri lectures late to because of inability to get out of bed due to exhaustion: 1

Number of PMBR lectures late to because of inability to get out of bed due to exhaustion: 1

Number of BarBri or PMBR lectures missed for other reasons: 0

Number of gifts received in the last week as "Good Luck" presents before the bar: 3

Number that were from my Mother: 1

Number of times I told my Mother I didn't want to hear some story about a Patient who threw his books up against the wall and stopped studying 3 day before the Bar exam: 3

Number of times per day I remind myself that ASSociate passed on his first attempt: 5

Number of times in the last week I wished I had more time: 1

Number of times in the last week I wished it was just over: too numerous to count

Number of times My Roommate packed me a snack in the last week and left a cutely decorated note about it on the counter with directions to where it is in the fridge:

Number of days spent at Caribou in the last week: 7

Minimum Number hours spent per trip: 8.5

Number of times My Roommate has come up to Caribou to see how I am doing in the last week: 2

Number of times My Roommate and local Caribou Coffee Employees have gone out of their way in the last week to be nice to me by bringing me food or caffeine when it's clear I need it in the last week: 10

"Hurry hurry hurry before I go insane, I can't control my fingers I can't control my brain."

Current Anthem: I Wanna Be Sedated by The Ramones.

In other news, I got a series of e-mails from the Dean of Students office today, which showed just how important the bar exam is to the law school.

E-Mail #1:

Please be advised that all Pendaflex folders will be cleaned out on Wednesday, July 25th, 2007 in preparation for the upcoming school year. All contents will be discarded at this time. Thank You.

(A Pendaflex is one of those hanging file folders, basically it's a ghetto version of a mailbox. All the law students have one with their name on it, and largely before this year their contents consisted of advertisements for Patent Bar Review Courses. It was also a good way to exchange things of relatively low value with people that you didn't see frequently. Then we started finally having laptop exams and flash drives were returned in them).

E-Mail #2:

As a follow-up to the previous e-mail, only paper will be discarded. Flash drives, when they are placed in your Pendaflex folders, will not be discarded.

E-Mail #3:

In light of the concerns of several graduate students who are taking the bar exam on Tuesday, July 23rd & Wednesday, July 24th, [sic] we will postpone the cleaning-out of the Pendaflex folders until Friday, August 3rd. Only paper will be discarded. Anything of value will be held in your name in the Dean of Students Office. Flash drives will remain in the Pendaflex folders. Thank you for your cooperation.

I'm sorry, do you not have "BAR EXAM" written on your calendar? You're the friggin Law School! WHAT THE HELL! You work in the Dean of Students Office no less. You would think that you might give a crap about what we're doing after graduation, but clearly if it doesn't relate to us telling you that we have jobs, so you can try to drag the Law Schools' rank out of the 4th Tier, you don't care about us once we graduate. Not like you cared about us when we were students. This is why I am refusing to ever acknowledge that I am employed to you (if I ever am), since I refuse to assist in the trapping recruiting of more innocents.

P.S.-Good job with the dates in the 3rd e-mail.

Tortious Interference.

I get that I am irrationally angry right now and extremely on edge but I seriously wanted to cut the guy who came and sat at the table next to be at Caribou while I was clearly reading Corporations while frantically transcribing and started up numerous cell phone conversations, which based on his vagueness and the subject matter discussed, led me to believe he was running an escort service. Seriously.

So, being that I was trying to be rational, as soon as a tabled opened up I moved across the coffee shop. Which, due to how much shit I brought, took 3 trips. You'd think that a decent human being after the first trip would have said "ohh don't move, I am about to leave"...Not this guy, he let me move everything and them packed up.

Yes, I am being cranky and bitchy and expecting things from total strangers. And yes, I am in a public place. But damn, a little human decency would go a long way. As much as I wanted to rush to open the passenger side door of my car this morning before the old lady who pulled in after me started to open her door I didn't.

UPDATE: the power went out for awhile. Are. You. Even. Kidding. Me. During the Black-Out of 2003 (which I have decided will end up being one of those things Mid-Westerners rant to their Grandchildren about in 50 years) I was studying for the LSAT (which was a lot further off and not nearly as important) with a friend who was studying for the MCAT, that was bad enough, this is enough to put me into a full on nervous breakdown if it continues.

PMBR 3-Day Recap

Much has been made about if PMBR is helpful or not. Let me put this to rest, yes it is. The timing of ours sucked since it was so late, but in reality that was the fault of BarBri to an extent so I can't fault PMBR for it.

I definitely got a bit weirded out when the guy said he reads blawgs in his hotel rooms at night to see what people are saying about the course. Yes, I know that is totally irrational, in that I (hope) I will never see him again and I certainly was not the only blonde in the room. I was, however, sitting rather close to the front and did have a bit of a crush on him since a cute guy who can explain the Continuing Trespass Doctrine in under 2 minutes is all it takes to make me swoon right now. Not to mention he was very prompt in his reply to my email so that was also kick ass.

I Might Want to Start Working on Essays Soonly.

The whole being strung out on Non-Fat Lattes, 5-Hour Energy Drinks, Nicotine, and A.D.H.D. medication is getting a little old. I haven't fallen asleep once in the last week before 2 a.m. and my classes/study schedule require me to get up at 6:30 or so (outside of the weekends when I sleep until about 8). Plus I have lost the ability to nap outside of closing my eyes for like 5 minutes as I attempt to read State and Federal Practice.

In other news I might be the only bar taker I know not living on Hot and Ready Pizza's thanks to my slave roommate bringing me healthy snacks like Rice Cakes with a bit of Low-Fat Yogurt and artfully arranged fresh Raspberries that we pick from the yard. I also have new found cooking skills which include marinating and using a gas grill to cook chicken (without drying it out).

I think I just decided not to bother sleeping tonight since getting up at 6 would be impossible anyway so I might as well get a jump on the day now and then take a nap later. I know this sounds like a screwy way to get back onto a normal sleep schedule, but I really can't think of any other way to make myself tired enough to fall asleep at a normal hour and it has worked for me before.

[On Smoke Break during PMBR Morning Session]

Friend: I didn't even know there was such a thing as a Catch-All Hearsay Exception.
Elle Woods: Ohh, yeah I got that question right even though I'd heard somewhere it is usually a wrong answer.
Friend: Apparently I was absent the day law was taught in law school.

Dear PMBR,

Your exam was just cruel. Seriously. I know I have no right to complain since I'm above the 75th percentile, but a question on Equitable Servitudes relating to Party Walls? You have got to be kidding me.

Also, I might feel a little bit better about your ability to instruct me if maybe, just maybe, you could have spelled "won't" correctly on the cover page to the answer guide. Exhibit A:

In case my demonstrative exhibit is lacking [do not worry, I can properly authenticate it if it comes that...(OMG did I really just try to make an authentication joke? Kill. Me. Now.)] I would like to clarify that in the book it has been spelled "wonit" with an accent mark over the "i" (seriously). I won't even go into the typos in the actual exam, which I know I am a freak for noticing, but I do. I can't wait to see you tomorrow.

Hugs and Kisses,
Elle Woods, J.D.

P.S.-Save the comments about how many typos I make, I don't get paid any (let alone a bunch) of money for this and I certainly do not have a proofreader. Plus that spelling error clearly would have been picked up by simply running spell check so really there is no excuse outside of being too lazy to look for the red lines under the words.

I have a new boyfriend.

He's the type that many girls are drawn to. He's not quite enough to fulfill you but he'll do for the time being. He's the typical bad boy who with promises of fun nights out in May and June followed by undivided personal attention in July. You're hopeful that he is not who you end up with longterm and that he is just a summer fling, and the possibility of it dragging on long term terrifies you. He's not like the nice guy who pays attention to each and every of your needs, he is the strong silent type who is always good for quickie when you need it.

Sure the relationship is not healthy and sometimes feels like it borders on abusive the amount of time he demends you spend on him and only him, but after the boredom that the nice guys put you through there is something about his brevity and jealousy that draw you to him. Things are pretty serious, we hang out all day while I attend to every detail he has to offer. I think I'll even let him into my bed tonight.

His name is Conviser Mini Review.

10 Areas of Law I Could Live Without Right Now.

1. Character/Impeachment. I mean, the witnesses are testifying under oath. Why have all these messy rules regarding when Opinion/Reputation/Specific Acts are admissible and what they are admissible for?
2. Hearsay. Again, the testimony is under oath, shouldn't that be enough to show it's reliable? No? Criminals lie? Shhhh.
3. First Amendment Protections. Namely the Freedoms of Religion and Speech. I know it might have some negative effects on democracy, but I'm getting really sick of trying to remember time/place/manner restrictions and the Lemon test so I say get rid of all of it.
4. Recording Acts. Seriously, enough said.
5. The entire U.C.C., my life would be blissful right now were it not for sale of goods, secured transactions and commercial paper.
6. The Statute of Frauds. I don't really have a problem with this one per se, but it is so closely tied in my mind to #7 that is was included.
   
7. The Parol Evidence Rule. 4 Corners? What? Modification?
8. Fraud in the Inducement v. Fraud in the Factum. Can't we just agree that consent obtained through lying is bad regardless of whether it created a wrongful belief about the nature of the act or the reason for the act.
9. Criminal Negligence Involuntary Manslaughter v. Depraved Heart Murder. Honestly I know in theory it shouldn't be so bad to tell the 2 apart (shooting a gun off in an open field v. shooting a gun off in a crowded theatre is the common example), but the questions are so much more of a fine line distinction than that that I almost always get them wrong.
10. One of the Privileges and Immunities Clauses. I don't care which one, just so long as I only have to remember one I am good with it.
    

Half Assed Retraction

Apparently this concept is a part of Secured Transactions, which I learned today during our BarBri lecture for the first time since I avoided all businessy courses like the plague (with the exception of Tax and I am not even going to go into how well that worked out for me).

I suppose I can calm down a little now knowing that some of the issues I'm having with essays might be because the subjects that aren't "tested" exclusively are tested within other areas and we hadn't had those lectures yet. While that doesn't make me feel much better, it does make me feel slightly better, which during the whole neurotic bar exam study experience goes a long way.

That doesn't change the fact that BarBri kinda pissed me off by including that question in with the Real Property questions to begin with rather than Secured Transactions.

14 Days.

Luckily, Homeland Security has created this lovely chart based on favorite characters from American Movie Classics to assist in the classification of anxiety levels.


I think my anxiety levels are officially in "Alvy Singer" territory and could be moving to "Rain Man" in a matter of hours.

Like I Needed This Uplifting Talk.

I met 2 of my neighbors this evening when I decided I need to see light that wasn't artificial and ventured into the front yard of the new place. Said neighbors were sisters, ages 4 and 6.

4 Year Old: Are you a grown up lady?
Elle Woods: Yes.
4 Year Old: Do you have little kids?
Elle Woods: Nope.
4 Year Old: Do you have a husband?
Elle Woods: Nope.
4 Year Old: Then how are you a grown up lady?
Elle Woods: I ask myself that all the time.
4 Year Old: (puzzled look).
Elle Woods: What do you guys want to be when you grow up?
6 Year Old: A nurse, my mom's a nurse.
4 Year Old: A teacher.
Elle Woods: I see.

"Too Much of Something is bad enough, But something's coming over me to make me wonder, Too Much of nothing is just as tough"*

So I am trying to do essays today. It's kinda laughable. Seriously. It's hard enough for me to remember that all the holders of subsequent mortgages have to named in the foreclosure action as defendants (Huh? How does THAT work? Seriously? Defendants? Whatever.); but to know that any construction lien tacks onto the date that work first began regardless of if that first party was paid or not, so if the mortgage was recorded one day after work began than all subsequent construction liens are superior to the mortgage is JUST TOO MUCH. Sure, I'm certain that rule is now cemented in my brain because I wrote some stupid blog post about it, but the reality is I just do not have the time to write stupid blog posts about every. little. detail. of law that I can't imagine I'll be able to learn.

*Yes, I did use a Spice Girls lyrics as a title, I'm sure it's not the first time either.

Sicko.

I think I'm getting sick. I thought it was just allergies but now it feels like I'm swallowing razor blades and my tonsils are visibly swollen (as in you can see them when you look at my neck). Not only do I not even want to deal with the doctor's office, I also do not have health insurance. Which, in the grand scheme of health care I have to pay for, I suppose tonsillitis is pretty far from the worst case scenario.

The question is, I am doing the responsible thing and calling the doctor? Of course not. I decided I needed a day (and by that I mean an afternoon) off, so I called my hair salon and begged them to work me in for a highlight and cut today.

As for seeing the doctor, my parents are having a party tomorrow which I am required to put in some face time at, I presume there will be a couple doctors there so hopefully one of them will be willing to call in a prescription for me.

Breaking.

I think I'm starting to crack a bit. Yesterday, as I was doing problems I caught myself on more than one occasion staring at a problem and debating between 3 answers for over 5 minutes. It's getting to where I have so much in my head I can rationalize any answer. This cannot be good.

Worried.

I am kinda wondering if as a result of living in a tense state for the 2 1/2 months I'll become one of those people who has to have something to worry about. Like my mother. She is constantly worrying, when I say something to the effect of "why are you worrying about that, it's not within your control" her immediate response is "it's what I do, I have to worry." She is also prone to waking up around 1 am and staying up all night worrying. Since that is healthy. I wish she'd take a damn xanax and chill out.

Anyway, having watched her self induced panic my whole life has made me realize there are people out there who need to create situations; be it drama, sadness, stress or something else it seems they cannot function without it. And now that I've lived over 2 months of my life under this type of stress, which I am sure will carry on until November to an extent, I'm just hoping I haven't grown accustomed to it and started to thrive on it (since I am handling the stress part a lot better than expected). Anyway, I'm late (this is the first time I've been late, don't get all judgmental about how rude I am) to BarBri (which is an all day class today-awesome) so I guess I'll take up the matter at a later date, or not, since this is roughly how I feel about posting these days.

In other exciting news I moved in right next to the Caribou I used to stop at on my way to work everyday, I hope they remember me since it was the first time I was a regular at a place other than a bar.

I Am Too Tired to Name This Post.

So much has happened in the last 48 hours I can barely wrap my mind around it.

Thursday:
-My grandparents get a $1000 Mobil for the month of May. It was abundantly clear based on the locations, times of use, and repeated charges within a 5 minute span that my crackhead uncle had stolen my Grandpa's speedpass and had not only been using it to fill his tank (and most likely his girlfriends' tank), but was also most likely selling gas (a la Reality Bites). Yet, I my grandparents refused to acknowledge that he had, or even could have, stolen from them.
-Despite this, I was informed that the day earlier he had asked if he could move in on July 4th (since he is being evicted from his house). Apparently that is what happens when you don't pay your house payment. Who knew? It's worth noting that he had a year to cure, so he's known this was coming and didn't mention anything until a week before he had to move in, we all knew his house was owned by the bank, but we had no idea when/if that occurred or if he would be moving in. It's also worth noting here that he cannot move in with his girlfriend since she has supervised visitation, related to something which occurred at my uncle's house which the children witnessed-so he cannot be around them at all. Translation: her 5 year old twins saw him/them smoking crack.
-Of course my grandparents decided to let him move in. I know it's their son and all, but the reality is they have been supporting him for over 2 years now and he hasn't gotten better, he's gotten worse as addicts tend to do. At what point do you recognize what you are doing is not working and change the pattern?
-I inform them I will be moving out if he moves in since I am not going to watch that on a daily basis and I refuse to be a part of that much dysfunction. I get treated like I am being a drama queen as a result of this.
-As a result of realizing I need to move before July 4th I have roughly 87 panic attacks, cry for 2 hours, leave and go stay with a friend for the evening, eat Maggie Moo's Tiramisu Ice Cream for dinner, drink Mojito's and watch The O.C. while we gossip.
-I was virtually unable to fall asleep and got maybe 3 hours.

Friday:
-BarBri MBE 200 Question Practice Exam (which I scored well on, yay me!).
-Getting keys to the new place, the details of which my mom worked out for me during the day on Friday.

Saturday:
-Pack, move, and unpack in under 5 hours. Sure I have to go back after the bar and get a lot of my (winter) clothes I didn't bring, but it was nonetheless it was an impressive feat.

Just Kill Me Now.

My Contracts score dropped 20% (10 questions) after the lecture.

My basic response: "Oh. My. God. I am going to fail the Bar. I am going to fail the bar. Oh. My. God. I am going to fail the Bar. I am going to fail the bar. Oh. My. God. I am going to fail the Bar. I am going to fail the bar. Oh. My. God. I am going to fail the Bar. I am going to fail the bar. Oh. My. God. I am going to fail the Bar. I am going to fail the bar. Oh. My. God. I am going to fail the Bar. I am going to fail the bar. Oh. My. God. I am going to fail the Bar. I am going to fail the bar. Oh. My. God. I am going to fail the Bar. I am going to fail the bar. Oh. My. God. I am going to fail the Bar. I am going to fail the bar. Oh. My. God. I am going to fail the Bar. I am going to fail the bar. Oh. My. God. I am going to fail the Bar. I am going to fail the bar. Oh. My. God. I am going to fail the Bar. I am going to fail the bar. Oh. My. God. I am going to fail the Bar. I am going to fail the bar. Oh. My. God. I am going to fail the Bar. I am going to fail the bar."

Random Thoughts since I'm Too A.D.D. to Create an Actual Post

1). I didn't do questions yesterday since it took me almost 2 hours to get home (it's a 10 minute drive). The road in front of my neighborhood was closed due to a downed power line. By the time I got home at 6:30 (and I was disgusting and sweaty after standing on asphalt for 2 hours) I decided it would be better to just relax.

2). My phone is finally fixed. I ended up fixing it myself (while on the phone with Verizon). The problem might have been related to issues I had with the daylight savings B.S. (which I forgot about), which ended with me just setting my computer clock to a different time zone. So it was probably user error, not that I admitted this to Verizon. In my defense the phone hadn't had the patch installed as the store was supposed to, so there were elements they did need to fix.

3). BarBri Mock MBE is tomorrow. I think I would rather put my hand on a hot stove than take it. I am kinda interested in whether how much my score goes down when the questions are mixed.

4). I still haven't done any essays. I'm not the only one by any stretch of the imagination, but it is starting to worry me a little. However, now that I'm done working I'll be able to focus more on stuff like that.

5). Sunday I went to lunch with a friend (who I have known since I was 5 years old) who has expressed an interest in dating me. I thought I might be interested, but after thinking for about 2.5 seconds about how he's treated girlfriends in the past, how he used to have a thing for my (hotter) best friend (who we've also known since kindergarten), and about his position in life regarding his feelings about himself; I decided it would be a bad idea (insert diatribe about ruining the friendship). Anyway, said friend complains about his weight. A lot. Yet when we went to lunch he ordered a Monte Cristo.

Far be it for me to judge eating habits and weight loss but something tells me eating a ham/turkey sandwich with cheese which uses 3 pieces of French Toast as the "bread" and is then batter dipped and fried, served a sugary sauce, coleslaw and fries is the way to go about it. I might not be a nutritionist, but all my pants all falling off me because of my "bar exam diet" and I would say that is not the way to go about weight loss.

I don't know why I felt compelled to share that story, but I did, mainly since I have been baffled by it since it occurred. Additionally, I am trying not to complain about things that are within my control that I do nothing to change (or take affirmative actions to make worse), and that story kinda epitomizes it.

I don't know what is worse

...The fact that I just spent my birthday at BarBri, taking PMBR questions, outlining and making flashcards (and I'm not yet finished) or the fact that I just realized I will be starting my period sometime during the bar exam (meaning I will be PMSing right before).

"The message Hollywood needs to send out is 'Smoking Is Cool!'"

Alternate Title: "We don't sell Tic Tacs, we sell cigarettes. And they're cool, available, and *addictive*. The job is almost done for us."

Alternate-Alternate Title: "These days, when someone smokes in the movies, they're either a psychopath... or a European."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
There are various BarBri locations throughout the state. Only one of which is a live presentation. I chose to attend a locale with a video feed; since, well, it's way closer and I have to deal with fewer neurotic freaks I went to law school with (sadly I just deal with neurotic freaks other people went to law school with).

One girl gets the tapes fed-ex'ed to her nightly and she starts the tape (which has 10 minute breaks built in every 50-55 minutes). I've ran into her at the coffee shop nearly every morning, and recently she told me BarBri is paying her $1000 to start the tapes (in 2 rooms), her tone clearly conveyed that she realized it was a ridiculous amount of money for roughly 3 minutes of work all summer. The 2nd room is a basement room for the people who get there late.

Today she suggested to the class that we start fast forwarding the tape and only take 5 minute breaks. She then asked for input (at which point I objected) and then put the issue to vote (before 1/2 the class was there, read: all the smokers were still outside). Admittedly my objection was based on the fact that I like to smoke and pee during the breaks. I am an anomaly, in that I drink my 8 glasses of water a day (and then some-12 to be exact). Ergo, peeing is necessary. As for the smoking, I picked it back up a few weeks days into PMBR, I don't smoke for the rest of the day-but it's something which breaks up the hell that is BarBri lecture.

Predictably, the class didn't care that I like to smoke on the break and that I have to pee unless I'm going to start wearing depends to class, and therefore voted to start doing 5 minute breaks. (Note: I am not the only person who felt this way and smokes/pees on breaks, I was just the only person who was there when the vote was held).

So, after being late back into the room at the first break I decided I'd have to figure out some other way to handle the situation. My answer was to call BarBri and complain. In my complaint I acknowledged that I am a neurotic law student studying for the bar and that I realized there were more important things to complain about, but that I didn't think it was right to change the structure. The other room fast forwards, if people are truly rushed they can choose to sit in the crappy basement room. Luckily for me, the BarBri representative for my locale is a smoker. She assured me she would be speaking to the girl in charge of the tape that we are to stick to the 10 minute breaks.

In a world filled with anti-smoking discrimination it feels good to win once and awhile.

Dear Verizon,

I'm not even going to discuss what irony it is that all 3 of your technicians I have talked to today have been mouth breathers. This last one is particularly pleasant telling me I have the "cheapest PDA offered" and that "maybe PDAs are not for me."

Here's a thought, work out the glitch in your technology so I do not have to deal with daylight savings bullshit 3 months after it happened since I just happened to get a PDA. Sure I knew it was the cheapest one, but I also knew it was the smallest one and that it had more than enough functions for me so why would I pay more so I could have a touch screen which isn't important to me.

The only good part was getting to be a bitch to him (and therefore releasing some bar exam stress) and feel justified after he made that comment.

Hugs and Kisses,
Elle Woods

Semi-Shocked...

I haven't broken down crying yet over this whole bar mess. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a major crier. In fact for the most part I've always found people (generally girls) who cry over every little thing extremely annoying. As a result, even if I do cry I make every effort not to do so in front of people. Yet, as most females can tell you, no matter how level headed you are, there is a time of the month where just about any little thing can cause you to break down; and while you might be aware that it's ridiculous, you cannot really stop it.

I cried twice in the office at Bill, More and Hours and I swore I'd never cry at work again after the first. The next time I did was the day [Hours] finally pushed me so far I refused to work for him anymore. This isn't to say I didn't cry, but I made sure to do so in the privacy of my own home and not anywhere that anyone could see or hear me. Even if I am emotional I generally just refuse to let people (read: men I work with) think I'm some over-emotional woman, I've heard them talk about "those" attorneys and it's just not what I want to be.

I think we've reached the point in the post where I'm clearly rambling. To get to the point, occasionally, if you really insist on being someone who won't cry in front of others; and you know what time of the month is right around the corner, and you know you're stressed, and your score dropped on your Criminal Law PMBR questions, and you know that you can snap at any time; then you have to be proactive. Which is why I'm watching Steel Magnolias tonight, there is nothing surer to make me cry and once I get it out of my system I'll be alright for roughly another month.

UPDATE: Operation Steel Magnolias failed. We're in unchartered waters here people. I can only assume that all this strain has made me emotionally numb. So we're back to square one, with me worried that I'm going to end up crying in public.

How I Spent My Friday Night...

Outlining evidence, and making color coded flow charts for admissibility and spousal privileges as documented below.

Orange is for Federal results, Blue is for Michigan questions and results, Green is for when both Federal and Michigan end in the same result and Purple are the basic elements of the 2 spousal privileges...In case you were wondering, which I know you were.

Today I'm finishing outlining for evidence, adding a few categories to torts, finishing criminal procedure, starting my criminal law outlining, and hopefully catching up on the set of multistate questions I'm behind on. Kill.Me.Now.

New Favorite

I seriously LOVE this website. It should come as no shock at all that I was the Queen of Passive Aggressive notes in college, usually something along the lines of:

• "Please stop using my shampoo and conditioner, or alternatively buy something more expensive so I have something worthwhile to steal."
• "Please Turn off Stove. It wastes energy and it's a bit of a Fire Hazard. I learned this when flames shot out of the stove-top as I was walking by it the other day after it had been left on. It was very informative."
• "My friends seem to think we have a dog. Largely due to the fact that the stairs and bathroom floor are covered in hair. I don't do anything in the bathroom which causes me to lose hair and even if I did it wouldn't be brown/black hair coming from my head. I love cleaning the bathroom as much as the next person (probably more since I do it far more often) but I draw the line at other people's hair which is constantly wet because for whatever reason the bathroom floor always seems soaked with water. Additionally, please don't let the toilet paper touch the bathroom floor. It would be gross if there wasn't a hair problem, but with the hair issues it's just disgusting."
• "If you're going to shave your pubic hair in the shower please make sure it washes down. As much as I love it when I look down 1/2 way through my shower (when I can finally see) and realize that not only am I standing in a 2'' deep cess pool but that the cause is someone else's pubes which are also stuck to my feet, that is really just too much excitement for me to handle before I've had my coffee."
  

Ohh the good old days.

Why Verlander is my Tiger.

First no hitter in Comerica Park history.

Are. You. Even. Kidding.

Here's a rather confusing multistate example where all four answer choices are technically incorrect. However, my process of elimination alternative (D) is the 'best of the worst.'

Go to Hell PMBR Property Explanations. Go to Hell.

"Oh, yeah? Who knows more about extortion, me or you?"

I might have watched all of season 2 and a substantial portion of season 3 of The Sopranos this weekend while studying. In my defense, I did attempt to study outside first, but the glean off the pages hurt my eyes. Although that still doesn't excuse the fact that I was studying on a weekend in June to begin with.

I know posting has been sparse, but readers have been as well. Although that relationship could be likened to the chicken and the egg. Basically, if I posted more I'd come off even more "ohh woe is me, the Bar Exam is so evil, I'm so moody and bitchy and I totally deserve to be" than I already do...As if that's possible.

Hooked on a Feeling

I've actually been in a relatively good mood the last 3 days (despite having studied until at least 10pm every night to catch up), which at this point seems strange since on a general day during bar study I'm on the verge of committing a battery at any moment.

I've also gotten back to rigidly adhering to my schedule, which seems to help. When I get off my schedule (like I did last weekend), I get stressed, which in turn makes me cranky and bitchy, and then I get discouraged since I'm so far behind (relatively) that I don't want to do anything.

I'd like to say I'm finished for the night, but alas, I am not.

Sigh.

How sad is it when I'm pretty sure the highlight of my week will be tomorrow when my new "fancy"¹ glass digital scale arrives?

Spare me the lecture on shopping at Wal-Mart, I'm barely working (and therefore broke) and they had the cheapest ones and the largest selection of glass scales. You'll notice I was smart enough to just suck it up and pay the shipping rather than actually dare stepping foot inside a Wal-Mart. Largely since I'm rather sure doing so immediately lowers your IQ 5-10 points and I just can't take that kind of risk while I'm studying for the bar. Additionally, I'm rather sure if I did step foot into a Wal-Mart right now I'd end up committing some sort of intentional tort against an employee or a fellow shopper.

¹Which is relative here (obviously being that I bought it at Wal-Mart), since:

1. My current scale is my Mother's from before I was born (making it over 25 years old, probably closer to 30 years old)
2. My current scale varies about 5 pounds on any given day
3. I just do not think I can bring myself to stand on a Body-Fat calculating scale at this point in my life
   

Basic Gist of Typical Conversation in My Head

[Just completed grading my 50 PMBR property questions for the day].

Self Conscious Elle: My score did not go up.
Confident Elle: These are the first property ones you've done since PMBR 6 Day, it will be ok.
Self Conscious Elle: My score did not go up.
Confident Elle: You haven't done anything for property since PMBR 6 Day, it will be ok.
Self Conscious Elle: My score did not go up.
Confident Elle: These questions seemed a lot harder than the PMBR 6 Day ones, it will be ok.
Self Conscious Elle: My score did not go up.
Confident Elle: You're still scoring higher on property right now than most people do on the bar, despite it not being your best subject during law school, it will be ok.
Self Conscious Elle: My score did not go up.
Confident Elle: This is what you get for slacking on these Friday and then for the remainder of the weekend as well, you could have spent the weekend reviewing this stuff if you'd just sucked it up and done these Friday night when you got home from work.
Self Conscious Elle: I'm glad you're finally seeing it my way. Vodka and Soda with Lime perhaps while we read these explanatory answers, which most likely will not be any help at all since they will get it down the 2 answers you debated between and then say "___ is the better answer" with no further explanation?
Confident Elle: Why yes, that seems like an exquisite plan.
Self Conscious Elle: I cannot believe my score did not go up.
Confident Elle: At least you've been managing to use the correct grading key unlike some people.
Self Conscious Elle: Word.

Movie Quote that Best Sums Up Bar Review:

"The Horror...The Horror."

Contemplating...

what sort of penalty I'd face if I went out and cut down my neighbors cotton-wood tree (yes, this presupposes I am capable of cutting down a tree, which is not likely). I'm sure I could work up some sort of necessity defense being when I went to the dentist my mom said my X-Ray showed my sinuses pressing on my molars since they were so full, my eyes are practically swollen shut, and I'm pretty sure the damn thing is not even in full bloom yet. So, if there was a necessity I would only be liable for property damage/loss. Being that in this hypothetical I can cut down a tree, I'm also sure I could do so without damaging anything else on their property. Which means, the only damage I would be liable for would be the loss of the arguably worthless tree. I'm going to go find a chainsaw.

In bar review related news, I sorta slacked today and did not do my multistate practice questions. Oops. I don't feel terrible since I did them Monday, which BarBri told me to take off.

Dear BarBri Part II,

Your lecture handouts discriminate against people with large handwriting. If you're going to make me fill in the blank all summer at least make it so I can fit in the word or phrase you want me to stick in, otherwise just print it for me and trust me to follow along and highlight/underline as necessary.

Your Loyal Follower,
Elle Woods

Dear BarBri,

Your schedule is completely insane and borderline unmanageable when combined with PMBR (not to mention working). You cannot really expect me to do all those practice problems in addition to PMBR problems. The essays I'll make an effort to do, but the practice problems are just unmanageable unless I start doing lines of meth off tables in the library to fuel 20 hour study sessions in June.

That is all.

Hugs and Kisses,
Elle Woods

Dancing With the Pseudo Stars

My parents just drunk dialed me over the fact that Apolo Anton Ohno won Dancing With the Stars rather than Joey Fat-One (my dad is a former skater and apparently my mom has a thing for short 1/2 Asian pocket boys). I really could care less, but I did meet Joey on TRL (I was 18, do not judge) when I was in the audience and he was promoting Rent, so I had hassled them a bit about it yesterday.

Direct quote from my father:

If Joey Fat-One had won I'd have started voting republican.

Umm, What?

In more important news BarBri starts tomorrow. I still have 35 pages to read, which is totally misleading since it's in the legal sized book. Kill me now.

Oral Hygiene

I went to the dentist yesterday. In addition to the usual scolding for poor flossing habits (more on that later) I had my first cavity, although I hesitate to call it that since it was in reality an area where my sealant had broken off the tooth (it was the far back upper right tooth) and there was a bit of a next to the edge of it, but a cavity didn't show up on the X-Ray and they weren't really sure if it was a cavity or just that my sealant had broken off. Regardless, my normal dentist wasn't in and the one who did the filling was what rather aggressive. The whole experience was not very enjoyable and I have numerous raw spots in my mouth to prove it. Luckily, my mom (who works for said dentist) gave me nitrous so I didn't care as much about being orally battered. I complained to her last night that she hadn't given me enough nitrous and she responded that usually they do not go past 3, she had me at 4.5; I find that weird since I remember getting nitrous in high school and being super sensitive to it.

Now for the flossing habits. I've never had this done before, but apparently after age 20 they're supposed to test the "pockets" between your teeth and gums as a screening for gingivitis. I've never had to have this evil process done before. My numbers were all fine, however I'm rather sure my mother told them to start performing this check on me. She is what I call a Flossing-Nazi, she literally flosses 3 times a day. She has been on me recently to start flossing (after my brother had 3 "non-flossing" cavities, why she isn't hassling him I will never know), so after being told there was too much blood during the cleaning, and that the evil pocket measuring thing was going to be a bit worse for me since my gums were a bit inflamed (You think? You just poked them with sharp objects for 30 minutes!) the ever so sweet pregnant hygienist proceeded to shove something between my gums and each one of my teeth. Not cool. I suppose their scare tactics and propaganda worked though, I flossed last night and this morning.

PMBR Day #6

Each day of PMBR I've adjusted more and more to the whole concept of studying all summer (this might be because my scores improved with each subject-despite being sure I'd do horribly later in the week).

I know a lot of people who did not take the 6 Day, largely since they didn't feel they (or anyone else) needed it and it was just a scare tactic created by the evil corporation that is Kaplan. For them that is fine, but I knew it was going to be hard for me to get adjusted to studying all summer and that I was going to need a frame of reference as to what I needed to study most. Plus I knew reality kicking me in the ass would help tremendously as well.

Today was the first day I didn't go in and take my test at the center in the morning. I learned during Kaplan for the LSAT that I am very coach-able (read: brain-washable), I stuck to the "Kaplan Method" religiously, I did all the reading, practice problems, and took as many practice tests in the center as I could. In the end it paid off when my score improved 14 points. Thinking about the LSAT just made me realize how much more I'd like it if the Multistate was divided into sections so you knew which one you needed to be thinking about for that hour.

I had a point to this post, but it was lost long ago. Basically I'm annoyed with my friends who have been telling me I didn't need the 6 day. One of them (after going on about how it's stupid) said to me "if I don't pass the bar I'm not going to look back and say, I wish I would have taken the 6 day", my response was "well I would." For me, it was what I needed. I'm not going around telling people who didn't take it they made a mistake, or that they really needed it, yet I am getting judgment about my choice.

PMBR Day #5

Hearing gunners and law reviewers talking about how they did and realizing I did way better is providing such a twisted and semi-evil sense of satisfaction and justification.

I kicked Contracts ass today, once again it was one of my worst subjects in law school. Basically all this means is that I knew the rule all along but I sucked at applying them and didn't put in additional effort to get good at it.

"The Average Attorney, Full of Law School Brainwashing."

The 4th Circuit recently held that the right to counsel does not extend to have your non-lawyer friend represent you in a criminal proceeding. (U.S. v. Baucom). The defendants basic claims were that they hate lawyers and cannot afford the ones they trusts so their friends should be allowed to represent them. In the "attempts" to obtain counsel they felt was satisfactory they continually stalled and asked the court for more and more time as they sent questionnaires to potential attorneys rather than attempting to make personal conduct. Defendant's affidavit is by far my favorite language of the ruling.

Defendant...has little confidence in the legal profession...Defendant is aware of a few attorneys he trusts, but their multi-thousand dollar fees are out of the question...He does NOT trust just any attorney out of a grab-bag whom the government is willing to furnish; neither would this defendant be satisfied with such an “attorney’s” concept of the Constitution of the United States after the average attorney, full of law-school brainwashing, thinks that the Constitution is what the judges say it is, rather than what the Constitution itself, says it is.

In case you had not figured it out yet, both men were changed with tax evasion and were of the opinion that even entering a plea of not guilty would accept the validity of the fact that they owed a tax to begin with. Counsel was appointed but the men refused to cooperate-and continually threatened to sue them and the judge who appointed them. Eventually the court grew tired of the stall tactics and told the men if they did not have counsel by a certain date they would be forced to be appear pro se, it was on his date that they sought to have their friend who had not graduated from law school, passed the bar exam, or been admitted to the state bar-despite claiming to be in good standing with "several" bar associations.