PMBR Day #4

Interestingly, despite getting horrible grades in Criminal Law and Criminal Procedure 2, not even taking Criminal Procedure 1, and not working for a firm that does any Criminal work I rocked that section today. I got over 70% on Criminal Procedure and over 45% on the Criminal Law portion (PMBR says getting 40% is good at this point). I hate to admit it, but when the girl next to me told me she got an 18% I felt kinda proud.

Sadly it is almost 9:30 on a Friday night and I finally semi caught up after having slacked yesterday (thanks to The Office and Grey's Anatomy). I still have tons of explanations to read for the questions I've gotten wrong this week (which I was supposed to do this week)-but that will have to wait until Monday and Tuesday of next week which I have "off" since BarBri does not start until Wednesday. I know it's bad to already be "behind" but with the commute, not feeling well, and "cleaning up" my notes like they suggest I just do not have it in me at this stage of the game. Plus most people here do not have those days off so I figure I might as well make use of them.

I also sat down today and made my weekday schedule for May, June and the First week of July. Basically it's BarBri 9-12:30, lunch, work 1-5, dinner, MBE Questions 6-8:30, read BarBri outline for the next day 8:30-11 (luckily this part I won't have to do most days since a lot of the lectures are multi-day and I can do those over the weekend prior). Weekends will be spent practicing essays, doing MBE questions, reading BarBri outlines for the next week, and occasionally socializing with actual people.

I'm also extremely irritable and unbelievably moody. For example...

• I tried to talk to boy today and I finally had to just tell him I couldn't be nice or take a joke at that minute and that it wasn't fair to him so I'd talk to him tomorrow. I know that wasn't the best solution, but I figure it's better than yelling at him for no reason.
  
• I struggle to answer any question my family asks me about the whole process since I just don't want to talk about it, explain what I am doing, or where I am. In reality I just don't think I want to talk to people who are not going through this (or who have recently gone through it) since I just do not think anyone else could understand how I am feeling right now.
• The people in my class continually get up and leave the room, allowing the door to slam VERY loudly behind them (I seriously have never heard a door so loud) plus a lot of them walk in after the breaks talking without concern for the fact that lecture has started again-every time they walk back in I shoot them a look of death and feel that the next time it happens might just be the time I have a rage black-out and scream at someone about it.
  

I suppose it's better that I realize I'm being a total bitch than to be oblivious and make no effort to control it, however I can't imagine living in this mental state for over 2 months since it cannot be healthy. At this point my hope is that once I get through PMBR, accept that I just have to do this, and adjust to all of it I will calm down for the most part-until July of course at which point I feel it's completely ok for me to be a neurotic freak.

So Excited!

[Link].

PMBR Day #3

Con Law is today. This one is up in the air. I did rather well in it both times I took it (my school had I and II), but that doesn't change the fact that it's Con Law and it inherently sucks. I am so tempted to look at an outline, but I think it's better to know what I score without any review so I know which subjects I need to put more effort into. I am not looking forward to days 4-6; Criminal Law/Procedure, Contracts and Property. Criminal Law might not be overly terrible thanks to my constant studying with Jack McCoy over the last few years, however Contracts and Property are going be depressing.

In random news I added some stuff to the sidebar, a description and a mood indicator (which, of course was not working when I went to post this), so my roller coaster of emotions during bar review can be documented.

PMBR Day #2, Part II

Anyone who thinks law students are anti-social freaks that lack even the most basic interpersonal and logical reasoning skills has not seen anything until they have seen those same people during bar review. For some reason, despite the fact that the bar is not curved, and it's months away, the competitive nature has already kicked in at a level unlike anything I've ever seen.

One girl ran out of paper today (which was admittedly bush league since it's the 2nd day and you should have a clue by now). She asked a couple people around her for paper to no avail, finally one girl gave her 2 sheets. For a 3 and a 1/2 hour lecture. I took my laptop, so I did not have any paper, but since I am nice sane¹ I offered to email her my typed notes.

The reality is, even if the bar was curved, the girl who can't remember to bring a notebook with more than a couple sheets of paper to a lecture which lasts over 3 hours is not who I am worried about on a curve. But why should we expect such high reasoning out of people who recently received their Doctorate of Law degree?

¹Relatively.

PMBR Day #2

Evidence today. If I so much as remembered a Hearsay Exception other than excited utterance (which I'm pretty sure I only remember since it was used on a Law and Order I watched the other day), I might not be so depressed about going.

UPDATE: How I ever did better on Evidence than Torts is beyond me. Fear not, I'm sure Con Law tomorrow should be laughable.

PMBR Day #1

After the first break during PMBR today I went to slide my chair in, only to cut my middle finger. It's not severe, but it's enough to be very annoying when I type-and was extremely annoying when it first happened as I tried not to hemorrhage all over my keyboard.

So now I'm trying to decide if I have a cause of action against PMBR and the Conference Center where it's being held. Clearly I am an invitee being that I'm paying over $100 a day to be there. Which, based on what they taught me today, means that they have a duty to warn of known dangerous conditions both natural and artificial, and to inspect the premises and make it safe.

Sure there are basically no damages, but I think it's worth bringing a suit in principle. If I'm going to sit there and learn the rules (against my will) I think they should be held to them.

Sigh.

Law School Commencement was tonight, and while I'm rather sure I graduated it's still anti-climactic. Not to mention that when I get the whole "we're so proud of you" bit I really just want to punch someone. I know it seem silly, since technically it is an accomplishment, but it's really hard to be proud of something which is to date the biggest mistake of your life. Or perhaps it's because PMBR starts tomorrow bright and early. Or that I'm about to enter a 2 month long adderall bender, hell, BarBri immediately after that.

Highlight of the commencement had to be my brother drinking underage-why would the law school do something silly like follow the laws?

Terrible Twos

In addition to celebrating Mother's Day today, make sure you pencil in celebrating this blog turning 2. Say what you will, but at least it's not a Hallmark Holiday.

"I know you don't smoke weed, I know this; but I'm gonna get you high today, 'cause it's Friday; you ain't got no job, and you ain't got shit to do."

I woke up thinking it was Friday. Which meant it was my last day at Bill, More and Hours. Needless to say, when I opened Outlook and it corrected me I was a little heartbroken.

16 Too Many.

How could you even keep your kids names straight if you had 17 children? My friend who has 3 kids under the age of 6 gets their names confused all the time while she yells at them.

I literally had to count (a couple times) to make sure Fox wasn't misleading me. But sure enough...

1. Joshua-19
2. Janna-17
   
3. John David-17
4. Jill-15
5. Jessa-14
6. Jinger-13
7. Joseph-12
8. Josiah-11
9. Joy Anna-10
10. Jedidiah-8
    
11. Jeremiah-8
12. Jason-7
13. James-5
14. Justin-4
15. Jackson Levi-2
16. Johanna Faith-19 Months
17. Jennifer Danielle is expected in July.
    

To make matters worse they home school. I cannot imagine you could effectively teach that many different levels of school.

My real question is, when you have 6 children in 6 years does that make them irish sextuplets?

How Does it Feel?

Someone needs to teach these kids how to appreciate a legend. Or we could beat it into them, whichever is more convenient.

Weird.

My Baby¹ brother just told me he needs to go get more coffee. I'm really impressed that he's staying up studying, but I'm also really weirded out the fact that he drinks coffee.

Additionally I tabbed my PMBR and BarBri books using a colour coded system. Blue for multistate topics; Pink for Michigan subjects; Yellow for special topics such as differentiation or essay writing skills, and for the book with multistate questions of varying difficulty (in each subject) pink is for easy, blue is for medium and yellow is for difficult. I know it seems unnecessary, but I have this extreme hatred of having to flip around books looking for subjects-particularly when there are no indexes (indexi?) in the crappy books.

¹19 year old.

I have finally figured out what I want to do with my life.

I am going to be Britney Spears' Manager, being that she recently fired hers' and is in desperate need of a life coach. I know you're thinking "Elle, are you really such a great influence?" Yes I am, this is Britney we're talking about. I'm pretty sure Joe Francis giving her advice would be better than her following her instincts.

I have never dropped a child, I don't have any failed marriages let alone two, I have never worn cowboy boots (over and over), I realize that a midriff is not exactly proper attire for a mother of two to dawn in public, I don't have substance abuse issues, and while I do appreciate a good Howie Day song now and again I get that maybe he is not the best way to rehab¹ her image right now.

Plus as a bonus qualification, in my rebellious (punky) youth I shaved my head and realize that it is not necessary to wear a wig and a hat. One or the other will suffice. Additionally I can offer assistance picking out cute edgy short haircuts once her hair is long enough.



And above all, I realize that geraniums are not appropriate nipple coverings. [Link].

¹Rehab. Ha. Ha.

Done.

The title says it all kids.

Now I just have take care of the 8 million personal things that have been piling up, clean since the floor-robe I've been cultivating is a little squalorish, kick ass in an interview Friday, work all next week, modify a velour Renaissance Painters Hat so it can be worn on the crown of my head in the most flattering way possible and wear a ridiculous outfit at graduation which includes said Renaissance Painters Hat.

Almost There.

Earlier tonight I finished the take home from Hell¹, despite it not being due until Wednesday afternoon. Plus I've already outlined for my exam that occurs Wednesday afternoon. I started thinking about the last time that I was this on the ball with finals/papers/studying and I realized it had to have been high school, which means that things have finally come full circle and I have completely reverted back to high school, maybe I can get braces again-it might be something my parents actually pay for.

¹Ok, so maybe I yet to proof read and revise, but all my arguments are written so that counts.

"If I could escape..."

Earlier today I broke a vase. It wasn't some heirloom or anything important. It was just a foot tall, 4'' square, clear glass vase. The flowers that came it in were of the "congratulations on being done with law school classes" variety. I had intended to plant bamboo in it. Thinking it would be a nice reminder of getting the flowers as well as my "accomplishment." I washed it out and went to dry it, at which point it tipped over and shattered.

Normally I'd just shrug, clean up the glass and that would be it. But not today. Not while I'm all hormonal; stressed with finals; terrified of bar study, unemployment, and student loan payments. First the tears welled up, then for whatever reason, I started sobbing. The entire thing was such a metaphor for my entire law school career. Just because you have the best of intentions doesn't mean it's not going to come crashing down on you in some bizarre way you never expected and shatter you into 1000 pieces.

Being that I was upset I decided that taking care of my barloan paperwork (since I've been procrastinating on that in avoidance of "making it all real") would be a better idea than trying to study or work on the 5-Day Take Home from Hell. Long story short, I'm rather sure my identity has been stolen. I was going through a lender I've never so much as tried to use-yet they have my social security number as already in use. Then I tried to have my username and password sent to me, which required I enter my email address. I entered every email address I've ever used and none were recognized. Of course I can't do anything about this until tomorrow morning, as if I'll get anything done between now and then.

The thing is, I can't imagine what idiot would ever want to be me. If someone really wants to deal with working nearly full time; taking 5 classes; spending 2 hours a day communting; coping with grandparents who have Alzheimers, Lung Cancer, and M.S.; finals; BarBri; PMBR; barloans; student loans and whatever else might come up all while attempting to have perfect hair and making sure their T-Zone doesn't get oily they can. I just hope they realize my credit wasn't that great to begin with so the joke is on them.

-------------------------------------------------------

I would but first of all let me say,
I must apologize for acting, stinking, treating you this way,
Cause I've been acting like sour milk fell on the floor,
It's your fault you didn't shut the refridgerator,
Maybe that's the reason I've been acting so cold.

Good Morning Vietman.

1. My Mother called me at 8:02. She proceeded to act shocked that I wasn't up by then. I suppose it's semi valid since whenever I stay there I tend to get up rather early in the morning and go home. This could have to do with the fact that they converted my room into an office so my choices are my brother's room or the couch. Neither room have very good drapes so basically no matter what you're woken up by the sun around 8 a.m., at which time I go home (and generally sleep more).
2. I always seem to sleep on the side of the bed. At first I thought it was a remnant of sharing a bed with someone regularly (years ago), but then I thought back and even as a kid I would always sleep on one side of the bed. The only time I didn't was in freshman year of college (when I had a twin bed) so it wasn't really like there were "sides."
3. I'm watching Half Nelson with Ryan Gosling, I highly recommend it. Yes, I do watch a lot of movies, television shows, and go to a lot of sporting events during finals. I have to keep myself occupied somehow.
   

Seat's Taken.

A post over at Law School for Dummies about a law student with particularly bad halitosis reminded me about a post I'd been watching to write for some time now, a want that was somewhat revived with the coming and going of my Wills, Trusts, and Estates exam. But we will get to that girl a little later. Basically, I've been watching to write about students you do not want to sit near in class.

My first semester law school a slightly older female student sat behind me, she seemed nice enough. Although I knew she was always looking at my screen to see what she'd missed. This wasn't such a big deal since it was before I started using phrases like "some fucking idiot..." regularly in my notes. What was annoying was when she'd bust about the box of triscuits, block of cheese, knife, and a cutting board and proceed to snack on in it in class. Did I also mention she had a seatmate? And that they both used laptops? If I was her seatmate I might have shot her. All I had to worry about was getting crumbs on myself and the crunching noises¹.

Flash forward to second semester, Little Miss Government Cheese didn't sit behind me, she moved more towards the center of the room and I firmly cemented my spot in the back row. Occasional glances across the room would reveal a new object sitting on her desk, something like this, only it also involved a fan-so it constantly disbursed fragrance. A cursory review of who was sitting around her led my seatmate and I to one conclusion, someone was really smelly over there (which was later confirmed by a friend who sat over there). There was a guy with such bad body odor that Miss Government Cheese deemed she needed to bring an air-freshener on a daily basis. I wouldn't know personally since after that I made it my personal goal never get someone close enough to him to find out.

The final, and most likely most egregious student you do not want to sit near is one I believe I've mentioned here before. The girl from my Evidence and Wills, Trusts and Estates classes. I feel bad even writing about it since she clearly had a medical problem or some sort, but after dealing with it over the course of two-4 credit classes any sort of compassion is gone. This girl had what could only be described as a combination of Narcolepsy, Sleep Apnea, and Darth Vader Syndrome² (she was also the suspect of the body odor stench in my evidence class). I literally have never heard this girl stay up for a period of more than 15 minutes. And as soon as she falls asleep she begins snoring, only to be woken up by her own sleep apnea gasping for breath roughly every 5 minutes. Even when she is awake you can hear her breathing from a substantial distance. To make matters worth, she appears oblivious to all this. Yesterday my friends and I set up camp our Trusts exam only to have her sit right by us. I promply declared the light was no good back there, giving all my friends an excuse to move. I was roughly 20 feet away, and towards the end of the exam I could hear her breathing.

I'm still not entirely sure there is away to avoid any of these people (since Darth Vader and Miss Government Cheese were always late), unless you're ballsy enough to go to the professor and ask for a seat change-which I have seen done over Darth Vader-you might just be stuck in your own personal hell twice a week for 16 weeks.

¹Which, I really think there should be a universal rule against eating crunchy foods in class (unless you're me and it's a granola bar), but that is a whole different post.
²Yes, it is a syndrome.

Well Oiled Finals Machine.

Today marks the kick off for what it most likely the last "exam season" of my life. I have no plans to get an LL.M. and while I joke that I should have been a doctor rather frequently the thought of all that student loan debt is terrifying.

If all goes as planned I'll take my Trusts exam today and land somewhere in the thick part of the curve; I'll pick up my Health Law take home on the way out of the law school only to return it within 24 hours in exchange for my Child Family State take home; which I will finish in time to hand in on my way in to my Bioethics exam.

What could possibly go wrong with that plan?

Update (6:15): Trusts and over, and I have my Health Law exam sitting next to me.

Update (7:21): Health Law is finished, to be exchanged for Child Family State tomorrow (which will be much more challenging).

"Everybody spread the word, we're going to have a celebration."

Happy Madonna Day! I know how I am celebrating, how are you?

I am Pirating Internet...

from someone called "Modizzy in tha Hizzy for Shizzy." Awesome.

Weekend Productivity

So maybe I haven't actually started studying despite having been done with classes for well over a week. Maybe I went to 2 Tiger games in 3 days, resulting in one hell of a sunburn. Maybe I went to a bar whose special is a pitcher of beer and 4 shots for $14. Maybe I had my first shot of Patron, and my second. Maybe I watched the entire Wings game yesterday and the entire Pistons game as well. Maybe I've having an O.C. marathon to be followed with a Katie and Peter marathon.

I'd like to say I'll regret all this when I get my grades; but as long as I pass, it's doubtful.

Desperate Housewife

Today I caught my pants on a filing cabinet at work. Apparently, they are too big. I had noticed they'd been sitting low but didn't realize how bad it was until they ripped down the seam as I attempted to walk away from said filing cabinet without realizing I was stuck in it. Of course despite having a comfort drawer I was without a needle and thread. So I fixed them the only way I could think of. I snuck my stapler into the ladies room and stapled them (no...the staples didn't show).

To make up for my extremely domestic behavior of the morning I made Chicken Piccata, garlic butter pasta and steamed asparagus for dinner so I could feel a bit better about my femininity. After all, I need to keep up appearances if I ever expect emcpan to let me be her wife.

Phrases Likely to Send Me Into a Blind Rage.

If one thing has been consistent about my job search, it's the phrases people say to "cheer me up." These people tend to be either people who have gotten jobs through OCI, my family, friends who know very little about the legal market, and occasionally readers of this blog. While it's all very well intentioned (and I love you all), hearing it over and over-largely from people who I feel have no idea what the reality is since they have romanticized the legal profession-gets to me infuriated. Literally it has gotten to the point where there are certain people I'd rather stay in than deal with all their "optimism."

1. "When you're a rich attorney."-You mean in 30 years when I'm twice divorced and raising 2 ungrateful teenage sons on my own since my husband-who predictably will also be a lawyer-can't understand why I can't manage to keep the house clean or have dinner on the table by 6? Yeah, I can't wait for that to happen.
2. "A Law Degree is a great thing, you can do anything with it."-Really, what? Government. Should I apply to be a cop or President, and where does one send the application for "President" out of curiosity?
3. "You'll find something."-Really, why don't you go tell that to the 35 unemployed students who graduated from my school in 2005. Or all the ones working as glorified paralegals. I'm sure they'd love to hear that I'm going to find something.
4. "You should be proud, not many people accomplish what you have."-By that I assume you mean stuck in law school for 3 years despite it making me miserable and ruining most of my relationships.
5. "You'll be fine, you're a smart girl."-Newsflash: I'm not that smart, and even if I was; smart doesn't get you employed, it just makes you smarter than the personable guy with connections who is employed.

I could go on. But I'm sure I'm already going to have readers scolding me for my "negative attitude" which employers can smell on me from a mile away. Plus, I don't really want people thinking I could fly into a rage at any second, since it's not quite that bad, yet.

Random Plug

Matt Masterson, of Sexist Asshole of the Week fame is requesting I link to this. I am only willing to since I did call him an asshole yet he continued to read and there are 1/2 naked men in it.

"It's the End of an Era"

Last day of classes. For some reason I am on call, since apparently I'm supposed to "care" and "be able to focus" enough to read 13 pages about charitable trusts.

I guess I should be excited but with unemployment and bar review hanging over my head it's hard to be anything other than discouraged and depressed.

Making It Rain.

The NFL has suspended Pac-Man Jones (Cornerback for the Tennessee Titans) for an entire season, due to his being questioned by police 10 times since he started in the league (and the fact that he might get indicted). Apparently the league looks down on "making it rain" in strip clubs unless you're willing to give the strippers the money (and not bash their heads on the stage over it), and then having an alleged member of your entourage shoot a few people, paralysing a former professional wrestler during NBA All-Star Week.

I watched a special on ESPN not too long ago about his conduct and the Titan's management feelings about drafting him in the first place. Apparently their drafting "software" takes "attitude" and "off field conduct" into account. Generally what I took from it was that the management was shocked the computer chose him despite the fact that he is extremely talented and were "hopeful" (before he was questioned 10 times) that they might be able to reign him in. Although given their support of the suspension and the increasing severity of his behavior it does not seem they have been able to.

I only bring this up since it seems like the NBA (with their dress code restrictions instituted last year) and the NFL (with what could be called character suspensions) are trying to force players into being "roll models." These measures remind me of when I was kid, and how Charles Barkley was always criticized for his conduct on the court (does the fact that it was on the court make a difference?), to which his defense was "I didn't ask to be a roll model." Is there something to be said about the fact that if you choose to put yourself in the public eye and make millions you should be forced to be someone children "should look up to"? Or should the focus be on parental responsibility and educating children that maybe sports players, musicians, and actors are not people who should be idealized? The reality is no matter how many times LT tells us all "not to smoke crack", and it is admirable that he has gotten clean, it does not change the fact that he did in fact, smoke rock.

"Wu Peed On My Rug."

Apparently, the Dean of the law school resigned. Interestingly, students did not get the courtesy of an email to that effect, just a blog post on a blog that none of us read.

I had planned to post about all the U.S. News stuff, but I'm over the entire law school experience now and don't really care. His posts below his resignation shed a bit of light on the "development" of the rankings. Yet even with his excuses about employment rates it still does not clarify what percentage of grads are actually working as lawyers (which I would estimate is under 50%).

Ohh, and this is my last week of classes. I suppose it would be exciting if one last on call day, exams, bar study and unemployment were not hanging over my head.

My DVR is working...

I think we all know what this means, I had sex with the technician I've already set it to record Beverly Hills, 90210 (and Boston Legal, 30 Rock, The Office, Grey's, Desperate Housewhores, and Entourage).

Just A Typical Weekend

Busy, busy weekend. Not only did the entire family come over for Easter (complete with disappearing acts from Uncle Crackhead every 20 minutes and more pushing the food around the plate than actually eating), but I also got digital cable. And a Tivo DVR. So far there have been 2 service calls this weekend and while I do have all the channels now, the DVR isn't work properly still (it doesn't record-call me crazy but I feel that might be the most important feature) and they can't come fix it until next Saturday thanks to "my" schedule.

I know what you're thinking. 2 service calls? The first serviceman just left and told me I had to go get a box from the service center since the one had "allocated" to me wasn't working and it was only getting 2 channels. So after I drove 30 miles round trip and hooked it up (eventually summoning my father, the electrician) it turned out that it was not the first box (or the 2nd box) but some other issue which he should have fixed. So after 2 hours on the phone demanding it be fixed that night customer service told me the first tech was going to come back between 4-6 that afternoon (this had all started a 9:30). Big surprise, 6:30 rolls around, he's not here, and when I call to check up and explain the situation for the 87 Millionth time to customer service, when they tried to call him, he had turned off his phone. At which point I demanded someone else come-since I'm already missed my chance to go see Grindhouse and figured I'd be in all night anyway. So technician #2 tried to make me feel bad for "making him miss dinner with his family"-as if I have a heart.

So when technician #2 left everything was working, and then around 10pm as I was attempting to program all my recordings (yes, that is what I did on Saturday night, back off or I will hurt you). At that point I spent another hour on the phone, at which point it was determined I needed another service call-which they promised to be able to do Monday without me missing work. Only when I was called today to finalize that wasn't possible. So after I threw another tantrum and started negotiating I ended up with free DVR for 6 months and free HBO for a year. Apparently my junior lawyer card works occasionally.

"You Ain't a Beauty, but Hey You're Alright"

So much to write about, so little time, and with the wireless broken at school today I wasn't able to bring you the 87 Million posts I had planned. My BarBri books got here yesterday, I'm sure I'll post a picture soon to shock you darling little 1Ls and 2Ls who have no idea what you've gotten yourself into.

Also my school fell in the U.S. News Rankings, mainly since nobody has jobs.

Since that makes me feel better.

When I get 2 seconds I'll detail the emails we've been getting from the Dean about that one. Also the Dean parked next to me for the 2nd time in a week today. The man could not park to save his life, but more on that later-and his insane vanity plate. Sorry for the crappy "I don't have time to post" post.

"I Won't Change By The Glamorous."

I had planned a post about the girl who sits behind me in class, but that is kinda hard to write while she is sitting behind me and I was super busy today. I handed in my final project and gave a presentation for one of my classes-which now I am done with. One down, four to go...Sigh.

Then I planned to write it after I got home, but the LCD Screen on Lorenzo the Laptop shafted (which is another reason I didn't post since it hurt my eyes to look at the screen which had turned all pink, it's not as appeasing to the eyes as one might think) and I spent F-O-R-E-V-E-R on the phone with Dell (random sidenote: Dell no longer sends their tech support over to random Indians-dots not feathers-and big surprise, they were actually helpful). So I reseated the LCD cable on my laptop after prying open the case and removing the keyboard (don't act like you're not impressed) and I'm just now getting to actually sit down after getting 3 hours of sleep, leaving the house at 7 am, 2 hours of driving, 10 hours of school, giving a presentation, and I have yet to eat anything really today besides coffee (yes that counts as eating), but since I'm so dedicated to my beloved readers I wanted to leave this awesome post chock full of run on sentences, for which I am undoubtedly sure you will thank me later.

Karl Rove Raps.

Seriously. You can't make this shit up.

[Link with Video].

Activism...or as I Call it, the Most Pointless Hunger Strike in the History of the World.

I'm so glad someone from my generation¹ has decided to take a tough stance on an important political issue and went on a hunger strike. I have never and will never understand the cult following of American Idol. I find it rather scary that more people vote for the next American Idol than for President.

I hesitate to link to the actual MySpace page here, but I will for "journalistic integrity."

¹Yup, she's the same age as I am.

My PMBR books were shipped today.

The finality of that really scares me. Not to mention the fact that I'm going to have to look at them for nearly 2 months before class even starts is kinda twisted.

The Sad Realizations of Most Law Students

Given the reasons stated by most for attending law school it comes as no surprise that many of these 20-somethings come to law school with the wide-eyed ambition that they will change the world or make a difference. These types generally fall into 2 categories; those who think they'll end up working for the ACLU defending Constitutional Rights and those who think they'll end up being public defenders and will change the negative views on the justice system that so many (repeat) offenders have.

Within a few months in law school you start to realize how hard jobs defending Constitutional liberties are to come by, and that you'd like to own a home one day so unless you get your "Mrs. Degree" during law school a job as a public defender just isn't practical.

Soon you realize you'll most likely end up taking just about any job you can get and thinking to yourself "personal injury wouldn't be that bad, would it?" Not long after that you're realizing that not only will you take just about any job offered for a given pay rate. Eventually that figure falls to a level slightly higher than a public defender. It's at this point which point you realize not only are you willing to be a "whore" but you're willing to do so for about $45,000 a year, $180 a day, or $18 an hour; plus benefits.

Spring Break and I'm Working on Accounting.

Day by day I'm looking less likely to ever work in the legal profession. I have gotten 2 call backs, and I have an interview next week.

It sounds messed up but it's kinda difficult to give it all up. I still plan to take the bar. When asked by the person I was speaking to about future employment today why I wanted to I really couldn't give any answer outside of "it would break my mom's heart if I didn't." Great answer.

3.15.07 Clarification: While re-reading this post it comes off negatively. I'm actually really excited about this possible job (the 2 call backs and interview are all for it).

Yet Another Reason I'm Not Catholic

[Link].

Golf/Lawyer Joke Forwarded to Me By My Dad...

Four lawyers in a law firm lived and died for their Saturday morning round of golf. It was their favorite moment of the week. Then one of the lawyers was transferred to an office in another city. It wasn't quite the same without him.

A new woman lawyer joined their law firm. One day she overheard the remaining three talking about their golf round at the coffee table. Curious, she spoke up, "You know, I used to play on my golf team in college and I was pretty good. Would you mind if I joined you next week?" The three lawyers looked at each other. They were hesitant.

Not one of them wanted to say 'yes', but she had them on the spot. Finally one man said it would be okay, but they would be starting pretty early at 6:30am. He figured the early Tee-Time would discourage her immediately.

The woman said this might be a problem and asked if she could possibly be up to 10 minutes late. They rolled their eyes but said this would be okay. She smiled and said, "Good, then I'll be there either at 6:30 or 6:40."

She showed up right at 6:30 and wound up beating all three of them with an eye-opening 2-under par round. She was a fun and pleasant person the entire round. The guys were impressed! Back in the clubhouse they congratulated her and happily invited her back the next week.

She smiled and said, "Sure, I'll be here at 6:30 or 6:40." The next week she again showed up at 6:30 Saturday morning. Only this time, she played left-handed. The three lawyers were incredulous as she still managed to beat them with an even par round despite playing with her off-hand.

By now the guys were totally amazed, but wondered if she was just trying to make them look bad by beating them left-handed. They couldn't figure her out. She was again very pleasant and didn't seem to be showing them up, but each man began to harbor a burning desire to beat her!

In the third week they all had their game faces on. But this week she was 10 minutes late! This had the guys irritable because each was determined to play the best round of golf of his life to beat her. As they waited for her, they figured her late arrival was some petty gamesmanship on her part. Finally she showed up.

This week the lady lawyer played right-handed which was a good thing since she narrowly beat all three of them. However, she was so gracious and so complimentary of their strong play, it was hard to keep a grudge against her. This woman was a riddle no one could figure out!

Back in the clubhouse she had all three guys shaking their heads at her ability. They had a couple beers after their round which helped the conversation loosen up. Finally one of the men could contain his curiosity no longer. He asked her point blank, "How do you decide if you're going to golf right-handed or left-handed?"

The lady blushed and grinned. She said, "That's easy. When my dad taught me to play golf, I learned I was ambidextrous. I have always had fun switching back and forth. Then when I met my husband in college and got married, I discovered he always sleeps in the nude. From then on I developed a silly habit. Right before I left in the morning for golf practice, I would pull the covers off him. If his 'you-know-what' was pointing to the right, I golfed right-handed; if it was pointed to the left, I golfed left-handed.

All the girls on the team thought this was hysterical." Astonished at this bizarre information, one of the guys shot back, "But what if it's pointed straight up in the air?" She said, "Then I'm ten minutes late."

I Wish I Had Soap Net.

The Career Services Counselor I met with the other day e-mailed me to let me know I had a really good resume which was well put together, so that is semi promising. She must not have pulled my transcript. I wonder if she'd think the same thing if I hadn't sent it to her as a PDF and she could tell I used a template? She did suggest I basically take all my activities off since they all seemed a bit "too liberal" and I might be judged based on them.

Trusts and Estates might be the death of me. I cannot seem to make myself pay attention. Let's hope my boyfriend Emanuel knows his stuff. The worst part is by this point of the day I'm exhausted the internets and I basically just sit and talk on AIM as the professor drones on like the teacher from Charlie Brown. I'm also supposed to be taking notes for someone, I'm officially a bad person.

I didn't realize until after I got to school today that it was the last day of class before spring break. Which is kinda weird since I'm going out of town.

"No wonder you're upset. She's lovely. And a darling figure... supple, pouting breasts... firm thighs. It's a shame you two don't get along."

Alternate Title: "Surely you can't be serious"..."I am serious, and don't call me Shirley."

EWWW.

He touched her, which she described as spooning, lifted her shirt and then got up and left. Court documents said she felt a warm fluid on her back, clothes and seat after he walked away. She told the officers he had ejaculated on her.

------------------------------------------------------
"You ever been in a cockpit before?"
"No sir, I've never been up in a plane before."
"You ever seen a grown man naked?"

"I'd Teach a Course, On How I Got to be a Star Crossed Pimp."

In other job unemployment related news: Today I met with the Career Services Counselor from my law school. I feel kinda better and kinda worse. Basically her message was:

1. You probably won't get a job until you have passed the bar.
2. Most 3Ls graduate without jobs.
3. Of the graduates from last year who are "employed" a lot of them are working as law clerks.
4. I am not the only one who wants to fly into a blind rage when people are optimistic.
5. Since I live at home I should "volunteer"-this assumes that I don't have other bills.
6. I can do "anything" with my law degree-but she was no better at giving me any more specifics than my mom is.
7. Watching daytime television gets depressing after a period of time.

A lot what was discussed plays into other posts I have planned such as "The Saddest Day of My Life", "The Second Saddest Day of My Life" and "Phrases That Make Me Want to Throw Things"; but I'll get into all that and so much more at a later date.

So Far Today:

I've forgotten:

1. My Glasses
2. My Cell Phone
3. My Coffee

It's going to be a superb day.

A Skunk Sprayed My Room. Again.

The response to my posts about the "job search" (read: my future homelessness and car repossession) has been resounding (and scary). If you have anything you'd like to share (anonymously or not) feel free to email it to me. I plan to get more stuff up later this week.

I did get a call back from a recruiter today, for a non-legal job which would require me to not take the bar (and lose all the money I have invested thus far in the bar application, barbri¹, and PMBR). It's just a leap I'm not sure I'm ready to take.

In terms of housekeeping, commenting has been opened up since people have been emailing saying they'd been having problems. Apparently it was set to blogger users only, who knows who is responsible for that.

¹Actually this one might be refundable.

I Should Have Listened to My College Guidance Counselor.

When I told my Guidance Counselor I was considering Law School she gave me a sheet which listed reasons not to go to law school, like:

1. I'm a liberal arts major, and I don't know what else to do with my degree.
2. My parents want me to go.
3. I like to argue/debate.
4. I want to change the world.
   
5. I did well on the LSAT, so why not?
6. I want to make a lot of money.
   

At the time every reason on that list was one of the reasons I gave for going to law school. And I knew it. But I told myself the same thing all stubborn college students tell themselves, "What does my guidance counselor know? If they could have gotten a real job they wouldn't be working as a guidance counselor." Plus I figured #6 would make up for it.

The sick thing is a part of me knew back then it was a mistake. But I didn't know what else to do, and my parents seemed so proud I wanted to go. I thought I would grow into law school like a pair of shoes your mom got you when you were 6 that was 1/2 a size too big.

Now I realize I don't really like to debate that much, and law really has nothing to do with debate; very few people actually change the world; and I'm probably not going to make a lot of money. I did do very well on my LSAT, a pointless test that has nothing to do with success in law school or life, I suppose I have that going for me.

New Format

I'm thinking of changing things around here to focus more on my search for employment. Do not worry, I still plan on commenting on Britney and Anna Nicole if the mood suits me.

Basically, I think I would really be doing my readers who are considering law school a disservice if I didn't make an attempt to portray what it's really like for those of us not in the top 15% of the class to get a job, particularly in a depressed economy.

Looking for work has managed to take over my life and overshadows my attitudes about everything, particularly towards those I interact with at the law school. There are literally moments when I feel I could fly into a blind rage at any second if one more person tells me how happy they are their firm paid for BarBri, PMBR, the Bar Application, their bar exam hotel or any other little detail which I am left struggling to figure out how to afford myself. I am growing tired of feeling like a second class citizen in a school I pay just as much to attend. And the reality is, when you do speak to the "chosen few" about the reality of your job situation is puts them into shock, since it seems like a dirty secret that everyone is too ashamed to talk about.

So I'm going to try to put my situation out there. While I do still work for the same firm, when I finally stood up for myself and the abuse I was taking I walked away from near certain semi-lucrative employment. I know this was a decision I made, and as such the situation I am in currently is the result of that choice, but to some extent that makes it more difficult for me to accept. I don't think one should be faced with choosing 2 more years of verbal and emotional abuse or employment, call my crazy.

When I started law school I knew jobs paying 120K were hard to come by, and I knew that wasn't what I wanted to do. I seemed to have this deluded idea that the minimum I'd be making would be 60K no matter what I did, and for the cut in pay I'd be able to enjoy my work. The harsh reality is I have extremely intelligent friends being offered jobs for 35K with no benefits, and a Career Services Office telling them to take any offer given to them since they are lucky to get anything in this market. Of roughtly 200 graduates last year from my law school, 35 who passed the bar are still unemployed. Employers are not shy about the fact that they used to pay more but they know people have to take jobs for 35K, so that is what they offer now.

Basically, this promises to be a memoriam of my slow descent into insanity as Exams, Graduation, PMBR, BarBri and the Bar come and go, while I am left considering why I spent the kind of money I did to take a test I could very well fail, when a definite career (or a job of any kind) is now where in sight.

Sigh.

Job search is not going well. It is looking like I will end up working at this place.


Lets hope they are hiring. I assume their benefits include free chinese, being that they advertise Chop Suey, Shrimp Fried Rice and Egg Rolls in the window.

I Make This Look Easy

Still in the Blog Playoff. It's kinda exhausting to "attempt to be interesting" on a regular basis. Ideas for posts would be welcome assistance (unless they suck), because I'm getting to the point where I might post pictures of my shower, which has gotten a little crowded (in a good way) ever since Lush moved to town.

Gratuitious Post About Leonardo DiCaprio

Lately I've spent a lot of time pondering a very important question. When did Leonardo DiCaprio get hot?

Exhibit A:

Hott.

Best I can figure, based on my scientific analysis of his imdb profile, the phenomenon took somewhere between Titanic and Gangs of New York. Before Catch Me if You Can the only movies I could even stomach him in were What's Eating Gilbert Grape, Basketball Diaries, and Romeo and Juliet. The first two I attribute to the fact that he wasn't being passed off as a sex symbol, the latter I attribute to my love of Claire Danes. Them suddenly during Catch Me if You Can I found myself saying, "wow this is a really long movie and I don't hate Leo." My best guess is that he finally went through puberty, but I'm wondering if I'm the only person who used to think he was ugly and whiney but in recent years has found him to be not only sexy but kinda a good actor.

Dear Penelope,

Nice Couture. Too bad I liked it better the first time I saw it. In 2004.

Hugs and Kisses,

Elle Woods and Every Other Sex and the City Viewer.

In Case There Is Any Confusion...

It is not acceptable to yell across the Blockbuster.

Which means is it also not acceptable to do so repeatedly about the same movie since the other party cannot hear you.

And if you want to really piss me off, you will proceed to call your wife/girlfriend/special lady friend "deaf" and make fun of her for not being able to fully hear your rudeness.

Walk your ass across the store, or go through the store together. Hell, calling her on her cell phone (since I'm sure you both have free weekends) would be a better option then screaming (and annoying me).

"That's impossible, Rhonda. How can you sleep when you're high on crack? Chinese riddle for you."

I decided to do an accounting of my crackhead (and alcoholic) Uncle's activities-that I am aware of-in the last week or so. Because really, what is the point of having a crackhead uncle if you can't write about it?

1. Came over a few days ago to drink beer and stayed even after my grandparents went to bed (at 10:00 p.m.)-the traditional queue to leave.
2. Was talking extremely fast, mumbling, and continually disappeared.
   
3. Stole a bottle of white wine from our house.
4. Stole a bottle of rum from our house.
5. Poured a ton off the vodka bottle, since he knows better than to take that.
6. "Replaced" the rum bottle in the liquor cabinet with a random empty red wine bottle which he apparently brought to the house since nobody here recognizes the type of wine.
7. Ate my leftover chinese.
   
8. Wandered around the basement and presumably took other stuff.
9. Came back and let himself, his girlfriend and her friend in at 3:00 a.m. (waking up my grandparents), to look for his leather jacket. He couldn't remember if he had left it here or at the "place" crackhouse in a shady area he'd been at previously.
10. Said jacket was not here, so presumably he was too high to realize it was effing cold and he needed a jacket or he sold it for crack.
    
11. Presumably drank more beer.
12. Called me last night at 1:00 a.m. to let me know he was coming over since he was "hungry"-he didn't want to scare anyone coming over that late so he called ahead (this time).
13. Woke up my grandparents again, and prompted my grandma to make him something to eat.
    
14. Finished the vodka and kahlua, both bottles were 1/2 full.
15. Took the leftovers from the (delicious) dinner my boss bought me while I was working late Friday.
    
16. Stayed until 3:00 a.m., at which point my grandma told him they needed to go back to bed.
    

Sexy Sunday #15

Housekeeping: I couldn't get the old template exactly how I wanted it, so since I'm a control freak and have been wanting to try green out for awhile. Which means we're all going to be excited that I changed it up and "designed" it myself. Additionally, I appear to be in the equivalent of the NIT Bracket in a blog playoff.

What can I say? Brando's a classic.

9 Commandments of Dating [Me]

1. Thou shall not smother me. If I have to send you a text message asking you to text me less before we even go out, it's probably not going to work.
2. Thou shall be gentlemanly. I'm not asking that you open car doors for me, but opening restaurants doors is nice. Yes, I view the 2 to be very different. Walking out of your way to open a car door is unnecessary, holding open a door you're going to have to open anyway is nice.
3. Thou shall be polite. Treating people who are waiting on you poorly-even if the service is poor isn't going to impress me-it's going to make me think you can't handle the situation without demeaning people, which I will not be in awe of.
4. Thou shall keep bodily functions to yourself. It's no secret that most guys want to believe that girls don't poop, and that's fine-we're happy to continue that myth. But let's even the playing field-no farting or talking about your poop in front of me, that's something my brother does, not something I want a boyfriend doing.
   
5. Thou shall take me to sporting events. I respect the whole "guys night out" thing-but don't think that you can always take your guy friends to sporting events. I can hold my own at a Football, Basketball, or Baseball game and I expect you'll occasionally take me over your buddy. Unless it's a Hockey game, I've never been and I can't say I'm that into the concept of going.
   
6. Thou shall respect my schedule. I let you have your poker nights, and sports nights with the guys so don't get mad at me when I have to work late. Or I want to hang out with my friends. Or see my family.
   
7. Thou shall at least make an attempt to get along with my friends. A lot of my friends have been in my life for 8 years, the rest for more than 6. Don't expect that I'm going to continue dating them if you can't get along with them on occasion, they're fun easy going people-so if you don't get along with them it makes me think there is something wrong with you.
   
8. Thou shall understand I have male friends. More than 50% of my friends are guys. Deal with it. I am not about to have sex with any of them, they were around before you and they will most likely be around after so deal with the fact that I hang out with them and go to dinner with them but that is it.
9. Thou shall understand I get moody. I am busy, I barely sleep and I guarantee I will pick stupid rights with you. If you're a nice guy you will get that it's temporary and everything will blow over.
   

Some might say I'm demanding. I say I have 1 less than god.

House Keeping

1. Someone stole the tire cover off my car. I wasn't even downtown when it occurred, which would have seemed the most likely place for that to transpire.
   
2. Clearly the old template is back. I couldn't stand having the same one as everyone else anymore. I think I got all the links that people had recently requested I add but I'm not sure, if I didn't email me.
3. The Anna Nicole judge gave custody of the body to the infant who had waived custody of the body from what I gathered.
   

Believe The Hype.

I did spend an afternoon (and evening) with Virgin and she managed to escape all Lily White and Pure still, at least I hope.

Actual E-Mail From my Law School.

We are pleased to announce that collaboration between the Law Library and the Law School has created a Tranquility Room to be used by students to attend to their special health care needs, as well as any other needs that can be deemed as personal and private.

Room [redacted] on the second floor of the Law Library has been designated for this purpose and will be accessible during the Law Library hours of operation. This room is free from windows and can provide for the greatest degree of privacy. The room will remain locked and can only be accessed by signing out the key from the Circulation Desk for a maximum of one hour per occurrence.

My First Thought: Ohh, so the law school has a sex room now.

"I Ain't Sayin' She's a Golddigger."

Watching the Anna Nicole Smith probate hearings is to Wills, Trusts and Estates as watching Law and Order is to Criminal Law, Criminal Procedure and Evidence. Meaning it is my equivalent of studying.

I Hate Naming Posts

I'd really like the meet the genius who made the standard snooze button 9 minutes. I picture a bunch of guys sitting around a board room discussing this new revolutionary feature they're going to introduce, a delay on your alarm. Most people would then pick a nice even time frame. 5 minutes clearly isn't a snooze, 15 would make you late-something around 10 would be perfect. But wait, we don't want to actually make it 10, that wouldn't make sense, and we all know 9 minutes is really a "snooze."

I clearly need a new alarm clock, I used to have the kind where the snooze shortened each time. Which also didn't work for me since I'm a compulsive snoozer and it just got annoying. I'm thinking about getting the kind with the adjustable snooze, but they all seem to have the "projection feature" which I'm not crazy about since knowing the outside temperature it not often inspiration to get out of bed around here.

"If It Wasn't For Date Rape I'd Never Get Laid."

As I've been updating my iPod I'm realizing some of the songs on it I could never listen to at work. Which made me wonder if there is some kind of statute of limitations on listening to certain, shall we say, explicit songs; and if there is a statute of limitations when does it run? I think we can all agree there is nothing cool about a 50 year old listening to Date Rape by Sublime.

Sexy Sunday #14

More Six Feet Under goodness, Peter Fancinelli who also happens to be the husband of Jenny Jennie Garth.

Toxic.

Sigh. It's been a long rough road from here.

Not that I can really say anything, since I sported a similar look as a pissed off adolescent, however, that is exactly the point. I was a rebellious tween, you're a soon to be twice divorced mother of 2 in your mid-twenties. I get really sick of hearing about how you didn't have an adolescence and how you're doing it now. Grow up Peter Pan, you're a mother. Act like it.

Not to mention if you really don't want people touching you¹, taking pictures of you, and making a fuss over you maybe you should not do things like: check into rehab for 2 minutes, shave your head in full view of cameras, get random idiotic tats, show your C-Section scar, hang out with Paris Hilton, show your vag, try on strippers' fishnets/bikinis, or puke all over your car. Because really, it seems like you're begging for attention.

More pictures of Britney loosing her mind here.

¹As I'm sure you learned by now people just want to touch you more and rub your head when it's "styled" like that.

Live in [Southern] California Once.

I know I said I had a middle seat on my flights, however things worked out much better for me. The way there I had an entire row to myself and for my short flight home I also had an entire row to myself.

Unfortunately for me when I got to Hertz they were out of economy cars. So I had to cope with having one like this instead:

It was really difficult.

I also did all the touristy stuff and saw the Hollywood Hills, the Hollywood Sign, Scientology World Headquarters, Santa Monica Pier and Venice Beach.

Venice Beach

Chinese Theatre

The Hollywood Sign

View of the Hills from Mulholland Drive

Santa Monica

Santa Monica Pier

"Sweat Your Perm Out."

Vacation was excellent, I've decided I'm moving to Southern California. Maybe I'll post pictures when I get semi caught up on stuff.

Until then, entertain yourselves with Katt Williams HBO Stand Up The Pimp Chronicles-a little something my brother and his roommate introduced me to. Sure it's almost an hour worth of clips, but you're most likely a law student, so it's not like you have anything better to do. Language extremely NSFW, or anywhere else.

Part 1: Introduction
Part 2: Katt on Weed
Part 3: Katt on "Upward Mobility" and Racial Diversity
Part 4: Katt dancing-a dance which I taught an 18 year old Southerner how to do.
Part 5: Katt on Michael Jackson

"If we took a holiday, Took some time to celebrate, Just one day out of life, It would be, It would be so nice."

I'll be on vacation someplace much warmer than where I am right now until early next week. Try not to miss me too much.

PS-I just remembered to check in. Apparently, I am stuck with an middle seat. Mother F.

"[T]he initial de-flowering of the woman as the real harm."

Time magazine is running an article about states which have adopted the position that women are unable to retract their consent to intercourse, based largely on the theory that once a man is in the midst act he's incapable of stopping. I find the argument ridiculous and rather insulting to men as a whole.

Does this mean a woman can't withdraw consent if the condom breaks? Or would that change in circumstances "allow" her to change her mind? The article offers a hypothetical where a woman has learned her partner has HIV and wants to withdraw consent and her partner refuses to stop, is that rape if he continues, or "just" attempted murder if she becomes infected? In states which have adopted this position is the opposite also true? Once a woman has said no-as we all know some women do to play coy-can that lack of consent not be revoked? Is that rape when a man coaxes her into sex, which she agrees to even if she had previously said no?

The arguments in favor of consent not being retractable seem to equate being "blue balled" with forcible sex, which seems completely ludicrous to me.

Discuss amongst yourselves.

[Link].

Another Interesting Article

Lawyer, client charged with DUI

Madison, Wisconsin--Lawyer Rick Petri can really empathize with his client.

Police arrested the lawyer for drunken driving after he went to the station to pick up a client -- who had been arrested for the same offence.

"I can't tell you how humbled I am, how embarrassed I am," said Petri, who once prosecuted drunken drivers.

Petri, 64, said he had been out last week and had a couple of drinks. He had a couple more drinks at home before going to bed. He said police called around about 2 a.m. asking him to pick up the client. Petri said the officer asked if he had been drinking, but he responded he didn't think he was intoxicated. "I was wrong," he said.

[Link].

Being Done With Law School: Priceless

• Bar Examination Fee: $300
• Character and Fitness: $225
• Finger Printing: $75
• Certified Driving Record: $8
• Rental "Custom Fitted" Cap and Gown for Commencement: $69
• Diploma Frame: $160
• Commencement Photo Sitting Fee: $34
• Getting told off by administration official for "not reading law school emails" alerting me to commencement tickets being handed out, after politely telling him a lot of people had missed him since he was "poorly labeled": Priceless
• The fact that said administration official subsequently put on a cap and gown and looks like an idiot sitting in the lobby: Typical
  

What We Already Knew...

Below is an interesting (and lengthy) article from the Wall Street Journal by Cameron Stratcher. I copied it in it's entirety since it requires membership to view. I'm sure I'll be getting a cease and desist order.

Meet the Clients: Law schools rarely teach students how to be lawyers.

The recent arrest of Anderson Kill & Olick paralegal Brian Valery for practicing law without a license raises a number of questions about how the ersatz Fordham graduate could have gotten away with representing corporate clients in complex litigation--without ever having gone to law school. The more salient question, however, is: Would it have mattered if he had?

Legal education has been taking a beating recently. This month the Carnegie Foundation for the Advancement of Teaching issued a report criticizing the Socratic case method that dominates law-school teaching. According to the report, it does little to prepare lawyers to work with real clients or to resolve morally complex issues. Several months ago Harvard Law School announced a reform of its first-year curriculum to require classes in "problem solving," among other things. There appears to be an emerging consensus that although law schools may teach students how to "think like a lawyer," they don't really teach them how to be a lawyer.

It is hard not to agree. One of the biggest problems with the current state of legal education is its emphasis on books rather than people. By reading about the law rather than engaging in it, students end up with the misperception that lawyers spend most of their time debating the niceties of the Rule Against Perpetuities rather than sorting out the messy, somewhat anarchic version of the truth that judges and courts care about. When they graduate, young lawyers rarely know how to interview clients, advocate for their positions, negotiate a settlement or perform any number of other tasks that lawyers do every day. In short, they are woefully unprepared to be lawyers, despite the outrageous hourly fees charged for their services.

By giving students the false idea that being a lawyer is all about intellectual debate, we also drive the wrong students to law school in the first place. The hordes of English majors who fill our classes might think twice if they knew that economics and mathematics--with their emphasis on problem-solving--are the best preparation for a career in law. Flowery prose is seldom valued by an overburdened judiciary.

In addition to misleading students, the current system harms clients who often assume that their lawyers have more experience than they do. The system works for no one except, perhaps, lawyers at the biggest firms who can hire teams of associates to do the legal research that the case method is good at teaching. It should come as no surprise that most members of law-school faculties are big-firm refugees who graduated from elite schools and have little incentive to change the system.

In the good old days, of course, lawyers didn't think they could learn the law through a series of hypotheticals. Instead, like most of the Founding Fathers, they apprenticed themselves to practitioners and learned the skills they needed by doing. The case method was invented in the late 1800s by Christopher Columbus Langdell, the dean of Harvard Law School. (Harvard Law wasn't even founded until 1817.) Formal licensing requirements followed, and soon the state bars imposed exams upon the newly graduated that reinforced the notion that being a lawyer meant memorizing definitions and rules. Along the way, few bothered to ask if clients were actually well-served by a lawyer who knew the difference between assault and battery but couldn't negotiate a plea bargain for someone who had committed either.

These days, to call law school a "trade school" is considered an insult to the establishment. Professors are firmly entrenched in their intellectual camps and pursue their academic agendas. Faculty members with "real world" experience are rarely hired on that basis alone--although it is quite common to hire professors who have clerked for judges but never practiced at all. The Carnegie Foundation is to be admired for advocating more clinical education, in which students will have an opportunity to learn some hands-on skills.

But at the moment law-school clinics are short-term experiences. Students engage in limited representations in a specific field of practice, usually with a liberal tilt. (When was the last time, for example, that a law school opened a clinic to help small-business owners deal with claims brought against them under the Americans with Disabilities Act?) A few more clinics will not change the fundamental prejudice against experiential training when the entire system is rigged against it.

If law schools really want to change the way they train young lawyers, they would look to medical schools. The latter require clinical "rotations" in the last two years of a student's education and then demand at least one more year of training after graduation. By the time your doctor is licensed, he has examined hundreds of patients.

While many new lawyers will start out at big firms where they will rarely get to meet a client, most still go to smaller firms where they will meet clients immediately. The state bars profess interest in protecting the public, but none seem to care whether new lawyers can actually do the tasks with which they will soon be confronted.

Of course, law schools do not have the luxury of large teaching hospitals, with a mostly compliant indigent population on which their greenhorns can practice. And lawyers can't perform needle sticks on a corpse, as doctors can (no jokes, please). They are also restricted by the accrediting rules of the American Bar Association, which limit how many clinical hours a student may take.

But law schools can still act. They could team with local practitioners and institutions and demand that their students gain sustained clinical experience--broadly defined to include anyone needing legal help, not just the usual (nonprofit) suspects. The state bars could refuse to license lawyers until they performed at least one year of postgraduate work, as some other countries require.

Law is not brain surgery. It is a skill that can be acquired through practice and repetition. This is perhaps the most interesting lesson from Brian Valery, the over-ambitious paralegal: He fooled those around him who ought to have known best. In the late 1990s, I litigated against another paralegal who later pleaded no contest to five criminal misdemeanor charges of unlicensed law practice. What struck me about him at the time was how good he was at his job. He blustered, bluffed, threatened and cajoled with the best of them. He knew the law and argued it capably. But then again, he learned his trade the old-fashioned way: He practiced it.

[Link].

(Belated) Sexy Sunday # 13

Keeping with my recent discovery of Six Feet Under...I present Eric Balfour.

What can I say? I'm a sucker for a bad boy.

Today I...

1. was rear-ended on the way to work.
2. had a severe headache, and neck ache (see #1).
3. limped around due to foot pain (also see #1).
4. had to stop and get gas in what my dad referred to as "the worst area [I] could possibly be in."
5. was told I don't have health insurance while trying to pick up $200 in prescriptions.
6. called my parents to tell them #5, at which point my mother demanded to speak to the pharmacy clerk-as if they could do anything-to try and explain that I should have insurance.
7. am cranky.

I am officially...

the person who shows up 10 minutes late to class, with a starbucks cup (spilling all over the place) filled with a quad-venti, non-fat, no-foam, cinnamon dolce latte.

"Now, Imagine She's White."

Hound Dog, the new Dakota Fanning movie is creating a stir at Sundance, due to a rape scene (of Dakota, who is 12 years old) it contains. I don't remember there being such outrage about A Time to Kill, which contains a scene depicting the rape of a 10 year old girl.

It's been ages since I saw A Time to Kill, and I haven't seen Hound Dog yet, so I suppose it isn't really fair to comment. But from my memory the scene in A Time to Kill was fairly graphic, however, I'm not sure it included clips of the girls face, as Hound Dog does.

All signs thus far point to Matthew McConaughey being right in his closing statement of A Time to Kill.

"Generation Next, Next Phase, Next Stage, Next Grade, Next Wave."

The only thing worse than being a Gen-Xer is being a Gen-Yer. You're basically a Gen-Xer who missed out on everything.

You got into Nirvana (years) after the death of Kurt Cobain, the fall of the Berlin Wall is a vague memory and something you learn about in history classes, you listened to the Spice Girls (and saw the movie, your parents fed you Ritalin while you fed yourself X¹, and you were in high school during Columbine-looking around to nerdy kids and deciding to maybe be a bit nicer to them.

It's like my aunt who was born in 1965 who is always trying to say she's a baby boomer at Holiday functions, while all my other family members roll their eyes.

At least I'm not part of the "Internet Generation" like my brother, and know that an e-mail is not a proper thank-you and that the world did function before facebook and myspace.

¹Seriously, I didn't. I was of the opinion that was pretty much the lamest drug you could ever take, and still am.

"Come on to My House, My House A-Come-On, I'm Going to Give You Candy."

My grandparents just informed me that their new favorite show is The Girls Next Door, before that is was "Vanna"¹ and "Reg"². My grandma kept asking me if "Hef sleeps with all of them" since "he kisses them all on the mouth."

¹Wheel of Fortune
²Who Wants to be a Millionaire?

Happy Abortion Day!

Roe v. Wade was decided January 22, 1973.

"I Don't Give A Bakers F*ck!"

Damn Straight.

Sexy Sunday # 12

He might have lost today, and he might have been featured before, but he's still my #1.

He could also have been a tight end, if you ask me...

Seriously?

Great Husband. Events like this make me think being a workaholic-old-maid-who-never-marries won't be so bad.

"This Isn't 'Nam Smokey, There Are Rules."

Today it took me 2 hours to get to school. Thanks mother nature.

Plus, the seating chart in my first class hadn't been passed around yet, even though there was clearly a designated seating arraignment as I had sat in the same seat the last 2 classes periods. However, someone took my absence as a opportunity to adversely possess my seat (and of course the seating chart was then passed around). I feel this is a violation of the unspoken rule that even when there isn't a seating chart if you've had a seat two days in a row it's yours.

Posting will most likely continue to be sparse, as I have no [Hours] stories and school is boring. if you're sick of checking back get bloglines or google reader.

Horray!

Annoyed.

1. Still holding down the thick part of the curve rather handily, although 2 grades are still out.
2. I want my financial aid check. Apparently my school didn't mail them until the day classes started, even though funds were dispursed a week before. Nice.
3. I have no books yet. Because of #2 and my "poor budgeting skills" as the financial aid office implied. I finally had to break down and ask my Mommy and Daddy¹ for the money to buy books despite being in my mid twenties.

¹No, I don't really call them that.

Sigh.

Classes start today for me. And I have to listen to at least one more year of how the SEC is the best conference in the nation, and now there is no decent counter argument. I could take Michigan losing to USC, I know Michigan plays horribly on grass, but the Big Ten going 2-5 in bowl games is a bit too much. Unbelieveable.

My loan check isn't here yet. No books for me until it arrives.

As Much as it Pains Me...

Go Ohio State!
Update: I learned my lesson, Buck the Fuck Eyes.

Let It Snow.

January 8th and we've yet to have any snow. This HAS to be some sort of record. While I enjoy not having wet pants from hiking through snow on the way to class, it is kinda pretty to look it and I almost miss it.

I will regret this post when we do finally get snow.

Killing Bill

TBS is playing something vaguely reminiscent of Kill Bill Volumes I and II this evening. However it cannot be the actual movie as "Buck" was there to "Party" and drove a "Party Wagon." Such a same.

Plutoed?

Has anyone heard of any of the words mentioned in this article?

Sexy Sunday # 11

Sure he's a cad, but he's so easy on the eyes.

"Can't you see, can't you see, what that woman, she been doin' to me."

Whenever I see the TV ad for Goin' South I always think: "If I bought CDs, or if was the type of person who buys CDs off the television, I would SO buy that." I don't know what it is about Southern Rock but I LOVE it. So today I did the next best thing and downloaded the songs I didn't already have on my iPod. So kick ass. It's going to be an Allman Brothers and Marshall Tucker Band evening.

Unemployed.

Or at least rid of [Hours].

Happy 2007!

I submit that there is nothing classier than drinking Cook's Spumante Champagne¹ straight out of the shortie bottle at midnight.

Now it's time to focus on the Rose Bowl. This is really cute. Go Blue!

¹Which is cheaper than Korbel and Asti.