Dear Immune System,

Where did you go? Why am I always sick? I thought my resolutions to eat healthier, take my vitamins, sleep at least 6 hours a night, limit my cigarette consumption to 3 a day, and stay off the drink¹ would have made you happy. But apparently that wasn't enough for you. In the past 6 months I've had: Mono, Strep, the Flu, a Cold, a Sinus Infection/Ear Infection, and Bronchitis. I think it's safe to say when you've had as many sicknesses as Paris Hilton has had STD's in the past 6 months something is a little off. And it's not like I'm not doing my part being that I'm obsessive about hand washing (it's not like I wash them until they crack and peel or anything, but I'm kinda weird about hand washing-big surprise).

If your goal was to get me to quit smoking it appears you have won, as I have been too sick to smoke for the better part of the last 6 months. I hope you're happy immune system, cigarettes were the 5 minutes of my day when I did what I wanted to do; not what my boss, my professors, the evil readers of this blog, or my family wanted me to do.

I'm going to give you one more shot. I'll keep taking vitamins, stay off the booze and cigarettes, and make a good faithed effort to sleep 7 whole hours a night²; if you can manage to keep me healthy until finals. If you fail, all bets are off and I'm going back to what my old shrink would call my "self destructive" ways.

Please consider this letter to be a valid offer, accepted upon delivery unless a counteroffer is made.

Hugs and Kisses,
Elle Woods
Esquire, Jr.

¹I'm really starting to believe that the Vodka was purifying my system and killing all the bacteria and viruses.
²Please notice I said "good faithed effort" and made no guarentee to this provision of said offer.