"Now it's up the stairs, And out of view, no prying eyes."

Recently I heard a song for the first time. A country song. By an American Idol alum. Sure I might be a bit behind the forefront when it comes to Country Music and American Idol. Both of which I generally pride myself of not being fond of, but with lyrics like

Right now, he's probably buying her some fruity little drink cause she can't shoot Whiskey; and
Right now, she's probably up singing some white-trash version of Shania karaoke.

How can you not love it? I never thought the day would come when I'd be singing along with Carrie Underwood nonstop.

It's right up there right now with the Bettie Serveert version of "Lover I Don't Have to Love", which I also have a tendency to sing along with in my office.

Colours of the World...Spice Up Your Life.

My friend and I made the best decision of our lives and upgraded our tickets, to 5 rows from the end of the Catwalk. As much as I'd love to post all 80 pictures I have from the event, I'll just give a couple teasers.

Favorite Part of the Show: Posh's gloves.
She wore them with every costume. I like to think they were an homage to Karl Lagerfeld.

Mama, I love you. I realized Posh is not really person sized, but I didn't realize how tiny Geri had gotten. Also, her abs on the website are NOT airbrushed, those are real.

Yes, you can see Posh when she turns sideways. Barely.

If you can't dance to this you can't do nothing for me baby.
So Fierce.

Worst part of the show: the couple in front of us. The guy must have bought the girl the tickets for Valentine's Day or something since she kept thanking him. After she thanked him they'd always end up making out. (He was about 6'5'' and she was about 5'10'' with her heels on) I ended up getting so pissed (since seeing around one person that tall is hard for me, let alone when they put their heads together), that I took a picture and showed it to them, asking where they wanted me to send it. They finally got the idea. I think it's cool he bought her the tickets, but grow a pair of balls and tell her to take a friend. If there really is such a thing as a man card, his needs to be revoked.

You Came And You Gave Without Taking...

All day yesterday there were constant television interruptions by local stations, warning of how mindblowingly awful the weather was going to be starting a little before midnight and lasting into Sunday. Realizing that this happens every-year in Michigan I wasn't too worried, since it's the snows that they don't predict that cause the issues, not the ones where the Road Commission is posed 12 hours before waiting for the first overtime of the season. This isn't Florida people, we know how to handle snow removal, and if you haven't figured out how to drive in it yet buy an SUV. Regardless, I had decided on a quiet night in, possibly baking cookies, since I've never been one for unnecessarily braving the snow.

Until one of my gays called me with an offer I just could not refuse. Barry Manilow tickets since his parents didn't want to go out when there was the possibility of snow fall. It's not that I'm some huge Barry Manilow fan (or "Fanilow" as I believe they like to be called), it's that I'm always up for an evening of feathery, glitterly, campy goodness.

I went in with high expectations, knowing people rave about what a showman he is, and the Fanilows were going crazy so I figured I was in for an amazing show. Sadly, I was wrong. The entire thing was very minimalist, with about 4 dancers until the last number (Copacabana), where in addition to the dancers Barry threw on a yellow jacket and 3 show girls with feathery Las Vegas style head-dresses joined them onstage. I could go on, but I somehow doubt anyone is still reading my random ass post about Barry Manilow.

I guess I'll just have to wait until the Spice Girls to get my full dose of Camp. I am certain they won't fail to deliver.

It's Britney Bitch...

For those of you who are so inclined MTV.com is showing Britney's new video Piece of Me in full online for 48 hours. It's my favorite song on the new album, the video is actually not bad, and Brit doesn't look like a crackwhore in it. Baby steps people.

Ohh Britney. I wish I could quit you. And while we're talking, that purple dress in the video could have used about an inch more fabric at the bottom, but I can forgive you for that.

Spice Up Your Life

My friend just emailed me to confirm that we got Spice Girls tickets for Chicago. So excited!

Hit Me Baby One More Time1

I have been avoiding posting about Britney since, well, what a long strange trip it's been. I was so optimistic after she dumped K-Fed. Then came the partying with Paris, the crotch shots, the suspected drug use, rehab, leaving rehab after about an hour, shaving her head, attacking a car with an umbrella, more rehab, the firing of all support, estrangement from her family, all but certain drug use, the child custody case, a judge calling her a "frequent and habitual drug user", the hit and run accident, failure to have a valid drivers license, "failure" to take drug tests, the VMAs, the complete revocation of visitation rights and now bad collagen and running over someone's foot.

I'm not trying to make excuses, but isn't it clear that the "frequent and habitual drug user" is a shitty driver? Do you think maybe flashing bulbs in her face while standing right next to her car and blocking her exit might end up with someone getting their foot run over?

¹Admittedly the lamest title ever.

MUAHAHAHAHAHA!

Sometimes, all is right in the world. I finally get an adorable puppy¹ and Paris Hilton loses her inheritance. Sure she still has tons of money from being famous for doing nothing outside of being a Stupid Spoiled Whore, but at least she earns² that money.

¹More pictures to come when I'm not too lazy to upload my pictures.
²On her back.

Seriously?!

How is Blowhan even going to go and get arrested a 2nd time for Possession of Cocaine and D.U.I. in the middle of when I'm taking the bar exam?

In other news the essay portion went fine. Sure there were things I didn't know, but the stuff I didn't know was the same stuff nobody else knew so it should be alright.

Dancing With the Pseudo Stars

My parents just drunk dialed me over the fact that Apolo Anton Ohno won Dancing With the Stars rather than Joey Fat-One (my dad is a former skater and apparently my mom has a thing for short 1/2 Asian pocket boys). I really could care less, but I did meet Joey on TRL (I was 18, do not judge) when I was in the audience and he was promoting Rent, so I had hassled them a bit about it yesterday.

Direct quote from my father:

If Joey Fat-One had won I'd have started voting republican.

Umm, What?

In more important news BarBri starts tomorrow. I still have 35 pages to read, which is totally misleading since it's in the legal sized book. Kill me now.

So Excited!

[Link].

How Does it Feel?

Someone needs to teach these kids how to appreciate a legend. Or we could beat it into them, whichever is more convenient.

I have finally figured out what I want to do with my life.

I am going to be Britney Spears' Manager, being that she recently fired hers' and is in desperate need of a life coach. I know you're thinking "Elle, are you really such a great influence?" Yes I am, this is Britney we're talking about. I'm pretty sure Joe Francis giving her advice would be better than her following her instincts.

I have never dropped a child, I don't have any failed marriages let alone two, I have never worn cowboy boots (over and over), I realize that a midriff is not exactly proper attire for a mother of two to dawn in public, I don't have substance abuse issues, and while I do appreciate a good Howie Day song now and again I get that maybe he is not the best way to rehab¹ her image right now.

Plus as a bonus qualification, in my rebellious (punky) youth I shaved my head and realize that it is not necessary to wear a wig and a hat. One or the other will suffice. Additionally I can offer assistance picking out cute edgy short haircuts once her hair is long enough.



And above all, I realize that geraniums are not appropriate nipple coverings. [Link].

¹Rehab. Ha. Ha.

"Everybody spread the word, we're going to have a celebration."

Happy Madonna Day! I know how I am celebrating, how are you?

Karl Rove Raps.

Seriously. You can't make this shit up.

[Link with Video].

Activism...or as I Call it, the Most Pointless Hunger Strike in the History of the World.

I'm so glad someone from my generation¹ has decided to take a tough stance on an important political issue and went on a hunger strike. I have never and will never understand the cult following of American Idol. I find it rather scary that more people vote for the next American Idol than for President.

I hesitate to link to the actual MySpace page here, but I will for "journalistic integrity."

¹Yup, she's the same age as I am.

Gratuitious Post About Leonardo DiCaprio

Lately I've spent a lot of time pondering a very important question. When did Leonardo DiCaprio get hot?

Exhibit A:

Hott.

Best I can figure, based on my scientific analysis of his imdb profile, the phenomenon took somewhere between Titanic and Gangs of New York. Before Catch Me if You Can the only movies I could even stomach him in were What's Eating Gilbert Grape, Basketball Diaries, and Romeo and Juliet. The first two I attribute to the fact that he wasn't being passed off as a sex symbol, the latter I attribute to my love of Claire Danes. Them suddenly during Catch Me if You Can I found myself saying, "wow this is a really long movie and I don't hate Leo." My best guess is that he finally went through puberty, but I'm wondering if I'm the only person who used to think he was ugly and whiney but in recent years has found him to be not only sexy but kinda a good actor.

Dear Penelope,

Nice Couture. Too bad I liked it better the first time I saw it. In 2004.

Hugs and Kisses,

Elle Woods and Every Other Sex and the City Viewer.

Sexy Sunday #15

Housekeeping: I couldn't get the old template exactly how I wanted it, so since I'm a control freak and have been wanting to try green out for awhile. Which means we're all going to be excited that I changed it up and "designed" it myself. Additionally, I appear to be in the equivalent of the NIT Bracket in a blog playoff.

What can I say? Brando's a classic.

House Keeping

1. Someone stole the tire cover off my car. I wasn't even downtown when it occurred, which would have seemed the most likely place for that to transpire.
   
2. Clearly the old template is back. I couldn't stand having the same one as everyone else anymore. I think I got all the links that people had recently requested I add but I'm not sure, if I didn't email me.
3. The Anna Nicole judge gave custody of the body to the infant who had waived custody of the body from what I gathered.
   

Sexy Sunday #14

More Six Feet Under goodness, Peter Fancinelli who also happens to be the husband of Jenny Jennie Garth.