Sunday, April 30, 2006

I Quit!

(At least for the night).

Readers Beware: Pictures of my study surfaces have commenced.

And before you say it...Yes, I am anal retentive about my tabbing, I can't help it. And, no none of my "real" books are pictured, they are in the trunk of my car, as they have been all term.

These Are My Confessions...

I haven't been to Crim Pro II since Mid-January. I have an outline that was given to me by someone else. While I have tabbed said outline, I have yet to actually read it. I just told all this to the kid who gave me the outline yet he still wants to study with me for some reason at 10:00 a.m. tomorrow. Either he likes me or he's one of those people who LOVES to have a study group, because let's face it, unless he's really into teaching the material, I'm an awful study partner.

Since I'm so devoted I'm going to read through this beautifully tabbed outline during the commercials of The Desperate House-Whores and Grey's Med Students Have Hotter Anatomy Than Law Students.

Wow, 5th post of the day. Don't act like you're not impressed.

UPDATE: Chris O'Donnell was looking fine on Grey's, he has the same birthday as me. That is all.

Encrypted, continued...

We already know what I think Scalia would encode in an opinion, and being that distracting myself wasn't enough I convinced thenambypamby to help me with the complete list.

Roberts: Maybe I should have kept the stripes so these bitches would know they need to respect my authority!

Stevens: I'm old.

Kennedy: I miss O'Connor and her cute little ruffle.

Ginsburg: Do you think that picture of Scalia in The Daily Show book was accurate? He was slanging some pipe.

Alito: Stop calling me Scalito, I'm my own person damn it.

Breyer: Just hang in there Stevens, 2 1/2 more years, you can do it. It's not like you're 90 yet.

Souter: Look at the ass on Roberts, amazing.

Thomas: Everything was perfect before that damn Alito was confirmed and the press gave him that sweet nickname. I wish I was Mini-Scalia.

False Conflicts

During the dreaded Conflicts Review Session I was pleased to know there was someone less prepared then I was. She was also on call, and her lack of knowledge aided me greatly. When she couldn't answer such difficult questions as "What is General Jurisdiction? What is Specific Jurisdiction? What is In Rem Jurisdiction?" I was able to hop in and avoid being called on for the more difficult questions, or what I like to call "Defensive Gunnering."

How can you take a year of civil procedure and a semester of conflicts and not know the answer to those questions? I refuse to believe it's that I'm a civ pro nerd. I feel kinda bad for her and then I remember the professor is a notoriously hard grader, known for giving lots of C-'s even though only 4 people in the class (myself included) are not pass/failing it, and hey, if someone has to fill out the bottom of the curve I'd rather it's her then me. Anyway, I think we solved the mystery of who got a 9 out of 25 on the midterm.


Apparently the "Smithy Code" which was embedded by Judge Smith in The Da Vinci Code ruling has been cracked, by a lawyer, not a cryptographer.

Practicing law in England seems like so much more fun, what with the wigs and weird messages about obscure military figures encoded in rulings. Not to mention the lawyers ability to disregard billable requirements (at the end of a month no less) in order to crack the Smithy Code.

Now instead of studying I can sit around all day and ponder what U.S. Supreme Court Justices would encode in a ruling. I think we can all agree Scalia would go with a dead baby joke, a la-

What's the difference between a pile of bowling balls and a pile of dead babies?

You can't move a pile of bowling balls with a pitchfork.
I'm going to hell.

Best Thing I've Heard in Awhile...

A reader bought a cap gun at 7/11 during a slurpee break, took it back into the library and went on a "shooting spree" Saturday afternoon while studying.

I would have loved to see the reactions of his fellow 1L's.

Friday, April 28, 2006

Sometimes, You Buy White Pumps...

Because sometimes you want to pretend you work for a white shoe firm...

Over/Under Results

My Conflicts Professor just took a phone call from IBM during the review session, what a boner. I have yet to answer "I don't know" and there are 28 minutes and 2 questions left. That is all.

Update 11:38 a.m.: He just took another call. I just decided if I don't know an answer I'm going to fake a phone call.

Update 11:50 a.m.: I just used the phrase "Sorry, I don't have the 2nd Restatement in my Outline yet." Looks like I was way over prepared or extremely lucky, staying that far under the Over/Under.


T-Minus 1 hour until the dreaded Conflict review session I'm on call for. I did create an outline, however, I've yet to read it all. After I made the skeletal outline I added in all the cases I had in my notes. According to my count, there were 42 cases not included in my notes at all. The rest I copied and pasted the holdings from good ol' Westlaw. In case you were wondering. My outline is 16 pages, this should be good.

Over/Under on how many times I'll say "I don't know" or some variation therein before the professor gives up on me:3.

Update: Apparently the review session is in one of the rooms upstairs which has wireless. This puts the Over/Under to 5.

Thursday, April 27, 2006


Ex-Boyfriend: Can I come over tonight? We can watch a movie.

Me: I'm in my J-Lo sweats, my hair is pulled back in a messy bun, I have no make up on, I'm wearing my glasses and I'm studying.

Ex-Boyfriend: So? I've seen you like that before.

Me: That was my polite way of saying no.

Ex-Boyfriend: Ohh.

Apparently I didn't actually take a nap yesterday

...Good to know.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

I Can't Escape It...

As I've noted, today was my first day off work. So far I have received:

  • 6 E-Mails from my Secretary.
  • 9 E-Mails from the new Associate I'm friends with.
  • 2 Voicemails, 1 from the Associate, 1 from the Secretary.
  • 1 E-Mail and 1 voicemail from [Hours]; letting me know he missed me and that he wished I was taking the bar this summer instead of next summer.
Plus, this weekend I have a blind date (sorta) with a guy [Juan] the associate is trying to marry me off with AND I've been convinced to play firm softball and even found my glove from high school.

Work is taking over my personal life and I have no idea how to stop it, or if I even want to-which is an even scarier thought.

Study Study Study...

Today was the first day of the "reading period" for me. Roughly, this is how my day went:

8:35 a.m: Get Up, proceed to eat a piece of toast and then get back to doing nothing. Write a blog post. Back to doing nothing.

11:45 a.m.: Realize it's your mom's day off, call her and see what she's up to.

12:00 p.m.: Straighten Hair.

12:20 p.m.: Make-up.

12:30 p.m.: Go get eyebrows waxed on mom's dime. Take her up on her invite to buy you work clothes.

1:10 p.m.: Marshall Field's. Pick out a bunch of clothes that are inappropriate for work, but are much more fun to buy.

2:35 p.m.: Complain of hunger, convince mom to take you to lunch.

2:50 p.m.: Lunch at local watering hole.

3:45 p.m.: Home.

4:15 p.m.: Write another blog post about the one you wrote earlier in the day.

4:25 p.m.: Nap time.

5:10 p.m.: Woken up by Friend #1 phone call about plans for tonight. Call waiting beeps with call from Friend #3.

5:13 p.m.: Back to doing nothing

5:15 p.m.: More napping.

6:15 p.m.: Write a boring blog post about how you did nothing all day.

6:30 p.m.: Friend #1 should arrive to go to Friend #2's new apartment where we'll get to see Friend #3 who has been in California since January.

7:30 p.m.: 'Stones game.

2nd Hand Smoke

People are all up in arms about my smoking post...I kinda figured it would happen. I wasn't trying to be insensitive about people who die from smoking, I think it sucks. I do, however, view smoking as a choice which is made knowing it's bad for you, which nowadays is a fully informed decision-50 years ago I will admit it was not. I do understand that 2nd had smoke is bad, but the situation that I'm really complaining about doesn't even have second hand smoke involved, it's just people picking on smokers since it's the popular thing to do. The covered walkway is 2o feet wide and has 4 doors which you can enter the building from on each side. Even if a smoker is standing under it in NO way is someone forced to breathe 2nd hand smoke. FURTHER, if you look at the drawing, there is a completely enclosed walkway, which from the library is about 25 steps further to take, if you don't want to deal with looking at me smoke, go that way.

Here is a comment I left on a post dedicated to telling me I'm wrong, which I might be, but I just wanted to clarify somethings.

I only used to bar example since I think it's kinda lame, but I can understand it. Especially given that banning smoking in bars if more for the workers. Lucky for me I don't live in state that has banned smoking in bars-yet.

When I was a non-smoker I didn't like it either, I still sit in non-smoking in restaurants-mainly out of respect for my non-smoking friends. What I can't understand is being told where I can and can't smoke outside when where I stand is not even in anyone's way to get to the building. The whole post was directed at pointing out how ridiculous law students are, to go posting signs and drawing chalk lines, when they're not even in the right place.

I refer to smokers as an underclass because it's very popular to pick on smokers in so many ways it's unbelieveable. Strangers have no problem stopping and telling me smoking is going to kill me-thanks, I know. Yet people can sit and eat a triple whopper with extra mayo and a biggie fry and nobody says anything to them. It's a double standard constantly imposed on smokers.

By the way, I'd love to see a state ban tobacco sales and make up the tax base somewhere else. Everyone would have a fit when the taxes on everything else went up to fund schools (I believe in my state cigarettes taxes go to schools). Not to mention all the politicians dirty campaign money.
The bottom line is that since we're so PC now we don't pick on people for the race, gender, religion, nationality or weight to their face; yet everyone seems to think it's ok to single smokers out. People are less judgmental of people who are addicted to drugs and alcohol, when really, addiction is addiction.

The internal monologue shit was my attempt at humor, obviously, I suck at that; but have no fear, I'll probably die young as a result of my smoking so at least you'll have to read it less.

Thank You For Smoking

Ok, so here's the deal. I'm a smoker. Sorta. I smoke about 3 cigarettes a day when I'm at school or work and that's about it. While I'm not a heavy smoker by any stretch of the imagination I get really sick of how smokers are being forced out of bars.

My Internal Monologue: Sorry, I didn't realize that beer you were imbibing to wash down that shot of whiskey was SOOO healthy for you. Ohh, what's that you're drunk and you want one of my cigarettes? Well you can't have one, because I'm not allowed to have them in bars anymore.
However, for all the complaining I do about states that have banned smoking in bars I at least understand it, it's indoors, and if I wasn't a smoker I might find it offensive. Then again, I might be a realist about it and realize I'm in a fucking bar. People smoke there.

You see, at my wonderful law school everyonce and awhile people post signs about where we are allowed to smoke. The signs state, that according to University policy we can't smoke within 25' of an entrance to a school building. When people post signs, they are kind enough to use chalk to demonstrate to us where we are allowed to smoke. In the diagram below, the lines they draw are represented by the purple lines, which basically try to stop smoking in the covered walkway.

Here's the problem, assclowns. Your lines do not represent the area within 25' of the building. Your lines represent where you want us not to smoke, which for the most part people go along with anyway and go smoke by the garden, unless it's raining out and then for obvious reasons we stand under the covered walkway with our laptops, book bags and ignited tobacco. Hmm, why would being dry be helpful? I just can't figure it out.

We get it, you don't want to walk through smokers on the way to class. Fine. We're used to being picked on as societies underclass. However, when you post the signs saying we can't smoke within 25' of the doors and then leave us guidelines you should at least me accurate with them. The blue lines on my diagram represent roughly 25' from the entrances to the building. See, the problem? The smokers can stand right in the middle of the covered walkway, as opposed to off to the side as we do now. You can have your 25', but I'm going to take my area right out of the middle if you keep acting like an assclowns.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

I Can Barely Even Count...

What is with ALL THESE NUMBERS POSTS? Whatever, I'm sure I'll make one in the next few days while procrastinating.

Legally Blonde, Your Place for all things K-Fed.

So, before I saw this post I had a whole post in the works (in my mind) about finals distractions, which I'd been postponing actually writting until tomorrow (my first "study" day) but I decided to be ambitious and take it on tonight. You're welcome for getting it to you sooner.

During finals everyone claims to be doing so much work, but if you're at all like me, you do very little outside of lounge around and catch up on stuff you've missed out on, google stupid stuff on the internet, and maybe throw in a little gilbert's reading for good merit. I know I'm not alone in this people, I see my hits during finals, so nobody is doing that much work, well, besides 1L's...Those poor fools.

So what has been my focus so far this year? Two Words: Kevin Federline.

Here is a compilation of my person favorites. (I'm sure everyone has seen them, but really, does K-Fed being an assclown ever get old?)

1) "Resist his skanky powers!"

2) Then this weekend I discovered his MySpace page. (Yeah, apparently I live in a box since I had no idea). One more reason to not join MySpace. The sick part, in my finals induced dilusional state the song on the site America's Most Hated doesn't seem that bad, I will even stipulated to the fact that I downloaded it to my iPod. I know. I know. Direct your intervention e-mails to legallyblondeblog at gmail dot com.

3) "I look like I might stink, yo...but I don't."

4) "And he's got 2 kids with Moesha's friend."

5) "I wanna see your kitty and little bit of titty."

6) And of course, what K-Fed Compilation would be complete without James Lipton on Conan reciting Popozao?

What can I say? In the words of Mr. Britney...
"K-Federline, I hit like tsunami's."

Monday, April 24, 2006

Glory Days

Remember in Undergrad when you had a really "busy" day you'd detail it on your away message (since you were cool like me) and it'd be all:

Looooooong Day...
Class 10:00-12:00
Lunch with Geeberino 12:00-12:45
More Class 1:00-3:30
Studying 3:45-5:45
Work 6:00-9:00
After that drinking somewhere, hit the celly if you want to join...
And you thought you had a really stressful day since you had to be gone for 11 hours, but really you only had 5 1/2 hours of obligations, and almost anything could be cancelled or skipped with little to no notice based on whatever whim comes along.

Nowadays I get up at 6 a.m. to leave the house by 7:00, so I can be at work from 8:00-3:30. Followed by class from 4:00-8:15 and then a 45 minute drive home. Putting my return time sometime around 14 hours after I left to begin with. Only to get home; eat a Lean Cuisine, shower, check my e-mail, write on this awesome blog, read a bit, and hope to be sleeping by 1:00 so it's not impossible when I have to get up and do it again the next day. So I think it's safe to say that somedays, I kinda miss all the "responsibilities" of undergrad.

Sunday, April 23, 2006

Thank You...

to all the law school overachievers who create flawless outlines. I'd almost forgotten how much work goes into even creating a 1/2 assed outline, then I had the pleasure of creating such a piece of art of garbage.

I do have to say, I am rather confused about what has gotten into me. The mandatory (for me- since I'm on call) review session for this course is not until next Friday and the exam isn't until the 3rd of May. However, I knew I had to work all week and wanted to be able to prepare for the review session at the end of the week, soI outlined today. Could it really be possible that I've set aside my slacker ways? Am I "growing up"? Or is it that I find [Hours] last minute nature so annoying I'm shying away from it?

Saturday, April 22, 2006

Exams Make Me Cranky

Here's the thing. I'm always poor at the end of the term. That being said, I like having french manicures. Usually I pay for them (I know, $15 a week on manicures is why I'm poor), however as I'm low on cash I have to do them myself. The problem being I have essential tremors and my hands shake. So I need guides. Which are sold in packs of 96. Nevermind that I'd say 99.9% of women have 10 fingers-these are made for women with 8 fingers to get 12 uses out of. It'll take me 5 packs before I end up with an even number, 480, or 48 french manicures. Thanks so much Sally Hansen, I know you'd try to agrue the odd number is for user error, but come on, they're stickers, you can restick them.

Thursday, April 20, 2006

"Hey, I'm weird man."

Last 5 songs I added to my iPod:

  1. Take Your Mama-Scissor Sisters
  2. Try a Little Tenderness-Otis Redding
  3. Blister in the Sun-The Violent Femmes
  4. It's Hard Out Here For a Pimp-Terrence Howard (Hustle and Flow)
  5. Late At Night-Buffalo Tom
I really do not think that could be anymore random.

Causing Plaintiff's Downfall

The Namby Pamby is claiming he's seen the best opinion ever written. While he might be correct, and I'm not about to start doing legal "research" to prove him wrong so we'll just go ahead and assume that he is, I would have to say my favorite action ever bought is U. S. ex rel. Mayo v. Satan and his Staff, 54 F.R.D. 282 (W.D.Pa., 1971). Some of my Favorite parts:

  • "He alleges that Satan has on numerous occasions caused plaintiff misery and unwarranted threats, against the will of plaintiff, that Satan has placed deliberate obstacles in his path and has caused plaintiff's downfall."
  • "Plaintiff alleges that by reason of these acts Satan has deprived him of his constitutional rights."
  • "Even if plaintiff's complaint reveals a prima facie recital of the infringement of the civil rights of a citizen of the United States, the Court has serious doubts that the complaint reveals a cause of action upon which relief can be granted by the court. We question whether plaintiff may obtain personal jurisdiction over the defendant in this judicial district. The complaint contains no allegation of residence in this district...We note that the plaintiff has failed to include with his complaint the required form of instructions for the United States Marshall for directions as to service of process."
  • "If such action were to be allowed we would also face the question of whether it may be maintained as a class action. It appears to meet the requirements of FRCP 23 that the class is so numerous that joinder of all members is impracticable, there are questions of law and fact common to the class, and the claims of the representative party is typical of the claims of the class. We cannot now determine if the representative party will fairly protect the interests of the class."
I don't know what I like better, that someone clogged the court system trying to sue satan-and might have actually gotten a licensed member of the bar to file the complaint for them or a District Court judge having to use the Federal Rules of Civil Procedure to explain why you can't sue Satan.

Wednesday, April 19, 2006


My Best Friend since Kindergarden just joined Myspace. I told her I was disowning her. She reminded me I have a blog. On blogspot. Apparently we really do deserve each other.

Reason #87,006 I HATE Law School

I've already written about how I have to be on-call during the review session for Conflicts.

What I was not aware of was that the review session is being held during the "reading period." On a Friday. In the morning. When I'm supposed to be working or alternatively studying.

Ohh, and as this Professor feels that participation is extremely important, 25% of our grade is based on our 3 on-call days. (It's very high school, I know). Which means that 8.33% of my grade will be determined during the reading period.

As an added bonus, it's this Prof. So I think it's safe to say that I will be grilled more then well-done T-Bone being that he probably likes me a lot.

Done and Done

Me: I'm going to go now, I have to get some stuff done for school.

[Hours being extremely over dramatic]: Just leave. All the women in my life leave me.

Me: You're still married to your wife...Are you drunk? Why are your sunglasses on inside? Why are you sitting in the middle of the hall?

[Hours]: Stop questioning me, this isn't a deposition! Get out of here!

Politically Correct

Evidence Professor while talking about FRE 804(a)(5):
"A colleague of mine once had a Korean witness, there was a dep taken which was favorable to my colleague and right before they were about to go to trial the guy goes...

[Professor using fake "Korean" accent]: I give false deposition.
"My colleague said he just about bought him a one way ticket back to Korea, but clearly under this rule that would not work since the proponent cannot be responsible for procuring the witnesses unavailablity."

Me (to Korean friend): Wow. So offensive and yet such a good illustration of the rule.

Korean Friend: Ehh, I'm kinda suprised he didn't call all Asians "slant eyes", that wasn't that bad for him.

Monday, April 17, 2006

Do I Get a Tiara?

Today, I had a headache during class. I wasn't taking notes-since I rarely do-so I decided to put my laptop to good use and pretend it was a nice soft pillow. All of a sudden the Professor made a comment to the effect of:

I'm going to keep explain this further for those of you who are awake.
The class laughed, I looked up, smiled at the Prof (who surprisingly smiled back) and decided to make put in a 1/2 assed effort at holding my head up.

A friend approached me afterwards and said:
I used to think I was the worst law student ever. But being that was the first time you'd shown up in about a month and then you just put your head down, I think it's safe to say you have the title locked up.
However, I've since learned that others were actually sleeping. Does this mean I don't get the award I worked so hard for did literally almost nothing to receive?

Tip of the Day

Best way to make yourself look like a porn star in under 30 minutes: Vamp up your dull curls with corkscrew curls using a tight curling iron and then just keep telling yourself "big hair is in right now."

It's fool proof, Jenna Jameson will be begging you for styling tips if you run into her.

Dirty Pirate Hooker Wanted

This post is one of the funniest things I've seen lately.

While we're on the subject-if anyone has a Conflicts or Professional Responsibility outline they'd like to pass on I promise to be mindful of it's needs, sensitive, caring and giving.

Saturday, April 15, 2006

Over Lunch Friday with an Associate in his 30's who went to my school:

Elle Woods: Apparently they're tearing down the classroom building. Dean [Blank] wants to get wireless in the classrooms, but now I'm doubting they'll do it before the new building is put in. Meaning I will have to endure another year of not being able to IM and check my e-mail in class.

Associate: Wireless? Wouldn't students just not pay attention in class?

Elle Woods: How old are you? We don't pay attention now between Solitaire, Minesweeper, Free Cell, Spider Solitaire and Text Twist. The A.D.D. generation is not known for their ability to focus on Judge Learned Hand. At least then we'd be able to look up cases we haven't read.

Associate: You make me feel so old.

Elle Woods: It's only because you are.

Friday, April 14, 2006

"You watch and see...Big Boi!"

Joe Jamail attempts to take a deposition, I just feel bad for the Court Reporter.

Thursday, April 13, 2006

Fingers Crossed.

[ASSociate] failed to file a response for a huge case. Most likely we won't get defaulted, however needless to say, [Hours] isn't happy and was overheard screaming "I'm going to fire him!"

The best part is that he's blaming it on our secretary being out yesterday-despite the fact that she e-mailed and called to remind him it was due. Now he's trying to get her to sign an affidavit to the effect that she was out and that is why the answer didn't get filed. I would really love to see the judge laugh him out of court on that one.

Additionally, he ate all my candy. That alone should be enough to fire him for.

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Did You Take Your Crazy Pill Today?

Recently I went off my medication, accidentally at first. Traditionally when I do this I always feel decent for a while and decide I'm much better now and that I don't need meds anymore. This time I think it really might be true being that I've straightened a lot of other stuff out, however if it's not I have consigned myself to a lifetime of perscription drugs, a daily reminder that I'm different then most people. That is by far the most difficult part.

My Blog-a-versary is May 13th. I'm really trying to keep this going until then just so I can say I did it for a year. Plus I'll have finals and lots of slacking to do. I'd say there's a 50/50 chance of me making it an entire month.

Knight in Shining Armor

I thought it was clear by my vampant narcissism and removal of comments that I only wanted positive feedback but apparently people don't get it. Luckily my favorite Texan volunteered to handle all my hate mail, since I clearly rub some people the wrong way. His IM is at the right. And before you bother him about it, I fully admit this is immature and lame, however I'm hard enough on myself that I don't really need anyone else doing it. Just remember, don't mess with Texas.

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Please Sanitize Your Briefs!

Yesterday when I took my mid to late morning coffee induced pee break there was someone in the bathroom with a motion laid on the floor reading it while they did their business. I told the new associate about it and 20 minutes later when she went in there the weirdo was still in there.

I don't know if I'm more weirded out that they were in there for 20 minutes or that I might touch a motion that was laying on the bathroom floor at one point. Second thought, the germaphobe side of me knows it's the laying the motion on the floor that bothers me far more.

Shock and Awe

I was talking to our new Associate about my friend and [ASSociate] chimed in...

[ASSociate]: Hey, I have $3000 TV and no pots and pans.

Elle Woods: Haven't you been living at your place for like 6 months?

[ASSociate]: Yeah.

Elle Woods: What do you eat?

[ASSociate]: Microwave dinners, sandwiches, and take out.

Elle Woods: Wow.

[ASSociate]: It keeps the stove clean so it's one less thing for me to clean.

Elle Woods: Outside of dusting it.
I really am interested-do a lot of people (I'm trying not to be sexist) live like that?

Monday, April 10, 2006


You'd think I'd be stressed with the pressure of preparing for exams while being out of the house 14+ hours a day for work and school. Particularly given my class attendance this term, and the amount of reading I've done (or haven't done). Or you'd think the fact that I'm broke until I get paid Friday would be getting to me. None of this stuff really phases me.

What I am stressed about is that I just called to make an appointment to get my hair cut and colored (since I have the money for that apparently) and I was told my stylist-who has been cutting my hair since I was 5 (and coloring it since roughly since roughly 15) has retired to sell real estate full time. Clearly, this is worth being upset and stressed over since I don't trust my hair to just anyone and I'm going to have to find someone new.

Thus far my options are Aveda (where I used to get my hair done in college-and while it's a drive I know it'll be cheap for a great cut) and the place where Jack White gets his hair cut and where Renee Zellweger used to get her hair done when she was dating him (this is actually a minus for me since I think she needs to be held down and force fed).

I know everyone cares so much about my hair but I felt compelled to write about it. So get over it.

Sunday, April 9, 2006

I'm Looking at You Scalia

Elle Woods: Texas Virgins really weird me out.

Friend: What's a Texas Virgin?

Elle Woods: Girls who take it everywhere but their vag and think they're virgins.

Friend: Seems fine to me, I do like vag though.

Elle Woods: It's just another example of how textualism is not a good way to interpret ancient documents.

The Pot and The Kettle

Recently a friend of mine moved into his own apartment. He spent $10,000 furnishing it; Micro-Suede sectional sofa, end tables, firm mattress with memory foam, new bed frame, bedding, bedside table, desk, artwork, dart board, 42'' Plasma Screen TV, DVD player that converts movies to High Definition, X-Box 360, 2 room Direct TV with Tivo, 7 speaker surround sound (no idea why anyone would need 7 when almost all movies are 5:1), stereo receiver, unbelieveable amounts of cords to hook it all up, an entertainment center, etc., etc., etc...

However, despite all these purchases he didn't get any pots and pans. And women are accused of lacking common sense and rationality.

Thursday, April 6, 2006

Special Needs Attorney at Law

The email that alerted the [ASSociate] to my beliefs on his abilities as a lawyer was a result of him loosing records. Today, the next day I was in, I figured out he'd lost more records on the same case in a different incident. I'm seriously buying him a helmet.

In order to redeem my absences in Conflicts I have to be on-call during the review session.

I went to about 1/2 the classes before the midterm and haven't been back since I did well on it.

While it will force me to study the material I'm most likely going to look like a total assclown. Should be fun.

I'm A Slave For You

My Professors (outside of Crim Pro-which I haven't been to since Mid-January) have decided to put an end to my rampant abuse of their Attendance Policies.

  • If I miss one more PR class I won't be able to take the exam.
  • I will definitely be getting my grade lowered in Conflicts and might be at risk of being dropped from the class.
  • His Honor told my evidence class that I have 5 official absences last night and that someone should tell me I'm "on the verge." He wasn't supposed to have an attendance policy at all!What does that even mean?
The streak was good while it lasted, but apparently I have to attend all my classes (outside of Crim Cro) for the next 2 1/2 weeks. Worse yet, I'm going to have to be on call in both of them, which will require reading.

Wednesday, April 5, 2006

The More You Know...

I just made a 1/2 assed attempt to consolidate my student loans, meaning I gave up once I realized I needed to know all my lenders. However, I felt it was my duty to share what I've learned from this experience. As long as you're still in school it doesn't seem to effect your interest rates (despite the hikes coming in the next couple weeks) if you don't consolidate right now. Good to know, provided I'm right-which isn't likely given my complete and utter financial irresponsibility and inability to even stay up on balancing my check book.

My Conversation Went More Like This...

Friend: Are you still sticking with your plan to go to law school next year?

Elle Woods: Yeah, I always planned to and at this point it would upset my parents if I didn't...Plus while I haven't really looked into jobs, I have a feeling all I can do with my Poli Sci degree is work in a Gas Station. Which would kinda suck, outside of the free candy, or course.

Friend: I don't think it's free just because you work there.

Elle Woods: I'll have a B.A. from one of the best public schools in the country, I'm sure I'll be able to figure out how to get free snickers. Plus according to Troy in Reality Bites, the man owes you a snickers.

Friend: So basically you lack the ethics to hold down a job at a Gas Station and feel law school is a better option?

Elle Woods: Essentially...And I'd like to drive a BMW one day and the only way that is feasible at a Gas Station is to take one for a joy ride.

Tuesday, April 4, 2006

And The Assclown of The Day Award Goes To...

Elle Woods, for sending an e-mail bitching about the [ASSociate] to him instead of our Secretary as intended.

Elle Woods, (Junior) Attorney at Law

Recently my Angelic little Brother has found himself in a bit of legal trouble. Being that my parents don't really have the means to hire a him an attorney I had to ask [Hours] if he'd represent him, which he agreed to. However, [Hours] representing him on such a small case really means I have to handle everything and [Hours] will go to court since he has a P number. Being that it's my baby brother I'm slightly overbearing and tend to call him everyday to tell him what I did that day and send him everything I file via US Mail instead of just giving it to him when I see him.

Brother: i got the letter today for the appearance and adjournment

ElleWoods626: yeah i figured you would

ElleWoods626: i did both of those

Brother: yeah

Brother: [Elle] your like...almost a real lawyer

Brother: your all professional and shit...its sweet

ElleWoods626: i prefer to be called a "junior" lawyer

Brother: do you get a badge for that?

ElleWoods626: sorta, I took a junior ranger badge and "reworked" it
Our parents clearly did a real bang up job.

Monday, April 3, 2006

"This Shit is Banana's, B-A-N-A-N-A-S"

Today I updated my iPod, who is lovelingly named Jesus (Spanish Pronounciation). The list of updates is embarassing guilty pleasure music for the most part, as such, I had to share.

  1. Natasha Bedingfield: Unwritten
  2. Joe Budden: Fire, Pump it Up
  3. Mariah Carey: Heartbreaker, Shake it Off
  4. Kelly Clarkston: Walk Away, Since You Been Gone, Miss Independent, Behind These Hazel Eyes, Because of You
  5. Joe Cocker: You Can Leave Your Hat On, Summer in the City
  6. Gorillaz: Dare, Clint Eastwood, El Manana
  7. The Killers: Smile Like You Mean It
  8. Manna and Quail: End, Honestly, Fill Me Up
  9. Mike Jones: Back Then, Flossin, I'm in Love With a Stripper
  10. Daniel Powter: Bad Day
  11. The Roots: The Seed 2.0
  12. Gwen Stefani: Crash, Hollaback Girl, Rich Girl, What You Waiting For
At least 5, 6, 8 and 11 are redeaming (1, 7 and 10 aren't too bad either), but still I can't help but feel dirrty.


During 1L Orientation my Criminal Law Professor gave a presentation about a case he was arguing that term in front of the Supreme Court. The first lie was that we needed to attend said presentation.

The second, and much more egregious lie was that law school would ruin Law and Order for us. Nearly 1/2 way there and I can still say Jack McCoy is the man. As an homage to him I think I'll make a T-Shirt that says "Everything I needed to know about Evidence I learned from Jack McCoy" shirt to wear to my exam. In fact, if anything I like L & O more now because when they throw out Res Ipsa Loquitor and other obnoxious latin phrases I feel like I'm in a secret club.

"Quit Staring At My Headgear!"

Recently I had some teeth which had been ground down during my sleep fixed, and as a prereq to the fixing my dentist insisted I have a "Night Guard" made. I agreed, since my insurance was paying for all of it, and I really wanted my cuspids fixed. I had no intention of wearing said "headgear."

That was, until I woke up with my perfect teeth chipped (don't worry, the dentist my mom works for is going to fix it). Everyone I bring it up to asks if I have a bite guard-thanks for rubbing salt in the wound assclowns.

So apparently from now on while sleeping alone in my bed I shall be wearing my headgear, the added bonus is the lisp. Thuper!!!

Sunday, April 2, 2006

Law Students: Risking Life and Limb to Study since 1873.

As his last act as Supreme Ruler Law Student on a Power Trip our "Student Council" President is attempting to extend library hours during finals. While I completely support enabling my classmates pre-exam sleep deprivation I was slightly confused when I read the e-mail being that the library currently closes at 11 p.m. and the parking structure locks at midnight (as I've learned from staying at the local watering hole too late with friends).

I couldn't help but e-mail him back and ask if the garage hours would be extended as well, and if not, where the law students would be parking-being that while my law school is located in a
fairly safe area, it's still located in the city once known as "The Murder Capitol of World."

It came as little shock to me that not only had he not considered the parking issue but when I brought it up he was rather glib about it and told me we could park on the street (the closest free street parking is 4 long poorly lit blocks away). Sheer. Fucking. Genius.

I e-mailed him back suggesting they keep the library open 24 hours a day, to ensure my fellow students would be sleep deprived, and also insane since they would reach their breaking points most likely somewhere around 4 a.m., but their cars would be locked in the garage until 7 a.m. thereby forcing them to sleep in the law school. If my evil plan is accepted it might be the single most ingenious thing I've done in law school yet.