Friday, December 9, 2005

Happy Birthday Flip!!!

My brother turns 18 today. I swung by and gave him his presents a day early. While he laughed about the crappy porno I got him he was like; "Umm the Hustler, Penthouse and Club magazine you got me are def hardcore porn." I had no idea magazines could be hardcore. So my plan to get him porn that was so bad it was funny kinda back fired in a way. Plus I didn't realize the Penthouse had a 2006 Calendar and the Hustler had some kind of DVD. Clearly I did not read the cover at all and as such I ended up with exactly what I was trying to not get him, hardcore non-crappy porn.

Today I also went and picked him up Cigars. I told the guy at the store that I was just getting them for my brother's 18th birthday and I didn't want to spend too much. He gave me one and then went into the humidor and got me 2 more Montecristo's that were $13 each. 3 good cigars and a free cutter for $26 bucks, not too bad. I couldn't believe I made it pretty clear I most likely would never be back and the guy still gave me a free $20 cigar and a cutter. But I suppose it worked since if I do have any cigar needs in the future I will be going back to get them there, in the hope of more free stuff.

Apparently my mom was also drunk tonight since she let my Brother, Dad and I smoke the cigars in the house-since she loves the smell (yeah, I smoked a cigar, I know...I'm tough); which led to some interesting statements, Examples below.

Elle Woods: That commercial is so lame, who licks the paper before they roll the joint?

Dad: I knew a guy who used to wipe his sweat to do it.

Elle Woods: The worst is when you use a dollar bill and have to lick the end.

Dad: Ohh I know.

Mom: What are you guys talking about?

Brother: They're talking about rolling a joint, and they're both amateur's since they use a dollar bill.

Elle Woods:
No, it rolls the best like that if you don't have a roller.

Mom: I don't get it.

Dad: You use it as a guide. That's how I always did it.

Brother: I expected so much more out of you dad, that is so amateur.

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Brother: Dad, I know how to ash leave me alone.

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Elle Woods: I've never smoked a cigar before, I mean, I've smoked the outside but never an actual cigar.

Mom: I don't get what you mean.

Dad: Yeah, well you haven't gotten any of these references your kids are making so why would this one be any different.

Mom: Are you guys talking about pot?

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I think it's safe to say my mom is clueless. I wonder if the family who smokes cigars and talks former joint rolling techniques together stays together?

3 comments:

Energy Spatula said...

I cannot even fathom that conversation. My dad and mom just accepted this past year that I have a beer once in a while. That's what I tell them, "once in a while"...as opposed to the truth, "beery bleary drunken binges."

Elle Woods said...

Ohh my Mom and Dad coped with the fact that my brother and I drink and that we used to smoke. My brother got caught drunk at my parents house when he was 13 with his friends and I broke them in pretty well during college (using my Fake ID to get served the day I graduated since I wasn't old enough was stellar). My personal favorite moment last night was when my brother called my dad a "F*cking P*ssy" for using a dollar bill to roll a J.

Yesterday I was meeting up with a friend in the afternoon (before all this went down) and we hung out with my mom and brother. He's met my mom before but just for a few seconds before a football game in college. She rolled into my house with 2-6 Packs and was like, "Well I have my beer I don't know what you kids are drinking." He'd also met my brother on a few occasions but he'd never seen all of us together. We're like a pack of sailors. My brother was yelling at my mom (jokingly) to "go get his fucking presents," my was was cursing since she couldn't get her keg tapped right (yeah, my mom keeps a keg on tap at all times) and I was just sitting there chilling. My friend was like, "ok, now I know where you get it from...But what I couldn't believe was that you were calmer then them."

Anyway, that was like a parallel post but I'm sure everyone enjoyed it.

Erika said...

My parents are like ESpat's, they've often approached me about my "drinking problem". I can't remember ever having more than 2 beers in their presence.