Tuesday, May 30, 2006

The Cyclops

Today my associate friend lost a contact and couldn't see much of anything without it. He wanted to go home and get another. Apparently he "always" keeps a spare set in his desk-yet today he just happened to be out.

The partner he worked for had different plans. He folded a napkin in 4 and scotch-taped the napkin to the associate's face over his left eye as a makeshift eye patch and told him to get back to work since he was still short hours for the month.

Ahh the joys of firm life.

Monday, May 29, 2006

Ahh, Memorial Day...

Being the responsible tanner I am, I used an amplifier with SPF4, and given what I learned when I worked in the skin care business that meant it had to be reapplied every 1/2 hour-hour and that I could stay out in the sun 4 times longer then I could without sunscreen...Total for the day (this is where most people screw up). Given that I burn in 30 minutes, I'm back inside safely 2 hours later. (I know this was a boring paragraph about sunscreen, but somewhere, someone is going, "so that's how it works!" and for that, you are welcome).

So after my 2 hours in the sun I decided I would cool down with a quick dip in the lake. Quick being the operative word.

You see, when I was younger, I dove in and my then long blonde hair got tangled in the seaweed and I almost drowned. It's taken me 14 years to grow my hair back and still to this day when seaweed to much as touches me I FLIP THE F*CK OUT. My friends have come to realize this and will throw it at me...Real mature.

So I wade into the lake, everything looks clear so I start swimming, suddenly I see it, I'm over a "water forest" of seaweed. I take a second and pause, a decision that would instantly become a bad idea as my legs sunk down and became entangled with the demon-weeds.

I'm fairly certain my neighbors, who were hosting a family reunion, have never seen an "adult" flip out in the manner I proceeded to. I swam in as fast as I could and ran up the hill in the "front yard" (I hate how on a lake you call the back yard the front yard). Once I had reached safety I did what any normal person would do, light a cigarette and commenced smoking it as if nothing happened.

At first glance...

it would appear that my room needs to be cleaned, what with the piles of clothes strewn all over.

In fact I'd even toyed with the idea of doing it today. Then I decided laying out on the dock would be much more fun.

So I made a compromise (with myself), if I could find one of my swimsuits within 2 minutes I would skip the cleaning and get to work on getting premature wrinkles and skin cancer.

Luckily for me, my favorite suit was in the first place I looked.

Mystery of the Day

Why does a picture of Kenny Chesney come up on Jesus the iPod when I play Bob Dylan's Cocaine?

I am so confused, I don't even have any Kenny Chesney on Jesus the iPod.

Sunday, May 28, 2006

Dear Kayne,

I want my sweater back. It's been missing and after I came across the picture below the only plausible excuse is that you stole it.

You might be fooling the others, but I know it's my Ralph Lauren Cable Knit Sweater in Geranium that you've been sporting.

Just return it as soon as you managed to climb off whatever groupie you're banging as you watch porn (like the sex addict you are) all the while telling her how awesome you, your albums, your producing skills are, and how lucky is she to be with such a humble guy.

Hugs and Kisses,
Elle Woods

P.S.-Try not to get anything on it...please.

P.P.S.-If I find out my white one is missing I'm coming after you.

Saturday, May 27, 2006

You spelled "wine" wrong.

I just got an e-mail from Jeremy Blachman, apparently my whining might have paid off for once. Yay! Poor Guy doesn't realize that validating behavior like that doesn't lead anywhere good, just ask most all of my ex-boyfriends.

If this works out you guys will get to listen to my wax poetic about my opinion of the book, and I think we're all looking forward to that.

Ok, I should try to sleep since I've been up for almost 24 hours.

Friday, May 26, 2006

Random Thought...

Me saying I'm quitting blogging is the rough equivalent of Cher's "Farewell" Tour. It's always there, but I'm not exactly sure if I'm ready to give it up yet.

Thursday, May 25, 2006


What Who the hell does a girl have to do to get an advance copy of the Anonymous Lawyer book? Seriously, Blondie, E-Spat, and L & A got one, and none of them have firm jobs, I'd be much better suited to judge it. Plus, unlike one of you, I'm looking at you E-Spat, I have read the entire blog.

Plus, I'd like to be able to do a little free summer reading, books don't grow on trees people.

2 Weeks, 2 Days...

Same difference.

Today an Associate commented about how it would be great if there was a journal of all of [ASSociate's] asshatery...If he only knew.

Sadly for [ASSociate], the stuff written here isn't even 1/3rd of it. [ASSociate] is still around the office asking questions/making statements such as:

  1. "Have you seen those records for [case name]?" "No, did you check [where we keep the records]?" "Ohh, no." "Yeah I usually start there."
  2. "My friend gives me the simplest instructions when he goes out of town on how to feed his fish and I always kill off them the first feeding."
  3. "I wished I'd had some popcorn at that dep, I just sat there."
  4. "Why does everyone in this firm think I'm shady?"

He's also been being really nice, I hate to say it, but outside of not having to fix all his damn work I might actually miss him. Ok, that's a lie, but I thought it would be fitting since he's a pathological liar.

In other news:

Still thinking things over. Still super busy. I started back to work on the 15th and I'm on pace to bill about 120 hours this month. Plus, I spent the week reviewing deps in preparation of drafting our crossexam outline tomorrow, while it was tedious as hell I'm really excited [Hours] gave me that much responsibility (read: he was out of town this week and didn't want to lug them around/didn't have time to do it).

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

"It's Hard to Leave When You Can't Find the Door."

Not really sure what I want to do around here during the summer or longterm. I haven't been really inspired lately, I don't really want to blog about work anymore, and [ASSociate] was fired today, sorta, so clearly I'm loosing a lot of material.

I think I'll take a couple weeks off and see how that goes. See you on the flip side.

Saturday, May 20, 2006

Justice is Blind

Judge's Clerk: Man, she don't even read these [referring to motions]...I can't be reading all these things, I gots to have a life, you know what I'm sayin'?

Elle Woods: Umm...So when is the motion to adjourn going to be heard?

Judge's Clerk: She don't...She don't even read these!

Elle Woods: Right. Ok. I just need to know when one of our attorney's needs to be there to argue the motion. She doesn't need to read it and neither do you really, we'll tell her our side that day.

Judge's Clerk: You mean I don't have to read this?

Elle Woods: Nope, and I'll give you the details right now if it'll get this on the docket for next week.

Judge's Clerk: Ohh I like you, we can that...We can do that.

Friday, May 19, 2006

Good Thing I Don't Have a Life or Anything

The only way to make the fact that I was at work until 8 p.m. tonight worse would be:

  1. If there was a critical Pistons Playoff Game on.
  2. If I still had to take work home to wrap up tonight and do dictations for tomorrow.
  3. [Hours] pointing out in a dinner conversation that he has more dinners with me then he does with his wife.1
  4. Having to go in Sunday to continue trial prep and begin entering all my time for the month.
  5. The fact that [ASSociate] got to flit off to Chicago for the weekend (not that I'll miss him).
Or maybe some combination therein, possibly all of the above.

Time to stop complaining and get back to work these deps are not going to read themselves, nor are they magically going to create a cross examination outline.

1I know this sounds shady but it's not.

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Happy Blogiversary!!!

Ohh yeah, I forgot-but Blonde Justice reminded me...

My Blog turned 1!!!1...Leave it to me to be belated.

Congrats to me for doing whatever the hell it is I do here.

1Almost a week ago

"Pink it was love at first sight"

Pink has been my signature color since sophomore year of high school, yet for some reason, I am just now finding this. Tragic. Simply Tragic.

Quote of the Day...

From [ASSociate] (of course):

I know a lot of high functioning cokeheads.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

The Meaning of (My) Life

[Hours]: Do you know why your parents got together?

[Elle Woods]: (Look comes across face as if he's going to reveal a secret about my parents I don't know).

[Hours]: It was so they could have you, and so that you could grow up and so your sole purpose in life would be to find and analyze [lists elements of cases we work on]...Sole purpose, that's all you were created for.

[Elle Woods]: Right. Good to know, and here I'd been thinking my sole purpose was to be at your beck and call.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

The Writing's on The Wall

[ASSociate] got bitched out in multiple e-mails from [Hours] today. Plus [Hours] told me today to familiarize myself with the class action [ASSociate] has been handing "in case someone isn't around" he needs another person to understands it.

As a result of all this he walked around in a pissy mood all day, it's almost like he's realizing he's about to be fired.

Added bonus: Now that I'm full time our secretary has added my name to her voicemail as someone she's a secretary for. I take this to mean I actually have someone who does things for me as opposed to someone I convince to do my proof-reading, mailing and other random non-billable things for me.


(While passing notes with [Hours] as he talks on the phone to a client).

[Hours]: Can we change this in anyway?

[Elle Woods]: Depends on your definition of anyway.

[Hours]: Who the fuck do you think you are? Bill Clinton?

[Elle Woods]: Yes. And what I meant was you can't change it in any-old-way way but we can edit the information in the spreadsheet and we can add and delete cases as necessary.

Monday, May 15, 2006

More Randomness

  1. Grey's Anatomy makes me cry most weeks...That's pretty lame.
  2. Dane Cook is unbelieveably hot.

As usual, A.D.D. is in full effect.

Isn't she...Pretty In Pink?

A month or so ago I was stood up for the first time. I didn't write about it at the time for whatever reason, but lucky for you, I am now.

I was fixed up by an Associate with one of his friends, we talked on the phone a few times, everything thing seemed to be going well.

While being stood up has always been something I (and most other girls) dread, it wasn't that bad in reality. In fact it kinda proved that guys no longer have the negative effect on me they once had.

He didn't call in the afternoon so I had a sneaking suspicion he wasn't showing up. As such I kept studying and didn't waste time with trivial things like "straightening my hair" or "putting on makeup." It's rather hard to get ready when you have this gut feeling if you do you're going to be one step closer to some poor high school girl standing in my prom dress with an up-do and full makeup waiting for her date, as such I decided I'd wait to get ready until he called. A decision I wasn't as thankful for when my friend called to see how the date was going and when he found out it had not happened forced me to go hang out with him.

Anyway, I digress. What did I do when I was 99% sure he wasn't showing up since he hadn't called by 6:30 p.m.? I put on Pretty In Pink so that when the line:

Listen, it's after 7:00. Don't waste good lip gloss.
Played it would be after 7:00 p.m., is it any wonder he didn't show given behavior such as this? I think not.


2 things today really got to me.

  1. What moronic advisor of our even more genius President seems to think interrupting May Sweeps (i.e.-Grey's Anatomy) would be a good idea? Here's a thought...Your approval rating is under 40%, do you really think interrupting one of the most popular shows on television is going to help that? These are Lazy American's we're talking about. Sure the part you will most likely be interrupting aired last night, but some of us wanted to see it again since we could not believe Izzy's insanity or how Addison flipped out in the middle of the hospital, not to mention the ending, you know, the thing with Burke. So help me, if you run into the 9 o'clock hour and I miss anything new on Grey's Mr. President, I will vote for Hillary in '08, despite my proclamations against such an act.
  2. Consolidation of my Loans, all things considered, I did not have as much in loans as I thought I had, which was a bonus. However, this meant I didn't qualify for an extended repayment plan. Ergo, large monthly payments. Sweet. I also liked it when you made me waive my grace period to be able to qualify for consolidation...Nothing like starting to pay back loans while I'm not working for 3 months since I'm studying for and taking the bar.

Sunday, May 14, 2006

Working 9 to 5

Full Time at Bill, More and Hours starts tomorrow morning. Given that I was working 30-35 hours a week before while I was part-time this should be super fun.

Tomorrow also starts my new workout regiment.

Good Times, Good Times.

Friday, May 12, 2006

I Hate Naming Posts!

My best friend's birthday is today. There is absolutely no way I can get out of going to her party. It's not that I don't want to be there to celebrate or anything like that, it's that everyone else there is in a "couple" and I am currently single. This happened at Christmas too, it's always so awkward. Prior to the birthday party I have to go to a Bar-Passage Happy Hour for a our new attorney, [ASSociate] is coming. And to top it off I feel like ass. This should be a fun night.


I'm currently awake for whatever reason but I'm feeling sick to my stomach and I have headache.

That being said, I'm like a lost puppy dog...I have no idea what I should do all day. I do have to return some goucho pants I bought in a state of finals delirium...Besides that, I got nothing.

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Celebrate Good Times, Come On!

Who are these people who have the energy to celebrate after they're done with exams? I was so exhausted I came home, napped, and watched my netflix.

I also came the to realization that Dermot Mulroney is the Americanized version of Hugh Grant.

Almost There...

T-Minus 5 Hours and 30 minutes until my Professional Responsibility exam starts, 8 hours until it's finished. While my (I use the term loosely) outline is tabbed I only managed to read through 1/2 of it last night before I started rubbing my eyes like an exhausted 3 year old and gave up. I also have over 3 hours of Podcasts to listen to.

On that note, I'm off to school.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Dear Evidence Proctor,

I know it's a really though job you have, carrying heavy stuff, walking around the entire room at the beginning of an exam, and sitting on your ass for 3 1/2 hours...Real rough, I have so much sympathy.

I do understand the exam rooms have been hot this year. Trust me, nobody understands better then the students who are being forced to take exams in Dante's Inferno, 80 degree rooms with insane humidity isn't pleasant to sit and think in, trust me, I know.

The difference is, it's your fucking job, you're getting paid to sit in there. You don't even have to think. Therefore, disappearing from the room thereby making it impossible to turn in my exam (given the fact that I don't trust you to find it if I leave it on the podium) is unacceptable in my opinion. Unacceptable, but forgivable, until the misconduct continued.

I went in search of you. I find you laying on the couches talking to your friend. I told you I was almost done, you said you'd be right in. 20 minutes later, no sign of you. So I go out again, tell you I am done, you again said you'll be right in. 5 Minutes later I give up; I put my 2 blue books, exam book, scantron and exam card on the podium and proceed to walk outside. Where you are fixing your Dew Rag...obviously.

Maybe next time you can do what you're getting paid to do...Just a thought.

Hugs and Kisses,
Elle Woods

P.S.-I should note that you aren't even the most incompetent proctor I've encountered in my law school career. In fact there have been 2 worse. Namely:

  1. The proctors in 2 different civil procedure rooms who didn't enforce the time limit or make people stop writing when time was called.
  2. The old guy who kept messing with the lights and microphone creating an environment not dissimilar to a club.

P.P.S.-Don't take these 2 as validation, you still sucked at doing a job you get paid to do, which really involves no work whatsoever.

It's The Most Wonderful Time of the Year...

My Law School cannot make it through spring exams without a fiasco. Last year there was the cheating, the blog, and the discussion board.

This year, the SBG President decided to write an "article" for the final issue of the news letter, in which he criticized the system of grading onto law review. Then, a law review student sent an email to the entire school as a response, that email, as well as my comments, you can find below. It's not generally my style to post something like this, but once it's in my inbox it's fair game people. It's also excessively long, so if you're A.D.D. like me it's going to be a challenge.

I should point out that while I do mock Law Review some of my best friends are on Law Review. That said, the people I'm friends with would hate the e-mail that this chick sent and unlike her are not pretentious asses.

You know how when someone picks on your family, even if there is truth in what they say, you must defend it? Well, after [Outgoing SBG Presidents'] comments about the Law Review I feel the need to respond.

First, I want to address the "free pass" onto law review. Grading on is not a free pass. All of us that graded on worked very hard for our grades [We know, you're the law student flipping out 5 minutes before an exam about something you found on an old exam, don't be so proud of yourself]. While getting good grades does not necessarily prove that we can write, it does indicate that we have a good grasp of legal ideas [Hahaha! I firmly believe it has nothing to do with how well you know the material], preformed [it's performed] well on essay exams, and have the dedication and self-discipline to succeed in the tasks that we choose to undertake. Are there other students that have these same traits? Of course, but like it or not, there is a great deal of tradition within all law schools of selecting Law Review members according to grades. The Law Review may not be made up of the best writers at the school, but hopefully the Law Review helps us improve our writing and editing skills [So it's a special club for people with good grades to make themselves even more appealing, got it...You should try blogging if you want to work on your editing skills, it's way funner then checking citations] Plus, to make sure that everyone, regardless of grades, has an opportunity to make it onto the "gold ring" of co-curricular activities, there is a write-on competition [during the summer, who wants to do that?].

Secondly, [Outgoing SBG President's] complaints about the special privileges [Ohh, so you don't have a silent locked study area? And your own desks? And you do not get to go put your jacket and other books down and not haul them around? You don't get preferential treatment from the career services office? My Mistake.] that come with Law Review are not all based in fact. There is no super secret Law Review I.D. card [yes there is, I've seen it] that guarantees Law Review members good jobs, good grades, scholarship money, or special treatment from the administration. Making the Law Review does not guarantee a person a fabulous dream job [No, but it puts them a hell of a lot closer]. True, some Law Review members have excellent jobs lined up. Some of these jobs are judicial clerkships and some are with big law firms making a ton of money. [Outgoing SBG President] should not criticize those students that managed to get a prestigious job through their hard work, people skills [which you clearly lack sweetie] and well developed resumes. Some members are pursuing lower paying careers focused more on public service, where their good grades and professional skills will help the community [Their good grades help the community? How? And what Professional Skills do most law student have, the average age here is 24?...Don't be so damn smug that some Law Reviewers didn't get decent jobs so they think "helping" others with their sweet grades will help the community-and their chances at OCI next year]. There are also many smart, hard working, well qualified individuals on the Law Review that do not have jobs lined up after graduation. Those [Law School Name] grads that succeed should not have to apologize to other embittered [Law School Name] grads. The [Law School Name] grads that enjoy professional accomplishment just make the rest of us look better and elevate the university's reputation. We should be grateful to those success stories [I'd be grateful if the Articles Editor who offered to send me notes for 2 classes when I missed a month for mono, had actually sent them, other then that, I don't care what you do...P.S.-I probably did better then her in at least one class anyway], not criticize them for reaching the top levels of the profession [If 80 hour work weeks is the top of the profession I'll pass]. The fact that Law Review allows students to pursue clerkships and top jobs more easily is just a reality of the legal profession. It is not the university's fault. It is not the Law Review's fault. It is simply the way it is.

Thirdly, not all of us on Law Review are snotty [but you clearly are for sending this to the whole school]. There are a number of us that go through our law school career working to keep the fact that we are on Law Review quiet [it's not hard to figure out when you see people going into the secret locked room, or even so much as going upstairs at lunch time, we're not idiots...], just to avoid alienating anyone. The trouble is you do not know who we are [Did you ever think we don't care about slandering you to your face?]. Granted, there are a few snobs here and there, but we are in law school. Snobs are par for the course. Besides, publicly ridiculing those students that got good grades, made it on Moot Court [Moot Court actually has to tryout, via an argument-which actually does judge their performance on Moot Court...Don't drag them into this-people actually like them], wrote on to Law Review, or achieved some other recognition that [Outgoing SBG President] does not feel is sufficiently important, is his own version of snobbery. Despite my enthusiastic defense of the Law Review, I have never been impressed with what having "Law Review" on my resume has done for me [that means people think you suck as a person and do not want to work with you-big shocker given the letter you sent to the whole school]. The Law Review is just a student organization with members who are working hard to put out a publication and keep up with school work. We secured our spot on Law Review, a traditionally prestigious organization, through a combination of luck and hard work. Occasionally, I have heard Law Review members talking and I am disgusted with how pretentious they sound [really, just occasionally?], but I have had the same experience with other law students that are not on Law Review [I'm sure it's not at nearly the same frequency]. This being said, few things have disgusted me as much as [Outgoing SBG President's] article [he was just venting his opinion, which he is allowed to have...who cares? Nobody even reads the newspaper during finals-more people know about it now because of your e-mail] ridiculing the Law Review and blaming the organization for hiring criteria used within thelegal [you miss a space there sweetie?] profession. I have tried to be very objective [seriously? obviously that is not a skill taught on Law Review] and amiable in my response, but I am not above a little snobbery myself [you don't say]. I just have to point out two things, just for future reference. First, the plural form for curricular is curricula, not "curriculars," and second, maybe [Outgoing SBG President] should have submitted his article to the Law Review before he published it and we could have caught some of the mistakes [I rest my case].

Needless to say that was followed by another student e-mail, this time not from a Law Reviewer...

Okay, I am not even going to enter this potentially heated discussion on the merits [because there are no merits, it's stupid and it's an argument not only will nobody wi, but most people don't care about?], since I think that at this point during my law school career, it would not be appropriate or polite to do so [we'll decide if you're polite once we see where this takes us]. However, as a former Latin scholar [you just had to pull out an award didn't you? Way to make all Law Students look like douches], I feel my esteemed Latin professor would want me to point out that [Outgoing SBG President-whose name is spelled wrong's] original use of "curriculars" and [The See You Next Tuesday Who Wrote the Pro-Law Review Letter's] correction of it were both incorrect. "Curricular" is an adjective, not a noun. As such, it cannot be correctly pluralized. "Curricula", is the plural form of the noun "curriculum." That said, it is obvious from the colloquial context that [still spelling his name wrong] was referring to "curricular activities" [thanks, I can die happy now that I know that]. If he had submitted his article to the Law Review prior to publication, as [The See You Next Tuesday Who Wrote the Pro-Law Review Letter's] sarcastically suggests, it appears as though it still would have been published incorrectly [thanks for making the rest of the student body look even more petty].

I know I am splitting hairs here. Although I am not a member of Law Review (and with all due respect to the dedicated people who are) [stop kissing their asses, they don't share outlines], I can still be somewhat of a snob, as well. :-) [super cute smiley bro].

Tuesday, May 9, 2006

Denny Crane!

Being that I have what will undoubtably be the most difficult final of my law school career tomorrow I've been studying my ass off catching up on shows my mom has been recommending but I don't have time to watch when I'm working and attempting to go to classes.

Thus far I've only added Boston Legal to my lineup which previously consisted of The Office, The Housewhores, and Grey's "Chris O'Donnell has Hot" Anatomy. I was admittedly weary, but I have to say I've been enjoying it, and as a bonus, it's almost as effective a study aide for Evidence as Law and Order is.

Exhibit A:

Denny Crane: Objection-the witness isn't speaking english.

Judge: We're aware of that.

Denny (to James Spader's Character): Is that Legal?

James Spader (whatever his name is): Shocking, isn't it?

My Response: Denny...this is a Federal Trial, Federal Rule of Evidence 604.

I think it goes without saying any more studying for evidence would clearly be pointless given the amount I already know.

Phrase I've Heard Too Many Times in the Last 2 Days...

"If the government can't get it in through the front we're not going to let them jam it in through the rear."

Thanks for that mental image evidence.


Previously I admitted my helplessness to gigantic sunglasses, being that it's all you can find these days thanks to a certain Starlette and some of her friends. However, After seeing this picture...

It's on Nicole, this has just gotten ridiculous, at least the pairs you used to wear were semi-cute in a "they cover 1/2 your face" sort of way. You have left me with 2 options:

  1. Becoming an eyewear designer.
  2. Finally getting those damn prescription sunglasses, since I'm hoping you can still get those in normal sizes.

Between these sunglasses, skinny jeans, leggings, formal shorts, and pants under dresses I'm convinced the world is going insane. Whatever, back to evidence.

Monday, May 8, 2006

Like a Duck To Water

The other day before our Crim Pro exam The Dude and I were outside chain smoking, when a young guy (he was about my age) approached us, and engaged in conversation regarding attending law school. Currently he was working in computers making 80K a year (allegedly, I'll believe it when I see a paystub) and was unhappy with his work, since he "hates" computers (which if you'd seen this kid, you would also have trouble believing).

He planned to take the LSAT in June and apply for the 2007 school year. Being the socially conscious people that we are The Dude and I did what we knew was right in our hearts, do everything in our power to keep this kid from going to law school.

We described the work, the people, Socratic method, the pay right out of school not even being what he's making now unless you're top 10%, the job dissatisfaction, the hours, everything.

I knew he was perfect for law school when he not only had an answer for every point we made, usually involving how he was "extremely analytical" and how he "knew he'd be good at it." In short I realized he was a weird hybrid of an arguer, a braggart, and a future gunner. After as much as I've dealt with those types I knew there would be no possible way to stop him.

It's really too bad he isn't starting until after I graduate, because there is nothing like politely telling someone like that "I told you so."

Double Standard

There is a partner at my firm. She's obviously an educated, successful, and meticulous woman (if you move nick-nacks in her office she notices and moves them back). She's middle aged and has never been married. In other words, the stereotypical female partner. She's tall, very pretty (in her youth she would have been stunning), and very clearly has either an eating disorder or a thyroid problem.

Her clothes hang off her frame as she slouches in a posture I once thought was reserved for concentration camp survivors, as if the weight of her shoulders and frail arms is too much for her back to bear as it caves in on itself. I'm told her weight loss is a sudden occurance, and I see her eating regularly so I assume her problem is thyroad related. Although in that case I find it even more shocking that she hasn't gotten help since she should know all the signs, being that she used to be a nurse.

As a result of either her general temperment or possible mood swings related to hypothetical thyroad problem she has been known to yell on occasion. Nothing worse then what [Hours] or any other partner does, yet when she does it, unsurprisingly it's viewed in a different manner. Nothing is ever said pretaining to how it might be a result of either a thyroid problem or the general unhappiness that could have led her to an eating disorder. Comments are made regarding her being unhappy has a result of never having been married, about having nothing besides her work; once again, the stereotypical remarks made about female partners. When male partners yell nobody ever says; he must have gotten into a fight with his wife, he has a horrible family situation-he and his wife don't get along and he spends all his time at the office, his wife found out about his mistress this weekend.

We all know why it happens, women are not deamed "successful" unless they have a family, who look perfect in photographs on their desk. Nevermind that it's been months since they had a family dinner, the children are "experimenting" with drugs and coming home in a stupor every weekend, and it's been months since she's had sex with her husband. If that's happiness and success, I'll take being single at 40 and having a dog any day.


Exams are shaping up as such:

  1. Conflicts
  2. Criminal Procedure II
  3. Evidence
  4. Professional Responsibility

In other words:

Pro: Professional Responsibility should be no problem even though I haven't thought of studying, because I'm so ethical. Riiiiiiiiiiiiight.

Con: Professional Responsibility is only 2 credits, Evidence is 4 and sooner, and I haven't started studying for that either...Noon today is my deadline to begin, I'll be back with an update.

Sunday, May 7, 2006

Cry Baby

I watch 2-3 shows a week. The Housewhores (if I have time), Grey's Anatomy and What About Brian (seriously, I know that one is lame, but I can't help it). My favorite by far is Grey's, I seem to cry everytime I watch it, which is really ruining my whole belief that I'm a callous bad ass.

On a related note, Chris O'Donnell is so effing hot. We have the same birthday. Don't act like you're not impressed.

Dear Nicole Richie,

I give up. You win.

Hugs and Kisses,
Elle Woods

P.S.-Please take this concession into consideration when you choose your sunglasses for next summer so that maybe next year I can buy sunglasses that don't cover 1/2 my face.

Prep For a Wake

Elle Woods: Gram, are you wearing jeans or slacks to this?

Gram: I can't decide.

Elle Woods: Me either.

Gram: I want to wear my white shoes but they'll look weird with jeans, don't you?

Elle Woods: No, I think that's cute.

Gram: Ok then I'll wear my boot cut jeans, new white shoes, a white shirt and my coral blazer.

Elle Woods: Ok well if you're wearing jeans so will I...With my new white shoes, a white shirt and a pink blazer.

Grandpa: I think I'll wear a dress.

Friday, May 5, 2006

"Occasionally you may get snagged by one of these customer people."

I should have known the simple solution is never simple when it involved Kinko's. Of course the girl acted like doing her job and cutting the damn binding off my book was the equivalent of me asking her to be a surrogate mother. Sorry, next time I'll just put it in a vice clamp and use my machete.

So, in honor of Kinko's Excellent Customer Service I leave you with this oldie but goodie...

I am a person with feelings and all I have to do is what I want to do...

and what I wanted to do when I got home this morning was watch the 2nd disk from the first season of Entourage which arrived yesterday and slack being that my next exam isn't until Wednesday. While I don't want to speak ill of my beloved Netflix, when I opened the envelope today and went to put it in the DVD player it was cracked. The earliest I'll get my replacement is Tuesday...Boo!

I got this letter from Netflix:

Dear [Elle],

We're sorry to hear that Entourage: Season 1: Disc 2 was unplayable. We go to great lengths to ensure the movies you get will play without any problems but occasionally a few get through our inspections, or are damaged in transit.

Please return the unplayable disc and if you've requested a replacement, we will ship it out as soon as possible. We apologize for the inconvenience.

-The Netflix Team
My Thoughts:
Dear Netflix,

A wise judge once said: "Don't pee on my leg and tell me it's raining." If you really cared you'd send me my new DVD today so I get it tomorrow. Instead your trust issues are forcing me to send it back and have the new one sent out Monday or Tuesday, why can't you just believe me when I say it arrived broken?

You're so sensitive and caring with all your recommendations making sure I'm satisified and fulfilled, but we need to work on you trusting me more. I still love you, but you took a little piece of my heart today.

Hugs and Kisses,
Elle Woods

Crim Pro 2 Exam Excerpts

  1. "After the performance of the 'rape kit', as it is referred to on Law and Order SVU,..."
  2. "While Television Prosecutor's such as Law and Order's Jack McCoy have been known to walk the line of Prosecutorial Misconduct there is a vast difference in the actions taken by this Prosecutor and zealous representation of victims rights."

I knew I could work a Law and Order reference Law and Order at least once. Let's hope my professor doesn't get pissed.

Thursday, May 4, 2006


My BarBri Upper Lever Review book has 6 outlines in it, and I just want to take 1 into my exam.

Solution: Have Kinko's cut the binding off, staple pages as needed.

You know, a girl in my sorority, Tracy Marcinco got a perm once. We all tried to talk her out of it. Curls weren't a good look for her.

I probably straighten my hair 340 days a year. Those other 25 days (26 in a leap year) are so annoying I'm reminded why I spend the extra 20 minutes straightening my hair the other 340 days...Wow, that's 113 hours or almost 5 days a year that are spent straightening my hair...Wow.

The other ripple is the probably 20 of the 25 days a year are during finals, and it is done in an effort to pretend like I'll take the extra time to study. Sadly, I don't get to make use of that time since at least 10 people come and bother me while I'm studying and engage me in a conversation that begins like this:

Random Person I Rarely Associate With: Wow, did you get a perm?

Elle Woods: Nope.

RPIRAW: Did you curl it?

Elle Woods: Nope. It's naturally like this.

RPIRAW: I had no idea.

Elle Woods: (Thinking- Funny I wear it like this every year during finals) Ohh, well I only wear it like this during finals so most people don't remember, but then mention it every term.

RPIRAW: Ohh, did I comment on this before.

Elle Woods: Yup.

(Mindless conversation continues as I wish I'd put on my iPod as soon as I got into the bulding).
The time wasted on these conversations clearly justifies the time I spend straightening my hair. And yes, I have realized that if I straightened it less people might remember better and I would save time with the hair and the conversations. Whatever, everyone stopped reading about my hair ages ago so I shall stop.

I just saw a fact on my ABC News Podcast. Americans 18-24 were asked to locate things on a map.
  • 33% couldn't locate Louisiana. (On a map of the Unites States).
  • 63% couldn't locate Iraq. (On a map of the Middle East).
  • 47% couldn't locate India. (On a map of Asia).
I might spend excessive amount of time on my hair, but I can locate all of those. Facts like these make me wonder if there should be IQ Tests for voting despite the "democratic" "values" our society holds so dear.

Wednesday, May 3, 2006

I forgot to mention...

Just in case there were any readers out there who didn't completely hate me yet I have to mention this. As I have been prone to ever since the mono I get tired at random times. Today, it was during the exam. So I took a 15 minute nap and still finished with plenty of time to spare. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how it's done.

Too close for missles, I'm switching to guns.

Despite the fact that I have an exam tomorrow as I said earlier I'm not particularly worried about it. As such there is no way I'm going to make myself study tonight, particularly given the marathon study session on Monday. [By the one, I know that nobody cares but I got out of doing the old exam by alerting the study partner to the fact that the professor doesn't give less then a C which puts us safely in B range no matter what we do...And really, getting an A (being that only 15% get A's in this class) would just be cruel to all the law review students who actually care.]

Being that I refuse to study I'm doing what any rational law student does. Watching Top Gun.

My Favorite Lines...

  • She's lost that loving feeling...No she hasn't...Yes she has...I hate it when she does that.
  • The list is long, but distinguished...Yeah well, so is my Johnson.
  • Communicating. Keeping up foriegn relations. You know, giving him the bird!...You know, the finger.
  • Sorry Goose, but it's time to buzz the tower.
  • Take me to bed or loose me forever.
  • You can be my wingman anytime...Bullshit! You can be mine.
Makes me long for the days when Tom Cruise wasn't a placenta eating freak.

Dear Conflicts Professor,

You might be a scholar when it comes to Civil Procedure and Conflicts of Laws, but judging by your exam question, I know way more then you about Michigan Malpractice Law. That made my day.

Hugs and Kisses,
Elle Woods

Rough Estimation of My Day...

10:45 a.m.-Head to Kinko's to make copies of BarBri Outline. Proceed to break 3 copiers at Kinko's.

10:59 a.m.-Uggg, why does your mouth taste gross, almost like you forgot to brush your teeth? Ohh, because you forgot to brush your teeth.

11:01 a.m.-Emergency stop at drug store to purchase toothbrush, toothpaste, mouthwash, and a bottle of water.

11:05 a.m.-Back to the car, realize you had a toothbrush already, ohh well. Ponder why you had a toothbrush but no tooth paste. Brush teeth in drug store parking lot. Secretly happy that I now have a toothbrush, toothpaste, mouthwash, and floss in my car.

11:25 a.m.-Lunch at Baja Fresh...Yummy, and it was early enough that there wasn't a line.

11:45 a.m.-Depart for school. What is that dinging noise...Low Fuel, super.

11:55 a.m.-Refueling.

12:15 p.m.-Arrive at school.

12:20 p.m.-Realize every public printer in the law school is broken and you have statutes you NEED to print. Go see Professor to see if they're included in the 45 page appendix. Nope, all the statutes except the 2 sets you need are included. Perfect.

12:35 p.m.-Sweet talk the librarian into printing the statutes. Sweet, now I can B.S. Around until the exam starts.

1:30-3:45 p.m.-Conflicts exam.

4:00 p.m.-Go research the lowest grades your professors give. Realize studying for any other exams is pointless.

4:20 p.m.-Jeep Grand Cherokee swerves into your lane and almost forces me to hit the 6' high concrete median. Luckily I use my cat like reflexes and avoid any sort of collision. She appears clueless to the fact that she always killed me.

5:05 p.m-Car Wash.

5:20 p.m-Realize the paved road to home is backed up about a mile, take the "secret spy route" which involves a dirt road, it rained yesterday, so much for the car wash.

5:45 p.m.-Begin slacking.

I Can't Feel My Face!

It started yesterday during the day with a slight tingling feeling at the end of my right ring finger. I pressed along with the Conflicts studying despite health concerns. Now my right ring and pinky finger are completely numb. My school doesn't allow for using a computer to take an exam so I'm not TOO worried, since those 2 fingers aren't really involved in writing and generally after filling one blue book my entire hand is numb anyway.

This should be fun. If I thought it would help I'd see if it'll qualify me for extra time but seeing that I'm usually among the first people finished I think I'll still be ok.

Tuesday, May 2, 2006

Here's How Much I Hate Conflicts...

I would gladly take a C just so I didn't have to study today and take the exam tomorrow. Just to show how bad it is, here is a sample from the instructions:

The exam consists of 3 sets of papers: this question booklet (7 pages), Appendix A (5 pages), and Appendix B (45 pages).
57 Pages, but we're writing answers in bluebooks, I'm terrified.

Monday, May 1, 2006

Double Jeopardy

Study Session boy kidnapped me and forced me to study from 10:30 a.m. until 7:15 p.m. (with a dinner break at Chockie's TGI Fridays). He wants to get together again Wednesday after my exam in order to go over old exams.

At first I thought this has to be some sort of violation of Double Jeopardy, but then I realized we'd only litigated the outline he gave me on the merits and not the old exam so I think I can be forced into another study session, even though I've already spent 3 times longer then I wanted to studying for this exam.

I've also been pondering if my acceptance of his outline constituted an implied promise to study. Specific performance can't be granted so what would his remedy be, it seems harmless to not get to study with someone who is completely unprepared so I don't think any damages could apply. Maybe the court would put us in the situation had the contract not been made, but then I have to give the outline back, which would suck.

Clearly, I suck at contracts and there isn't a way I can get out of this 2nd study session without looking like a jerk, especially since he made me promise we would go over old exams as a condition of my release today. Then again, it could be argued that promise was obtained under duress. 9 Hours of studying, I think it's safe to say anyone would reasonable believe they were in duress and had no other choice.