Ahh, Memorial Day...

Being the responsible tanner I am, I used an amplifier with SPF4, and given what I learned when I worked in the skin care business that meant it had to be reapplied every 1/2 hour-hour and that I could stay out in the sun 4 times longer then I could without sunscreen...Total for the day (this is where most people screw up). Given that I burn in 30 minutes, I'm back inside safely 2 hours later. (I know this was a boring paragraph about sunscreen, but somewhere, someone is going, "so that's how it works!" and for that, you are welcome).

So after my 2 hours in the sun I decided I would cool down with a quick dip in the lake. Quick being the operative word.

You see, when I was younger, I dove in and my then long blonde hair got tangled in the seaweed and I almost drowned. It's taken me 14 years to grow my hair back and still to this day when seaweed to much as touches me I FLIP THE F*CK OUT. My friends have come to realize this and will throw it at me...Real mature.

So I wade into the lake, everything looks clear so I start swimming, suddenly I see it, I'm over a "water forest" of seaweed. I take a second and pause, a decision that would instantly become a bad idea as my legs sunk down and became entangled with the demon-weeds.

I'm fairly certain my neighbors, who were hosting a family reunion, have never seen an "adult" flip out in the manner I proceeded to. I swam in as fast as I could and ran up the hill in the "front yard" (I hate how on a lake you call the back yard the front yard). Once I had reached safety I did what any normal person would do, light a cigarette and commenced smoking it as if nothing happened.