Thursday, June 30, 2005

"Yeah, man! Fuck it! I can't be worrying about that shit..."

So in the spirit of National Confession Week I have something to confess. I am horrible with finances. In 50 minutes or so (I'm not really sure it could be on Pacific Time so I might have a few hours-but it doesn't really matter) it will be too late for me to consolidate my student loans. It's not like I didn't get 87,000 e-mails about doing it, not to mention all the "snail mail," I just never got around to it and then this week I've been getting ready for the huge 4th of July party we have at our house (If you're in the area stop by-there will be about 300 people here and it'll be a great time)...Free alcohol and food (of course) and the only fireworks I've ever seen that are better are the ones in Downtown Detroit (Plus I can all but guarentee you won't get shot at mine, so I think I win), seriously the fireworks are so good I'm a total snob about fireworks (and everything else really) and when I go to other lakes I think it's some dude lighting of fireworks on his dock before the real show starts.

I don't know why I am incapable of dealing with finances-but I am. I can barely pay my bills on time even when I have money to pay them. Dealing with money has never been easy for me, but it got a lot worse after my "little breakdown" last year when I graduated college.

I know it would have saved me like 5K to have consolidated them but it just didn't seem to matter. Right now I have:

  1. 20K from undergrad in loans (I don't really know-but it's a good guess)
  2. 3K in credit card debt
  3. My car payment
  4. Car insurance
  5. 2 laptop payments (I was still paying on the one I stepped on this fall so when I bought a new one-a new screen for the one I had was $700 and a new laptop with a 3 year warranty was $1300-So decided it would be better to get a new one and take on a 2nd Dell payment each month)

...Seriously with all these bills how do I even afford alcohol (during the school year it's because every beer I drink I pay interest on)

Basically, I have a lot of debt, and each year of law school adds about 20K so the little I'd save consolidating doesn't seem like it really matters. I know it actually does-but I'm too busy to care since I've heard it's a major pain in the ass to consolidate your loans. Maybe I'll try to do it sometime after I take my loans for this year so I know I've made some sort of effort, I don't really know if it'll matter but it'll make me feel better.

Today I cleaned my bathroom, study, rec room, bar, washed table clothes-and ironed them, mopped the floors in said bathroom and rec room, and made dinner for my grandparents and I. Tomorrow I have to clean my room, move all the plastic chairs outside, dip at least 1500 cherries in white chocolate and then dark chocolate, weed 8 gardens, spray paint the alium (they've lost their color and my grandma wants them red/white/blue) sounds shady but I swear it looks really cool once they're done, transplant some impatients, and then meet up with some friends for a bomb fire at 9. Sunday I'll be handling all the last minute stuff, decorating, setting up tables, making pasta salad, directing my little brother and cousins ...Gee, how did I not have time to consolidate my loans.

Fuck it, I'm going to go drink a White Russian (Caucasian) for myself and all the other slackers out there who also didn't consolidate their loans.

I'd take Kim over TomKat anyday

This quiz is so perfect-it refers to me as a smart blonde with a hot ass!

Ohh and while we're on the nerdy movies topic...

Also probably the best character to be-even though she was a wuss in Episode 3.

I don't know why I'm blogging so much lately, maybe it's that I haven't been drinking (or going to bars) so I've been around to do it.

On an unrelated note: I was watching Sex and the City tonight and there was a line about how baseball games are the only place where it's socially acceptable to drink at 2 p.m., while I've always been more of a Michigan Football (I just realized I've done shots at 10a.m. before noon games-so I guess Football has a lot of early socially acceptable drinking involved as well) or Pistons Basketball girl, but I think I might need to start following the Tigers...Plus, this post has confirmed my belief.

Bonus fact: TBS will be playing the best movie ever on July 8th, 9th, and 10th.

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

So what if I never won a spelling bee!

I'm proud to be helping the bad spellers everywhere. Just to be known for this is enough for me (not to mention being #3 on the list). It's not pronounced "writ-a-lin" (sorry for the corny law joke) it's pronounced "rid-a-lin" so I stand by my spelling. I'm proud that my poor spelling and grammar are helping people find out how crazy TomKat really is. I think I'll continue to not edit my writing before I post it.

Dripping Wet...

Get your mind out of the Gutter. It's not what you might think (especially given the things I have been linking to lately). Today I had to go renew my plate tabs at the Secretary of State. For most people this would be enough to ruin their afternoon, but the powers that be decided they needed to mess with me just a little more. When I went inside it was sprinkling, by the time I was done it was POURING. It's not even like I had an umbrella in my car that I forgot to bring in that would have made my situation better (actually, I probably do have an umbrella in my car somewhere-but I haven't any clue where it might be-which is just lazy since if it's not visible it must be under one ofthe seats but whatever...I didn't see one-so it wasn't there).

I seriously don't think I've ever been outside when it was raining so hard in my life, let alone without an umbrella. I think it might have rained that hard when I was outside once before-I was on a first date with this kid (needless to say I should have taken that as a sign but I didn't and I wasted a bunch of time and blah, blah, blah).

Best part was that I had 4'' heels on-since I basically always do, so I can allow myself to believe I'm really 5'7''. I started running to my car but within 2 seconds my feet were soaking and sliding in my heels so running to my car all the way across the parking lot was not an option. My hair got wrecked, my clothes are soaked and now I'm just cranky.

I've decided the alcohol hiatus is off and I just made myself a drink...(I decided the wine from the other night didn't count)...So I made it 3 days after I swore I was "Never Drinking Again," that has to be a record.

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Grab-Bag of Links...

Apparently Bloggers are under attack (I think I'm safe since I have a whole 3 readers and I don't express too many of my extremist beliefs on here...But maybe I should think about taking the "Proud Liberal" icon off my page...or maybe the Sesame Street mockery of the Terror Alert system-but then how would we know to go buy duct tape-ok I better stop now).

Pop Culture
Avril Lavigne appears to be channelling Lindsay Hohan...What will we ever do? You mean Avril wasn't REALLY all that PUNK?!?!

Napoleon Dynamite
It's pretty much my favorite animal It's like a lion and a tiger mixed. Bread for it's skills in magic. (The fact that I found a second link is so nerdy). PS-From what I understand about genetics a Liger is the Big cat version of a Mule.

Also, I added a Site Meter to my blog a couple days ago. It confirms my belief that I have about 3 readers.

The odd thing is the sites that are referring to me. I thought I might get some odd hits after my post about how Neil Horsley had sex with a mule, but I honestly have NO CLUE why people are being referred to me from a website specializing in something called Bukkake (Note:This is not the website, but rather the definition of the action shown on said website. I would have put it here but I didn't really want to link to porn). If anyone else has gotten weird hits from sites like this let me know, I'm really confused.

So now I've linked to Celebrities washing cars in bikini's, Neil Horsley, Mule sex, Strip Clubs, and Bukkake...Yeah, this blog is not going in the direction I intended.

Why I was a Horrible Roommate: The Cheetah’s incident (Part 4 in a Multi-Part Series)

I had forgotten all about this horrible incident (until this weekend when my friends told the story to my mom at my birthday party-ohh how proud she must have been) since it didn’t actually happen in our house, but it is something horrible that I did to one of my roommate (and one I actually liked) so I think it fits in this series.

Anyone from Michigan, particularly the East side of the state knows that before the rite of passage known as the “21st Birthday” occurs Michiganders have another birthday to celebrate-the 19th in the lovely nation of Canadia (I meant to spell it like that). As most of you are aware of our neighbors to the North (ok technically South here-but whatever) have a drinking age of 19. The summer of my 20th year my friends and I made many-a-trip to good old Windsor to check out “the night life.” Most of the trips consisted of me and 2 of my guy friends I’ve known since Kindergarden-one of whom was moving into the 305 the following fall.

Being that I was going with the boys of course we ended up going to strip clubs after I consumed a few drinks and was too buzzed to put up a fight. I’m not really bothered by seeing naked women-particularly if I’m getting free drinks. So we went a few times to what I would call a classy strip club called “Million Dollar Saloon.” I was a little shocked when I turned around the first time and realized that it was full-nude…but it was nothing a couple shots didn’t cure. These trips seemed to go off without a hitch, I think we must have went 2 or 3 times. I enjoy the kind of music they play in those places and I do have to admit that you just have to be impressed with some of those girls. One of them once climbed a pole without using her hands.

So after a few trips going off without a hitch somehow we ended up taking like 7 people or so. We met my buddy and his friends from school, one of our other female friends came and brought her boyfriend, and of course the roommate in question was there. We went out a had a few drinks at a regular bar first and then these guys gave me passes to this place called Cheetah's.

This was not the classy place that I had at all grown used to. The stage was tiny and the music was terrible. The guys didn’t seem to care too much, being that there were naked girls there and all-but my solution was to make people buy me drinks. I drank whatever the guys put in front of me and as a result I ended up with a grab-bag of different kinds of beer, vodka drinks, and then the fateful Tequila shot. I don’t know what it is but something about Tequila really gets to me. No sooner had I swallowed the shot then I realized it wasn't going to sit well-I asked my friend to go back up to the bar and get my some water. (The chairs in this place were huge and it was hard to get up and leave the table in the high back chairs that reminded me of some sort of 2nd rate thrown. In the meantime I leaned over and puked in my friends' lap (on his brand new jeans). As if puking on someone wasn’t bad enough-puking on a guys lap in a strip club has to be one of the worst things you can do. I wish I could say my stellar actions ended there but they do not. I took the glass of ice water and dumped it in his lap to help "clean up" my mess. One of the other guys grabbed my friend before he could realize what had even happened and took him to the bathroom-to avoid bodily injury to me. To make matters worse the bathroom had one of those “community towels” (can we say “gross” given our location?) so my friend was trying to clean off his pants hopping up to reach the towel. He’s a tall guy but from what I hear it was not easy.

Needless to say we got kicked out-after the waitress made me clean up the floor (which may have been the most degrading thing I’ve ever had to do-getting on your hands and knees in a strip club is not my idea of fun).

I still feel upset bad about this, but enough time has passed that we can all laugh about it and I can blame it on my friend who got me the Tequila shot since everyone knows that I throw up from them. I do have to say that in my old age I have learned to take a Tequila shot like a champ-but it was a long time coming.

Saturday, June 25, 2005

''Matt, Matt, you don't even -- you're glib"

Ok, so I wasn't going to blog about TomKat and how CRAZY Tom Cruise has gotten. Even after I watched the now infamous Matt Lauer interview I decided I wouldn't blog about it. But, it's hot as fuck out and I came inside and I watched it again. Something that was kinda bothering me the first time I watched it became even more clear the 2nd time. I now know what it's like to live with Tom Cruise, because I think Tom Cruise may in fact be the same person as my father...Now, I'm sure some of you are saying, "but your dad isn't as attractive at Tom Cruise!" Yeah, I know, but I swear they're the same person.

I've compiled a list of reasons why they're the same person:

  1. Both have dark hair
  2. Both are very short (under 5'7'')
  3. Both are in their 40's
  4. Both are insane
  5. Both advocate vitamins rather then Rx drugs-particularly for psychiatry
  6. Both think they know more then everyone else-no matter how educated that person is
  7. While they both preach how they know more then others, neither really know anything...My dad I'm convinced just makes shit up or changes around what he hears to make it what he wants and while Tom Cruise claims he's researched the history os psychiatry, yet he's so dyslexic he used to have scripts sent to him on tape. (Too be fair, he now claims Scientology cured him of his dyslexia-so he might have done some research, and I suppose he could just pay people to do it for him).
  8. Both are extremely anti-ridalin (which means you can tell they never went to college and had to write research papers overnight)
  9. Both are rumored to be gay
  10. and the kicker...both are named Tom

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Neil Horsley f*cked a Mule...(and it sounds like he lost his virginity to it)

I'm sure most of you have no idea who Neil Horsley is. He's the guy who posted the names and addresses of doctors who perform abortions on his website-not as a friendly service to women-but more as a "hit list." One of the doctors was in fact killed. He also posted the Nuremburg Files on his webpage until the government shut it down. Simply, he's a real jackass...So I guess I shouldn't be too surprised that he's confirmed Esquire magazines story to Alan Colmes (of Fox News) that he's
had sex with a mule (he was actually supposed to be discussing whether or not an internet service provider should allow Horsley to post the names of abortion doctors on his website).

I feel leaving you with just a link to the audio is insufficient so here's an excerpt (my favorite part is when he calls us "city folk" out of touch with reality since we don't have sex with animals- or know that it's apparently a very common thing on farms).

Alan Colmes: "By the way it also points out that in an Esquire magazine interview you acknowledge taking part in homosexual sex and bestiality in the '70's.

Neil Horsely: "That's my point Alan...Just because it's printed in the media, or on the internet everybody jumps to believe it..."

AC: "Is it true?"

NH: "Hey, Alan, if you want to accuse me of having sex when I was a fool, I did everything that crossed my mind that looked like it might feel good..."

AC: "You had sex with animals?"

NH: "...Absolutely. I was a fool."

AC: "You had sex with animals?"

NH: "When you grow up on a farm in Georgia, your first girlfriend is a mule."

AC: "Uhh, I'm not so sure that that is so."

NH: "That's because you didn't grow up on a farm in Georgia, did you?"

AC: "Are you suggesting that everybody who grows up on a farm in Georgia has a mule as a girlfriend?"

NH: "It has historically been the case. You people are so far removed from the reality... Welcome to domestic life on the farm..."

AC: "Neil there are a lot of people listening to me right now who live on farms, are raising kids on farms, who grew up on farms and I don't think they're dating Elsie right now. You know what I'm saying?"

NH: "...You know yourself, if it's warm and it's damp and it vibrates you might in fact have sex with it."

AC: "No, not me. Thank you."

NH: "...You never masterbated did you Alan."

AC: "That's not the issue...We're not talking about self-love. We're talking about objects that are a little bit different then human form."

This leaves me with 2 Questions:

  1. Is this a really common thing? (As a "city girl" I've heard this happens but I figured it was rather rare and not the completely acceptable activity as Horsley is making it seem it is).
  2. Does anybody else think it's really funny that his last name is Horsley?

Yet another Doubleshot I enjoy...

Anybody who spends any decent amount of time with me knows I'm kinda a caffeine junkie; but being that I don't drink soda, dislike energy drinks and have stopped taking caffeine pills; coffee is my only source of it. Sheryl Crow said it best when she said "I've been livin' on coffee and nicotine." So today when I desperately needed a caffeine fix (being up late for these games is killing me) I left work and went to 7/11. I tried Starbucks Doubleshot. It was SO good I have to rave about it for a bit. I like really strong coffees (French Roast, Turkish Coffee, etc.) but I also like them with cream and a little sugar-apparently this is exactly what doubleshot is. I hadn't tried it because when it came out someone advised me that it was gross-I wish I remember who it was since I would like to tell them they're a moron. As soon as I tried it I had one of thoses "where has this been all my life" moments.

In unrelated exciting coffee news-my boss took my coffee order today, so tomorrow morning I will have a Large White Mocha with Non-Fat Milk and 3 extra shots of expresso (as I said-I'm a caffeine junkie)...The only thing better then free coffee is good free coffee-especially if it's strong.

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Why Today Rocked...

  • I got to leave work early! (And work wasn’t psycho for the first time in weeks-it was just starting to get nuts as I left).
  • The reason I was leaving work was getting my teeth cleaned (I’m a weirdo and LOVE going to the dentist).
  • I didn’t have any cavities (not really a shocker since I’ve never had a cavity...and as most of you know I’m kinda obsessive about my teeth).
  • I was home before 5 (yesterday I didn’t get home until 5:30…when I’m supposed to get off work at 5:00 and it’s a 10 minute drive home).
  • When I got home my mom called. She give me her credit card number and told me to buy myself some Birthday presents. I ended up getting: a pair of olive capri’s, a pair of khaki capri’s, 2 pairs of jeans, an olive blazer, and last but certainly not least-a pink blazer with beading on it-Elle Woods would be so proud! (I know this sounds like a lot but I did some smart shopping). Even more exciting is that I was able to get the jeans in "ankle" length, meaning they won't have to be shortened, since my 5'3'' stature doesn't lend itself well to regular length pants (mock if you will but I enjoy wearing 4'' heels all the time and pretending I'm 5'7'')...The jury is still out on whether the capri's will need to be shortened. Sorry to all my male readers for this entire dissertation.
  • I got a visor at work today and got to wear my hair in my favorite summer hairstyle…(Curly, pulled into a “messy bun” with curls falling out randomly with a visor on, clearly excited my hair is finally long enough for there to be enough hair for this to look good).
  • I get to watch the Pistons game with Bee tonight at her new apartment…I’m so proud of her graduating, getting a real job and moving out on her own! (It's making me re-think my decision to live at home and suffer through 2 more years of school).
  • I've had strep throat and the Rx I got yesterday seems to be clearing things up, I can be on the phone at work without sucking on a throat numbing lozenge. I will be sad to see my "bedroom voice" (as it was called by my "special male friend" last night) go, it's kinda hott...Maybe I can get the same effect by increasing my smoking habit from 4 cigarettes a day back to a pack a day. Yes, I'll admit it, I'm smoking again...But as I said-I'm smoking 4 cigarettes a day (except days I go out) and considering during school I was smoking a pack a day I think people should cut me some slack!
  • Plus...I found this, which if you know my obsession with this you'll understand.

Sunday, June 19, 2005

Why I was a Horrible Roommate: Taco Bell, Tuesday Parties, and Alcohol as a mixer (Part 3 in a Multi-Part Series)

So for Big’s 19th Birthday we all decided we should do things up right, despite the fact that it was a Tuesday (not like that really mattered since we used to have ‘Tuesday Night Drinking Nights’) Sidenote: the Best Tuesday night drinking night also accounts for some of the reason why I was a horrible roommate. B had landed her axel so we had to do it up right. Big, CS, MC, B, and all the other usual suspects where there. We were drinking Mohawk vodka and cranberry. B ended up laying on the kitchen floor (trying to cool down), offered to make out with one of the [insert name of my hometown] boys (as did MC) in order to get them to come smoke with Big and I (of course when they got to A2 we told them if they touched any of the drunk girls it would be their ass). Big was just chugging Mohawk from the bottle. I didn’t think I drank that much, until had to be at a German Expressionist Art Exhibit for class at noon. German Boy walked in, told me I looked like hell and asked if I was alright, which I clearly was not. I pretty much sat in the corner for 2 hours and made German Boy filled out my assignment while I tried not to puke.

But I digress, we went and picked up some friends (I think the purpose was their buying alcohol for us-since despite it being my last year in college I was only 20), but needless to say, we convinced our friends to quit studying and come party with us. I think the next step was us indulging in nature’s finest.

After indulging I had to stop at the gas station. Big and CMT got out of the car (no idea why) and literally accosted a blind man (in their defense, they didn’t realize he was in fact, blind). This is where the quote “See you in HELL…BIGELOW” originated. I don’t exactly know the details, but they were definitely making fun of his cane until they got close enough to realize that he was blind.

The next stop on our little adventure was Taco Bell. Big and I manage to order, no problem. CMT and AM decide to get the 10 pack value meal or whatever it is. I’m not too informed when it comes to the Taco Bell menu, but I know there is combo option where you get a drink and a combination of 10 burritos or tacos (soft or hard). When asked how she wanted it prepared CMT replied “as pictured” and pointed at the combo meal sign. She then proceeded to order them all supreme, which comes into play later. By this point in time I’m sitting at the table with Big and I’m laughing so hard it’s embarrassing. Next the lady working the cash register asks what size drink CMT wants, she flicks the 32oz cup, indicating which one she wants. At this point I can barely contain my laughing.

Midway through the value combo or whatever it is CMT realizes that none of their tacos or burritos have sour cream on them (I guess that is the meaning of supreme at Taco Bell). CMT goes back up to the counter to ask why none of their items had sour cream on them and the lady explained that it costs .30 cents per item; which, including tax would amount to an additional $3.18 to their meal. The lady had assumed that they didn’t want to spend that much on sour cream and had decided not to add it. Of course at this point CMT gets pissed, grabs 2 handfuls of fire sauce and comes back to the table. I’m laughing so hard at this point in time I think I’m going to pee my pants. The lady asks CMT if she “has enough sauce,” CMT yells across the Taco Bell “YES I DO MA’AM, YES I DO!” Around this point I give up even trying to eat since my stomach muscles hurt so badly from laughing.

After the display at Taco Bell which proved there is a drive-through for a reason we decided to go buy the nights supply of alcohol. I don’t remember what the choice of the evening was, but I do remember pouring Vodka into Hpnotiq…Since using alcohol as a mixer is about as smart as bonging wine.

Apparently my roommate didn’t think she should tell me she had an exam the next day when we all rolled in being loud around 8 p.m. Around 10 or 11 p.m. she comes down from my favorite roommates’ room, yells at all of us and kicks us outside (since it was really warm in late October). Of course we still partied until 2 a.m. or so, inside and outside. While inconsiderate of me, of course, I still to this day think she should have just had to the balls to tell me early in the evening that she had an exam, we could have taken it elsewhere.

Thursday, June 16, 2005

Heck Yes I'd Vote for You!!!

Gotta love those Pistons! I have a bet riding on this series with a guy at work...Of course I bet on the Pistons! (Loser has to buy lunch). I'm not sure why I even took this bet. This guy has been bothering me to go to lunch with him for 18 months now and I decided I'd just suck it up and humor him. Once I thought about though, I realized I was getting shafted either way since I had to go to lunch with Bennie...If I even have to pay for it I'll be SO pissed!

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Damn the man!

Work has been so stressful lately, and despite the fact that I'm a day behind with everything I'm not going in today (when I'm 2 days behind tomorrow I feel I might regret this decision). I woke up with a sore throat and almost no voice...Would they most likely have improved after a hot shower and some cough drops? Yes, but I just needed a day. I wish the weather was nicer so I could enjoy my day on the lake...I guess I'll just have to enjoy it lounging around in bed.

Saturday, June 11, 2005

What is with celebrities getting in bikini's and washing cars?

I think what bothers me about this one is that other then during the filming of this commercial I highly doubt Paris Hilton has ever actually even eaten a burger (granted we all know she does discriminate that much about what she puts in her mouth but looking at her makes me think a Cheeseburger with deepfried jalapenos is not something she actually eats...and even if she does I'd bet she throws it up).

I can't really figure out what bothers me about this Jessica Simpson video most...

  1. It could be that I get the feeling she's just trying to compete with Paris (and we all know nobody can out-tramp her)
  2. It might be that I think (much like the Paris video) that Jessica is just trying to prove she can do something besides say dumb shit, pout and pose for pictures
  3. Or, it could also be that Willie Nelson is in it...I always thought he was above that musically but then again John Mellencamp let Jessica use the coveted rip from Jack and Diane for that awful I think I'm in Love song after turning down others for almost 20 years-I guess aging rock stars have a soft spot in their hearts for busty blondes....Who would have thought?

PS-You're welcome to my male readers for linking them to both of these videos.

Dear Mother Nature,

I'm just writing to tell you that you win, I give up, I will be wearing my hair curly until you stop producing 90 degree days with humidity over 90%. The storm you sent last Sunday to kick off this ridiculous heat wave was also a nice touch. Leaving me without power for 60 hours, making it thereby impossible to straighten my hair (no blowdryer, flat iron or curling iron) and without air conditioning or fans which made it impractical. I'm still not sure how you've managed to prevent the air conditioning from functioning at work and at the lodge (really the only 2 places I spend any decent amount of time besides home), but that was a nice touch. The only place I get any sort of solace from the heat is my 10 minute car ride to and from work (I never used the air conditioner in my car before this heat wave but I just can't tolerate never having a cool environment).

The real kicker is that having straightened my hair over 99% of the time nobody actually thinks my curls are mine. Don, Burns and Darcy all made comments about me curling it last night. It's rather annoying since I hate my curly hair (and would straighten it if I had the energy to redo it 5 times a day) for people to accuse me of going out of my way to wear it like that.

The oddest part is that my little brother said something to me when we went out for lunch yesterday about curling my hair, my own little brother had no idea that in reality my hair is curly. (But this is the kid who thought when you sell plasma it is then used in plasma screen TVs so I don't know how smart he really is-prep school or not).

I guess it's not that bad, I can be ready to go in about 20 minutes now; plus the response seems to have been favorable. I'm just concerned that people are just saying it's nice to be polite. I guess it's a good summer/laid back hairdo. I'm just annoyed that I got a haircut last Saturday and I haven't even been able to see what it really looks like.

So if you could see fit to allow the temperature to drop to around 80 degrees with humidity under 80% for a couple days I would greatly appreciate the opportunity to wear my hair straight for just one day.

Legally Blonde

Thursday, June 9, 2005

Why I was a Horrible Roommate: Trees, Drumming, Folders and Powdered Donuts (Part 2 in a Multi-Part Series)

It wasn’t long after moving in the 305 that I realized I would be spending more time with CMT, AM and BC then I would be with JS…In fact the first night we all got together there it became rather clear to me. Eventually for reasons I’m still not really clear on I began to just hang out with CMT and AM, making it awkward when they came over and we didn’t really talk to the girls I’d met them through. There are people you meet and just bond with, and that was kinda what happened with us.

So the first Saturday after we’ve moved in my roommates and I all decided to have a few people over. I know at least BC and I had people over and for awhile some of the other roommates were at least downstairs, they had to have been, since they soon busted my friends and I. I’d never really been friends with Big in high school, but I had him on my buddy list and I decided I’d invite him over, since he was a freshman and all and probably didn’t have any plans. He brought MC, CS was there, and of course B…Eventually Big asked if his friend BY could come over, and of clearly I said yes. I never realized it but that night I started hanging out with the people I’d spend the next 2 years partying with…Ohh all the marvelous Tuesday Night drinking Nights, West Wing Wednesdays, Thursdays starting the weekend, Friday and Saturday Parties, and then partying on Sundays if we got our work done early. It will go down as the alcoholic year, but my grades were good and I enjoyed myself.

So BY gets there, I believe Big did mention that BY smoked before he got there and I was little worried since we had a no smoking in the house rule, but I figured it would be ok. We were living in Ann Arbor, and people are so laid back about it there, so it just never seemed like it would be a big issue. I’ve never smoked before that night, but it just didn’t seem like a big deal to me. Well apparently it was. Two of my roommates came out onto the porch and told BY he couldn’t have pot there, which was so lame, since we weren’t even smoking it at that time. Later they also kicked he and Big out of our yard for smoking in his car which was parked in our yard. We made our first trip to “the beach” that night, aka-Volleyball Field. The overreaction was astounding, and probably helped drive me to my “stoner years,” which I’ve since grown out of and stopped rebelling (at least in that fashion).

Ok, so I’ve set the stage for how I met the culprits in the real story here. One Saturday we were partying late night style. I think CMT and AM rolled in around 2:00 a.m., and for whatever they brought snacks. Chips (I think), Licorice (I think), but they definitely brought powdered donuts (I’m positive of this for reasons I will detail later). So, Big, CMT, Econa (I think), Z, AM, CS, MC, myself and maybe some others are partying until like 4 or 5 a.m. and of course things are getting nuts since we made CMT, AM, Econa and Z play catch up. So at one point we all need to pee…of course, AM, CMT and I decide to go to the bathroom together. I’m sure we were being loud (since that’s how we roll). At the time AM and CMT were taking a class in Afro-Cuban drumming or some shit, all I really know is that they had drumming class. CMT tore it up and AM had a little trouble carrying a beat, as a result she played the triangle in the recital…Seriously the class had a recital. So AM and CMT decide to practice their drumming (around 3 a.m. I’d say) on the wall that one of my roommates shared with the bathroom. They were playing the beat from “Dog Show” with Molly Shannon and Will Ferrell on SNL and saying something that I’m not going to lie, I laughed at but don’t care to repeat. I wish the bad things we did that night ended there but unfortuntatly, they do not. (I should mention I knew I was moving out by this time and things had degenerated to where I basically wasn't on speaking terms with anyone in the house).

Around 4 a.m. CMT disappears to go to the bathroom. All of a sudden I hear a lot of noise. I go check on her to make sure she’s ok. I see 2 boxes of folders belonging to the roommate who I mentioned yesterday used to leave shit out all over the house all the time strewn all over the landing and the stairs. (These folders had been left outside MY door of all places and had been left there for MONTHS). These folders were (big shocker if you know the person) for [an organization that does events and stuff for children such as pen-pals, mentors in the classroom etc]. CMT is laying on the floor rolling all over them, and I just fall down laughing uncontrollably at this sight. All of a sudden, said roommate comes out (tired and pissed) and asks “Can I help you?” We managed to get the folders back in the box and go downstairs.

Now, if you’ve ever been to the 305 you know that during the month of December a Christmas calendar is hung in the living room. It was one of my roommates and it was made by her mom. It was cute. It was one of those ones with a tree and 25 pockets. Each pocket had an ornament and each day you hung an ornament on there, when the tree was full it was Christmas (on a related note: the roommate who owned the tree had a favorite ornament, a fish; one of our roommates would intentionally hang it before she got a chance to). So MC decides that she wants to leave BC a present, and puts a powdered donut in one of the pockets. There was also some sort of powdered donut fight that night, and the living room had powdered sugar all over. I came home from work at the hands on Museum in the morning (hung over as all hell), and apparently BC had cried about the disrespect done to her mom’s calendar. While I did feel bad I thought it was a little dramatic, but that was how we rolled at the 305.

Wednesday, June 8, 2005

Why I was a Horrible Roommate: Jell-O Shot Night (Part 1 in a Multi-Part Series)

While this story was not the first to happen at the lovely home in Ann Arbor which I will refer to as the 305 I think it’s one of my favorites. It’s not even really a story about how I’m a bad roommate, until the very end with my actions towards The Gay Husband…But it’s a good story anyway, and it’s my blog! Being that The Gay Husband was willing to even speak to me after this, let alone become one of my closest friends says a lot about him as a person, and should have said even more about another roommate mentioned. Sadly, I didn’t learn that lesson so quickly, but in time I did and essentially went on to make it hell for her to live there. I would also like to add that I am not inherently a bad roommate. I didn’t have a single fight with my roommate freshmen year and I got along with most of my housemates just fine for the most part, however, when people try to tell me what to do when I’m paying almost $500 a month in rent and treat me like a child when really they’re acting like one, I tend to act out and not really care if I’m annoying them…And if I’m particularly annoyed that day, it might just be my goal.

As a sidenote about why I’m really not a bad person for annoying people, this roommate, that I liked to annoy so much did plenty of other things that were even more annoying such as:

  1. Essentially moving her boyfriend in
  2. Giving him a key
  3. Leaving messes all over the place
  4. Leaving a glob of jelly on the carpet for it to become covered in hair-most likely hers
  5. Leaving long block hairs all over the bathroom floor-particularly annoying to people with hair aversions like I me
  6. Taking up the entire fridge
  7. Leaving a Tupperware container with cookies in the landing for 3 months
  8. Leaving Thanksgiving leftovers in the fridge until January or so-when I finally asked her to clean them up
  9. Not letting anyone else move her car (because German cars are different then American Cars)
  10. Demanding a spare set of my car keys
  11. Being bitchy in general...the list goes on...

At least my list is only:

  1. Had friends over all the time
  2. Drank too much
  3. Was loud

So the whole thing started because BC wanted to go to a house-party at her friends house where this cool band was playing. They were doing 2 sets, a 9 p.m. show (which we clearly could not make due to the pre-game we had at the 305) and then one at a little later time (I don’t really recall when-for reasons that will soon become clear).

We decided that we’d make Jell-O shots. BC got the standard booze of that year; cheap ass vodka, plastic cups, and had The Gay Husband buy the Jell-O when he went to Meijer (we ended up with Rainbow Jell-O shots of course). So being that my family owned restaurants for years and I used to have to pour dressing into those little cups I kept telling BC the ones she had gotten were 2 oz and that I was sure of it since it was the size we used for salad dressing, but she wouldn’t believe me. Eventually I just caved agreed with her against my better judgment. So according to our math, the Jell-O shots would each have almost ½ a shot in them. About ½ way into the pre-party we found the wrapper for the cups and realized that yet again, I was right. All of the Jell-O shots had almost a full shot...this was around 8:30. It was also when I realized I’d drank WAY too much already and drunk dialed B, I believe, a call that will go down in infamy as an early ass drunk dial in college life. (Nowadays I don’t think that would be too uncommon). But I digress. This was also around the time that we started doing body shots of tequila-since that always ends well.

Eventually we make our way to the party and if I remember correctly the usual suspects were there: BC, Mateo Feo, Mark, CMT, AM, Myself, Big, MC, and CK (my roommate) even came out with us that night, I remember this since he separated me from from a kid I was making out with-but that comes later.

So needless to say when we get to the party I’m already tanked. I keep trying to sneak beers, but Beth keeps taking them from me. One of these attempts ended with her letting go of the cup in frustration and me dumping Honey Brown all over my head. So next thing I remember CK is telling me to call German Boy/GB/Geebs/Geeberino and profess my love for him, which I of course did-probably to his answering machine, I don’t really remember. Then we ran into some guys I knew from freshmen year and despite by being cut off they started giving me shots, that is, until CK yelled at them to stop. I think this is when I got covered in beer, or as I like to call it, started wearing “Ode to Cerveza” perfume.

All of a sudden I needed to pee, so I made my way downstairs and got in line. I don’t really know if I ever did pee since I was found by CK, making out with some random guy in front of the bathroom (what is it with me and Bathrooms, I tell ya). So, my roommates decided I needed to go home and BC's friend Mateo-Feo volunteered to walk me. I was home before 11 p.m., who gets taken home that early...ME! Mind you, it was cold so CMT lent him her long black sweater (you know, the long kind that every college aged girl has with the belt thing). I really have no idea what was said to my roommates/friends and I’m sure I didn’t go easily, and for any problems I caused for them I am sorry.

Ok, so cut to the 305. Mateo-Feo dropped me off and left me in JS's care. I basically laid her in Popasan chair and harassed her and her lame ass boyfriend, RW. I have essentially no recollection of this. Next thing I know, JS (who I’ve known for 4 years at this point in time) goes downstairs and gets The Gay Husband (who I’ve known less then a month) and tells him I need to be put to bed.

The Gay Husband goes about everything right. He tries to get me water, puts the garbage by my head and tried to get me into bed. Now, anyone who is trying to get me to go to bed knows (basically B and The Gay Husband) I refuse to sleep in my street clothes. I had already flashed The Gay Husband at this point in time at least twice and proceeded to take my pants off to change right in front of him. I also groped his chest somewhere in there…Sexually assaulting a gay roommate, just my style. Next he got me into bed and was trying to get me to drink water, which I refused to do. I intentionally knocked 32 oz of water over and said “looks like I’m finished with my water.” And the worst part is, The Gay Husband cleaned up the mess. This was when I realized he was a great person and when we started bonding...Ohh how I miss our dinners together. Shockingly, I never actually used the garbage can that night; not so shockingly, most of what I know from this story was filled in by others-if you know any more details or if I got some of them wrong feel free to let me know.

Back in the 21st Century!

Some of you might be aware, but I was without electricity from 7:30 Sunday until Tuesday Night...The storm was horrible here. We had 2 HUGE trees knocked down, 3 BIG branches down, and a Canoe landed in our yard from a yard about 5 houses down. The yard was also covered in small branches.

Anyone who knows how bad I am with storms knows I was flipping out. I didn't even realize it was storming since I was in the study and the windows are up high and I wasn't really playing attention. Then I went down the hall to go to the bathroom and all I could see were huge branches flying around the yard. I decided to go closer to the doorwalls and eventually realized I needed to go outside and bring in a plant that was already too damp before the rain. As I stepped outside I was hit in the face with a flying branch. I looked out towards the lake and noticed the canoe; 1/2 in our yard, 1/2 in the lake with its owners trying to pull it out of the water. All of a sudden the Oak Tree that was 3 feet in diameter at least fell to the ground. I was yelling to the people in our yard that they needed to come in our house, they decided to just run for their house when they were almost hit by a branch falling in our yard. Next I noticed the smaller Wysteria tree down and 2 more branches came flying down. I ran inside, made a drink, went and grabbed Cyndi (my Doll that I've had since I was 18 months old, whose hair I twirl when I have a lot of nervous energy or I'm trying to go to sleep) and proceeded to pace around the house upstairs and tell my grandparents to get away from the windows...Really, I needed a Xanax.

In short, my 50 hours without power were hell. The air conditioning has been broken at work so the only place were I had any sort of break from the heat was my car.

While all of this was going on Truman (my bunny) had watery eyes and I was having to wipe them with warm washcloths and rinse them with saline every 2 hours, for awhile I thought he had some sort of infection and would have to go to the Vet...Really fun to deal with in the dark.

Luckily, the power has been restored, Truman is better and since the tree removal guys came today the yard is cleaned up...All is back to "normal," if you can really call it that.

Sunday, June 5, 2005

You're The Sound and the Fury!

by William Faulkner

Strong-willed but deeply confused, you are trying to come to grips with a major crisis in your life. You can see many different perspectives on the issue, but you're mostly overwhelmed with despair at what you've lost. People often have a hard time understanding you, but they have some vague sense that you must be brilliant anyway. Ultimately, you signify nothing.

Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

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Saturday, June 4, 2005


So as a liberal living in the Bush-ocracy I've become a bit of conspiracy theorist. Everything seems to be driven by evil corporations. If Halliburton can buy policy with $20 million to Cheney as a "leaving bonus" (sidenote-how bad do you have to be to get $20 million to leave) then nothing really would shock me.

So on Thursday I was telling people my theory about the NBA...I've had it for a while now. When you consider that in ticket sales alone there is $140 Million to be made per game I'm rather certain that the NBA/Owners etc. have an interest in having the longest series possible. (I think this theory gained ground in my mind when I learned that all reality TV was fake, which made me question sports which always seemed like reality to me). It's all for entertainment and with so much money at stake was rather sure that there was a definite interest in longer series. So anyway...When I was talking about my theory Tuesday my friends were like, "whatever, shut up"...And then 'Sheed spoke out.

Rasheed Wallace was fined $20,000 for saying that the officials in game 5 where making an effort to extend the series to 7 games (technically he was fined for cursing, but if you've ever sat 4th row at a Pistons game you know the NBA doesn't care that much about swearing)...Sounds like the NBA was trying to punish him for speaking out against the conspiracy to me (but I'm a conspiracy theorist).

Now, I'm not the "we never landed on the moon" type of conspiracy theorist or anything, in fact, when my friends showed me a documentary (I use the term loosely) about that I found factual errors in it and proved it wrong...I just think A LOT more in life then most people would like to realize is driven by money and I think that the NBA playoffs might be one of those things. All I'm saying is that there is a lot of money on the line, and while there are some series (Pheonix/San Antonio, etc) that can't be extented past 5 games (we all know the spurs could have swept that) certain series (Pistons/Pacers, Pistons/Heat) can be, and why not make some extra cash on those series?

Wednesday, June 1, 2005

Drunken Quizzes are THE BEST!!!

I don't feel up to writing today, maybe tomorrow I'll talk about the change in my job...Enjoy the quizzes!!!

First drunk post on the blog kids, enjoy...