Why I was a Horrible Roommate: The Cheetah’s incident (Part 4 in a Multi-Part Series)

I had forgotten all about this horrible incident (until this weekend when my friends told the story to my mom at my birthday party-ohh how proud she must have been) since it didn’t actually happen in our house, but it is something horrible that I did to one of my roommate (and one I actually liked) so I think it fits in this series.

Anyone from Michigan, particularly the East side of the state knows that before the rite of passage known as the “21st Birthday” occurs Michiganders have another birthday to celebrate-the 19th in the lovely nation of Canadia (I meant to spell it like that). As most of you are aware of our neighbors to the North (ok technically South here-but whatever) have a drinking age of 19. The summer of my 20th year my friends and I made many-a-trip to good old Windsor to check out “the night life.” Most of the trips consisted of me and 2 of my guy friends I’ve known since Kindergarden-one of whom was moving into the 305 the following fall.

Being that I was going with the boys of course we ended up going to strip clubs after I consumed a few drinks and was too buzzed to put up a fight. I’m not really bothered by seeing naked women-particularly if I’m getting free drinks. So we went a few times to what I would call a classy strip club called “Million Dollar Saloon.” I was a little shocked when I turned around the first time and realized that it was full-nude…but it was nothing a couple shots didn’t cure. These trips seemed to go off without a hitch, I think we must have went 2 or 3 times. I enjoy the kind of music they play in those places and I do have to admit that you just have to be impressed with some of those girls. One of them once climbed a pole without using her hands.

So after a few trips going off without a hitch somehow we ended up taking like 7 people or so. We met my buddy and his friends from school, one of our other female friends came and brought her boyfriend, and of course the roommate in question was there. We went out a had a few drinks at a regular bar first and then these guys gave me passes to this place called Cheetah's.

This was not the classy place that I had at all grown used to. The stage was tiny and the music was terrible. The guys didn’t seem to care too much, being that there were naked girls there and all-but my solution was to make people buy me drinks. I drank whatever the guys put in front of me and as a result I ended up with a grab-bag of different kinds of beer, vodka drinks, and then the fateful Tequila shot. I don’t know what it is but something about Tequila really gets to me. No sooner had I swallowed the shot then I realized it wasn't going to sit well-I asked my friend to go back up to the bar and get my some water. (The chairs in this place were huge and it was hard to get up and leave the table in the high back chairs that reminded me of some sort of 2nd rate thrown. In the meantime I leaned over and puked in my friends' lap (on his brand new jeans). As if puking on someone wasn’t bad enough-puking on a guys lap in a strip club has to be one of the worst things you can do. I wish I could say my stellar actions ended there but they do not. I took the glass of ice water and dumped it in his lap to help "clean up" my mess. One of the other guys grabbed my friend before he could realize what had even happened and took him to the bathroom-to avoid bodily injury to me. To make matters worse the bathroom had one of those “community towels” (can we say “gross” given our location?) so my friend was trying to clean off his pants hopping up to reach the towel. He’s a tall guy but from what I hear it was not easy.

Needless to say we got kicked out-after the waitress made me clean up the floor (which may have been the most degrading thing I’ve ever had to do-getting on your hands and knees in a strip club is not my idea of fun).

I still feel upset bad about this, but enough time has passed that we can all laugh about it and I can blame it on my friend who got me the Tequila shot since everyone knows that I throw up from them. I do have to say that in my old age I have learned to take a Tequila shot like a champ-but it was a long time coming.