Saturday, May 28, 2005
Thursday, May 26, 2005
"We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War's a spiritual war...Our Great Depression is our lives."
Depression seems to be taking a firm hold on me again. I have no money to refill my medication, not that I'd take it if I did. Not having money just makes me more depressed. I am beginning to think this will never end. For short periods of time I'll feel ok and can function somewhat, but then whatever was cheering me up just won't be enough to sustain it for a long period of time and I'll just go back to my depression.
I just don't have the energy to create an actual post so here is my 1/2 assed attempt. My post-exam upbeat stint appears to be coming to an end. I've been reading Prozac Nation (again) by Elizabeth Wurtzel and it's resonating a little too much. Getting out of bed has become a challenge, not to mention doing anything at all after work. I've decided to post some of my favorite quotes from Prozac Nation to complete this 1/2 assed attempt and to possibly shed some light on my mood.
How I'm feeling...
"I start to think there really is no cure for depression, that happiness is an ongoing battle, and I wonder if it isn't one I'll have to fight got as long as I live. I wonder if it's worth it. I start to feel like I can't maintain the facade any longer, that I may just start to show through. And I wish I knew what was wrong...I don't know. Why does the rest of the world put up with the hypocrisy, the need to put a happy face on sorrow, the need to keep on keeping on?... I don't know the answer, I know only that I can't. I don't want any more vicissitudes, I don't want any more of this try, try again stuff...I've had it. I am so tired. I am twenty and I am already exhausted."
One of the few things that makes me feel at all better...
"Back to listening to Bob Dylan, back to hearing that cranky, desperate voice sing the most heartbreaking lines I'd ever heard...I just find new elements of tragedy to focus on, new reasons to be empathetic. This is especially true of every Bob Dylan song that has ever touched me. There are people who hate his voice, who think he's too nasal and can't sing...but they won't understand that for real Dylan fans, the sound of his ragged, edgy vocal cords is the sound of redemption."
The one I fear is true...
"In a strange way, I had fallen in love with my depression...I loved it because I thought it was all I had. I thought depression was the part of my character that made me worthwhile. I thought so little of myself, felt that I had such scant offerings to give to the world, that the one thing that justified my existence at all was my agony."
Which reminds me of Julia Roberts in Closer (which I have been told by someone I remind them of)...
"Depressives don't. They want to be unhappy to confirm they're depressed. If they were happy they couldn't be depressed anymore. They'd have to go out into the world and live. Which can be depressing."
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
Sunday, May 22, 2005
Yesterday afternoon was pretty busy. I planted 20 geraniums, 48 snap dragons, transplanted a hosta, spread some mulch, planted 48 impatients, and did some baby sitting. In a related planting note: today I finished planting after doing 150 impatients before 11:00...but at least it's done. I also managed to squeeze in getting my hair colored yesterday afternoon, now I'm really Legally Blonde.
Last night my parents had a bonfire. All the usual suspects where there, except this time there were also 3 dogs who were all smaller then the average cat. In attendance last night:
- The Phillipino DJ/OC Sherriff Duputy/Guitar Player/Band member was there, I convinced him to go get his guitar and play classic rock all night. Nothing beats a bunch of drunks sitting around singing free bird/joker/the boxer. His wife even came out for a bit last night, within 30 seconds my mom had a shot of raspberry vodka in her hand.
- There was also the teacher, with her baby beagle (the cutest dog ever).
- The doctor and his pregnant wife. They had to leave their 2 dogs home since apparently it was a little dog night. They have a black lab named Lucy and a mutt named Brewster who is the sweetest and ugliest dog I've ever seen.
- Then of course the neighbors with a herd of children, 2 cats and a pekingese where there. The husband drinks jolt cola and espresso all day long and then throws wood on the fire as if he's trying to alert rescue planes of his location on a deserted island. (My brother likes to rant about how HOTT the teacher, the doctor's wife, and the mother of 3 are and how cool it is that my parents have hott neighbors).
- The gay guys (one of whom is french and was downing wine, as long as it was french; and the other who couldn't drink because he'd just taken his allergy medication).
- Of course some random neighbors from 5 houses down heard the action, so fathers made their escape from their wives and 5 children between the 2 families to come drink with us.
- However, my favorite family has to be my dad's friend, his mail-order bride from the Phillipines and her daughter. This was the first time I'd met his bride or her daughter. They were SO sweet. The daughter is 11 and speaks 3 languages. The daughter already calls my dad's friend dad and is SO well adjusted. They also came with a pekingese in tow. Clearly my dad's friend is a little odd (outside of the mail-order bride, the dog was his before they got here and it's name is "Missy").
At the end of the night I was sober and was ready to go home. My mom was all worried that I shouldn't drive since I'd been drinking earlier. My dad (who was smashed) and the DJ/Sherriff's Deputy/Guitar player (who was also smashed) started telling my mom I was fine to drive (they could see it in my eyes). Mind you, it was dark out, they were 10 feet away and they fire was dying down. But, whatever.
Friday, May 20, 2005
Just in case anyone was unclear or if there was some debate about it, making a girl walk home 3.5 miles in 4 inch heels is NOT acceptable. If something like this happens, feel free to keep the offenders personal effects, such as his favorite north face sweatshirt as an asshole tax and never speak to him again.
DE-TROIT BAS-KET-BALL!!! Gotta love those ‘Stones! Bring the Heat! So as everyone knows, the Pistons came back to kick some ass last night. Yet another night at the Lodge, where else is there to watch Piston Basketball? While the Pistons winning is it's own reward there's the added bonus that it's a built in excuse for me to get out of the house on game nights.
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
Today at work this lady who called to rebook something she had cancelled told me I didn't know what I was doing and demanded my co-worker call her back. I would describe her as: bitchy, mentally imbalanced, ignorant…the list goes on. Essentially, she called me dumb since I couldn’t find her paperwork that DIDN’T exist. Damn, if only I’d checked the “contracts that haven’t been created for lack of information since the dumb-bitch never called back with all her information” file. I've been at this job for 5 years, I didn't even need a refresher on how to do things when I got back. I'm going to hang my diploma on the wall above my computer and I'm going to put pictures of me in my cap and gown from last year on my bulletin board. As a result of this phone call I put a sign on the bulletin board over my desk, it reads “You could be in property class.” It’s what I’ve been saying to myself after I get off the phone with high maintenance/dumb/annoying people the last 3 days, it works SHOCKINGLY well. I can’t believe that my inspiration at work has become not being in school.
In other news: The Duder got a blog, I added a link. He talked about a feature I am not aware of, calling in audio posts. (I'm going to be "phoning it in" kids...I'm excited). I’m really pumped to know that there is a number I can call and add audio posts immediately. Basically, I think I’ve just found a way to replace drunken quote sheets that is WAY more fun…Ok it might not be more fun then trying to read handwriting in the morning, but audio, come on, that is awesome.
Pistons kicked ass yesterday. I met up with 2 of my favorite law students (and got to go to the lodge for the first time in awhile), and I’m about to go meet another one of my favorites for a drink. It’s been a good week thus far; I’m not letting assholes at work bother me, good times, good games, good friends, good drinks.
Monday, May 16, 2005
Today was my first day back to work. It was definitly 9 to 5, but since I do have to get a 2nd job this week (because I'm so broke) you never know what it'll be. (Ok it won't be shaking my ass for sure!) I'm actually thinking about getting a job at Starbucks (thoughts?). By 2:00 I was convinced it just had to be at least 4:30 since I’d already done so much work. At least it didn’t go unnoticed since all my bosses were fawning over me today. It was nice to be somewhere that doing what I consider mindless, ½ assed work was appreciated. It’s a drastic change from Law School where I’m mediocre on a good day (granted I don’t put in a lot of effort so I supposed I shouldn’t bitch).
The biggest difference was that today I was actually doing things right and people were noticing and appreciating me. With the exception of Amy (Legal Writing Goddess) I never got that feeling this year. I never managed to put in a valiant effort since I never really thought it would even matter if I did. When I did all my reading I understood things the same if not worse then when I didn’t, so why put in the extra effort?
The property grades are up and I’m actually not upset. I did better then I thought I would, and probably better then I deserved to. I realized today I miss the Law School kids already. When you see people THAT much and then they’re gone it’s kind of sad.
In other good news one of my co-workers/bosses told me today that I should feel free to pursue a summer associate position. So maybe I’ll end up doing something law related this summer after all. Right now I think I just need time away from the evils of the law and having to think.
I keep telling myself that these posts are going to get interesting and funny, but I can’t really do that without telling all my shady stories. I realized today that my blog is more like a certain former roommates then the comical ones that led me to start this…DEPRESSING to say the least. Considering I've not decided if I'm ever running for political office I think that would be a bad idea to share my shady stories (or get a job shaking my ass)…There are already WAY too many witnesses.
Off to buy deodorant so I don’t smell at work tomorrow…Have a good one kids!
Sunday, May 15, 2005
BUT, I've been cigarette free for 2 1/2 days now! (Plus I hardly smoked Thursday when I was out celebrating)! I figured with the school year over I really needed get serious and quit smoking (rather then just saying how much I wanted to quit). In an effort to remain cigarette free I've also taken a hiatus from drinking (not really a bad thing if you saw me Wednesday or Thursday) until I'm rather sure that I can go out and have a couple beers without wanting to buy a pack of cigarettes. The shocking part is that I have virtually 2 full packs, and until this morning I didn't have the urge to smoke. No headaches though so I think I can do this! I'm sure I'll stumble every now and then and want a hit or two (hence why I just threw those 2 packs in the freezer so they aren't stale when that time may come).
I don't think I've been a raging bitch, but sometimes I'm oblivious to that so if I start bitching about some inconsequential detail and I'm blowing it WAY out of proportion please take the high road and say to yourself "it's nicotine withdrawal...soon she'll be back to her normal self, just a bitch, not a raging bitch."
I do have to confess that the real reason I'm quitting smoking has nothing to do with my health, it's purely out of vanity...Now, I know you're saying to yourself "but smoking makes you look cool and is sexy." While we all know this is true, as the tobacco companies would NEVER lie or mislead us in ads, the long term consequences started to get to me. So I've made a list of things that are not hott about cigarette smoking...
- The Teeth...This one has multiple facets. First and foremost, the turning the teeth yellow, clearly not hott for someone as teeth obsessed as I am. Secondly (and more frightening) my Mom just told me how all the women who come in her office who are in their 50's and are smokers have MAJOR teeth problems and a significant portion of them have lost all their teeth. Clearly: being toothless=White Trashy=NOT HOTT! I might be the only person with a teeth fetish, but if the surgeon general had put THAT on the pack I probably would never have started smoking. Ok, that's probably a lie since I've bought cigarettes in Canada and those packs have pictures of rotting, disgusting teeth on them now that I think about it; but I'm sure I would have quit sooner if I'd had to look at my possible future as a toothless wench who can't even be in a courtroom for fear her dentures will fall on the floor. And that brings me to my last reason, dentures. While I'm sure some men will argue there is a benefit to being toothless I can definitly say that I: a-don't agree, b-don't care, c-think that if there is a benefit it would be outweighed by denture odor.
- The Cough...nothing says HOTT like hacking for 5 minutes in the morning or after walking up a few flights of stairs.
- The wrinkles...For someone who makes sure she has her sunglasses with her whenever it might get sunny as a method of slowing the onset of crows feet it doesn't really make sense to counteract that prevention with something that is ruining my teeth on top of it...Looking 55 when you're really 48, NOT HOTT!
- All the things I taught kids in hazards of tobacco (the yellow nails, the smell, the hairy tongue)...Ok, to clarify I do not have a hairy tongue, but the prospect of getting one is very frightening. (Do I even need to say it, clearly NOT HOTT!)
- Emphysema...Again with the cough and the wheezing. Plus those oxygen tanks do not come with cute carrying cases, NOT HOTT!
- Lung Cancer...Loosing your hair, NOT HOTT!
So to recap, no booze and no cigarettes...Yeah, this should be a real blast!
PS-I found out one person who ratted out the "Anonymous Fat Guys'" Blog to the administration. I'm not really sure if she's the only one, but let me just say that I am not surprised that this girl did it since any interaction I've had with her has led me to believe she has a pool stick lodged up her ass. Anyone who will:
- Ask a question about a footnote that the professor doesn't even remember.
- I think (I wasn't paying very much attention that day) she's also the girl that asked the same prof to "draw a picture" when we were talking about indemnification and he went up to the chalkboard and drew a picture of a teddy bear...Hence why I LOVE the KB (aka-the gambler/santa clause/the travelocity gnome).
- Consistently raise her hand and annoy the whole class.
- Freak out in front of me before my oral argument, stressing me out and causing me to have a breakdown during my argument AND THEN when I ask her how hers went respond "ohh it was easy, I did great." (I'll share more about this great story later).
- Is so annoying she gets called "high maintenance" by our contracts prof.
- Freak out in the break between the multiple choice section and the essay section on our con law exam, annoying/stressing out at least 5 people I know of (me being one of them) since they felt it wasn't that bad.
Is definitly not above being a tattle-tale.
Saturday, May 14, 2005
Well, as you probably figured out, I finished my first year of law school Thursday (provided I passed all my exams). Now, I’m sure you’re figuring I went straight home, rented some movies and went to bed early, but sadly you would be wrong.
I wasn’t feeling very well Thursday morning so after I finished my exam I had a couple beers, since when I was drinking water I was getting harassed. It was a really good time. Both sections went to Circa after exams, ending our first year at the place where we had our first social event just seemed fitting. Despite everything that had been said on the “Anonymous Fat Guys” blog (He called it that, not me; but while we’re on that subject I am going to try to not include people’s specific names after what happened with his blog), there was no animosity between people from what I could tell, which was really nice.
That afternoon I hung out with one of the law school guys who there had been some issues with earlier and it was cool that we were able to smooth things over.
Town Pump was a blast! I’m a sucker for a chill bar with a cute emo-boy playing good music. I pulled a random disappearing act slightly after my friend got there and didn’t really introduce him to anyone, but these things happen. (Sorry if you’re one of the people I didn’t say goodbye to). The bad part came the next morning when I had to have my dad drive me down to Detroit to get my car before I went to work Friday. He commented that I smelled like vodka and cigarettes and all I could do was say “that makes sense, I was clearly at a bar last night.”
I start work on Monday, which means I get to start golfing soon! I didn’t get out on a course at all last year but I did spend a lot of time at Carl’s. I realized I need to back into the swing of things since golfing is a really good skill for professionals. So are being willing to take clients to strip clubs and being able to hold your alcohol, so as far as I’m concerned I’m going to do just fine in the business world.
Well, I think that’s about it for now. I’m not really feeling great still and I’m rather excited that I have nothing to do and I can just spend my day laying in bed getting better.
Friday, May 13, 2005
Well, I finally caved...I started a blog. I've been thinking about it since I graduated last year since it seemed like an excellent way to communicate with my friends after we all moved apart. Plus, I've kinda always wanted my own soap box and this seemed like an excellent one.
So, as I was saying, with Joel moving away soon, and a lot of my other friends getting jobs being "adult" I've realized recently that over the last year I've lost touch with a lot of people, mainly because I've been so busy with that pesky first year of law school thing. This seemed like a really good way to catch people who care about with what is going on (although I doubt it'll be very exciting this summer).
I can't believe that I actually finished my first year of law school!!! When I graduated undergrad last year I know I was excited but I don't think I was actually proud of myself. Today I realized that I managed to suffer through what might be one of the toughest years of schooling anyone can put themselves through...And I even escaped with my sanity. Undergrad always seemed like something that just had to be done, but I realized today that despite all my questioning whether it was even for me I managed to finish my first year and I actually think I did alright. I also got my appellate brief back yesterday and I did fairly well on it; which considering the amount of blood, sweat and tears went into each one of those 35 pages I think I've earned it. I had a sense of general redemption after the disaster that was the memo.
In other news, my law school class was reprimanded by our dean today, (I knew law school was like high school, but I didn't really understand just how much until today). Another law student has a blog that has a discussion board which you can post anonymously on. Topics ranged from: top ten hotties lists, which guys were hung, talk of anal, discussion of what prof you'd most like to nail; just to name a few. Apparently, spending 20 hours a week in a classroom together for a year has caused us to revert to high school like tendencies of trashing each other anonminity and general immaturity. It kind of leads me to wonder exactly when I'll start acting like an adult, since the guy who runs the blog is a 39 year old I'm not extremely hopeful that I'll start being mature any time soon.
So you're probably wondering how the dean and the administration came upon this blog...Well a few members of my section cheated on our civil procedure exam, and the anonymous forum quickly filled with accusations and explicity named the offenders. A lot of people were outraged (me being one of them) and decided to go to the administration in an attempt to institute an honor code and to get better proctors. Ok, here's where I'm confused. When I e-mailed the deans I did not feel that it was necessary, prudent, or wise to include discussion of the blog; yet some (or one) of my classmates must not have thought too much about it and told the dean. When I got home today I had an e-mail waiting for me that had been sent by the dean addressing that while free speech is a highly regarded freedom in our society the blog "violates the norms of civility to which we aspire." The stupid part is that basically only the 90 people in my section knew about the blog before that e-mail was sent, and now the entire law school knows about it and has been viewing it.
While I'm sure I could keep writing for ages with everything that has happened recently I think it's going to have to wait until later since I want to clean my room tonight before I go to bed because it's in a state of post exam disarray...Stay tuned for an accounting of my post finals activities last night.
Monday, May 2, 2005
Here is a guide to some of my nicknames, I make no claims that it's all inclusive but it might help some people.
The College Years
- The 305 = House I lived in while in college
- BC = 305 Roommate who I eventually had a falling out with
- Mateo Feo = Kid with jacked up teeth who was friends with BC
- JS = 305 Roommate I had known in high school, but quickly grew to hate
- The Gay Husband = Probably my best friend, my former 305 roommate, who-big surprise-is gay
- CMT = One of my best friends from Undergrad (Female)
- AM = Female friend from undergrad-best friends with CMT
- Econa = Resident in AM's hall
- Z = Econa's roommate
- Big = Friend from undergrad (I also knew him in high school) responsible for a large portion of my deliquency
- MC = Friend of Big (female)
- B = Friend I've know since I was 5
- CS = Male friend I refer to as my husband occasionally, I've also known him since I was 5
- BY = Stoner friend of Bigs
- [The Dude] = Law School friend responsible also responsible for my delinquency
- Bill, More & Hours = The Firm I work for
- [Hours] = The Partner I work for at Bill, More & Hours; ie-"Bad Cop"
- [More] = The other Partner I work for at Bill, More & Hours; ie-"Good Cop"
- [ASSociate] = The Associate I work with who is incompetent
- [Juan] = Short for "Don Juan", the Associate I flirt with
Posted by Elle Woods at 3:17 PM
Sunday, May 1, 2005
Here are some of my favorite posts to
entertain you help you procrastinate.
- Why I was a horrible roommate (looking back on these stories I just shake my head, but my hijinx are still cheeky and cute to look back on): Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4
- Reasons I'm a Great Date
- Tanning Bed Story
- Nascar is not a Sport
- Fountain Story
- "Sexist Asshole of the Week" Award
- Help Rub-Her-Ducky Win a Date with Jermajesty "Frank" Shasta Diesel
- Belated Christmas Gift Idea
- The Sunny Side
- Whiskey, Tango, Foxtrot
- Small Hands, Smell like Cabbage
- When I made a mistake I have eight different people coming by to tell me about it. That's my only real motivation is not being hassled
- First of all, Papa Smurf didn't create Smurfette, Gargamel did
- Why I love My Grandpa
- Ways to Get Fired from Bill, More & Hours
- Things people do in Law School that piss me off...
- Finally, a curve that works in my favor
- Sample of my Notes
- Welcome to Detroit City
- Office Hours can be fun
- Law School Final Exam Drinking Game
- F*ck You! F*ck You! You're Cool! F*ck You!
- The Dude Abides
- I'm not going to do what everybody thinks I'm going to do and just flip out man!
- I'll tell you very bluntly...
- Causing Plaintiff's Downfall
- You watch and see...Big Boi!
- Come gather 'round people wherever you roam
- Signs you have drug/alcohol addiction issues
- Another Gem from my Little Brother
- Happy Birthday Flip!!!
- It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year
- I Would do Anything for Love, but I Won't do That
- 18 Year Old Virgins?
- More Family Goodness
Boyz II Men
Posted by Elle Woods at 5:00 PM