Thursday, April 20, 2006

Causing Plaintiff's Downfall

The Namby Pamby is claiming he's seen the best opinion ever written. While he might be correct, and I'm not about to start doing legal "research" to prove him wrong so we'll just go ahead and assume that he is, I would have to say my favorite action ever bought is U. S. ex rel. Mayo v. Satan and his Staff, 54 F.R.D. 282 (W.D.Pa., 1971). Some of my Favorite parts:

  • "He alleges that Satan has on numerous occasions caused plaintiff misery and unwarranted threats, against the will of plaintiff, that Satan has placed deliberate obstacles in his path and has caused plaintiff's downfall."
  • "Plaintiff alleges that by reason of these acts Satan has deprived him of his constitutional rights."
  • "Even if plaintiff's complaint reveals a prima facie recital of the infringement of the civil rights of a citizen of the United States, the Court has serious doubts that the complaint reveals a cause of action upon which relief can be granted by the court. We question whether plaintiff may obtain personal jurisdiction over the defendant in this judicial district. The complaint contains no allegation of residence in this district...We note that the plaintiff has failed to include with his complaint the required form of instructions for the United States Marshall for directions as to service of process."
  • "If such action were to be allowed we would also face the question of whether it may be maintained as a class action. It appears to meet the requirements of FRCP 23 that the class is so numerous that joinder of all members is impracticable, there are questions of law and fact common to the class, and the claims of the representative party is typical of the claims of the class. We cannot now determine if the representative party will fairly protect the interests of the class."
I don't know what I like better, that someone clogged the court system trying to sue satan-and might have actually gotten a licensed member of the bar to file the complaint for them or a District Court judge having to use the Federal Rules of Civil Procedure to explain why you can't sue Satan.

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