Wednesday, December 26, 2007

I Still Cannot Compose Coherent Paragraphs.

It should come as no surprise that it was another [Woods] Family Christmas for the record books. In no particular order:

  1. Uncle Crackhead brought his girlfriend's new 5lb puppy to Christmas Eve. It was bought at a Pet Shop, do not even get me started on my hatred of people who buy animals from pet shops.
  2. After Theodore had played with the dog my Uncle blurted out that the dog has Giardia. Apparently bringing a dog with an extremely contagious (to humans and other dogs) parasitic infection to a holiday function is fair-game. After I found this out I elected to take Theodore home.
  3. Said puppy was purchased OVER A WEEK AGO yet the prescription has not been picked up. Most likely the dog will die of the infection before they get around to taking care of it.
  4. Neither Uncle Crackhead or his Girlfriend are allowed unsupervised visitation with their children, yet they got a dog. Obviously they are already taking stellar care of the puppy.
  5. My brother and Cousins organized a beer pong tournament in the basement. All of participants were under the age of 21.
  6. On the way home my brother drunkenly declared to my parents that he "smokes weed" and is "proud" of it. I repeatedly advised him to shut up. I finally understand how Criminal Attorney's feel when their clients just cannot keep their mouths shut to the cops.
  7. Giving Theodore bones really just results in stress to him, as he paces the house trying to find a place to hide it (since all the humans he lives with are clearly dying to steal his treats).
  8. My brother apparently still suffers from bouts of sleep walking like he did as a child.
  9. When my brother is sleep walking he seems to think his door is a toilet.
  10. Yelling "Stop pissing on your door! Why are you doing that?" to someone who is sleep walking is an ineffective way to wake them. They might respond, but they will not wake up.
  11. Telling them to clean up their piss while they are sleep walking is also an ineffective way to wake them, however, eventually they will clean it up if you nag them enough and direct them on each individual step.
  12. Even making someone who is sleep walking shower does not wake them up. They still won't remember anything in the morning.
  13. Sleep walking is a really weird disorder.
  14. Shopping today was awesome.
Yeah. I need therapy after these Holidays.

4 comments:

Grace said...

Wow. just. wow.

The Forum Shopper said...

wow... and I thought my Christmas wasn't the best. I tip my hat to you for being able to deal with all that and not go insane.

Lily Graypure said...

Oh god, if the roommates follow in your brother's footsteps in that particular one, I might just cry.

Overthee Hill said...

Hilarious. Makes me feel like my family is kind of lame. My brother's girlfriend always sounds like she might be drunk, but no one is 100% sure if she actually is. Your family could teach mine a thing or two about how to really be interesting. ")