Wednesday, August 10, 2005

A teenager goes into a pharmacy...

  • He's little bit shy when talking to the pharmacist. "I'd like to buy some condoms" he says.
  • The pharmacists asks him, "have you ever bought condoms before son?"
  • "Nope."
  • "Here is how it works," the pharacist says "we got your three packs for when you are in high school. Friday, Saturday, Sunday. A three pack, see. Then we got a 7 pack when you are in college - Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Then we got a 12 pack for when you are married. January, February,..."

Ok I can't help's one more:

  • A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand: "Olympic Condoms." Impressed, he buys a pack. Upon arriving home he announces to his wife the purchase he just made.
  • "Olympic condoms?" She blurts. "What makes them so special?"
  • ''They're in three colors," he replies, "gold, silver, and bronze."
  • "What color are you planning on wearing tonight?" she asks cheekily.
  • "Why, gold, of course," says the man proudly.
  • "Really?" she responds. "Why don't you wear the silver tonight? It'd be nice if you came second for a change."

Sorry for the cheesy condom jokes but it was the best segway into what I dicovered today I could come up with.

So today when I was looking in my brothers car for something I happened upon some Condoms (yes they really were "ribbed for her pleasure"-and yes I did laugh when I noticed that). The funnier part is that he's in high school and he def had the 3 pack. I was pretty shocked since he doesn't have any sort of steady girlfriend, but whatever.

He's 17 and I suppose he's not doing anything I wasn't doing at his age I'm worried about where he's keeping them. While I applaud the fact that he has them (and hopefully uses them) I'm worried that he's keeping them in the wrong place. I know keeping them in wallets and warm places is bad for the latex so I'm guessing keeping them in a Black Ford Explorer parked on pavement in 90 degree heat isn't the safest place to store them. I was tempted to remove them and leave a note that it wasn't the right place to keep them but I didn't want to leave him without any protection.

So what should I do, I'm too young to be an aunt and he's WAY too young/immature/dumb to be a father? So far the options I've come up with are:

  1. Hope he read this entry (highly unlikely since he doesn't read really anything besides the playboy subscription I got him for his birthday and has told me my entries are "too long" (as if I didn't know that already) so he doesn't read them
  2. Go remove them and leave him a note
  3. Just leave a note
  4. Bring it up to him (which would be super odd-the conversation my mom made me have with him-since my dad refused- about how oral sex can spread STD's was odd enough-but hey, maybe he's not having sex and he really did listen to me-but I highly doubt it
  5. Ignore it
  6. Have my neighbor mention it to him since he's pretty close with him and he's a younger guy
  7. Have a friend of mine mention it to him

Sidenote: I know my family seems super odd now that I'm admitted:

  1. I got my brother a playboy subscription-but I really had no clue what else to get him
  2. That I was the one who had "the talk" with him
  3. That I'm this concerned about where he's keeping his condoms
The oddest part about the whole thing for me is that he drives my mom's old explorer...the one she used to let me borrow in the summer when I was 16 because my car didn't have AC and one of the windows wouldn't roll down...but yeah, I'm not exactly anonymous here so I think I'll leave that one at that.


Karen said...

I like lists too. Did you notice that the bullets on your lists just happen to look like little rolled-up condoms?

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Kellie said...

Wow. I feel like we could be from the same family. I found my ho-bag seventeen year old brother's condoms in the laundry. I guess he forgot to take them out of his pocket...Obviously his plans for the night fell through! Anyway, funny stuff, and I sympathize! My family is probably odd in alot of the same ways as yours, as 2 out of 3 "oddities" apply to me!-Kellie
PS. I heart lists a great deal as well.

midwest_hick said...

Sometimes it's best to leave sleeping dogs lie asleep....Just simply having the condoms is a right of passage for a't mean he's active yet. (highly unlikely huh?

Elle Woods said...

I'd believe he wasn't active if he'd ever had them before, but I've had to go look for stuff in his room/car on numerous occasions before and he'd never had them then.

MacBigot said...

Insulated Lunch Bag. You know, the 3-dollar variety that's just short of being respectable enough to call itself a 'cooler'. Drop in in his car with a note that says it's for 'your film, perishable junk food, and condoms'.