FAQ

Of all the questions I get from readers the most common far has to be:

Is the [ASSociate] really that bad/inept/clueless/[insert your favorite word for moronic]?

Here is something that might help to illustrate the situation better.

We go to trial with a case later this week (hence the crazy hours I've been working-mainly fixing all of the [ASSociate's] mistakes-but I digress), my boss called me into his office today and told me to close the door. Usually given his tendencies this means you're going to get screamed at, however, I've never suffered a "closed door" thrashing so I prepared for the worst. I stood up straight, took a deep breath, grabbed a legal pad, walked in and sheepishly closed the door behind me. I sat down on his huge leather couch (instead of the chair I usually opt for) in the hope that I would somehow be swallowed by the enormous couch and not have to deal with what was to come. He stared at his computer and didn't acknowledge my presence for what seemed like hours. Then he spun his chair around and started speaking:

Hours: How many suits do you own?
Elle Woods: (Confused) A few but I was about to go buy a couple more.
Hours: Good, I haven't told [ASSociate] yet but I want you to chair me at the trial. That's why I've been taking you to all those depositions and meetings. So if you want to, you can.
Elle Woods: (Stunned) Wow, thanks I'd love to. Are you sure you don't want him to, he's an attorney and all, I'm just a law student.
Hours: I think we both know who is more helpful around here. Plus you know this case much better then he does.
Elle Woods: I know all our cases better then he does.
Hours: I know. Ohh, and you have to tell him. We need to toughen you up a bit.
Elle Woods: Ok, but that's kinda harsh coming from a law student don't you think?
Hours: Just schedule some bullshit meetings for him and tell him he has to cover them so you'll be chairing me at trial.
Elle Woods: Done and Done. Anything else?
Hours: Yeah, are you busy this afternoon?
Elle Woods: Well I'm always busy but I'm working late anyway so it doesn't really matter I guess, why?
Hours: I need you to help me prep [witness] for trial.
Elle Woods: Not a problem. (Practically prances gleefully out of his office).

So the moral of the story is that not only does he fuck up everything he touches he's so bad he's not even going to get to go see the trial for the first case my boss has taken to trial in 2 years.