Monday, September 25, 2006

Love or Law School?

Much has been written about love and law school, and how for women in particular, it's no secret that they generally don't mix.

The issue has come to my attention again recently as a friend of mine (male), who is an engineer has started dating a cocktail waitress. For the record and before anyone jumps down my throat for "judging" people with less education, I have met her and I have talked with her. Well, we more talked at each other, since we had nothing to talk about. It's the old cliche about how the more educated a woman is the less likely she is to get married.

Add to that the fact that women with professional degrees tend to be very career oriented and have no intention of getting married before 30 and things are further complicated by the fact that, as aLs so tactfully put it:

By the time you're 30 and guy your age who you'd be interested in marrying is going to be stable enough financially to be going after 23-25 year olds.
Thanks aLs, I love you too. Luckily, I've always liked older men. However for those ladies not willing to marry 5-10 years out of their age bracket that generally leaves the options of:
  1. Cat Lady
  2. Sperm Bank
  3. Holding out until you're really really rich and can get a trophy boyfriend/hubby

(Not that my prospects are much better even though I tend to like older guys).

In addition the whole "women don't generally marry down" issue there is the timing issue. Very few men are able to understand our schedules during law school, or after, and the ones who can are generally just as busy, which makes a relationship nearly impossible. What man really wants a wife who is 12 hours a day, and brings home more work and takeout chinese?

What's my point here? I don't really have one. As usual. I just think it sucks.

Maybe my point is lately I've gone on a few dates with this Doctor (who we shall call Dr. Feel Good). Who is very nice, but also very average. I've never been one to settle for average at anything in life. But is there a point (and I seriously hope that point is not age 23) at which you give up that whole quest for "all consuming love, can't live without you love" as they put it on Sex and the City, and just settle down with someone who you have the same taste in movies with, can talk to, and enjoy being around?

This article that Moonlighting in Misery wrote about, seems to make me think maybe. If love is just a chemical produced in your brain that wears off after 2 years then aren't we better off just going for someone who we have common interests with and can talk to?


eff said...

you make it rich, ill be your trophy husband

LawNut said...

Well, I'm married and don't necessarily think that there aren't men out there that don't mind a busy wife with her own career aspirations. After all, I found one; but I think the key is to find someone who is busy with his OWN career too, someone that isn't intimidated by a woman's success, and someone doesn't mind that his wife isn't waiting at the door every evening like a lovesick puppy waiting to take his shoes.

Elle Woods said...

F-I'm the type who's more inclined to get a dog then a trophy husband. Sorry.

Lawnut-That was kinda my hypothesis. That's why I'm hoping that things will work with the Doctor. Plus I've always wanted to be "Dr. and Mrs. Feel Good."

lalagigi said...

these are some worries i have as if i go to law school, i will be finished around 35, thats 11-12 years after you.

i might be considered over the hill. so i choose number 3) really really rich holding out. hopefully by then, i won't be fat and ugly either from too much takeout.

imagine yourself as a power couple: two professionals, you will take some time out, perhaps to see your children through infancy (if you have any), or you get really good help, hopefully from your parents. if you don't have children, all the more money and power to you.

i think chemical attraction is very real and important. but all the other stuff like liking same movies, having things in common and being able to talk and understand one another is important.

don't worry about the young trophy wives. they might buy better laura ashley sheets and be around the kids more and be able to freshen up more for the hubby when he comes home to feel her up, after which, he will roll over since he has nothing to talk about with her.

some guy said...

I don't know how good my advice since I'm 33 and married (to a woman who is passionate about her career and works long hours and whom I love and respect and have no problem with her career committment) but - and I hate to sound condescending - you are way too young to even consider settling.

Also, keep in mind that the more you get to know someone the more likely it is that you will love them (or hate them, obviously). Love at first sight is a myth. And unlikely to last. It's how you feel about someone once you really know them that is important if you're contemplating spending your lives together.