Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Discussion With Theodore: Part II

Scene: Elle Woods enters the house, Theodore, who is usually secured in his crate meets her at the front door.

Elle: What the hell are you doing out here? I put you in your crate this morning.

Theodore: Those bars can't hold me bitch.

Elle: No, seriously Circus Dog, how did you get out?

Theodore: I could tell you. But I'd have to kill you.

Elle: I'd love to see that. Since you lack the dexterity and oppose-able thumbs.

Theodore: Are you sure you stupid bitch?

Elle: You're calling me stupid? You ate your own shit one day last week.

Theodore: [Vomits].

Elle: Are you fucking kidding me? What the hell did you eat after your little escape?

Theodore: I forget, get down here and clean it up, maybe you'll figure it out dumbass.

Elle: Stop talking to me like that. See if I give you any rawhides for the next week.

Theodore: Whatever, that other bitch will.

Elle: You're talking about your grandmother like that now?

Theodore: [Vomits].

Elle: That better be it you freak.

Theodore: If you're lucky. Now, will you please sit the fuck down. I need someone to sit on and warm myself up and since you're the only one here I'll guess you'll do.

Elle: Like I want you around me.

Theodore: Come on baby, I'll never treat you like this again. You know how sorry I am when I hurt you, but you make me do it baby. I get jealous when you go out all day and leave me in that crate. You don't know what it's like to worry that you're playing with other dogs.

Elle: You're plenty of dog for me right now, don't worry.


Lily Graypure said...

Ah, loving contempt. Where would we be without it.

Melissa said...

My dog learned to flip the crate on its side, push the tray out of the way, and get out through the bars at the bottom. It was pretty impressive. It is amazing what they can come up with when they get bored.