So I finally think that I've calmed down enough (read: Stopped crying incessantly) to blog about what has me so upset. I'm not really even sure I should blog about this but it's gotten to the point that I just need to get it off my chest. I'm also not really sure where to begin so I've decided to just outline the events as they occured.
First of all I wanted to point out that this is the only uncle/aunt that I have any contact with at all. He's my mom's younger brother, he introduced my mom and dad, and while many people think my brother is a Jr. since he's also "Thomas S." he actually has a different middle name then my dad does and named after my uncle...So to say the least, we're all close.
- A few months ago my Uncle's friends came to my mom and told her that he'd been doing cocaine for the last 30 years (they've all gotten clean in the last 5 years) and that after his divorce it had downward spiraled when he fell into the wrong crowd and had started smoking crack (plus he'd become an alcoholic).
- My mom, my uncles' 2 best friends and my grandparents have an intervention and talk him into going to rehab. He denies the drug usage is as it is portrayed to the family. However, as he's talking to me later that evening he admits it all to me and describes it as "he could feel a dark energy taking over (his life)" when the subject of crack cocaine comes up.
- My uncle does 6 weeks of a 3 month rehab and then suddenly leaves. He calls me as he's walking down the highway and I decide I essentially have to go get him.
- Things seem to be ok for about a week as he continues to go to AA meetings and not drink.
- Soon he's back to drinking in front of the family again (which annoys me since my entire family avoided drinking in front of him for a few weeks).
- My uncle continually misses work and puts stress on my grandparents which at the age of 77 they simply do not need.
- (7/25) He wrecks his car at 4 in the afternoon while drunk driving, he's given a reckless driving ticket and told he smells of beer. His "friend" who introduced him to crack cocaine just so happens to be driving right behind him.
- (7/26) My uncle doesn't show up for work. My grandparents freak out and my grandpa decides to go over there. He takes his best friend and has my uncles' friend Willard meet them there. My uncle is shocked they'd show up there, doesn't get what everyone is so worried about and has dilated pupils. His shady "friend" is passed out on the couch.
- (7/26) I find out that the friend was behind him and realize he's back on drugs. I go hang out with my mom since I just need to escape.
- (7/27) I avoid being at my grandparents since they're denial is starting to get to me and I'm feeling guilty since I know I'm going to have to do something I don't want to do. I spend a lot of time talking to my uncles' friends and they tell me he's drinking all day and then staying up all night, that he's hang out with girls who are about one step above crack-whores. I hang out a lot at my parents house and when I'm there I jot down my former aunt's phone number.
- I cry.
- (7/28) I call my former aunt and tell her I don't think that my uncle should be able to see the boys. I detail everything that his friends have told me, everything I've seen, and everything he's admitted to me.
- I cry. A lot.
- (7/29) My mom, dad and I meet with my 13 and 15 year old cousins and my former aunt to explain to the boys what their dad is into and that they need to understand when they're mom tells them they can't go see him she's protecting them.
- (7/30) I call my grandpa's best friend and explain to him what I did and that I'm going to need his support. (My grandparents were bound to be pissed about what I did since they view the situation as "When the boys are there he isn't smoking crack" when really it's "He isn't a fit parents as a alcoholic crack-head")
- My uncle calls me and asks me how I like my part-time job at the department of social services. The conversation that ensues is not what I would call friendly. In short, I tell him that he needs to clean up his act for the sake of his parents and kids. The conversations last upwards of 2 hours since he continues to call back and harass me, and attempts to obfuscate the issue into it being about everyone else.
- I cry compulsively, my mom is at my grandparents with me and while we'd planned to out on the lake I'm too much of a mess. My mom takes me back to her house and trys to assure me that I did the right thing.
- (7/31) My grandparents get pissed at me for what I did but when my grandpa's bestfriend backs me up they seem to back off.
- My uncles friends call me and tell me I did the right thing.
- While I've been crying since last Wednesday when I realized what I had to do I have a major breakdown and just sob all evening. I'm crying so hard I end up gasping for breath and have multiple panic attacks, simply put...I am a mess.
- (8/1) My gay husband comes up to say goodbye and pick up some things before he moves to Madison for Vet School.
- My uncle calls me and I am stuck in another 2 hour conversation, albeit a much healthier one. He's drunk and it's hard to get off the phone. I explain that I understand doing self destructive things when you're depressed but that this is not just harming him and that he needs to get the help he needs. (Most of this is done as I'm yelling at him).
As far as I know my uncle is still on drugs but at this point I've severed ties with him. I'm thinking about moving out of my grandparents house since it seems they have enough to worry about without having to deal with me. I've been spending a lot of time with my parents and everything seems to be going ok. I've been thinking a lot about this and I'm not really sure what I want to do. I haven't been blogging since I've either been at my parents or housesitting in an attempt to avoid being in termoil at him.