Dear Dad,

Hey remember when I called you 3 weeks ago and asked what you wanted to get Mom for Christmas? No? Remember how I said I was sick of getting stuck doing all your shopping on Christmas Eve? No? Remember how I told you to just give me money or your charge card and I'd handle it? No? Yeah. Well F*ck you. Now you have me stuck going to the mall with all the other assholes like you who couldn't get their shit together and go earlier and who act all neurotic. I'm only going because I can't stand the thought of Mom not getting anything from you. Remember how you've made me do all the wrapping since I was 10 and all the shopping since I was 15? No? Things like this are why we don't get along.

Your Favorite Daughter,
Elle Woods