Saturday, December 24, 2005

Dude, You're Getting A Dell!

A few weeks ago I noticed my laptop was pulling apart as pictured.


At the time I couldn't send it back to Dell with finals coming up, but figured I could do so after I finished. I forgot about it until today, so I decided I should suffer through a Technical support call and get them to send me one of those boxes so I can send it back to them. Ideally the conversation would have went something like this:

Elle Woods: Hello, Dell, my laptop casing is coming apart please send me a box and fix it as it better be covered by my warranty.
Dell Customer Support: No problem, what's your address.
Elle Woods: [Gives address]. Happy Holidays!
Dell Customer Support: Happy Holidays to you as well and thanks for choosing Dell.

It goes without saying it did not. Normally when I have to call technical support I want to scream at the guy that I'm not a moron because they're so demeaning about everything and act like your problem is most likely that your computer isn't turned on-thanks I checked that before I called buddy. Here is a sample of some of the conversation.
Dell Customer Support: Hi, Thank You for choosing Dell, may I have your name and your service tag number.
Elle Woods: My name is [Elle Woods] and the tag is D-W-Z-T.
Dell Customer Support: Ok that was B as in Ball, W as in Whiskey, Z as in Zebra, P as in Paul.
Elle Woods: No, D as in Dog, W as in Whiskey, Z as in Zebra, T as in Tom.
Dell Customer Support: Ok, glad we got that straightened out. Now, what is your problem today?
Elle Woods: Ok, my laptop casing is coming apart on the front corner above the speaker. I'm not sure if my warranty will cover it but I'd like to get it fixed while I'm off school. I'm assuming you'll have to send me one of those boxes so I can send it to you guys to fix.
Dell Customer Support: Ok so if I understand you correctly there is something coming out of the computer in the back.
Elle Woods: Umm, No. On the front of the laptop, the seam where the part that you rest your wrists on when you type and the speakers is separating.
Dell Customer Support: Ok, so what is coming out of the laptop?
Elle Woods: Nothing is coming out of the laptop. I'm concerned that something will be able to get into it and damage it since the casing is separating Do you have
access to e-mail? I can send you a picture.
Dell Customer Support: No, we do not have e-mail.
Elle Woods: Are you kidding me, you're Dell. Well I guess that makes sense being this is my only bill I cannot play online.
Dell Customer Support: Ok, so let me get out a picture of this model, there is the power button.
Elle Woods: Yes, there is, but the problem is by the speakers.
Dell Customer Support: And the keyboard.
Elle Woods: Yeah there is a keyboard, and it's fine.
Dell Customer Support: The touch pad.
Elle Woods: Yes the touchpad is still there and it's ok.
Dell Customer Support: There is the [I forget the name of what he called it but the button that the screen latches to].
Elle Woods: Ok, that is good frame of reference.
Dell Customer Support: And there are speakers.
Elle Woods: Yes I know. To the left of the button there is a speaker. Above where the speaker is the casing has a seam, do you see that?
Dell Customer Support: Yes.
Elle Woods: Ok at the corner you can lift it up because it's coming apart.
Dell Customer Support: Ohh I see. Ok we are not going to be able to fix this on the phone so I'm going to have to create a tag for you and you'll have to call a different department and have them send you a box.
Elle Woods: Yeah, that is kinda what I figured.
In his defense, later as we were making small talk while he took forever creating a "tag" for me so I could call and order my box it came out that they were in the middle of their Holiday party (he was in India and it was 11:45 p.m. there so it was almost Christmas), so maybe he was a little drunk.

I should mention that my desktop is shafted and unless I get it fixed while my laptop is gone there will be no blogging, no blog reading, no commenting, no replying to comments, no IMing, and very little e-mailing...Seriously I'm going to have a breakdown. (This might be a sign that I'm addicted to the internet).

1 comment:

josh said...

dell is the most godawful company ever. i'm on my 2nd dell laptop right now (1 for undergrad, 1 for law school) and they have both been the biggest pieces of shit i have ever owned/seen/experienced. i bought my 2nd one merely out of convenience cuz the first one was quickly on its way out and i needed a computer for school. boy was that a mistake.

second, i could get better and more knowledgeable customer service from a special olympian. not only are these people demeaning, but they also never have any clue what they're talking about. they also tend to transfer you to someone else about 394 times per call, and the subsequent people have you perform the same tests the earlier ones did. then they try to get YOU to pay for shipping or fix the problem yourself at all costs. of course, all of this assumes you and mr/mrs outsource can even understand each other when you talk.

fucking dell.