Happy Festivus!

Brother: I can either go smoke pot or go hook up with this girl tonight.
Elle Woods: That is so lame.
Brother: What? She's Jewish.

(For the record, he ended up going to the our next door neighbors with me to help wrap christmas presents for their kids).

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Grandpa: Hey, Boy, do you have a razor?
Brother: Yeah, I've just been lazy since I don't have to go to school. [Brother goes to a prep school where he would get a detention for having facial hair].
Grandpa: I'm going to buy you a razor.
Brother: No, Pa, I don't need one, I have 3 I just haven't been wanting to shave...[Leans over to me and whispers] Let's hope dad doesn't know what I use his razor for.