The Wet-Down:
The Attempted Escape Mid-Shampoo:
The Shake-Off:
Post Blow-Drying:
Lastly, Theodore tells me what he thinks of the entire process:
Alternate title: How I made $25 bucks today.
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8:30 a.m., the house phone rings, for some reason, I answer it.
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Elle: Hello?--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Male Voice: Is [Jonathon] there?
Elle: He's working.
Male Voice: (annoyed) I found his wallet. It was on my sister's furnace. I assume he was doing something down there with my niece.
Elle: My dad was doing something with your niece?
Male Voice: Huh? How old are you? Your dad is 20?
Elle: Ohh, I guess you mean my brother. That sounds more like him.
Male Voice: Well, if it's alright I can drop it off for you. I'm not even going to ask what he was doing that he left his wallet on top of the furnace.
Elle: (mumbling) I can guarantee it was one of 2 things.
Male Voice: Excuse me?
Elle: Nothing. I should be around all day, you can drop it off whenever.
Brother: What up?
Elle: I have your wallet.
Brother: The one I lost this summer?
Elle: Yes, but didn't you lose 2 this summer?
Brother: Whatever. I found the 2nd one I lost. Where was it? Did Jill have it?
Elle: No. It was at some other chick's house. On her furnace. I think her name was Amanda. Her uncle called. Super early. Super Annoyed.
Brother: I've never even been to her house. I know who she is, but I've never been there.
Elle: Whatever. You owe me. It's obvious you were either smoking something you shouldn't have been or screwing based on where it was found.
Brother: Yeah. Umm. Do me a favor, I'm sure there are zigzags and condoms in there, take them out in case mom and dad see it before I get home.
Elle: I'm keeping the money in here as an idiot tax, I hope you know that.
Last Saturday, Teddie informed the groomers that he needed to show his support for the Wolverines. In return, they "bowed" him.
Clearly, he was very masculine while he cheered for his beloved Wolverines.
The last time I saw my Crackhead Uncle I had Theodore with me. He proceeded to be a complete dick and was rude to everyone around just because Theodore was there (even though he was politely laying on the floor chewing his rawhide). However, that assessment might be a bit unfair since I could not actually understand what he was saying, I'm just judging from his general tone.
If he tries it today I won't be polite and will most likely offer some tidbit along the lines of "just because you're a crackhead/alcoholic and your kids aren't allowed to see you let alone come to holidays does not mean you need to be rude to mine, he was invited, unlike your crackwhore girlfriend."
This should go over well.
I accidentally just bought1 a $80 pair of Calvin Klein jeans. I also proceeded to have them altered while I waited since I really wanted to wear them tonight and all designer jeans are about 5'' too long for me even in heels. I know Calvin Klein isn't the "hippest" designer anymore, but I refused to spend over $100 and didn't want something with a bunch of random designs on it (which would make it obvious if I re-wore them). Sadly, buying jeans was basically the highlight of my week.
I also ordered business cards yesterday. I guess that is exciting. They say "The Law Office of [Elle Woods]". And by office I mean, desk in the corner of my room with a laptop on it.
1Or convinced my mom to buy as an early Christmas present.
I just watched The Rivalry. It takes a person with a certain demeanor to cry as Bo discussed his friendship with Woody and how it was not formed in spite of the rivalry, but because of it. They were the only people who could understand the intensity that the other had for the game.
I am getting sworn in today. I really don't want to go and the thought of wearing a suit (and nylons) for 1/2 a day has me sick to my stomach.
Theodore was not feeling photogenic this morning so I had to reach into my archives. I found a pciture of him cuddling with his Teddy-Bear that his original mom gave him,
After 20 resumes and cover letters sent out in the last week I managed to get an interview.
Someone said to me today that they thought it would be "easier" to get a job here than in a place with more law schools (and more competition) like New York City. When put that way I suppose that statement makes sense.
But when you consider there were over 1000 lawyers just flooded into what is arguably the worst economy in the nation, and then throw in Tort Reform (which in all other states that have passed it has been declared unconstitutional since it makes plaintiff's access to courts nearly impossible), No-Fault Insurance, and a Supreme Court that is in the pockets of insurance companies so they feel it's their job to limits plaintiff's access to courts; it makes finding a job of any kind very difficult.
The simple reality is there are just not enough jobs here. While in areas like New York City, from what I gather, it's more "the pay isn't high enough."
A friend of mine needs your help. Here is the situation:
A few weeks ago a girl messaged him on facebook saying she "liked his picture" and asking "whats up" (sic). He ignored it. A week later she wrote back the same thing. This time he wrote back "Thanks." She wrote back, asking if he "wanted to hookup." He asked for a clarification of "hookup" and said replied "bang."
He is torn between banging "strange" as he calls it. And the very real possibility that I keep bringing up that she is a psycho/disease spreading whore/killer/legal bachelor's ex/psycho.
I saw a picture of the chick. He gives her a 5, but upgrades her to a 6 due to huge breasts. I would give her a 6, but bump her down to a 5 for obvious fake breasts.
Despite my warnings, he still wants to hook up with her. Basically since he likes the idea of having a girl knock on the door and having sex 3 minutes later. I think the idea of letting her know where you live, or walking into a death trap at her place, plus the disease potential vastly outweighs his chance to get some "strange."
Thoughts? Feel free to comment anonymously on this one, but do include if you're male or female since he thinks it'll be split down "party" lines while I think most people male or female who are not idiots can agree this is a bad idea.
My friend just emailed me to confirm that we got Spice Girls tickets for Chicago. So excited!
To cap off a perfect weekend, I woke up at 3:16 this morning with a sore throat. I got up and started taking all sorts of herbal supplements and then went back to bed until "9:45"...Which I didn't learn was really 8:45 until some family came over around "12:00" and asked if I had set the clocks back.
I thought I was going to be able to tough it out with just Airborne, Echinacea, and Yin Chiao1; however, even though I feel a bit better it's looking like I might need to see a doctor since I started running a fever and my tonsils have spots.
1Yes, I am taking some random Chinese supplement that has not been tested by the FDA and which I cannot read anything on the bottle besides "take 3-4 pills up to 3 times daily."
The Tedosaurus-Rex Stalks his prey.
And finally attacks.My first full day as an attorney and so far I've:
I had guessed earlier in the month that this would be the week bar results were released. I was thinking about it earlier this week and even predicted it to a friend.
That said, I was handling it much better before I knew they were in the mail.
