Today my associate friend lost a contact and couldn't see much of anything without it. He wanted to go home and get another. Apparently he "always" keeps a spare set in his desk-yet today he just happened to be out.
The partner he worked for had different plans. He folded a napkin in 4 and scotch-taped the napkin to the associate's face over his left eye as a makeshift eye patch and told him to get back to work since he was still short hours for the month.
Ahh the joys of firm life.
Being the responsible tanner I am, I used an amplifier with SPF4, and given what I learned when I worked in the skin care business that meant it had to be reapplied every 1/2 hour-hour and that I could stay out in the sun 4 times longer then I could without sunscreen...Total for the day (this is where most people screw up). Given that I burn in 30 minutes, I'm back inside safely 2 hours later. (I know this was a boring paragraph about sunscreen, but somewhere, someone is going, "so that's how it works!" and for that, you are welcome).
So after my 2 hours in the sun I decided I would cool down with a quick dip in the lake. Quick being the operative word.
You see, when I was younger, I dove in and my then long blonde hair got tangled in the seaweed and I almost drowned. It's taken me 14 years to grow my hair back and still to this day when seaweed to much as touches me I FLIP THE F*CK OUT. My friends have come to realize this and will throw it at me...Real mature.
So I wade into the lake, everything looks clear so I start swimming, suddenly I see it, I'm over a "water forest" of seaweed. I take a second and pause, a decision that would instantly become a bad idea as my legs sunk down and became entangled with the demon-weeds.
I'm fairly certain my neighbors, who were hosting a family reunion, have never seen an "adult" flip out in the manner I proceeded to. I swam in as fast as I could and ran up the hill in the "front yard" (I hate how on a lake you call the back yard the front yard). Once I had reached safety I did what any normal person would do, light a cigarette and commenced smoking it as if nothing happened.
it would appear that my room needs to be cleaned, what with the piles of clothes strewn all over.
In fact I'd even toyed with the idea of doing it today. Then I decided laying out on the dock would be much more fun.
So I made a compromise (with myself), if I could find one of my swimsuits within 2 minutes I would skip the cleaning and get to work on getting premature wrinkles and skin cancer.
Luckily for me, my favorite suit was in the first place I looked.
Why does a picture of Kenny Chesney come up on Jesus the iPod when I play Bob Dylan's Cocaine?
I am so confused, I don't even have any Kenny Chesney on Jesus the iPod.
I want my sweater back. It's been missing and after I came across the picture below the only plausible excuse is that you stole it.
You might be fooling the others, but I know it's my Ralph Lauren Cable Knit Sweater in Geranium that you've been sporting.
Just return it as soon as you managed to climb off whatever groupie you're banging as you watch porn (like the sex addict you are) all the while telling her how awesome you, your albums, your producing skills are, and how lucky is she to be with such a humble guy.
Hugs and Kisses,
Elle Woods
I just got an e-mail from Jeremy Blachman, apparently my whining might have paid off for once. Yay! Poor Guy doesn't realize that validating behavior like that doesn't lead anywhere good, just ask most all of my ex-boyfriends.
If this works out you guys will get to listen to my wax poetic about my opinion of the book, and I think we're all looking forward to that.
Ok, I should try to sleep since I've been up for almost 24 hours.
Me saying I'm quitting blogging is the rough equivalent of Cher's "Farewell" Tour. It's always there, but I'm not exactly sure if I'm ready to give it up yet.
What Who the hell does a girl have to do to get an advance copy of the Anonymous Lawyer book? Seriously, Blondie, E-Spat, and L & A got one, and none of them have firm jobs, I'd be much better suited to judge it. Plus, unlike one of you, I'm looking at you E-Spat, I have read the entire blog.
Plus, I'd like to be able to do a little free summer reading, books don't grow on trees people.
Same difference.
Today an Associate commented about how it would be great if there was a journal of all of [ASSociate's] asshatery...If he only knew.
Sadly for [ASSociate], the stuff written here isn't even 1/3rd of it. [ASSociate] is still around the office asking questions/making statements such as:
He's also been being really nice, I hate to say it, but outside of not having to fix all his damn work I might actually miss him. Ok, that's a lie, but I thought it would be fitting since he's a pathological liar.
In other news:
Still thinking things over. Still super busy. I started back to work on the 15th and I'm on pace to bill about 120 hours this month. Plus, I spent the week reviewing deps in preparation of drafting our crossexam outline tomorrow, while it was tedious as hell I'm really excited [Hours] gave me that much responsibility (read: he was out of town this week and didn't want to lug them around/didn't have time to do it).
Not really sure what I want to do around here during the summer or longterm. I haven't been really inspired lately, I don't really want to blog about work anymore, and [ASSociate] was fired today, sorta, so clearly I'm loosing a lot of material.
I think I'll take a couple weeks off and see how that goes. See you on the flip side.
Judge's Clerk: Man, she don't even read these [referring to motions]...I can't be reading all these things, I gots to have a life, you know what I'm sayin'?
Elle Woods: Umm...So when is the motion to adjourn going to be heard?
Judge's Clerk: She don't...She don't even read these!
Elle Woods: Right. Ok. I just need to know when one of our attorney's needs to be there to argue the motion. She doesn't need to read it and neither do you really, we'll tell her our side that day.Judge's Clerk: You mean I don't have to read this?
Elle Woods: Nope, and I'll give you the details right now if it'll get this on the docket for next week.
Judge's Clerk: Ohh I like you, we can that...We can do that.
The only way to make the fact that I was at work until 8 p.m. tonight worse would be:
Ohh yeah, I forgot-but Blonde Justice reminded me...
My Blog turned 1!!!1...Leave it to me to be belated.
Congrats to me for doing whatever the hell it is I do here.
1Almost a week ago
Pink has been my signature color since sophomore year of high school, yet for some reason, I am just now finding this. Tragic. Simply Tragic.
[Hours]: Do you know why your parents got together?
[Elle Woods]: (Look comes across face as if he's going to reveal a secret about my parents I don't know).
[Hours]: It was so they could have you, and so that you could grow up and so your sole purpose in life would be to find and analyze [lists elements of cases we work on]...Sole purpose, that's all you were created for.
[Elle Woods]: Right. Good to know, and here I'd been thinking my sole purpose was to be at your beck and call.
[ASSociate] got bitched out in multiple e-mails from [Hours] today. Plus [Hours] told me today to familiarize myself with the class action [ASSociate] has been handing "in case someone isn't around" he needs another person to understands it.
As a result of all this he walked around in a pissy mood all day, it's almost like he's realizing he's about to be fired.
Added bonus: Now that I'm full time our secretary has added my name to her voicemail as someone she's a secretary for. I take this to mean I actually have someone who does things for me as opposed to someone I convince to do my proof-reading, mailing and other random non-billable things for me.
(While passing notes with [Hours] as he talks on the phone to a client).
[Hours]: Can we change this in anyway?
[Elle Woods]: Depends on your definition of anyway.
[Hours]: Who the fuck do you think you are? Bill Clinton?
[Elle Woods]: Yes. And what I meant was you can't change it in any-old-way way but we can edit the information in the spreadsheet and we can add and delete cases as necessary.
As usual, A.D.D. is in full effect.
A month or so ago I was stood up for the first time. I didn't write about it at the time for whatever reason, but lucky for you, I am now.
I was fixed up by an Associate with one of his friends, we talked on the phone a few times, everything thing seemed to be going well.
While being stood up has always been something I (and most other girls) dread, it wasn't that bad in reality. In fact it kinda proved that guys no longer have the negative effect on me they once had.
He didn't call in the afternoon so I had a sneaking suspicion he wasn't showing up. As such I kept studying and didn't waste time with trivial things like "straightening my hair" or "putting on makeup." It's rather hard to get ready when you have this gut feeling if you do you're going to be one step closer to some poor high school girl standing in my prom dress with an up-do and full makeup waiting for her date, as such I decided I'd wait to get ready until he called. A decision I wasn't as thankful for when my friend called to see how the date was going and when he found out it had not happened forced me to go hang out with him.
Anyway, I digress. What did I do when I was 99% sure he wasn't showing up since he hadn't called by 6:30 p.m.? I put on Pretty In Pink so that when the line:
Listen, it's after 7:00. Don't waste good lip gloss.Played it would be after 7:00 p.m., is it any wonder he didn't show given behavior such as this? I think not.
