200K

At 10:13 a.m., from a visitor in the United Kingdom searching for the purpose of legally blonde, this blog reached it's 200,000th hit.

I find the search rather apt.

Housewifery

I made manicotti tonight. Homemade marinara and all. Without asking my mom any questions. I am rather proud of myself right now, despite the fact that by the end of it I was basically covered in Ricotta Cheese because the ever so handy Food Network technique of cutting the end off a ziploc bag rather than use a pastry tube was kinda messy. Or I'm just uncoordinated. I especially liked it when I squeezed the bag a smidge too hard and the zipper broke open and the ricotta/spinach/egg/seasoning mixture came bursting out. Regardless, it probably would have been worth the time to search through the cabinets to find the pastry bag.

No word yet on how good it is since it's still in the oven baking.

Recent Conversation at a Bar

Friend 1: You haven't had sex with him yet?
Friend 2: Nope.
Friend 1: How long have you been dating?
Friend 2: A year, give or take.
Friend 1: Seriously? That long?
Friend 2: We do other stuff, and I just think it'll be a waste of my time.
Friend 1: Why?
Friend 2: [Holds up fingers about 2 inches apart].
Friend 1: It cannot be that small.
Friend 2: Ohh. But it is. It would seriously be a waste of my time.
Friend 1: Did you ever think that maybe it starts vibrating?
Friend 2: No, the thought that he is a machine had not crossed my mind.
Friend 1: Well, you never know.

Scared.

Tomorrow, for the second time since I've been at my new job, I have to go to the building where the firm I clerked at during law school is. Anyone who has been reading for a substantial period of time knows that this exponentially raises the risk that I run into [Hours], which is one of my greatest dreads in life.

The first time I had to go through a rather rigorous security check-which I was not prepared to pass (who knew you cannot take iPods, mirrors, and camera phones into quasi-Court buildings; when you can take them into actual Court buildings?) and I ended up calling an associate I used to work with to come pick up my "contraband" from me so I could make through security. Which meant later I had to actually go up to [Bill, More, and Hours] and run the risk of having to take an elevator with [Hours] or seeing him in the lobby of the office.

At least tomorrow I will be prepared and the worst case scenario I run into him in the lobby of the building (which actually, the way that scene is playing out in my head with me literally running into him is rather frightening).

The worst part is that I do not know what I would do if I ran into him. He ignored me the last 5 months I worked in the office and pretended I didn't exist when I passed him in the hallway after I refused to tolerate his abuse any further. On one occasion he went so far as to fake a cell phone call when he was going to lunch with 3 other partners (all of whom were standing right there) in an attempt to not get into an elevator I was already on-which backfired when the partners told him to just get on and he was forced to have a fake conversation for the next 27 floors. In all probability he would ignore me, but on the off chance that he attempts to engage in conversation with me I'd like to come off as the articulate and fabulous person that I am.

The only reason I am scared he'd talk to me is that recently he saw my dad downtown and he not only waived but he made a point of crossing the street to say hello. Despite the fact that my father hates him, and [Hours] knows he hates him, due to the abuse I was forced to endure.

Maybe I should just be pre-emptively uber nice to him if I see him. Since I know it would make him extraordinarily uncomfortable to talk to me.

Dear Guy on the Treadmill Next to Me,

When you see I'm pouring sweat and have a heartrate of about 170 it's kind of annoying for you to get on and start running at what most people would consider a sprint and barely break a sweat.

Hugs and Kisses,
Elle Woods

Dry Cleaners, Part II

I have been frequenting the same dry cleaners since this post (the more expensive one). They have been pretty good, except one time they didn't have one of my suits ready on time because it wasn't pressed.

All in all, I was happy. Until I went in yesterday to pick up the suits I dropped off on Friday. And there was a handwritten sign on the counter.

"Unfortunately, we are unable to accept clothes with bodily fluids on them."

My immediate reaction: Is that a really common issue?

High School Aged Male Dry Cleaners Employee: You have no idea. It happened twice today.

My Next Thought: People admit to it?

HSAMDCE: Ohh Yeah. Luckily, state law prohibits us taking them.

My Final Thought: I need a new dry cleaners.

Awkwardness of the Day

My client blanantly hitting on me. Even in front of my boss. To the point that my boss had to tell him I am unavailable.

"Now it's up the stairs, And out of view, no prying eyes."

Recently I heard a song for the first time. A country song. By an American Idol alum. Sure I might be a bit behind the forefront when it comes to Country Music and American Idol. Both of which I generally pride myself of not being fond of, but with lyrics like

Right now, he's probably buying her some fruity little drink cause she can't shoot Whiskey; and
Right now, she's probably up singing some white-trash version of Shania karaoke.

How can you not love it? I never thought the day would come when I'd be singing along with Carrie Underwood nonstop.

It's right up there right now with the Bettie Serveert version of "Lover I Don't Have to Love", which I also have a tendency to sing along with in my office.

Stressed

I have a feeling this week is going to be hectic. I feel extremely guilty about not working all weekend. I'm also out of vodka and wine. Which means, around 8 I had a carb breakdown; pasta, homemade marinara and of course, cheese. I justified it by eating whole wheat pasta, but I'm not sure it makes much difference.

Happy Saturday.

There are very few things that get me excited to leave the house before 10 a.m. on a weekend, shopping, a Michigan Football game, and a Spa Day is an exhaustive list.

Today I'm having a Facial, getting my hair cut and colored, and having a manicure and pedicure.

Battle of the Sexes

One of the most frustrating parts of my job is the treatment I get from other attorneys. Namely, male attorneys. I have decided the methodology of this treatment has many facets, such as:

1. I am a female;
2. I am young, as evidenced by my Bar Number;
3. I sound even younger than I really am, at first they usually give me the old "you aren't the attorney, are you?";
4. The field I am in lends itself to emotion, which leads male attorneys to generally try to push the buttons of female attorneys;
5. I'm not likely to tolerate bullshit;
6. I know the Court Rules, which many of them do not and have told more than one to "read the Court Rules and call me back" when they are trying to get away with improper service, etc.; and
   
7. I am female.
   

Generally, after a couple conversations the condescending tone dissipates. Then there are the assholes, who continually attempt, in vain, to get a rise out of me.

I have been dealing with a particularly egregious asshole a lot recently. Basically our conversations consist of him yelling at me, me listening and telling him I cannot agree to whatever it is he is yelling about that day, then him yelling more and telling me we'd get a lot further if not for my "tone", and finally me making a snarky comment and ending the conversation.

While for the most part it's not a huge issue, I will say it gets tiring to continually be challenged, clearly because of my age and sex. I know some people will say that is not why, but miraculously when my boss talks to them everything is handled quickly and without harassment.

I'd like to say it will get better as I get older and more well known. But based on how the vast majority of older female attorneys act in my field, and how jaded they seem, I feel it will be an ongoing battle until I've proven myself to be "one of the guys", which could be years.

"Cat People Should Marry Cat People and Dog People Should Marry Dog People."

I realize things are very bland around here. So I've decided to venture into rarely chartered waters, and blog about my social life. I've been having issues with the men in my life. Saying men makes it seem like there is a plethora. There is not, it's just two men.

The first, we shall call "Cat Guy", I believe he has been mentioned briefly here before. I've dated him on and off since before I graduated. According to a friend, he is clearly my boyfriend. I, however, hate that word and prefer to call him something along the lines of my special male friend. He's is very sweet, is an excellent cook, and sincerely dotes on me. The issue being, he has cats. Cats make my eyes want to fall out of my head and make it nearly impossible to breathe. I guess my biggest issue with regard to him is finding a suitable allergy medication.

The second, we shall call "The Asshole", I've known him since I was 5 years old. We have always been friends, but one day, while I was "off" with "Cat Guy", we made out. I made it clear that I thought it was a bad idea, and that it shouldn't happen anymore. Everything seemed fine, except when we started hanging out again. And he started being a "total dick face", pressuring me to make out again, making me feel bad, etc. When I resisted, and subsequently left, I got ridiculous voicemails saying that my life was "borderline pathetic" and other nice things like that. I honestly don't know how to handle the situation, since as much as I'd like to just write him off, I have known him for a really long time and I'll have to see him at events with mutual friends.

So, I'm not really sure there are solutions to either of these issues. Maybe I just want validation for not talking to "The Asshole" anymore. Or a recommendation for an allergy medication.

Awkward.

I do not think I ever posted about it, but when I wrote about getting this interview I never mentioned how badly things went. The guy literally leaned back in his chair ignoring me while he asked questions, lectured me about what I was doing with my life, and even went so far as to say I should be "offering to run errands for attorney's and pick up their dry cleaning so they'd let me look at their files"...Like I never saw a file when I clerked.

I only bring it up now, since I ran into him at Court today. We didn't actually speak, but it was the most awkward 5 second eye lock I've ever experienced.

Solicitation

Caller: Hello, this is [Insert random Indian Name], I'm calling on behalf of [Law School], is Ms. [Woods] available?

Elle Woods: This is her.

Caller: Have you been keeping up with the changes at [Law School] with the Alumni Magazine?

Elle Woods: Not particularly, I page through it on occasion.

Caller: Well, I'm glad to hear you use your free subscription. We are expanding facilities, unfortunately tuition costs are increasing and we're trying to keep costs down for students.

Elle Woods: Ohh, that's terrible. Almost exactly like when you increased tuition 38% after my first year of law school and forced me to give you more money than I ever planned, and leading me to vow I'd never give any additional money to that institution.

Caller: Thank you, have a nice day.

Boring.

I wish I had exciting things to report, but I really like work, outside of all my insane clients there is nothing to complain about.

I'm trying to give up coffee. Note I said coffee, not caffeine. I'm switching to Green Tea, mostly for the increased metabolism. I'll still be having my afternoon diet coke (and the caffeine in the Green Tea), don't worry.

Finally, I had a really good lunch today at Noodles and Company that was only 360 calories! Pasta! Cheese! And White Wine sauce, for only 360 calories! Fantastic!

Colours of the World...Spice Up Your Life.

My friend and I made the best decision of our lives and upgraded our tickets, to 5 rows from the end of the Catwalk. As much as I'd love to post all 80 pictures I have from the event, I'll just give a couple teasers.

Favorite Part of the Show: Posh's gloves.
She wore them with every costume. I like to think they were an homage to Karl Lagerfeld.

Mama, I love you. I realized Posh is not really person sized, but I didn't realize how tiny Geri had gotten. Also, her abs on the website are NOT airbrushed, those are real.

Yes, you can see Posh when she turns sideways. Barely.

If you can't dance to this you can't do nothing for me baby.
So Fierce.

Worst part of the show: the couple in front of us. The guy must have bought the girl the tickets for Valentine's Day or something since she kept thanking him. After she thanked him they'd always end up making out. (He was about 6'5'' and she was about 5'10'' with her heels on) I ended up getting so pissed (since seeing around one person that tall is hard for me, let alone when they put their heads together), that I took a picture and showed it to them, asking where they wanted me to send it. They finally got the idea. I think it's cool he bought her the tickets, but grow a pair of balls and tell her to take a friend. If there really is such a thing as a man card, his needs to be revoked.

Friday Dog Blogging: You Tube Edition

Theodore attempts to get kibble from his buster cube.

"Can you ever just be whelmed...I think you can in Europe."

Lately I have been so busy at work. It's not like I'm spending inordinate amounts of time at the office, I don't get in much before 9 am, and most days I'm out by 5 pm-5:30 at the latest. However, at the office it has been non-stop. I turn around and it's 4 pm. I try to be ahead of things, but lately I just feel like I'm putting out fires.

In addition to work, I have a substantial commute, try to make dinner when I get home, pack a healthy lunch for the next day, checking personal and work emails, grooming myself which includes basically showering and getting ready in the morning, waking up in the middle of the night thinking about client issues, playing with Theodore, and occasionally preparing for Court the next morning; I feel overwhelmed.

Digital Era

Lately, I have been considering opening a savings account. It seems like a good idea to keep some "back up" cash. The obvious choice to open it at was with the bank whom I have a checking account with. Until today. Basically, every time I have to order checks it's a huge hassle, but since it happens so intermittently, I always forget about it.

I've been with the bank for about 7 years now. I ordered checks when I opened the account, and I've had to reorder them once since. Today I realized I was down to 1 remaining check, so I might as well reorder. I use roughly one check a month, to pay my mother for car insurance. Previously, when I had more bills, I would write maybe 3 checks a month. Plus, sporadic checks to friends for reimbursement for things like concert tickets. Given that my bank makes me order checks in intervals of 200, it takes me roughly 3.5 years to go through an order. That, in and of itself is ridiculous, what else do you buy 3 years in advance?

I attempted to order them online, but it said that my information could not be retrieved. So I called the bank, which then transferred me to the company that they use for the checks. After about 10 minutes of phone system bullshit, the informed me that I hadn't ordered checks recently enough for them to process my order and that I would need to call my bank.

So I did. They informed me that they did not have my information and could not process my check order. Excuse me? You are my bank? How do you not know my account number, routing number and address? You expect me to go into a bank for something I was able to do over the phone previously?

I have since decided to not only open my savings account elsewhere, but to move my checking account with it.

Friday Dog Blogging: Cutie Edition