"If I could escape..."

Earlier today I broke a vase. It wasn't some heirloom or anything important. It was just a foot tall, 4'' square, clear glass vase. The flowers that came it in were of the "congratulations on being done with law school classes" variety. I had intended to plant bamboo in it. Thinking it would be a nice reminder of getting the flowers as well as my "accomplishment." I washed it out and went to dry it, at which point it tipped over and shattered.

Normally I'd just shrug, clean up the glass and that would be it. But not today. Not while I'm all hormonal; stressed with finals; terrified of bar study, unemployment, and student loan payments. First the tears welled up, then for whatever reason, I started sobbing. The entire thing was such a metaphor for my entire law school career. Just because you have the best of intentions doesn't mean it's not going to come crashing down on you in some bizarre way you never expected and shatter you into 1000 pieces.

Being that I was upset I decided that taking care of my barloan paperwork (since I've been procrastinating on that in avoidance of "making it all real") would be a better idea than trying to study or work on the 5-Day Take Home from Hell. Long story short, I'm rather sure my identity has been stolen. I was going through a lender I've never so much as tried to use-yet they have my social security number as already in use. Then I tried to have my username and password sent to me, which required I enter my email address. I entered every email address I've ever used and none were recognized. Of course I can't do anything about this until tomorrow morning, as if I'll get anything done between now and then.

The thing is, I can't imagine what idiot would ever want to be me. If someone really wants to deal with working nearly full time; taking 5 classes; spending 2 hours a day communting; coping with grandparents who have Alzheimers, Lung Cancer, and M.S.; finals; BarBri; PMBR; barloans; student loans and whatever else might come up all while attempting to have perfect hair and making sure their T-Zone doesn't get oily they can. I just hope they realize my credit wasn't that great to begin with so the joke is on them.

-------------------------------------------------------

I would but first of all let me say,
I must apologize for acting, stinking, treating you this way,
Cause I've been acting like sour milk fell on the floor,
It's your fault you didn't shut the refridgerator,
Maybe that's the reason I've been acting so cold.

Good Morning Vietman.

1. My Mother called me at 8:02. She proceeded to act shocked that I wasn't up by then. I suppose it's semi valid since whenever I stay there I tend to get up rather early in the morning and go home. This could have to do with the fact that they converted my room into an office so my choices are my brother's room or the couch. Neither room have very good drapes so basically no matter what you're woken up by the sun around 8 a.m., at which time I go home (and generally sleep more).
2. I always seem to sleep on the side of the bed. At first I thought it was a remnant of sharing a bed with someone regularly (years ago), but then I thought back and even as a kid I would always sleep on one side of the bed. The only time I didn't was in freshman year of college (when I had a twin bed) so it wasn't really like there were "sides."
3. I'm watching Half Nelson with Ryan Gosling, I highly recommend it. Yes, I do watch a lot of movies, television shows, and go to a lot of sporting events during finals. I have to keep myself occupied somehow.
   

Seat's Taken.

A post over at Law School for Dummies about a law student with particularly bad halitosis reminded me about a post I'd been watching to write for some time now, a want that was somewhat revived with the coming and going of my Wills, Trusts, and Estates exam. But we will get to that girl a little later. Basically, I've been watching to write about students you do not want to sit near in class.

My first semester law school a slightly older female student sat behind me, she seemed nice enough. Although I knew she was always looking at my screen to see what she'd missed. This wasn't such a big deal since it was before I started using phrases like "some fucking idiot..." regularly in my notes. What was annoying was when she'd bust about the box of triscuits, block of cheese, knife, and a cutting board and proceed to snack on in it in class. Did I also mention she had a seatmate? And that they both used laptops? If I was her seatmate I might have shot her. All I had to worry about was getting crumbs on myself and the crunching noises¹.

Flash forward to second semester, Little Miss Government Cheese didn't sit behind me, she moved more towards the center of the room and I firmly cemented my spot in the back row. Occasional glances across the room would reveal a new object sitting on her desk, something like this, only it also involved a fan-so it constantly disbursed fragrance. A cursory review of who was sitting around her led my seatmate and I to one conclusion, someone was really smelly over there (which was later confirmed by a friend who sat over there). There was a guy with such bad body odor that Miss Government Cheese deemed she needed to bring an air-freshener on a daily basis. I wouldn't know personally since after that I made it my personal goal never get someone close enough to him to find out.

The final, and most likely most egregious student you do not want to sit near is one I believe I've mentioned here before. The girl from my Evidence and Wills, Trusts and Estates classes. I feel bad even writing about it since she clearly had a medical problem or some sort, but after dealing with it over the course of two-4 credit classes any sort of compassion is gone. This girl had what could only be described as a combination of Narcolepsy, Sleep Apnea, and Darth Vader Syndrome² (she was also the suspect of the body odor stench in my evidence class). I literally have never heard this girl stay up for a period of more than 15 minutes. And as soon as she falls asleep she begins snoring, only to be woken up by her own sleep apnea gasping for breath roughly every 5 minutes. Even when she is awake you can hear her breathing from a substantial distance. To make matters worth, she appears oblivious to all this. Yesterday my friends and I set up camp our Trusts exam only to have her sit right by us. I promply declared the light was no good back there, giving all my friends an excuse to move. I was roughly 20 feet away, and towards the end of the exam I could hear her breathing.

I'm still not entirely sure there is away to avoid any of these people (since Darth Vader and Miss Government Cheese were always late), unless you're ballsy enough to go to the professor and ask for a seat change-which I have seen done over Darth Vader-you might just be stuck in your own personal hell twice a week for 16 weeks.

¹Which, I really think there should be a universal rule against eating crunchy foods in class (unless you're me and it's a granola bar), but that is a whole different post.
²Yes, it is a syndrome.

Well Oiled Finals Machine.

Today marks the kick off for what it most likely the last "exam season" of my life. I have no plans to get an LL.M. and while I joke that I should have been a doctor rather frequently the thought of all that student loan debt is terrifying.

If all goes as planned I'll take my Trusts exam today and land somewhere in the thick part of the curve; I'll pick up my Health Law take home on the way out of the law school only to return it within 24 hours in exchange for my Child Family State take home; which I will finish in time to hand in on my way in to my Bioethics exam.

What could possibly go wrong with that plan?

Update (6:15): Trusts and over, and I have my Health Law exam sitting next to me.

Update (7:21): Health Law is finished, to be exchanged for Child Family State tomorrow (which will be much more challenging).

"Everybody spread the word, we're going to have a celebration."

Happy Madonna Day! I know how I am celebrating, how are you?

I am Pirating Internet...

from someone called "Modizzy in tha Hizzy for Shizzy." Awesome.

Weekend Productivity

So maybe I haven't actually started studying despite having been done with classes for well over a week. Maybe I went to 2 Tiger games in 3 days, resulting in one hell of a sunburn. Maybe I went to a bar whose special is a pitcher of beer and 4 shots for $14. Maybe I had my first shot of Patron, and my second. Maybe I watched the entire Wings game yesterday and the entire Pistons game as well. Maybe I've having an O.C. marathon to be followed with a Katie and Peter marathon.

I'd like to say I'll regret all this when I get my grades; but as long as I pass, it's doubtful.

Desperate Housewife

Today I caught my pants on a filing cabinet at work. Apparently, they are too big. I had noticed they'd been sitting low but didn't realize how bad it was until they ripped down the seam as I attempted to walk away from said filing cabinet without realizing I was stuck in it. Of course despite having a comfort drawer I was without a needle and thread. So I fixed them the only way I could think of. I snuck my stapler into the ladies room and stapled them (no...the staples didn't show).

To make up for my extremely domestic behavior of the morning I made Chicken Piccata, garlic butter pasta and steamed asparagus for dinner so I could feel a bit better about my femininity. After all, I need to keep up appearances if I ever expect emcpan to let me be her wife.

Phrases Likely to Send Me Into a Blind Rage.

If one thing has been consistent about my job search, it's the phrases people say to "cheer me up." These people tend to be either people who have gotten jobs through OCI, my family, friends who know very little about the legal market, and occasionally readers of this blog. While it's all very well intentioned (and I love you all), hearing it over and over-largely from people who I feel have no idea what the reality is since they have romanticized the legal profession-gets to me infuriated. Literally it has gotten to the point where there are certain people I'd rather stay in than deal with all their "optimism."

1. "When you're a rich attorney."-You mean in 30 years when I'm twice divorced and raising 2 ungrateful teenage sons on my own since my husband-who predictably will also be a lawyer-can't understand why I can't manage to keep the house clean or have dinner on the table by 6? Yeah, I can't wait for that to happen.
2. "A Law Degree is a great thing, you can do anything with it."-Really, what? Government. Should I apply to be a cop or President, and where does one send the application for "President" out of curiosity?
3. "You'll find something."-Really, why don't you go tell that to the 35 unemployed students who graduated from my school in 2005. Or all the ones working as glorified paralegals. I'm sure they'd love to hear that I'm going to find something.
4. "You should be proud, not many people accomplish what you have."-By that I assume you mean stuck in law school for 3 years despite it making me miserable and ruining most of my relationships.
5. "You'll be fine, you're a smart girl."-Newsflash: I'm not that smart, and even if I was; smart doesn't get you employed, it just makes you smarter than the personable guy with connections who is employed.

I could go on. But I'm sure I'm already going to have readers scolding me for my "negative attitude" which employers can smell on me from a mile away. Plus, I don't really want people thinking I could fly into a rage at any second, since it's not quite that bad, yet.

Random Plug

Matt Masterson, of Sexist Asshole of the Week fame is requesting I link to this. I am only willing to since I did call him an asshole yet he continued to read and there are 1/2 naked men in it.

"It's the End of an Era"

Last day of classes. For some reason I am on call, since apparently I'm supposed to "care" and "be able to focus" enough to read 13 pages about charitable trusts.

I guess I should be excited but with unemployment and bar review hanging over my head it's hard to be anything other than discouraged and depressed.

Making It Rain.

The NFL has suspended Pac-Man Jones (Cornerback for the Tennessee Titans) for an entire season, due to his being questioned by police 10 times since he started in the league (and the fact that he might get indicted). Apparently the league looks down on "making it rain" in strip clubs unless you're willing to give the strippers the money (and not bash their heads on the stage over it), and then having an alleged member of your entourage shoot a few people, paralysing a former professional wrestler during NBA All-Star Week.

I watched a special on ESPN not too long ago about his conduct and the Titan's management feelings about drafting him in the first place. Apparently their drafting "software" takes "attitude" and "off field conduct" into account. Generally what I took from it was that the management was shocked the computer chose him despite the fact that he is extremely talented and were "hopeful" (before he was questioned 10 times) that they might be able to reign him in. Although given their support of the suspension and the increasing severity of his behavior it does not seem they have been able to.

I only bring this up since it seems like the NBA (with their dress code restrictions instituted last year) and the NFL (with what could be called character suspensions) are trying to force players into being "roll models." These measures remind me of when I was kid, and how Charles Barkley was always criticized for his conduct on the court (does the fact that it was on the court make a difference?), to which his defense was "I didn't ask to be a roll model." Is there something to be said about the fact that if you choose to put yourself in the public eye and make millions you should be forced to be someone children "should look up to"? Or should the focus be on parental responsibility and educating children that maybe sports players, musicians, and actors are not people who should be idealized? The reality is no matter how many times LT tells us all "not to smoke crack", and it is admirable that he has gotten clean, it does not change the fact that he did in fact, smoke rock.

"Wu Peed On My Rug."

Apparently, the Dean of the law school resigned. Interestingly, students did not get the courtesy of an email to that effect, just a blog post on a blog that none of us read.

I had planned to post about all the U.S. News stuff, but I'm over the entire law school experience now and don't really care. His posts below his resignation shed a bit of light on the "development" of the rankings. Yet even with his excuses about employment rates it still does not clarify what percentage of grads are actually working as lawyers (which I would estimate is under 50%).

Ohh, and this is my last week of classes. I suppose it would be exciting if one last on call day, exams, bar study and unemployment were not hanging over my head.

My DVR is working...

I think we all know what this means, I had sex with the technician I've already set it to record Beverly Hills, 90210 (and Boston Legal, 30 Rock, The Office, Grey's, Desperate Housewhores, and Entourage).

Just A Typical Weekend

Busy, busy weekend. Not only did the entire family come over for Easter (complete with disappearing acts from Uncle Crackhead every 20 minutes and more pushing the food around the plate than actually eating), but I also got digital cable. And a Tivo DVR. So far there have been 2 service calls this weekend and while I do have all the channels now, the DVR isn't work properly still (it doesn't record-call me crazy but I feel that might be the most important feature) and they can't come fix it until next Saturday thanks to "my" schedule.

I know what you're thinking. 2 service calls? The first serviceman just left and told me I had to go get a box from the service center since the one had "allocated" to me wasn't working and it was only getting 2 channels. So after I drove 30 miles round trip and hooked it up (eventually summoning my father, the electrician) it turned out that it was not the first box (or the 2nd box) but some other issue which he should have fixed. So after 2 hours on the phone demanding it be fixed that night customer service told me the first tech was going to come back between 4-6 that afternoon (this had all started a 9:30). Big surprise, 6:30 rolls around, he's not here, and when I call to check up and explain the situation for the 87 Millionth time to customer service, when they tried to call him, he had turned off his phone. At which point I demanded someone else come-since I'm already missed my chance to go see Grindhouse and figured I'd be in all night anyway. So technician #2 tried to make me feel bad for "making him miss dinner with his family"-as if I have a heart.

So when technician #2 left everything was working, and then around 10pm as I was attempting to program all my recordings (yes, that is what I did on Saturday night, back off or I will hurt you). At that point I spent another hour on the phone, at which point it was determined I needed another service call-which they promised to be able to do Monday without me missing work. Only when I was called today to finalize that wasn't possible. So after I threw another tantrum and started negotiating I ended up with free DVR for 6 months and free HBO for a year. Apparently my junior lawyer card works occasionally.

"You Ain't a Beauty, but Hey You're Alright"

So much to write about, so little time, and with the wireless broken at school today I wasn't able to bring you the 87 Million posts I had planned. My BarBri books got here yesterday, I'm sure I'll post a picture soon to shock you darling little 1Ls and 2Ls who have no idea what you've gotten yourself into.

Also my school fell in the U.S. News Rankings, mainly since nobody has jobs.

Since that makes me feel better.

When I get 2 seconds I'll detail the emails we've been getting from the Dean about that one. Also the Dean parked next to me for the 2nd time in a week today. The man could not park to save his life, but more on that later-and his insane vanity plate. Sorry for the crappy "I don't have time to post" post.