Why Am I Not Surprised?

I finally decided I might want to look into "what it takes to register for character and fitness and to take the bar" in my state and to "register for the MPRE" which I'd planned on taking in August (being that then I have a safety net if I fail).

So apparently registering for the bar requires getting some sort of packet, which you can't request online but rather have to request via mail so after checking the dates and seeing I had ample time, I realized that could be blown off for a while (or at least until I got home). Granted I have no idea if you need to pass character and fitness before you take the MPRE (it doesn't seem likely you'd need to-but that is applying logic to the law-something I think we can all agree is a horrible idea), but I digress.

So I'm all but finished registering for the MPRE and all I have to do is click that I've read the terms and conditions (which usually I never read-because really, if my Contracts Prof admitted she doesn't why should I?) and click submit.

But I start thinking, "Hey this is your career, maybe you should read the terms and conditions?" So I look for a link to click, because, based on what I vaguely remember from Contracts¹ if you're going to have a certification that someone has read the terms and conditions at the very least there must be a link/pop-up window where the person can read said terms and conditions. You guessed it; there was no link, no pop-up window; and for that matter I'm not even sure the terms and conditions were even provided on the site at all.

So either:

1. I just failed the first part of the MPRE, OR;
   
2. The lovely people at MPRE haven't caught up with e-commerce law, OR;
   
3. My version of e-commerce law is completely wrong.
   

¹This might not be true, I might have just made it up because it's what I think the law should be...And I never really paid attention much in contracts-especially to the e-commerce stuff since we were told we would not be tested on it.

Lucky Me!

It should come as a surprise to no one that my splendid vacation has turned into me laying in bed all day for the last 3 days with a fever, sore throat, earache¹, and muscle aches. I've commandeered my friends laptop and I am now able to entertain myself with free wireless internet, since really, there is only so much tolerance I have for:

1. Calling doctors-all of whom refuse to see me (even though my insurance provider says I can go to any PPO provider out of state)...a lot of good that is doing me if no doctor will see me since I'm not an instate resident. Whatever, tylenol cold and flu is basically a prescription.
2. Law and Order
3. Judge Judy
4. Sleep-16 hours a day is roughly my max even while taking "non-drowsy" (read: doesn't put you in a coma for 8 hours) medications.
5. Staring out the window at the Rocky Mountains

Anyway, now that I've gotten through the prohibitively long introduction I can get to the point. This Barely Legal post cracked me up, being that my law school has a "Snack Bar" which we have lovingly nicknamed "The Max" (1L year we all met down there for lunch) because of the bright red, purple, and teal tables and chairs accented with black fabric which has laser beams in the previously mentioned colors; with neon accent lighting thrown in, just in case the decor wasn't '80's enough to begin with.

¹Anyone ever flown with ear problems? How'd it work out?

Rocky Mountain High

I'm going to Colorado for spring break, try to entertain yourselves while I'm gone with this...I think we all know it's more interesting anyway.

"I'm not going to do what everybody thinks I'm going to do and just flip out man!"

I had a horrible day at work yesterday, I spent the day looking at the most gruesome pictures I'd ever seen. I was actually looking forward to going to school, until I found out my Conflicts Professor was going over our midterms during class. I already knew I'd done really well and I'm not really the type of person who cares to go over an exam even if I don't do well, so essentially, I was there so I could sign the attendance sheet. In a whisper I told my seat mate I'd done really well on the exam and that I was very pleased, as a result the following occured¹:

Gunner Chick²: COULD YOU PLEASE NOT DO THAT?!?!

Elle Woods: What are you talking about?

Gunner Chick: RUBBING IN HOW GREAT YOU DID!

Elle Woods: Sorry.

Professor: Is there a problem back there ladies?

Elle Woods: No, everything is fine.

Gunner Chick: Some people can't keep their scores to themselves.

Professor: Let's try to be sensitive of other people's feelings.

(Elle Woods thinking: What the fuck? Are we in Pre-School?)

...5 Minutes of evil stares from Gunner Chick follow. I then decided I'd already signed the attendance sheet and that I might as well just go back to work where I could actually use my time valuably. So I quietly packed up my things and went to leave. As I turned to walk out the door I looked at the Gunner Chick and in my sweetest, yet most passive aggressive voice possible I told her:

Sweetie you might consider toughening up a bit if you ever want to be a decent lawyer.

Was it immature, catty and bitchy? Certainly. Did it make me feel better to tell her off after what was undoubtably one of the most trying days I've ever been through at work? Of Course.

¹ This is a loose re-creation in the interest of my anonminity. Don't go calling me the James Frey of Law Student Bloggers, you got your damn disclaimer.

² It's worth mentioning that this girl literally argued every question (until I left at least) with the Professor telling him he worded it poorly.

A Reason to Actually go in the Law Library

When I got to school today I made my daily voyage into the law library (the only reason I ever come in here is the wireless internet-it's the only place my law school has it). There were 4 Police Officers standing around a homeless looking gentleman sitting at one of the public computers. I asked a librarian what was happening. Apparently this guy had figured out that you could use the computers to look at porn and had been "making the students uncomfortable" by sitting in the entry of the law library looking at porn on his computer. As an added bonus his monitor glass windows to the hallway. I personally find this hilarious and give props to the guy for realizing he could get free porn access at the law school. Other law students apparently did not find it as funny and were too nervous to approach him themselves so they called the Police. Yet another reason why I'm not a typical law student.

March Madness

Boyfriend: Let me know if you need help with your office pool.

Elle Woods: Actually, I've won every pool I've ever participated in.

Boyfriend: Ohh. Nevermind then I guess.

Elle Woods: I rely on the ratings, mascots and how their Football team did this year when I'm in doubt.

Boyfriend: What the hell does Football have to do with March Madness?

Elle Woods: My logic is that their performance in Football is inversely proportional to their performance in Basketball. It seriously works.

Boyfriend: I have a headache.

We Now Interrupt Your Regularly Scheduled Program...

My showerhead is broken. I didn't like it before since I thought the spray was too direct and was too harsh on my skin, however, now it's started spraying water out the side. Which basically amount to me getting douched in the face with water every morning when I turn it on since I never remember that it's malfunctioning. I'd been thinking about getting a new showerhead such as this one:The issue it that I've never used one and I'm not sure it would have enough pressure, (Apparently I'm the Goldilocks of shower pressure; not too hard, not too soft). So if anyone has ever used one let me know how easy it was to wash the shampoo out of your hair using it. I have pretty good water pressure but I'm worried when it's defused it won't be strong enough.

Additionally I'm not too sure what installation would entail. Surprisingly, I'm actually fairly handy, being that my dad used to use my brother and I as slave labor in our childhood (yes I could just ask my dad about this but it would entail me talking to him). I'm assuming I'd just need some of that white plumber's tape to put on the shower arm and that then you just screw it on, but I'm not exactly sure. So is there anybody out there who knows about laying pipe who can give me some advice about this?

"How can you diagnose someone with an obsessive compulsive disorder, then act like I have some choice about barging in here?"

The other day I was poking some fun at the ASSociate and how his shoes looked like hell. As I stood there, toothbrush and toothpaste in hand (to go brush my teeth after lunch) telling him to wipe his shoes off and then use the shoe shiner in my what I call my "comfort drawer" (it contains all sorts of weird things; but I'm getting there) to shine up his shoes. He laughed and asked if I ever thought I had obsessive compulsive disorder. I laughed back and told him I know I do. I then proceeded to ramble on about how I can't be without glasses cleaner, a toothbrush, toothpaste, mouth wash, among other things. Then I got to thinking about my paranoia of not being prepared and the level it's gotten to, it "might be" (read: is) beginning to border on unhealthy.

In my car I keep (at all times):

1. Toothbrush
2. Toothpaste
3. Mouthwash
4. Dental Floss
   
5. Oral-B Brush Ups (Really the first 3 are leftover ever since this wonderful invention came out)
6. Individual Glasses Cleaner Wipes (since the bottle of spray would freeze in the winter)
7. 2 Umbrellas
8. A Shoe Shiner
9. Gum
10. A Bottle of Water

In My "Comfort Drawer" I keep:

1. Toothbrush
2. Toothpaste
3. Mouthwash
4. Dental Floss
   
5. Oral-B Brush Ups
6. Glasses Cleaner
7. Glasses towel
8. A Shoe Shiner
9. Gum
10. Lip Gloss
11. Loose Powder (in case my face gets shiny)
    
12. Chap Stick
13. Motrin
14. Hydrocortizone Cream (I really can't even explain this one)
    
15. English Breakfast Tea
16. Green Tea
    
17. Hot Chocolate (Ghirdelli)
18. Cough Drops
19. Body Spray
20. Hair Ties
21. Lotion
22. Spare Pair of Nylons
23. Napkins (in case I spill my coffee or water)
24. Band-Aids (because clearly a law office is really dangerous)

Yeah, I'll be the first to admit, that's a little weird.

Dear Conflicts Professor,

I was upset when I learned your midterm is multiple choice. Better yet it's in a class with no hard and fast rules. As icing on the cake you're giving a 15 question test which amounts to 25% of my grade. Could we at least come up with a rule that in multiple choice exams each questions should account for no more then 1% of your grade?

Hugs and Kisses,
Elle Woods

P.S.-Correcting the exams in class so I know just how badly I did immediately without being able to compare it other people's scores or any sort of curve might just be the most awful thing I've encountered in law school.

Yet Another Reason I'll Never Pass Character and Fitness...

A little "Law" called Driver Responsibility (Public Act 165 of 2003; Amended By Public Act 52 of 2004).

Now, in my short driving history (going on 7 years in June people), I have had 6 cars:

1. The Lumina "Dustbuster" Minivan my grandpa gave me when I started driving.
2. The Chevy Corsica my grandpa bought me since he felt bad after the engine fell out of the minivan while I was driving.
3. The Ford Ford Probe that "I bought" with the insurance money from the Corsica after some girl rearended me, while she was going 40 mph outside my high school. She was pregnant and smoking. She had been kicked out her parents house and had moved in with her cousin and was starting at my school that day. I was the first person she met. Over 1/2 the school was late because the accident stalled traffic so badly.
4. The Ford Contour I bought with the insurance money from the probe after I wrecked it driving back to school. I told my parents I was cut off by a semi but that I didn't really remember what happened. They were convinced I fell asleep at the wheel since we'd just had a turkey dinner. In reality: I was singing along with the radio, was about to miss my exit and cut across traffic, loosing control of my car and spinning out while going 80. I'm lucky the road sign was the only thing I hit.
5. The Sunfire my parents bought me after my brother "accidentally" let the Contour overheat (read: didn't pay any attention to the gauges) while I let him borrow it on Christmas break-he'd had his license for 2 weeks at that time.
6. The brand new Honda Civic I bought ON MY OWN after I totaled the Sunfire, I wouldn't have even gotten a car but I was starting 1L year in a month and 1/2 and I had to be able to commute to school. I do have to say buying a car and paying all the insurance and whatnot has made me feel semi-grown up. My dad seriously saved my ass on that one, as I'd been out on the lake drinking most of the day (it was a week after my 21^st birthday), I called him and he managed to get there before the cop did, he told me he didn't want to know how much I'd had to drink but that he'd talk to the cop.

Ohh and for good measure:

1. 2 Weeks after I got my license I borrowed my mom's then brand new Explorer (since it was 90 degrees outside and the Dustbuster didn't have "fully functioning windows" let alone AC; anyway, I hit my neighbors mailbox and giant rock and took out the radiator and the entire undercarriage of the car-and bent the frame.
2. 2 Weeks after I got the Civic I ran a red light and hit by a minivan-the car was in the shop for 2 weeks.
3. In December (I got the Civic in July) a law school friend rearended me while she was following me home. Another 2 weeks in the shop.
4. In February I was moving The Dude's car into a parking structure while he was drunk and having a fit that I was driving his car at all. I backed into a light pole.

So I think you get the picture: Elle Woods=World's Worst Driver who also supremely bad luck with cars and an uncanny ability to find other drivers who suck at driving.

So, I have 8 points on my record (the messed up thing-the tickets I got the points for aren't even listed) which makes me subject to Public Act 165 of 2003, amended By Public Act 52 of 2004. I had heard mention of it, and figured I'd have to pay a fee, but I didn't really investigate when it would need to be paid. Figuring, I'd get something in the mail. Wrong. In theory I did in December, but I never actually did.

So, January 23^rd, 2006 a letter was dated and sent to me. I have no idea when I received it-I just opened it last Friday...Yeah I am bad with snail mail. I know. Thanks. Mock away. This letter was to notify me that effective February 6^th my license would be suspended, pursuant to M.C.L. 257.732 (a), unless I paid my $150 Driver Responsibility Fee. Being that I was reading this on March 3^rd I figured it was safe to say that I had been driving around on a suspended license. Additionally the letter noted that, M.C.L. 257.320 (e) requires a reinstatement fee of $125 be paid to the Secretary of State. Ohh and, pursuant to M.C.L. 257.323 (3) the action is not appealable. Of course. So I figured there was no sense in even calling [Hours] and that I should just call the Treasury Department, pay the $150 over the phone and then go to the local Secretary of State and pay the $125 (at one point I was even hopeful that I could pay all $275 over the phone, and then I remembered how bureaucracy works).

So of course it wasn't that simple. No. If you pay it over the phone they have to mail you a receipt which you then take to the Secretary of State. This process takes 2 weeks. I drive roughly 60 miles a day, minimum. Clearly, not a good option given my driving record. So the people on the phone suggested that I go (read: drive) to my nearest Department of Treasury office, 45 minutes away in order to pay my $150 Driver Responsibility Fee and get a receipt. Then take that to the Secretary of State and finish up my ass raping by paying $125 for reinstatement. Not to mention the $5 I had to pay to park and $4 in gas. Plus my time. I bill at over $90 an hour people, my time isn't cheap.

All and all, the people at the Department of Treasury were rather helpful and the lines moved quickly; plus I know it isn't their fault that I:

1. Suck at driving
2. Wasn't effectively served
3. Didn't read my mail for a month

So I was rather calm by that point and had resigned myself to my fate. Essentially, I was the victim who doesn't fight back since they know they'll just be abused worse.

You thought it was over? Didn't you? No, it's not. I realized that on February 14^th I had been ticketed for speeding on the way to work, yes, I was ticketed on Valentine's Day. Fuck You Very Much Officer. No mention was ever made at that point in time that my license was at all suspended. (Here is where I think I can make some sort of reliance argument on top of the failure to serve one that I think I already might have).

Now, according to M.C.L. 257.904:

A person convicted of Driving While License Suspended, Revoked, Denied, or of any unlawful operation of a motor vehicle while the person's license is suspended, revoked or denied may be sentenced to imprisonment for up to 93 days or fined up to $500.00 or both.

So. Does that apply to me and my V-Day Ticket? Had the suspension not hit the computer yet and did I get a freebie? I don't know and I won't know until I get notice I'm assuming. Note to self, open mail more then once a month in the future so I at least know.

Whatever. I need a driver.

Words of the Wise

One of the best things about having a blog: You can always rely on complete strangers to inform you exactly why and how much you suck.

Opinionistas

You have no idea how much better I feel after reading that given what's happened this weekend.

For All You Lazy Asses

The old site is gone, so if your blogroll still has that one on it stop dicking around and change it. Or don't, what do I care. You're going to be the one who looks like a moron with a link to a site that no longer exists.

Excuse Me While I Kiss This Guy

I always get song lyrics wrong, so it shouldn't be a surprise that when I heard Gwen Stafani's new song Crash I thought the lyrics were:

Drive back baby, do me fast in your car
I'm here waiting crash, into me real hard.

I was in the car with [Hours] and he commented about how she was pregnant and I was all, "Yeah, but that new song isn't very motherly" (and then proceeded to repeat what I thought the lyrics were to him). He then corrected me and told me it was "to me fast your car."

You know you're a hipster when a middle aged man is correcting your hearing problems.

"I'll tell you very bluntly..."

Explanation:¹ This is a voicemail that my Professional Responsibiliy Professor played for us, that an associate at Winston & Strawn left for an associate at Latham. Latham is representing a borrower in a real estate transaction and W&S represents the lender. I don't know what correspondence preceded the voicemail but as I understand it, W&S asked Latham to make some cosmetic changes to mortgages a day before closing and Latham responded by email that they thought the changes were unnecessary. The response from W&S is what follows...

¹Sorry this is a bit late, last night I was too lazy to figure out how to add text to the post without deleting the audio post. This isn't as easy as I make it look people, I actually had to click over to "Edit HTML."

Big Mistake. Huge.

I didn't bring my laptop to class today since all I use it for is freecell. I've been trying to kill time in the computer lab (normally I'm in the regular part of the library). Apparently people (Read: 1L's) seem to think it's ok to scream across the computer lab to each other. They've been doing it for 20 minutes now...Once would be acceptable, twice slightly annoying, this is just ricockulous. I need peace and quiet when I'm wasting time.

This is obviously karmic retribution for all the times when I had a study room just for myself in undergrad.

Revelation

Wasting time before class I just realized that I'm fully prepared to deal with the "good cop/bad cop" situation that is about to occur with [Hours] and [More]. I'm going to play them like I did my parents when I was growing up.

Most kids who have the luxury of parents who they can play against each other come from broken homes. I just came from a home in which my parents are "staying together for the kids" (we're 18 and 22 guys-you can give up now) and "sleep in seperate beds." Needless to say they have different ideas about a lot of things, including parenting. My mom basically let us do whatever we wanted and my dad didn't want us doing anything, well, anything fun. The general rule was tell mom what you were really doing and she'd cover for you with dad.

I know you're wondering, "Elle, how will you ever pull this off at the Firm?" Elementary; [Hours] will become my de-facto father and [More] will become my de-facto mother (the idea of this is rather funny since [Hours] shorter then I am when I wear heels and [More] is about 6'7''), anyway, for example: I want to take some time off (5-6 days) over spring break this month to go to Colorado. [Hours] would have allowed it, but he would have been in a pissy mood. Now I'll just as [More], he'll say yes, and [Hours] (much like my dad throughout my youth) will be left in the dark. I can just see him now wandering around the office asking "Where's [Elle]?" and eventually he'll ask [More] who will have to be the one to tell him I'm on vacation. Sheer Brilliance.

If my plan fails I'll just have to hope Moral Turpitude will hire me. I'm short, I can put a mini-desk under your giant desk in order to save space in your new office. I'll leave the illustration up to MT of that one.

Good News, Semi-Bad News and Irrelevant News

The Good News:

Apparently [Hours] is hiring another Associate since the [ASSociate] is so incompetent. I'm not really sure what the fate of the [ASSociate] will be, and honestly, I don't care. The new Associate he's hiring is someone who worked for the firm before they took the bar in February, nevermind that they won't be licensed until June, apparently they'll be starting soon-as actually being licensed to practice law apparently is not a necessary credential at my firm.

The Semi-Bad News:

Being that [Hours] will now have 2 associates he's informed me there will be less work available for me but he wasn't sure how much but he wants me to stay on. He's acting like it's a bad thing that I'd only have to work 20 hours a week while I'm in school, but then again he's a work-a-holic. His solution to the huge dilemma of me only working 20 hours a week during school was to offer me continued work with him and work with another partner, who we shall call [More].

Normally I'd be freaking out, but [More] is one of the coolest, most laid back guys I've ever met. Plus he has 2 associates who have been there for over 5 years (this in comparison to [Hours] who has been through roughly 9 associates in 5 years). The added bonus being that I have a huge crush on [More], however, clearly that has some negative implications for the longrun.

So, for the time being, it's looking like I'll continue to work "part time" ie-40 hours a week and go to school full time. Not like I really enjoyed sleep that much anyway.

The Irrelevant News:

I've updated my sidebar and now there is a pull down menu (since the links had gotten completely unmanageable) and a search box. Don't act like you're not impressed.

"Well, I don't think it's very intelligent to keep an electrical gadget on the edge of the tub...I tie it to the radiator."

I just put my laptop on a wooden chair and set it next to the bathtub while I watched, of all movies, Snatch.

"Whoever said orange was the new pink was seriously disturbed."

I just tried to buy a new black purse since the trusty Prada one is starting to look a little beat up. I didn't want to spend a fortune, so I decided I'd go to Marshall Field's and try to find a reasonably priced simple black medium sized purse.

What I saw was without a doubt the worst assault to my senses since, well, evidence class on Monday. First off, who wants to carry a bag with "Hobo" in the description. And second, (and even worse) practically every bag was either trimmed with or made of solid gold leather and then accented with metal disks that looked like they'd been put on by a Be-Dazzler.

It is looking as if my best option is going to be going to the Coach store and getting a simple black bag, which will cost way more then what I wanted to spend, but at least it won't hurt my eyes and be out of style next year.

One Day...

I'll proofread my posts (or at least my titles) and perhaps I won't have misspellings and grammatical errors. Failing that, be happy I'm not as lazy as I used to be and that I'll push the spell check button now.