The Body...Riiiiiiiiiiight.

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Scenes From an Italian Restaurant

Scene: Dr. Feel Good and I are having dinner, after he's had the pleasure of meeting my entire family when they happened to be there (despite my best efforts to dispel them) when he came to pick me up.

Dr. Feel Good: You family seems to have a bit of identity crisis.

Elle Woods: That's one way to put it, you are going into psych so I'm sure you have other ways.

Dr. Feel Good: No it's just, you're very Nordic looking and yet...Your mother's skin is roughly the color of my oak dining room table, yet her hair is blonder then yours-which I suspect is not a natural occurrence, your father has olive skin and black hair, and your grandmother just made me taste the spiciest mexican food I've ever eaten.

Elle Woods: Wow you didn't even touch on my grandpa.

Dr. Feel Good: Wasn't going to go near him walking around in his underwear with a 10' pole.

S is for Smart.

This morning I saw a license plate resembling this:


I decided I had to speed up to see what tool would have that license plate, particularly after seeing this lovely plate last month.

The driver was applying her makeup, while driving 70 mph down a 3 lane freeway with 20 foot concrete walls. Sparty on!

"I got to say it was a good day."

I did really well in my mock dep for pretrial today. I was the only person who was able to turn around the hostile witness, which in turn allowed me to get a lot more information. Then again, these are law students, the majority of which are law reviewers,¹ who "lack social skills" so I guess I'm not really surprised that they were unable to be congenial.

My favorite part was when one of them asked the witness if they'd ever put meat in their toaster. Classic.

While it was cool that I did well and people noticed, I was rather put off that they were all whispering about how I was doing as I was taking the deposition. I was also annoyed that they seemed semi-surprised by it. Just because I don't choose to memorize the U.C.C. doesn't mean I don't know what I'm doing.

¹I'm referencing these particular law reviewers, since I personally know them and know they lack some social skills, not all law reviewers in general. Plus as we all know most law students lack social skills anyway so it most likely had nothing to do with them being law reviewers, I just wanted to point out I did better than then did.

Laziness.

Why I ever took pre-trial advocacy is really a mystery to me. Drafting a complaint, answer, 2 sets of interrogatories and requests to produce, 2 answers to interrogatories and requests to produce, a Summary Disposition Motion and a Response to a Summary Disposition Motion. And, as an added bonus; not 1, not 2, not 3, but 4 depositions taken in front of my peers and the opprotunity to argue 2 Summary Disposition Motions in front of my peers.

For someone who attended their Criminal Procedure II class once this all seems a bit intense, so needless to say, I'm cutting corners wherever I can. Today my first interrogatories are due. The "case" is in Federal Court so I'm limited to 25 interrogatories. I decided to stay well within the rules and submit 18.

Yet another reason 3L is better than 1L.

Love or Law School?

Much has been written about love and law school, and how for women in particular, it's no secret that they generally don't mix.

The issue has come to my attention again recently as a friend of mine (male), who is an engineer has started dating a cocktail waitress. For the record and before anyone jumps down my throat for "judging" people with less education, I have met her and I have talked with her. Well, we more talked at each other, since we had nothing to talk about. It's the old cliche about how the more educated a woman is the less likely she is to get married.

Add to that the fact that women with professional degrees tend to be very career oriented and have no intention of getting married before 30 and things are further complicated by the fact that, as aLs so tactfully put it:

By the time you're 30 and guy your age who you'd be interested in marrying is going to be stable enough financially to be going after 23-25 year olds.

Thanks aLs, I love you too. Luckily, I've always liked older men. However for those ladies not willing to marry 5-10 years out of their age bracket that generally leaves the options of:

1. Cat Lady
2. Sperm Bank
3. Holding out until you're really really rich and can get a trophy boyfriend/hubby

(Not that my prospects are much better even though I tend to like older guys).

In addition the whole "women don't generally marry down" issue there is the timing issue. Very few men are able to understand our schedules during law school, or after, and the ones who can are generally just as busy, which makes a relationship nearly impossible. What man really wants a wife who is 12 hours a day, and brings home more work and takeout chinese?

What's my point here? I don't really have one. As usual. I just think it sucks.

Maybe my point is lately I've gone on a few dates with this Doctor (who we shall call Dr. Feel Good). Who is very nice, but also very average. I've never been one to settle for average at anything in life. But is there a point (and I seriously hope that point is not age 23) at which you give up that whole quest for "all consuming love, can't live without you love" as they put it on Sex and the City, and just settle down with someone who you have the same taste in movies with, can talk to, and enjoy being around?

This article that Moonlighting in Misery wrote about, seems to make me think maybe. If love is just a chemical produced in your brain that wears off after 2 years then aren't we better off just going for someone who we have common interests with and can talk to?

3L is the Best.

I have a presentation at 6:10. I've yet to prepare for it at all. I also have yet to buy (and do not intend to buy) the book for the class.

Because I'm a Master Negotiator.

Ella (spanish pronounciation, just like Jesus the iPod) the SUV and I went over to my parents so I could show her off. The following ensued...

Dad: Pop the hood.
Me: Hold on let me figure out how.
Dad: Please tell me you didn't buy a car without at least looking under the hood and pretending to interested.
Me: I didn't.
Dad: Good, so you looked?
Me: No, I leased it.
Dad: [Elle]?
Me: Yeah?
Dad: Please tell me you knew you got the big engine.
Me: Now I do.
Dad: How you got as good a deal as you did is beyond me.

Sexy Sunday #6

Since there was a request for more sports cuties, and since Brady Quinn rallied to beat MSU yesterday I suppose I can post a Fighting Irish Quarterback.


One more, for Luck.

Impulsive.

Today I "bought" a new "car" on a whim. In reality I leased an SUV, but that doesn't have the same ring, does it?

The exciting part was that I have "A Plan" credit, and while I might not get A's in law school all the time it's comforting to know I'm ranked well where it counts.

Over Qualified

I've decided that after over 2 years of law school the job I'm most qualified for, and would arguably enjoy most, is a seat filler. Like they use at the Academy Awards. Except, I feel like that is a tough gig to get. Maybe I could start of slow, dance recitals for absentee parents, little league games, staff meetings and work my way up to the AVN Awards, the MTV awards, the Tony's, the Emmy's and one day the Oscars.

Don't Believe the Hype.

ElleWoods626: i just want someone to cuddle with
ElleWoods626: and my de facto boyfriend is not around
lawschoolvirgin: i do too
ElleWoods626: we can cuddle
ElleWoods626: not in a lesbian way
lawschoolvirgin: I figured.
ElleWoods626: you have to be the big spoon
ElleWoods626: i'm only 5'2''
ElleWoods626: and i'm not wearing my heels to bed for you
lawschoolvirgin: pretty easy to top that
lawschoolvirgin: i'm only doing it if we wear hot lingerie
ElleWoods626: fine.

Mother Nature: 2, Elle Woods: 0

The skunk just sprayed my room again. At least last year it happened when I had mono, so being smelly wasn't a big deal. This year I'll just be the smelly kid. So tomorrow, if you're sitting next to a blonde girl who reaks of skunk feel free to give me a wink and a nod and let me know that you know.

Oxymoron.

The findings showed that Clarett was competent to stand trial, his attorneys said.

I think we all know Ohio State Students lack the mental capacity to stand trial. That said, and as much as I love him for all the shit he talked about OSU, it couldn't happen to a nicer guy.

Sexy Sunday #5

Gary Hall Jr., the best thing to happen to breaststroking¹ since swim caps.

¹So he swims freestyle, sue me.

Booze, Drugs and Law School

Interesting article about Lawyers, Depression, Alcoholism and Cocaine Abuse.

Regarding Depression:

Whereas only 3 to 9 percent of individuals in Western industrialized countries suffer from depression, by late spring of the first year of law school, 32 percent of the students were depressed. The percentage increased again by late spring of the third year when 40 percent of the class reported significantly elevated depression levels. Two years after law school, 17 percent of the same subjects were still reporting that they were depressed.

Was that uplifting enough for you?

Although we were unable to collect empirical data about the frequency of lawyers attempting to commit or committing suicide, and how these rates contrast to the general population, it is our clinical impression that, unless lawyers enter treatment and end their isolation, they are at much greater risk of not only acting upon their suicidal ideation but of also being lethal during an attempt.

Now to the booze...

Eighteen percent of the lawyers were problem drinkers. This percentage is almost twice the approximately 10 percent alcohol abuse and/or dependency prevalence rates estimated for adults in the United States.

A bit of good news...

Less than one percent of the lawyers exceeded the clinical cut off established to determine cocaine abuse. This figure is significantly below the national average of 3 percent of the adult population. On the other hand, 26 percent of our sample have used cocaine at some point in their lives, compared to 12 percent for the general population...The number of years that lawyers practice did not affect the percentages of subjects who suffered from depression or cocaine abuse...Alcohol abuse and dependency is a chronic and progressive disease. It can take many years to become evident in some cases. As a result, those who have practiced longer appear to be more susceptible to developing problem drinking.

So if you're not depressed or a cokehead now you most likely should be ok. Unless you're a lush, because you're probably going to become an alcoholic. Sweet.

This Just In.

Everyone's been playing nice, so no more comment moderation. Maybe I'm Crazy, and in honor of that...

Parting Ways

Interesting article about what your hair part says about your personality and how you are perceived.

Men W/Left Part: Natural for men, usually works well for them. Perceived as popular, successful, strong, traditional. Can be out of touch with the feminine side of themselves. Examples: John Wayne, Tom Brokaw, John F. Kennedy, Edward M. Kennedy

Women W/Left Part: Usually ok, especially for women interested in making it in business and politics. Perceived as intelligent, incharge, reliable. Can sometimes be perceived as too “masculine”, and/or can create difficulties with fulfilling traditionally feminine roles. Examples: Hillary Clinton, Margaret Thatcher, Christine Todd Whitman

Men W/Right Part: Usually unnatural for men. Can create an uncomfortable image; can cause social shunning, sometimes leading to unusual or eccentric behavior. Perceived as atypical, open, radical. Can work ok if the man is very confident, attractive, or striving to be respected in a non-traditional male role. Examples: Al Gore, Rush Limbaugh, Robert F. Kennedy, Charlie Rose, Tom Snyder

Women W/Right Part: Natural for women. Usually works ok. Perceived as very feminine, gentle, caring. Can cause problems of not being taken seriously. Examples: Martha Stewart, Jane Pauley, Betsy McCaughey Ross, Geraldine Ferraro

Men + Women W/No Part, Center Part or Bald: Natural for men and women. Perceived as balanced, trustworthy and wise. Can lack the flair associated with the other types. Examples: U.S. Presidents 1-9, Joseph P. Kennedy II, Sean Connery

I've been a lefty for years. Interestingly enough, I thought about all the people in my office. My extremely scientific study revealed:

• Female Attorneys: All are parted on the left side with the exception of the one who has hair down to her ass and ALWAYS pulls it back in a 1/2 pony tail. So she's not really exception, I just can't accurately assess her. In actuality she seems like a no part or a right parter.
• Secretaries/Paralegals (all female): The majority part on the right, with a few who part in the center.
• Male Attorney's: The majority are left parters. A few no parts. A few balds. One of them has a right part. While one of my favorite people in the office, he is definitely quirky and relates better to his cats than to most people.

Hat Tip.

Why Isn't it Friday Yet?

The Thing I Hate Most About Law School...

Is having the answer dangled in front of me. Just tell me, I'll learn it, regurgitate it on the final exam and we can go on our respective ways.

At Last.

Light at the End of the Tunnel

When I started law school I was a fresh faced 21 year old who felt like a 5 year old in her mother's dress and shoes. Terrified to be exposed as the young kid I was to all my classmates.

When last years crop of 1L's came in I realized I'd had nothing to worry about the previous fall. I looked about the same age as most of them (granted by this stage in the game I was in fact the same age as most of them).

Then this years crop of 1L's showed their eager faces. No dark circles. No vacant looks of dispair. A certain bounce in their step long lost to any 3L. Cute and comfortable dress rather than the business casual most 3Ls are forced to don in the name of employment. This year I realized I'm ready to be a lawyer, and it was the first time I've felt good in the law school building in a long time.

The Calm Before the Storm

[Hours] has been being extremely nice lately. Bringing lunches and ice cream, joking around, understanding of my school schedule, no yelling, no throwing inanimate objects. Either he is being heavily medicated or he's going to throw a stapler at myself, an associate, or our secretary in the near future.

IM Conversation With My Mom

Me: I'm in class.

Mom: Ohh, I'll let you go.

Me: Ehh, I didn't even buy the book for this class. I'm not concerned.

Mom: Oops. What class?

Me: Alternative Dispute Resolution.

Mom: Sounds like a Christmas at our house. And boring.

Me: Sounds like you know everything you need to know about law school.

I Can't Decide if I Hate Westlaw or Law School More Right Now.

The next time my brain thinks something like "take [fill in the blank with any class that requires drafting of pleadings], you want to litigate and you're nervous around people...it'll be good for you" I'm numbing it into submission with excessive amounts of alcohol and maybe even some illicit drugs.

The last thing I need is to be drafting a complaint for breach of contract right now. To make matters worse Westlaw has apparently decided to block me, and only me, from access to all it's form pleading goodness. And before you say "what about Lexis Nexis?" I'd like to remind you that Lexis sucks.

Sexy Sunday #4

I'm fairly certain nobody has better abs than Paul Walker. Amazing "Love Handles."

Dear CNN,

You are no longer my homepage. Two Paris Hilton articles under "Top Stories" in 3 weeks was bad enough. But the this:


Means google will officially become my homepage. Paris Hilton featured above Bob Dylan having the #1 album for the first time in 30 years? Seriously, I think I would have preferred Suri Cruise to beat out Dylan if I had to choose. At least she's famous for having famous parents, although under that theory Nicole Richie would also be better than Paris Hilton, and not for whatever reason it is that Paris Hilton is famous.

Fret not, I will still visit you often as yahoo news isn't any better.

Hugs and Kisses,

Elle Woods

In Her Shoes...

Today on the way home from school I was listening to the radio, they had taken a call from a listener.

She's 26 years old, had been dating a guy for 7 years, they'd broken up, and she'd found out he'd given her HIV/AIDS. He claims he didn't cheat. He admitted he knew he had it. She has full blown AIDS and was given 6 months to live. She doesn't want to subject herself to the regiment of AIDS medication, doesn't want to live with the disease and also doesn't want him to live another second of his life. She had told her friends she wants to "end his life" (interestingly, she would not say "kill", and was upset her friends were not supporting her.

The obvious options are:

1. Kill him, as she mentioned. Her spending the remainder of her life in jail is also not an appealing option, however from the sound of things she was more the murder/suicide type. Additionally, I think this is way too humane for this guy in a lot of ways, in that a gunshot is a lot less painful than dying of AIDS.
2. Bring a case of attempted murder. While him dying in prison seems appealing she will most likely never get to see the result and as such I can see how from her perspective this option is not appealing. Plus I don't really like the idea that tax payers would have to may for this scumbags' medical treatment while he's in prison.
3. "Lorenna" him. I like this option the best. He suffers immediately and in the long term from dying of AIDS, and you stop him from spreading it a la Telly in Kids. The biggest downsides would be the medical workers he could then expose to the disease and the possibility of a prison term.

Thoughts?

Yay!

Apparently, I'm "ethical" enough to be a lawyer. Which is the equivalent of being "disease free" enough to be a $5 hooker. But I'll take the validation.

Netflix and I...

had a Baby. Like the good parents we are, we had to get the necessary accessories. So we can break federal copyright laws back up my movie collection together.

On a completely different note, as almost everyone knows, Steve Irwin a.k.a. The Crocodile Hunter has passed away after a freak stingray accident. What you don't know is that he put a snake on me on live television. Granted, it was TRL (lay off me, it was 2002 people). I met Joey Fatone too. It was awesome. I think it's safe to say that tape will be backed up to DVD. It's basically a collectors item.

Sexy Sunday #3