"You got to know when to hold ’em, know when to fold ’em"

So I survived the first day of my 2L year, plus I solved the "Missing Financial Aid Check" Mystery so things are looking good. (Except that at least 2 and possibly 3 of my professors use socratic method so that's annoying).

Family Law: Not really anything to report except that I have a take home that I get 5 days to work on and my Professor constantly cracks jokes about her family bringing up the divorce rate and all the disfunction. I feel right at home. I was annoyed when we were talking about Incest and the prof mentioned how marrying inside your race is just as likely to produce offspring to present negative recessive traits and the african american girl to my right scoffed and then laughed at that notion. (To be fair I was already annoyed with her since she was "saving" a seat that I wanted...Mind you, I walked in 1 minute before the class started so I feel that any seat is fair game by that point in time...And of course the person she was saving it for didn't show up-I'll show her, I'm going to get there early Thursday and sit there just to piss her off). It was weird, something came over me in this class and I started to not only pay attention but to raise my hand and participate-but not gunner style-I was saying things of value and not just to hear myself talk. What's even weirder is that I was participating in a big class.

Employment Discrimination: I had the same professor for torts and he's one of those types that you either love or hate. I personally love him and think he's hilarious even though he comes off as a raging sexist. He looks like Kenny "The Gambler" Rogers/Santa/The Travelocity Gnome/The Lollipop King from Candyland/Ted Kennedy-but with a beard. (Yes, I am listening to Kenny Rogers as I write this post...And, Yes, I did link to a site about men who look like Kenny Rogers). Anyway, he was funny and must have said 6 times "I don't want to offend anybody." The hand raising continued and I must have contributed at least 4 things to discussion. It was hard not to participate in this class since it was less then 30 people and in a tiny room.

Taxation: Greatest. Professor. Ever. He's this cute old guy who was having trouble with his slide projector and then with his USB memory stick so he couldn't get his "really nice" slide show working. I felt so bad for him. I also made another new venture in this class. I sat in the front row. My friend convinced me to come sit with her, which was a big step for me since I usually sit in the back row. But anyway, I loved it...He kept directing his entire lecture to my friend and I. I was engaged and paying attention and hardly played any solitaire. He kept asking me if there was anything else covered in the reading (I kept saying no even though I don't have the book yet).

Constitutional Law 2: (A.K.A.-Constitutional Law 1 taught the "Professor Falls*" way)...Yeah, essentially we're reading everything from Con Law 1 over again since we learned it "wrong." He's spending so much time on stuff we've already learned we're only going to spend 1 day on the Civil Rights Cases and 2 days on the First Amendment-which we were told we might not even get to since he apparently can't stick to a syllabus. What is the point of even having one then-why doesn't he just write on the board at the end of class what our assignment is for the next class like they did in elementary school since he's incapable of sticking to a schedule. I took the frigging class because I wanted to cover the stuff in the Bill of Rights, not the commerce clauses. Other things that annoy me about Professor Falls:

1. Aside from being an egomaniac he's also "that guy" who wears button down shirts 1/2 unbuttoned so his chest hair hangs out and of course what compliments chest hair...OHH A GOLD CHAIN, THAT'S WHAT!
2. He's refusing to let us sit in the back rows since he's a mumbler, which I suppose will force me to pay attention so in the long run might be ok-I will have to stop wearing my glasses since I don't really want to get a better view of his chest hair/gold chain combo.
3. He feels that all cases can be boiled down to a comparison which makes no sense, he keeps saying "No animals on the bus...But if we look in the dictionary aren't humans technically animals?" I don't f*cking know, I don't ride the bus because I have a car and I don't really see what "No animals on the bus" has to do with Marbury v. Madison.
4. He tried to make us buy the new edition of our book when my 4th edition didn't even get used last term during Con Law 1.
5. Since he's an egomaniac he continually makes reference to how we need to read all the "wonderful" books he's written...Yeah maybe if I wasn't reading the same cases over and over again I'd have time but some asshole seems to think I need to keep re-reading them so I can learn them "The Falls" way a.k.a.-the "right" way.
6. He held us late our first day
7. There was no need to hold us late-I didn't need to hear about how great he is for a 1/2 hour at the beginning of class and I'm sure nobody else did either.
8. He cancelled class Thursday and informed us we "have" to make it up since "there's too much material to cover even for a 4 credit class." Hey, I have an idea...Stop re-teaching Con Law 1 and you'll have plenty of time. If you did that you probably wouldn't even have to keep us late. Also, if you cancel class it's your problem-not mine-I'm not driving 45 minutes both ways so you can make up a class because some morons in England wanted you to give a speech...That's your scheduling problem-not mine.
9. He likes to tell us about how he's rarely out of bed before noon...Kinda annoying when I haven't been able to sleep in that late ALL SUMMER and now I have to be at school at 9, which means I have to leave by 8 since the traffic is so bad, which equals me getting up at 7:15 or 7:30...Yeah, real compassionate.

*Name has been changed to protect my grade since I think blind grading is a joke and I know this guy is the type of person who googles himself daily.

"Oh, sweetheart, you don't need law school. Law school is for people who are boring and ugly and serious. And you, button, are none of those things."

All summer I looked tan, perky, refreshed...In a word, Glowing (with the exception of a few mornings).

I just went to wash off my make-up and I looked like I hadn't slept in days and aged 5 years overnight. Apparently, law school doesn't even suit me well if I enjoy myself when I'm there. Tomorrow I'll get the energy to post about my 3 awesome professors and the one egocentric asshole.

17 or 18?

One of my law school friends had an away message up today about how she'd started her "18th grade today." It left me wondering...

Since I graduated undergrad in 3 years does that make my 2L year my 17th or 18th year of school?

(I know...I'm a nerd!)

"Perhaps play a little game called "just the tip". Just for a second, just to see how it feels."

In honor of classes beginning tomorrow for me I've decided to play a little game and make a Pros/Cons list about starting my 2nd year.

Here we go:

1. I have reading for the first day in all my class. CON!
2. I've been reading since last Friday and I haven't made a dent in my reading for tomorrow. CON!
3. I got all my books for this term and it only cost me $120 total (thank you "Person who didn't put a price in the book they were selling back so Legally Blonde got to name her price", my friend who gave me his family law books, and my general attitude towards school that leads me to believe using the previous edition of my con law book-from con law 1-is suitable, the amount I had to spend on the one I bought from amazon was a little high though. All and all-PRO!
4. One of my books hasn't arrived yet-probably my fault since I ordered it this weekend from amazon. I guess this one is a draw-it means less reading now, but more reading later-plus it kinda is my fault.
5. I didn't have to go to school today like most people since I only have class Tuesday/Thursday. PRO!
6. I have 7 hours of class tomorrow. CON!
7. At least I'm not starting my 1L year. PRO!
8. My class with "The King" is in a small room-I'm not sure I can handle him in an enclosed space like that. CON!
9. My Other 3 classes are in lecture halls-Hello sitting in the back, playing computer games, taking naps, getting up and leaving whenever I feel like it. PRO!
10. I haven't received my loan refund check yet or applied for alternative loans. CON!
11. I get to see "The Real Don Steel," and I get my sunglasses back from Don that were lost in the Drunken Concert Incident. PRO!
12. Get the Asshole's hoddie back from a different law student so I can finally give it back to him and get my friggin Nalgene bottle back from him that he's been holding hostage since May (It really says a lot that he doesn't trust me enough to give it back to him when I get it and feels the need to hold my $10 water bottle hostage for a Narthface Hoddie). This is kinda a wash since I stole my brother's Nalgene to replace mine. Granted I'll be getting my pretty pink one back, and my brother will stop nagging me-but I have to see the Asshole.
13. I get to see a lot of people I haven't seen in awhile. PRO! (Most likely)
14. I think I have lunch plans tomorrow. PRO!
15. My Con Law 2 Prof assigned Marbury v. Madison and acknowledged that we'd already read it in Con Law 1. Might seem like a pro but I think that case is annoying and kinda pointless (all that over a piece of paper)-CON!
16. Everyone will most likely go out for dinner/drinks on our dinner break. Now that I'm trying to be on the wagon and haven't smoked a cigarette or drank in over a week it's kinda a test-which means-CON!
17. At the end of the week there's a Welcome Back Party. See #16-CON!
18. I don't have to work my summer job anymore, which also means I probably won't be called a "Stupid White B*tch" again anytime soon. PRO!

Ok, lets tally:

Undecided: 2

Pros: 8

Cons: 8

Surprise ending with the Pro's almost pulling off an upset...I was kinda shocked I could find that many good things about going back to school...Don't worry, check back in a week or so and I'll be throughly annoyed with school.

"Hey, Janice... great talk."

A.D.D. Inspired Post

If you've spent any time here you know my writing can be mildly spastic and A.D.D. Plus the fact that I can't focus enough to even check my spelling or grammar furthers my A.D.D. tendencies...So today I've decided to give in and post "A.D.D. Style", and given my love of lists I think I'll present my randomness like that.

1. I only know my assignments for 2 classes and I already have over 200 pages of reading-I LOVE law school.
2. Even though I hate all the work when I was down at school yesterday I realized how much I miss all my friends that I've been too busy to see and I really am excited for school
3. I cried (see below for why I cried) at work today when I got presented the "Employee of the Month" award. Say what you want, but in a park system that employs 500 people I'm proud. It's never given to part-timers but they changed the rules for me. While I complain about the job a lot the people there have gotten to be like family to me and I'm really going to miss being there. It was a great 5 years, I learned so much about dealing with people that I know will use in the future.
4. I was supposed to be presented my award tomorrow morning at a breakfast for all the full time staff. I have to be in court tomorrow so I won't be able to make it. They called in all the kids who work for me and had them hide in the garage-when I got called out there my bosses followed me and read an amazing speech about everything I've done and how much I mean to them-what I didn't get to say was how much they mean to me. My Co-Workers have become like mothers/fathers/sisters/brothers/kids to me. If I get a job that has 1/2 the family feel and support that I have gotten there I'd consider myself a lucky person. I'm such a nerd I'm crying as I write this.
5. Tomorrow I'm being escorted to my court date for my traffic infraction by a police officer (as arranged by a family friend), as if that isn't excessive.
6. Friday is my brother's first football game of his senior season-SO EXCITED. I get so obnoxious at his games since parents from the other teams yell things like "TAKE #32 OUT!" and I tend to yell things back like "LEAVE MY LITTLE BROTHER ALONE!"
7. The Dream Cruise was great-I got drunk and harassed cars, what could be more fun. A small sampling of my harassment:

• "Hey buddy, get that Hummer off the road...We all know you bought it because you have a small dick...I'm sure you're about to run out of gas since you get 3 miles per gallon!"
• "Get that f*cking sunfire 2 lanes over...This is the dream cruise-I owned a sunfire and trust me it wasn't a dream!"
• "Drop the kids off at soccer practice and get that mini van 2 lanes over or off the road!"
• "Nice car buddy, too bad you couldn't get anyone to ride with you!"

"Snaps for Elle!"

I got my On Campus Interview stuff uploaded 6 hours early!

"If it weren't for the last minute, I wouldn't get anything done."

Thanks to the 5 shots of espresso I had earlier (seriously) I'm not at all tired so updating about my on campus interview fiasco seemed like a good idea.

In the past 12 hours I have:

• Made a scene in the Career Services Office 11 times (literally I don't think I can go back in there anymore):

1. Apologized for being a slacker and not reading e-mails
2. Had to have them explain to me how the whole OCI process works
3. Flipped when I thought I had to go to Ann Arbor to get transcripts today and then bring them back to them
4. Almost cried when I didn't think I'd be able to make this bid period deadline
5. Was told to go sit down and wait twice since I was so lost and they needed to help people with small problems first
6. Freaked about not knowing my e-attorney password that was e-mailed to me in January
7. Flipped out that e-attorney wasn't working right
8. Got all dramatic about how the scanner "hates me"
9. Got all excited when I found out I didn't need to use the scanner
10. Begged the dean to bum me a cigarette since I was out and as previously stated-flipping the f*ck out

• Got my transcripts, converted them to word documents and uploaded them to e-attorney
• Got a rough version of my resume started
• Cut my Appellate Brief from 35 pages to 16 (to be fair it had been triple spaced with 1.25'' margins so it's not like I really did much)
• Revised my Appellate Brief into a KICK ASS writing sample

All I have left to do is:

• Finish my resume (not such a small task since I'm being OCD about it)
• Research employers to figure out which ones I want to bid on
• Hope that top 10% preferred really does mean preferred

Wish me luck kiddies! Apparently slacking and being clueless isn't the worst thing in the world since it looks like I'm going to get all this done.

"I once had to judge a tighty-whitey contest for Lambda Kappa Pi. Trust me, I can handle anything."

Well, let's hope so at least.

I'm a moron and I blew off all the seminars about interviewing and whatnot last year in favor of going out to lunch and most likely drinking cocktails...Real Smart.

I also didn't read any of the 50 some emails I got dealing with firms that were interviewing this fall...Frigging Brilliant.

So when I got an e-mail about a change in the transcript process I didn't really know what it meant...And then my friend explained it to me. I now have to:

• Go beg for them to print me a transcript today
• Figure out how to use a scanner
• Scan the transcript they hopefully give me
• Convert the file to a word document-I don't even know what it starts off as
• Upload it to some service
• Hope the firms I want to interview with will still take me as interview started last week and is happening next week and I don't know for how much longer after that
• Hope the firms I want to interview with don't want an undergrad transcript since I don't even know how to get one of those quickly
• Send hardcopies of one or both of my transcripts to some office so they can check to make sure I didn't fake them

Ohh yeah, since I'm a total genius I also have to:

• Create a resume and upload that
• Revise my writing sample (ie-cut 15 pages from a 25 page brief-real easy) and upload that

Yeah so I'll be going down to school today to figure all this out. Hopefully I can use my femine powers to get someone to help me with it since I'm at a total loss.

Blonde on Blonde

I'm finally getting around to answering Blonde Justice's interview questions that she crafted so carefully for me...In case you want to play along with the interview game, leave a comment and I'll come up with 5 questions for you.

Ok, here we go...

1. Why law school? Do you know what you want to do after?

Why law school is easy: My Poli Sco degree left me with the choices of:

• Gas station attendant
• Waitress
• Barista
• Law School

I like arguing with people and was really into my con law classes in undergrad so I came to law school.

I'm currently very torn about what I want to do after law school. I don't have the grades for a big firm (not that I'd fit in well there and I'm also very sure I wouldn't want to do a lot of the work they do). I have been looking into Wills and Estates but I think it would bore me. After all the time I've spend working with seniors and the mentally impaired I'm also considering or Social Security/Disability law. With all these possibilities for some reason I can't seem to the get the idea that being a public defender would be really great out of my head. Rationality keeps telling me I have too many loans-but being rational isn't a strong suit so I have this feeling that's what I'll end up doing.

2. Speaking of school, the first day of school will soon be upon us. Well, actually, just you. ("Ha, ha!" as Nelson Muntz would say.) Any thoughts on that all-important first day of school outfit?

Not sure, but I'm going to have to find a way to incorporate the new Rainbow Sandals.

3. Magazine subscriptions: How many do you have? Which ones are the best? Others that you want to subscribe to? And then, once you get them, do you have a certain order that you read them in, or anything like that?

I don't have any actually, but I read my grandma's people and do the crossword in it. I subscribed to Playboy for my brother but it's in his name and it was a birthday gift so I don 't think that counts. I pick up Cosmo on occasion, or National Jurist at school. I've been thinking about getting a subscription to Cosmo but I don't really want to make that kind of commitment.

4. What's your hidden talent?

I can fit my fist in my mouth...Probably something I will regret admitting.

5. Do you have a favorite drinking game? Or does it just not require a game?

I'm a big fan of Asshole, but I kinda want to play Edward 40 Hands one day to see if I can do it. However, usually no game is required.

"Now I'm gonna ask you a bunch of quick questions...

My theory is that when it comes to important subjects, there's only two ways a person can answer. For instance, there's two kinds of people in this world, Elvis people and Beatles people. Now Beatles people can like Elvis. And Elvis people can like the Beatles. But nobody likes them both equally. Somewhere you have to make a choice. And that choice tells me who you are."

Pulp Fiction trivia is always fun.

"My favorite part about graduating now will be dodging my student loan officer for the rest of my life."

Bad News

1. I got a tuition bill for over $8,000 today.
2. I thought when I opened the tuition bill it was a refund check so it was extremely shocking-I even had plans to go buy an i-pod and a digital camera after I paid some bills since I'm so fiscally responsible...Maybe I should finish my loan paperwork soon.

Good News:

1. My new sandals (flip-flops) shipped today (yeah the $50 ones).
2. So did my 2 new amethyst rings!
3. None of my co-workers are in tomorrow so I get to blare music, dance around, sing along and put people on hold all day.
4. I tie-dyed shirts today with the 5 year old and 2 1/2 year old next door-so fun!

"It's going to be a good day, good morning."

I woke up this morning with I Think We're Alone Now stuck in my head. I'm not really sure if it was the Tommy James and the Shondelles version or the Tiffany version-either one is good.

"When I make a mistake, I have eight different people coming by to tell me about it. That's my only real motivation is not to be hassled."

Ok finally, I'm going to post the chronology of my weekend.

Friday

7:15: My alarm goes off. I'm supposed to be into work at 8:30 to do work before I go out and work a double dunk tank. I shut off my alarm because I'm tired and decide to get up around 9 and just go in for my visits. I do not bother to call into work and just assume they'll think I decided to come in late.

9:10: I finally get out of bed.

9:15: Fumble my way into the shower.

9:25: Get out of the shower and realize I'm not going to make in by 10:00.

9:45: Make it out the door; hair soaking wet, barely any make-up on, I grab 2 Starbucks double shots on the way out the door.

9:46: Turn on my car and remember I have to stop for gas since I've been driving around with the Low Fuel Light on for 3 days.

9:50: Stop and spend $26 on gas for my Honda Civic.

9:55: I realize I want a bagel so I don't get all jittery from all the caffeine in the Doubleshots. I call work and see if anyone wants anything. I stop and pick up a coffee for a co-worker, an everything bagel, and an iced latte for me (as if I didn't have enough caffeine to begin with).

9:56: I immediately regret the stop as there is a mother with with 5 children in front of me.

10:03: I finally get back to my car to finish the drive into work.

10:08: I rush into work, late as usual. At this point I realize my day is going to most likely not going smoothly.

10:15: Finally go to help the kid I'm working with that day hook up the dunk tank-he tells me he already did while he was waiting for me. I tell him he rocks for being so on top of things.

10:16: Sit around the office since we don't need to leave until 10:45.

10:43: Finally leave for our first visit-at a local Sam's Club.

10:50: Set-Up the Dunk Tank.

11:00: Sit around until Noon when the visit starts. Smoke cigarettes and BS with my co-worker.

12:00: Start the most boring visit I've ever been on. A bunch of Sam's Club employees dunk their managers as a reward for selling membership upgrades.

12:05: The first adult breaks the rules and pushes the target with their hand. I have to repair the Dunk Tank each time this happens.

12:36: I get my first look at Larry and Garry. The mentally challenged twin brothers who were wearing matching outfits (Jeans, Button Down white shirts, U of M Hats and a Red Bandana under the hat to protect their necks from sunburn). You guessed it, their job was to round up the carts in the parking lot.

12:40: Another adult pushes the target. I realize it isn't going to stop anytime soon.

1:15: Another talentless hack who can't hit the target with a softball sized ball pushes the target.
1:20: More boringness.

1:30: More target pushing. I threaten to shut the Dunk Tank down if it continues.

2:00: Larry and Garry's favorite manager (a pretty lady-go figure) gets into the Dunk Tank and they come over to take their shot. Hilarity ensues.

2:03: Larry dunks the manager.

2:04: Garry begins his attempt at dunking her. Larry is holding 3 balls, tossing them to him as Garry (who is holding 2 balls) and then he WHIPS them at the target at a rate of about 5 per minute. It was like watching one of those 3 point contests at a pro basketball game-except the people in the 3 point shoot outs actually make a couple baskets. However, the speed was similar.
2:11: I go stand behind the target and hold it in place, worried I'm going to be injured but he's throwing the balls so hard it's pushing the target back and it's not working right.

2:15: I finally pull the trigger since I realize he's never going to dunk her. He's thrilled and has no idea he didn't actually do it himself.

2:30: They let us leave early since all the employees are done attempting to dunk the managers.
2:35: Get back to the office. Do my daily work.

3:15: Leave to get something to eat before my 2nd visit. I drive by myself out there since my co-worker lives right by where we are working.

3:30: The Smurf walks into the office.

3:40: Eat Jimmy John's.

4:10: Arrive at where we're working at. It's a Hot Air Balloon Festival for a Children's Charity. My co-worker is nowhere to be found. My boss happens to be there so he helps me set up the Dunk Tank.

4:20: I set up tents with my boss while 10 or so of my co-workers stand there and watch.

5:10: BS with my co-workers.

6:00: Start running Dunk Tank.

6:30: Get called a Carney.

6:45: Flirt with the guy collecting money for charity.

8:00: Close Dunk Tank.

8:15: Dump the water that hasn't drained out.

8:30: BS with co-workers.

9:00: Watch the Hot Air Balloon "Glow".

9:20: Leave to go back to the office-by myself despite the fact that one of my co-workers could have ridden back with me and helped me unhook the trailer and unload the bed of the truck.

9:55: Get back to the office.

10:00: Cease being paid.

10:05: 4 of my co-workers pull in, one asks if I'm unhooking alone. I say that I am, yet none of them stop to help me. 4 of them unhook one truck.

10:10: The co-worker who could have ridden back with me get in the office and says something stupid to me. I ignore him and walk back outside.

10:12: I come back into the office, rehang my clipboard and leave without saying anything to my 5 co-workers who are there.

10:13: One of my co-workers chases me out and bitches how I didn't say "Bye" to any of them. I start yelling at him for not having helped me and I tell him to "Go F*ck Yourself."

10:14: I get in my car and speed off.

10:30: I get home. I walk in the house and realize I still have the work truck keys in my pocket.

10:31: Start driving back to the office.

10:46: Get back to the office.

10:47: Go drop off keys.

10:48: Realize my co-workers are still there and avoid them.

10:50: Drive back home.

11:05: Finally get home for the evening, an hour and 5 minutes after I've ceased being paid. I essentially go straight to bed as I'm exhausted, annoyed and know I have to work again tomorrow.

Saturday

10:30: My mom comes over to my grandparents to set up for the party my brother's team is having there.

11:30: My mom has me go tell a lady she needs to move her car off our neighbors grass since they're really weird about it. Apparently the lady thought it would be a good idea to park it 1/2 in our driveway and 1/2 on our grass instead-when I heard my brother's coach tell her to park it in the cul-de-sac in front of our house.

1:10: I go to leave and don't notice where this dumbass bitch parked. I back my car up into hers. I am so upset I have to call and cancel the hair appointment I've had for 3 weeks.

1:12: I tell the lady her car is "dented."

1:15: I leave home and swing by my parents house. I watch Something's Gotta Give.

2:15: I decide I probably won't get my car fixed-even though part of my bumper is popped off.

3:45: Leave for work at the same place I was the previous night. This time I'm working tethered Hot Air Balloon rides.

4:15: Get to work late.

4:30: My favorite co-worker re-attaches my bumper and I realize the damage isn't that bad. Just a few scratches.

5:30: Help set up inflatables, deal with broken generators and other BS.

6:00: Leave to go grab some Jimmy John's for myself and a co-worker since we haven't eaten all day.

6:30: Get back with our sandwiches and 3-32 oz. soda's and take them out to the girl I'm working with.

6:35: A Hot Air Balloon lady taking the donations for the tethered rides says to us "You girls shouldn't eat that in front of people." I explain that we haven't eaten all day, we're starving and we are working until 11 p.m. so eating is essential. This is just the beginning of the harassment that will ensue.

6:36: She rolls her eyes at me. I throw the Jimmy John's bag down showing my frustration. I call my boss who is organizing the event and tell her what's going on. She comes over and bitches at the volunteers or whoever they are that think they can yell at us.

6:40: My co-worker and I alternate taking people to do tethered rides so that we can possibly eat dinner.

6:41: The asshole lady who won't let us eat and the guy in the Red Shirt (who we'll get to in a couple seconds) change the system so that we can no longer alternate. I could describe the ridiculousness of the system but I think you really needed to see it. Essentially now instead of one group that was waiting to be taken out to the balloon and swaped with the group in the balloon there are 2, each of which MUST have an escort standing with them.

6:43: The guy in the red shirt mocks us for being "the girls who want to eat dinner," this is when I get really annoyed and decide to do what I want.

6:45: I defiantly eat my sandwich as I escort people. I get yelled at by the guy in the red shirt for "being rude." I roll my eyes and continue to do what I want. I then tell my co-worker to go eat.

6:47: I get yelled at by the guy in the red shirt for not moving on-deck group #2 up to the on deck group #1 spot immediately after the group is taken out to the balloon.

6:51: I get yelled at by the guy in the red shirt for standing by my co-worker and talking to her rather then right next to the group I'm escorting.

6:55: I get yelled at by the guy in the red shirt (if you haven't figured it out I had my own system which wasn't the same as his and while mine worked fine he wasn't a fan of it) for not walking back with a group who got out of the balloon-because I helping an elderly lady into the balloon. This time I tell him to lay off.

6:57: Man in the red shirt comes back and suggests that I explain to groups to be sure to wait for us to walk them back as we walk them out to the balloon. I decide to just keep my back to him so he has to come up and tap me on the shoulder to get my attention in the hope this will stop his micro-managing me.

7:01: Man in the red shirt comes over to make sure we're explaining everything to groups and that we're asking them to wait. I tell him to lay off and that if he wants things done his way he should do it, otherwise he should he happy we're helping him and allowing them to use our park for free, not charging them for staff or any of the tents/moonwalks/dunk tanks/etc.

7:03: I call my boss and tell her she needs to send someone else to do tethered rides.

7:10: It starts raining.

7:15: Two guys come over. They work the tethered rides until 8:15 and are never yelled at.

8:30: We finally cut the event short due to rain. My co-workers and I go out for drinks since we're all so frustrated. We all look like hell, are soaking wet, and are tired.

8:35: I take my tennis shoes off and throw them in the back of my car (note that they had been rained on, after I sweated in them and I wasn't wearing socks since I feel too constrained when I do). I grabbed a tank top I have in my car and go change out of my work uniform.

10:30: I finally get home.

11:00: I go to bed earlier then I have in months because I'm so exhausted.

Monday morning I got a pleasant surprise when I realized I did not take my shoes, the ones I walked around in all day...sweated in out of my car. My car smelled disgusting-particularly for someone who does not usually have any sort of odor problems what so ever.

So that was my weekend. It sucked. I spent most of Sunday in bed recovering. Sorry for the excessively long post. Thanks if you read it all.

"First of all, Papa Smurf didn't create Smurfette. Gargamel did."

My wireless internet is back and I'm so happy I can sit in bed and be on the internet while watching movies I decided to post more.

I have to preface this story with the facts that:

1. Our office runs summer camps
2. Children are supposed to be at least 6 years of age to attend camps
3. Sometimes parent lie or work with us so they send their children to camp when they are 5
4. Usually when this happens hilarity ensues-as it did on Friday.

The Sports Campers got back (the child I'm about to describe is the son of one of our employees who is-go figure, 5 years old). So the 5 year old (who is adorable-despite the fact that he has more energy then ANY child I've ever seen at his age-and I've seen a lot) comes into the office. One of our best counselors had driven him back to the office for his mom to pick him up in our 16 passenger van. The thing is, he's so little you can't see him over the other children/the seats. So when he got out of the van the counselor was "without words" for what he saw...

The darling little blonde boy had colored himself-BLUE!!!

He had literally completely covered his legs (to the point they were shiny from the sharpie) and arms. PLUS one of the older girls had "helped" him and drew a beard on him and put a blue dot on the end of his nose.

The blue rubbed of on his mom's leather car seats to make matters worse-to say the least-she's not happy (at least she has some sort of stain insurance on her car and it'll only cost her $50 to get a new seat). She said she gave him countless baths, and made him swim in their pool all weekend and the blue had JUST STARTED TO COME OFF ON SUNDAY EVENING.

I know I shouldn't find it so funny, but really it was the highlight of my weekend working. (Which if I ever explain why it was so bad you'll understand). Maybe tonight or tomorrow I'll detail my interesting weekend at work including:

1. The mentally challenged 45 year old twin brothers named "Larry" and "Garry" and their adventures at the dunk tank
2. Cursing out my co-workers Friday night
3. Being yelled at by a Hot Air Balloon Festival Volunteer every 3 minutes for at least an hour
4. My car accident

"Well, the guy wants to run for president, he thinks Moby Dick is a venereal disease."

I don't know if it's true, but there is a website (which means it must be, right?)

Christopher Walken for President 2008

The scary thing is, while he isn't running with any specific party as of right now, and down the road he'd consider accepting the backing of an established political party. But, from the sound of things he'd be a democrat...

"Our great country is in a terrible downward spiral. We're outsourcing jobs, bankrupting social security, and losing lives at war. We need to focus on what's important-- paying attention to our children, our citizens, our future. We need to think about improving our failing educational system, making better use of our resources, and helping to promote a stable, safe, and tolerant global society. It's time to be smart about our politics. It's time to get America back on track."

I'm just not really sure that's what the democratic party needs-but it's not like things can get much worse for us-we might as well run a guy who seems like the craziest guy in Hollywood and see how that works out for us.

"It's really hard to walk in a single woman's shoes -- that's why you sometimes need really special shoes!"

We all know I'm a bit of a clothes whore...but my real obsession is not clothes it's shoes. From the age of 10 my famly has called me "Imelda." I don't even know how many pairs of shoes I have anymore-but it has to be getting close to 100 (No, I'm not joking). So the only thing that's surprising about my newest purchase is the time I spent debating about whether to buy them of not (Almost 24 hours-not that I actually spent more then 20 minutes really thinking about it). I'm much more of a High Heels type of girl but I've wanted a pair of leather Flip Flops for a while, and despite the fact that these were almost $50 flip flops they're Rainbow Sandals and guarenteed for the life of the sole.

But hey, what's a girl to do? Steve appears to have gotten into drugs recently (as does Kenny)...Hell, even Manolo Blahnik (not that I can afford them anyway) has the most awful line out ever right now. I seem to have a pair of shoes for every occasion in every color that I wear so the leather flip flops seems like something I really could use.

Small Hands, Smell like Cabbage

I just got home from work, I got there at 8 a.m., I'm cranky and maybe tomorrow I'll tell the story about how I hate all my co-workers...but for now you're just going to have to settle for how I was called a carney today. (I was short staffed today so I had to work a dunk tank, twice and on the second visit this conversation occured):

(After her son fails to dunk someone)
Dumb Bitch: Just like a typical carnival game, rigged!
Legally Blonde: (Flashes smile) Yeah I am a TOTAL carney.
DB: Ummmm...
LB: I mean, I know I have small hands but you don't have to be mean about it.

First Drunken Post in a Long Time...

Update: I talked to my brother and from the sound of things the 17 year old is def having more sex then I am...Which to be fair isn't hard since I'm not having any, but whatever.

I'm 1/2 drunk and I can't fight the urge to take online quizzes...Bring it on kids!

Possibly the oddest thing ever if you know me at all...

Your Musical Tastes Match: Dale Earnhardt Jr.

What Celebrity Matches Your Taste in Music?

Ohh, So true...

Part Expert Kisser

You're a kissing pro, but it's all about quality and not quantity You've perfected your kissing technique and can knock anyone's socks off And you're adaptable, giving each partner what they crave When it comes down to it, your kisses are truly unforgettable

Part Passionate Kisser

For you, kissing is about all about following your urges If someone's hot, you'll go in for the kiss - end of story You can keep any relationship hot with your steamy kisses A total spark plug - your kisses are bound to get you in trouble

What Kind of Kisser Are You?

The theme of the night appears to be kissing (since as I already stated I'm not actually getting any right now)...

Your Kissing Purity Score: 31% Pure

You're not one to kiss and tell... But word is, you kiss pretty well.

Kissing Purity Test

Umm, no kidding...

You are an Atheist

When it comes to religion, you're a non-believer (simple as that). You prefer to think about what's known and proven. You don't need religion to solve life's problems. Instead, you tend to work things out with logic and philosophy.

What's Your Religious Philosophy?

I knew I'd make an excellent Lawyer/Judge and now I have proof:

Your Career Type: Enterprising

You are engertic, ambitious, and sociable. Your talents lie in politics, leading people, and selling things or ideas. You would make an excellent: Auctioneer - Bank President - Camp Director City Manager - Judge - Lawyer Recreation Leader - Real Estate Agent - Sales Person School Principal - Travel Agent - TV Newscaster

Why am I even still taking quizzes? (This one is also true though)

You Belong in 1967

1967 If you scored... 1950 - 1959: You're fun loving, romantic, and more than a little innocent. See you at the drive in! 1960 - 1969: You are a free spirit with a huge heart. Love, peace, and happiness rule - oh, and drugs too. 1970 - 1979: Bold and brash, you take life by the horns. Whether you're partying or protesting, you give it your all! 1980 - 1989: Wild, over the top, and just a little bit cheesy. You're colorful at night - and successful during the day. 1990 - 1999: With you anything goes! You're grunge one day, ghetto fabulous the next. It's all good!

What Year Do You Belong In?

Ok, well, that was fun kids...Let's do it again some time...If there are even anymore online quizzes for me to take. Also, I will admit that I was listening to The Pussycat Dolls "Don't Cha" and Gorillaz "Feel Good Inc"-yeah the IPod Song (I love it-I'll admit it) while I was composing this post.

Odd News Linkage

I decided to show people what I spend my day at work doing now that it's the end of summer and we're really slow...I ready "watercooler" or "Odd-" news (I also read CNN, but what fun is that?) .

Here were my favorite stories of the day:

1. Finally more insulting words have been recognized by Oxford Dictionary of English
2. Ohh the irony, the Paparazzi threatening to sue Britney (and hopefully Cletus)...Yeah his last name: Diaz
3. It's called: Survival of the fittest
4. You know this dude is sleeping on the couch for awhile
5. Joan Rivers has criticized Robert Redford's alleged face lift-Insert random "pot" and "kettle" reference

A teenager goes into a pharmacy...

• He's little bit shy when talking to the pharmacist. "I'd like to buy some condoms" he says.
• The pharmacists asks him, "have you ever bought condoms before son?"
• "Nope."
• "Here is how it works," the pharacist says "we got your three packs for when you are in high school. Friday, Saturday, Sunday. A three pack, see. Then we got a 7 pack when you are in college - Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Then we got a 12 pack for when you are married. January, February,..."

Ok I can't help it...here's one more:

• A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand: "Olympic Condoms." Impressed, he buys a pack. Upon arriving home he announces to his wife the purchase he just made.
• "Olympic condoms?" She blurts. "What makes them so special?"
• ''They're in three colors," he replies, "gold, silver, and bronze."
• "What color are you planning on wearing tonight?" she asks cheekily.
• "Why, gold, of course," says the man proudly.
• "Really?" she responds. "Why don't you wear the silver tonight? It'd be nice if you came second for a change."

Sorry for the cheesy condom jokes but it was the best segway into what I dicovered today I could come up with.

So today when I was looking in my brothers car for something I happened upon some Condoms (yes they really were "ribbed for her pleasure"-and yes I did laugh when I noticed that). The funnier part is that he's in high school and he def had the 3 pack. I was pretty shocked since he doesn't have any sort of steady girlfriend, but whatever.

He's 17 and I suppose he's not doing anything I wasn't doing at his age I'm worried about where he's keeping them. While I applaud the fact that he has them (and hopefully uses them) I'm worried that he's keeping them in the wrong place. I know keeping them in wallets and warm places is bad for the latex so I'm guessing keeping them in a Black Ford Explorer parked on pavement in 90 degree heat isn't the safest place to store them. I was tempted to remove them and leave a note that it wasn't the right place to keep them but I didn't want to leave him without any protection.

So what should I do, I'm too young to be an aunt and he's WAY too young/immature/dumb to be a father? So far the options I've come up with are:

1. Hope he read this entry (highly unlikely since he doesn't read really anything besides the playboy subscription I got him for his birthday and has told me my entries are "too long" (as if I didn't know that already) so he doesn't read them
2. Go remove them and leave him a note
3. Just leave a note
4. Bring it up to him (which would be super odd-the conversation my mom made me have with him-since my dad refused- about how oral sex can spread STD's was odd enough-but hey, maybe he's not having sex and he really did listen to me-but I highly doubt it
5. Ignore it
6. Have my neighbor mention it to him since he's pretty close with him and he's a younger guy
7. Have a friend of mine mention it to him

Sidenote: I know my family seems super odd now that I'm admitted:

1. I got my brother a playboy subscription-but I really had no clue what else to get him
2. That I was the one who had "the talk" with him
3. That I'm this concerned about where he's keeping his condoms

The oddest part about the whole thing for me is that he drives my mom's old explorer...the one she used to let me borrow in the summer when I was 16 because my car didn't have AC and one of the windows wouldn't roll down...but yeah, I'm not exactly anonymous here so I think I'll leave that one at that.

One Reason I'm a Nerd

Ok, I'll admit it...

• I
• Love
• Making
• Lists
• !!!

I love everything about lists...

• The organization gives me
• Being able to cross things off lists when I'm done
• The satisfied feeling I get as I draw a line through a task
• Knowing that what I need to do it carefully thought through and that I have a plan for attacking it
• The clear cut manner is which things are presented in a list (yes this is another way of saying organization but I'm just that anal that I needed to mention it again

I make lists:

1. On random sheets of paper
2. In my head
3. On my dry eraser board
4. On my Palm Pilot-which I then download to Outlook
5. Excessively on my blog-my noticing that is what prompted this post

I love lists with:

• Numbers
• Bullet Points
• Dashes

I make lists regarding:

1. Of things I have to do
2. Of things I'd like to do
3. Of things I should do
4. Of books I'd like to read
5. Of songs I'd like to download
6. Of things I need to do that day/week/month
7. Of things I need to check on
8. The list goes on...(Sorry for the super cheesy pun)

I know making lists just feeds in OCD/ADD nature but I just can't function without a clear cut plan of what's going on and what needs to happen. As a result I think I make lists excessively on my blog since I overestimate everyone else's need/want to have everything laid out in a clear cut manner...But whatever, I'm over analyzing, and proving I'm a nerd.

Friday Spies© : Who Moved My Cheese Edition

As always, brought to you by the gang at BTQ

1. What's your favorite cheese?

That's tough, in general I like jalapeno pepper jack-but asaigo on pasta is also excellent.

2. Cheesy movie: If you were in Top Gun, what would your call sign be?

It would probably be something cheesy (haha) like "Machine Gun" because when I laugh really hard it sounds like a less shrill version of Fran Dresser's voice (ie-like a machine gun). I can't believe I just admitted my laugh sounds like that.

3. Big cheese: Tell us a boss story -- best boss, worst boss, a time when you were the boss, etc.

Yesterday I went to a picnic with my family (my dad even got my 17 year old brother a 21 and over wrist band-which ended with him puking in the parking lot). So I filled out staff evaluations while I was tipsy, let my brother cut in line to climb the Rock Climbing Tower, had a beer with an underage staff member, and then didn't help them set-up or tear down...I'm obviously a nice boss.

4. Say cheese: Are you a photobug? Are you photogenic? Or, in 1000 words or less, tell us about your best picture.

I can be photogenic when I'm not intoxicated. I am a bit of a blinker though so almost every picture of me ends up looking as if I'm drunk.

5. Just cheesy: What's the worst pick-up line you've ever used, or had used on you? Did it work?

Worst pick up line ever used on me had to be by a guy from school. He kept calling me "Sugar-Cain" all night (a play off my last name) and while I hate to admit it-it worked. I seriously have never used a pick-up line other then introducing myself to someone (which doesn't count).

"Cocaine is a helluva drug."

So I finally think that I've calmed down enough (read: Stopped crying incessantly) to blog about what has me so upset. I'm not really even sure I should blog about this but it's gotten to the point that I just need to get it off my chest. I'm also not really sure where to begin so I've decided to just outline the events as they occured.

First of all I wanted to point out that this is the only uncle/aunt that I have any contact with at all. He's my mom's younger brother, he introduced my mom and dad, and while many people think my brother is a Jr. since he's also "Thomas S." he actually has a different middle name then my dad does and named after my uncle...So to say the least, we're all close.

• A few months ago my Uncle's friends came to my mom and told her that he'd been doing cocaine for the last 30 years (they've all gotten clean in the last 5 years) and that after his divorce it had downward spiraled when he fell into the wrong crowd and had started smoking crack (plus he'd become an alcoholic).
• My mom, my uncles' 2 best friends and my grandparents have an intervention and talk him into going to rehab. He denies the drug usage is as it is portrayed to the family. However, as he's talking to me later that evening he admits it all to me and describes it as "he could feel a dark energy taking over (his life)" when the subject of crack cocaine comes up.
• My uncle does 6 weeks of a 3 month rehab and then suddenly leaves. He calls me as he's walking down the highway and I decide I essentially have to go get him.
• Things seem to be ok for about a week as he continues to go to AA meetings and not drink.
• Soon he's back to drinking in front of the family again (which annoys me since my entire family avoided drinking in front of him for a few weeks).
• My uncle continually misses work and puts stress on my grandparents which at the age of 77 they simply do not need.
• (7/25) He wrecks his car at 4 in the afternoon while drunk driving, he's given a reckless driving ticket and told he smells of beer. His "friend" who introduced him to crack cocaine just so happens to be driving right behind him.
• (7/26) My uncle doesn't show up for work. My grandparents freak out and my grandpa decides to go over there. He takes his best friend and has my uncles' friend Willard meet them there. My uncle is shocked they'd show up there, doesn't get what everyone is so worried about and has dilated pupils. His shady "friend" is passed out on the couch.
• (7/26) I find out that the friend was behind him and realize he's back on drugs. I go hang out with my mom since I just need to escape.
• (7/27) I avoid being at my grandparents since they're denial is starting to get to me and I'm feeling guilty since I know I'm going to have to do something I don't want to do. I spend a lot of time talking to my uncles' friends and they tell me he's drinking all day and then staying up all night, that he's hang out with girls who are about one step above crack-whores. I hang out a lot at my parents house and when I'm there I jot down my former aunt's phone number.
• I cry.
• (7/28) I call my former aunt and tell her I don't think that my uncle should be able to see the boys. I detail everything that his friends have told me, everything I've seen, and everything he's admitted to me.
• I cry. A lot.
• (7/29) My mom, dad and I meet with my 13 and 15 year old cousins and my former aunt to explain to the boys what their dad is into and that they need to understand when they're mom tells them they can't go see him she's protecting them.
• (7/30) I call my grandpa's best friend and explain to him what I did and that I'm going to need his support. (My grandparents were bound to be pissed about what I did since they view the situation as "When the boys are there he isn't smoking crack" when really it's "He isn't a fit parents as a alcoholic crack-head")
• My uncle calls me and asks me how I like my part-time job at the department of social services. The conversation that ensues is not what I would call friendly. In short, I tell him that he needs to clean up his act for the sake of his parents and kids. The conversations last upwards of 2 hours since he continues to call back and harass me, and attempts to obfuscate the issue into it being about everyone else.
• I cry compulsively, my mom is at my grandparents with me and while we'd planned to out on the lake I'm too much of a mess. My mom takes me back to her house and trys to assure me that I did the right thing.
• (7/31) My grandparents get pissed at me for what I did but when my grandpa's bestfriend backs me up they seem to back off.
• My uncles friends call me and tell me I did the right thing.
• While I've been crying since last Wednesday when I realized what I had to do I have a major breakdown and just sob all evening. I'm crying so hard I end up gasping for breath and have multiple panic attacks, simply put...I am a mess.
• (8/1) My gay husband comes up to say goodbye and pick up some things before he moves to Madison for Vet School.
• My uncle calls me and I am stuck in another 2 hour conversation, albeit a much healthier one. He's drunk and it's hard to get off the phone. I explain that I understand doing self destructive things when you're depressed but that this is not just harming him and that he needs to get the help he needs. (Most of this is done as I'm yelling at him).

As far as I know my uncle is still on drugs but at this point I've severed ties with him. I'm thinking about moving out of my grandparents house since it seems they have enough to worry about without having to deal with me. I've been spending a lot of time with my parents and everything seems to be going ok. I've been thinking a lot about this and I'm not really sure what I want to do. I haven't been blogging since I've either been at my parents or housesitting in an attempt to avoid being in termoil at him.