I Hate Naming Posts.

Hours: You look nice today.

Elle Woods: Thanks, I had to wear the suit since it's laundry day.

Hours: That makes no sense.

Elle Woods: Sure it does.

Hours: No it doesn't. How could that possibly make sense?

Elle Woods: All my other clothes such as slacks and sweaters are dirty and I don't have my spring clothes out yet, and being that I hate wearing suits it was the last clean thing I had. See, it makes perfect sense.

Hours: Whatever, at least your shirt is pressed unlike [ASSociate's]. By the way, where is he?

Elle Woods: He left at 3:30.

Hours: No, seriously, where is he?

Elle Woods: Ok I understand you questioning my suit being my laundry day clothes, but how can you be questioning Playboy leaving early?

The Christmas Tree is still up in our living room (as is the one in my grandparents room and the one outside my room decorated in with white lights, pink ornaments, and pink and silver garland). I've learned to ignore it, as my grandma has decided she likes it up and how do you argue with that?

The other day a friend stopped by and upon seeing the tree got a confused look on her face. I just shrugged and said "I know for a fact your parents have left the lights on their house year round at least once being that your mom turned them on for my birthday in June so don't act all surprised."

Ask and you shall receive...

Recently I got an e-mail from Twiggy of Arguing in the Alternative asking for a link exchange, which I happily provided once I quickly scanned the site and made sure it didn't make me want to gouge my eyes out.

I did find this post of note, the phrase "practice makes perfect" comes to mind.

Dear Immune System,

Where did you go? Why am I always sick? I thought my resolutions to eat healthier, take my vitamins, sleep at least 6 hours a night, limit my cigarette consumption to 3 a day, and stay off the drink¹ would have made you happy. But apparently that wasn't enough for you. In the past 6 months I've had: Mono, Strep, the Flu, a Cold, a Sinus Infection/Ear Infection, and Bronchitis. I think it's safe to say when you've had as many sicknesses as Paris Hilton has had STD's in the past 6 months something is a little off. And it's not like I'm not doing my part being that I'm obsessive about hand washing (it's not like I wash them until they crack and peel or anything, but I'm kinda weird about hand washing-big surprise).

If your goal was to get me to quit smoking it appears you have won, as I have been too sick to smoke for the better part of the last 6 months. I hope you're happy immune system, cigarettes were the 5 minutes of my day when I did what I wanted to do; not what my boss, my professors, the evil readers of this blog, or my family wanted me to do.

I'm going to give you one more shot. I'll keep taking vitamins, stay off the booze and cigarettes, and make a good faithed effort to sleep 7 whole hours a night²; if you can manage to keep me healthy until finals. If you fail, all bets are off and I'm going back to what my old shrink would call my "self destructive" ways.

Please consider this letter to be a valid offer, accepted upon delivery unless a counteroffer is made.

Hugs and Kisses,
Elle Woods
Esquire, Jr.

¹I'm really starting to believe that the Vodka was purifying my system and killing all the bacteria and viruses.
²Please notice I said "good faithed effort" and made no guarentee to this provision of said offer.

The DJ I was listening to on the radio (now I remember why I listen to my iPod usually) was making this huge deal about how Prince is wearing makeup in his new video. Hello! You're most likely older then I am Mr. DJ, sir. Do you remember the 80's at all? Prince, is known for wearing not only cuban heels but tons of makeup (particularly eyeliner). The stupidity of people really amazes me.

18 Year Old Virgins?

In honor of my brother getting accepted to USC I thought I'd post a recent story about him.

[Scene: My mom, myself and my brother's special lady friend are in the bleachers watching him dive.]

Elle Woods: What'd flip¹ do last night?

Mom: Ohh he went with Sean² to watch him get his chest waxed for spring break.

Elle Woods: Excuse me?

Mom: I have no idea.

Brother's Special Lady Friend: He said he just went to watch him get his chest waxed?

Mom: Yeah, why?

BSLF: He totally watched him get his back waxed too.

Mom and Elle Woods: GROSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!

¹My 18 year old brother.
²His "boyfriend" as I call him since he's rich and always takes my brother out to the Japanese Steak and pays, or buys him concert tickets; basically treats my brother like his girlfriend.

Children Beware...

Today as I walked into the law school some nice girl decided she wanted to hand me candy, my inner child was stoked, so of course I accepted without really questioning why I was getting free candy. It was a political ploy to try and get me to vote in the student government elections. The girl is running for treasurer, and her slogan is:

Keep the Bank Books Clean,
Vote for Nadine.

Was there some form of fiscal irresponsibility on behalf of our current treasurer? Was this why law prom was more expensive, and why there was only one event with free alcohol? Looks like I have some investigative work to do.

Important Choices...

Last night I was dog sitting at my former bosses house, which meant I also had to fend for myself for dinner. My cooking skills are limited to boiling water, using a microwave and making such delicacies as frozen pizza; therefore, I was faced with a decision. Scooby Doo or Spiderman Mac-and-Cheese. Clearly I went with Scooby Doo, as I've always had a crush on Matthew Lillard and I find Kirsten Dunst's attire and general demeanor (outside of being a lush) annoying.

I never thought I'd see the day...

but I have something in common with Scalia.

Link via Inter Alia.

Bizarro World...

Hours: Wow your jacket is such a springy color. And the beading is a nice touch.

Elle Woods: Thanks.

Hours: Now, is that Pink or Salmon?

Elle Woods: Salmon.

Hours: That's what I thought. It brings out the tan from your vacation.

Elle Woods: Actually, it's bronzer, my people don't tan.

Hours: That's much better for your skin anyway.

Then, later in the day...

Hours: [As we walk past a women's clothing store] Wow they have a lot of cute clothes in there. Do you ever shop there?

Elle Woods: [Shocked] Umm, sometimes, not that often.

Hours: You should get that ice blue shirt in the window. It would compliment your skin tone and hair really well.

Elle Woods: Actually, I really do like that shirt.

Hours: Do you want to go buy it? We can make an unauthorized stop, we have time before the dep.

Elle Woods: Yeah, if you don't mind, but I'll have to try it on.

Hours: [Sternly] You've got 5 minutes.

At least he eventually returned to his normal self.

I'm Nobody's Bitch

Crazy Homeless Man: [As I walk out of building] OOOOOH! Look at this Ho right here coming out.

Elle Woods: [Shocked].

Crazy Homeless Man: This Ho [points to me] right here don't believe that I'd take 3 bullets in the head for one chance to pleasure her.

While consistently terrifying life in the D is also always entertaining.

Vote For Pedro!

This left me speechless. I honestly thought it was a joke for a minute, and they I realized law students on the whole don't have a sense of humor.

It makes me think of 2 things:

1. Russell's post about Law School Elections and popularity contests.
2. The Visiting student from UCLA who told me I was coolest person he'd met at my law school. I thanked him, and then reminded him being the coolest law student is still the equivalent of winning the Special Olympics.

"Simply the Best. Better Than All the Rest."

At least someone thinks I'll be a good litigator. I'm not exactly sure how cut-throat Monopoly skillz translate into fear in a courtroom, but I'll take it.

There Is Hope...

and It Doesn't Even Take 12 Steps. I'll admit it, I'm a recovering Westlaw Points Whore. Some students, unlike myself, are still in the midst of their addictions. I was never much for Lexis, since:

1. I hate using it for research.
2. You can't accumulate points as quickly (I think we all know this is the real reason).

I signed on everyday; researched the same citation everytime, signed off, played trivia, participated in trainings; in short I did it all. It felt better then just sitting in the law library during my lunch breaks and slacking while all the gunners started their outlines 3 days into the term. Plus the free coffee grinder, bar tools set, corkscrew, spa set, foot soaker and wine sealer were nice encouragement to stay in law school (I was unable to save points and always went for instant gratification instead).

However, after my 1L year I stopped my rampant point collecting during the summer and never really picked it up again. I think it's a combination of:

1. I forgot about collecting points over the summer.
2. I'm far too busy entertaining people with this amazing blog.
3. I'm far too busy working 35 hours a week and going to school full time.

Just 3 simple steps and I'm fully rehabilitated. Now, even when I do research at work (I'll admit sometimes I'm too lazy to get out my firm password) I use my student account (shhh! Don't tell Westlaw), but I never sign off to collect the trivia points, it seems wrong to bill clients (or waste billable hours) earning Westlaw points.

Another Reason I Don't Like Guns...

While discussing some poor fool's "Trophy Wife"...

Hours: She wants the property since she hunts.

Elle Woods: She hunts?

Hours: With Handguns and Bow and Arrows.

Elle Woods: Handguns? I didn't know anyone did that.

Hours: She'd jump out of the trees and strangle them if she could.

Elle Woods: She was kinda man-ish.

Hours: She'd use spears if she could.

Elle Woods: Wow, handguns, that seems kinda weird to me.

ASSociate: I think chicks with handguns are sexy.

Elle Woods: You are so weird.

Hours: All the girls you date are crazy do you really think them having handguns is a good idea?

(ASSociate gives normal blank stare and then mumbles something)

I Thought There Were Only 25 Lawyers at Bill, More and Hours...

The new associate (who is AWESOME and I love her) and I witnessed one of the most frightening I've seen in the office to date. Namely, a 2 inch American Cockroach (insert your favorite lawyer/cockroach joke here) scurrying across her office floor. You haven't lived until you've seen 2 blondes' response to such an ungodly large bug (I might add it was the first one either of us had ever seen) which has the potential to be brought home on their clothes and could infest their homes. I'm sure the people around us appreciated the shrieks.

To Blog or Not to Blog?

I think it goes without saying that things have been a little lackluster here (I know, I know, that implies there was a luster to begin with), I've been bored with the whole blogging thing lately, and as Barely Legal Mike put it while I was talking to him "there isn't much that can be said that hasn't already been said by you or other people 1000 times already." That's exactly how I feel about it, we all know law students are anal retentive asshats and that lawyers are self indulgent jerks. I'm not re-inventing the wheel here people.

Plus with all the negative feedback and what I see as the loss of creative control as a result of my job and other factors, blogging has stopped being the outlet for me that it once was. While I'm happy (and humbled/shocked) to be among the most popular law student run blogs it is adding a level of stress to my life. When I started blogging it was to keep in touch with a select group of people (one in particular), as a result of my own stupidity and other factors I no longer talk to that person, which makes me question why I'm even doing this at all anymore.

Lately I've been thinking about quitting a lot and weighing the enjoyment I get versus the amount that I stress I get from thinkging about what would happen were my boss ever to see this page (I know the odds are slim, but it's a consideration). As a matter of practice I make it a rule to let go of things when I'm getting less out of them then what I'm putting in, I'm just not sure if I'm there yet with the whole blogging thing.

Sidebar: I don't know how this post got to be so "poor little old me", I sat down to ask reader opinion on possible topics for exam time. I want to do a series since I'm usually too A.D.D. to do something like that, but during finals I'm always looking for ways to kill time. Here's what I've come up with:

1. Stories of my Families dysfunction (most likely centering around my father, who I think is insane).
2. Stories from my jobs in high school and college, I worked in a balloon store and a cosmetic store. While the whole idea is a little too "The Kroger Chronicles" for me, something appeals to me when it comes to writing about latex and scented oils. Plus the horrid experiences at both made me decide law school wasn't such a bad idea after all.
   
3. Some sort of amalgamation of stories from my developmental years (think killing 2 birds with one stone) in order to demonstrate more clearly how I became the person I am today.

I'm not really sure what I want to do here at all so I'll leave it to reader feedback (AIM me at ElleWoods626 or you can e-mail me at LegallyBlondeBlog@gmail.com), unless the feedback is dumb, in which case I'll just have to decide on my own.

PS-I wish I could dictate blog posts and have my secretary type and proofread them. My elementary school practiced "imaginary spelling" (where words were spelled however you thought they were spelled) and didn't teach any grammar at all. Any grammar I do know I picked up from Spanish and German classes, so needless to say, I am not a rockstar when it comes to spelling and grammar.

Talk Into My Good Ear!

It should come as a surprise to no one that I can't hear anything out of my right ear currently as a result of this. Lucky for me the pain has subsided and I'm no longer stuck on an airplane sitting next to a guy so big we couldn't put the armrest down. If you thought I was the type of person who likes being jammed into cramped spaces with sweaty strangers (since the auxillary power and thereby "air conditioning" wasn't working on our flight), you would be correct. It's even better when in addition to sharing my tiny seat with a sweaty stranger, said seat doesn't even recline since it's in the back row. Did you know the added benefit of the back row is also that everyone bumps you while they stand in line for the bathroom? That kept me nice and fresh for my 11:24 p.m. arrival at the airport, as well as my midnight departure for the 3 hour drive home.

You'd think you'd get to pay extra for amenities such as inability to use your armrest or recline your seat, bonus sweat from another person, and constant physical assault while the fasten seat belt sign is off; but they were as complimentary as the mini-pretzels and soda.

Why Am I Not Surprised?

I finally decided I might want to look into "what it takes to register for character and fitness and to take the bar" in my state and to "register for the MPRE" which I'd planned on taking in August (being that then I have a safety net if I fail).

So apparently registering for the bar requires getting some sort of packet, which you can't request online but rather have to request via mail so after checking the dates and seeing I had ample time, I realized that could be blown off for a while (or at least until I got home). Granted I have no idea if you need to pass character and fitness before you take the MPRE (it doesn't seem likely you'd need to-but that is applying logic to the law-something I think we can all agree is a horrible idea), but I digress.

So I'm all but finished registering for the MPRE and all I have to do is click that I've read the terms and conditions (which usually I never read-because really, if my Contracts Prof admitted she doesn't why should I?) and click submit.

But I start thinking, "Hey this is your career, maybe you should read the terms and conditions?" So I look for a link to click, because, based on what I vaguely remember from Contracts¹ if you're going to have a certification that someone has read the terms and conditions at the very least there must be a link/pop-up window where the person can read said terms and conditions. You guessed it; there was no link, no pop-up window; and for that matter I'm not even sure the terms and conditions were even provided on the site at all.

So either:

1. I just failed the first part of the MPRE, OR;
   
2. The lovely people at MPRE haven't caught up with e-commerce law, OR;
   
3. My version of e-commerce law is completely wrong.
   

¹This might not be true, I might have just made it up because it's what I think the law should be...And I never really paid attention much in contracts-especially to the e-commerce stuff since we were told we would not be tested on it.

Lucky Me!

It should come as a surprise to no one that my splendid vacation has turned into me laying in bed all day for the last 3 days with a fever, sore throat, earache¹, and muscle aches. I've commandeered my friends laptop and I am now able to entertain myself with free wireless internet, since really, there is only so much tolerance I have for:

1. Calling doctors-all of whom refuse to see me (even though my insurance provider says I can go to any PPO provider out of state)...a lot of good that is doing me if no doctor will see me since I'm not an instate resident. Whatever, tylenol cold and flu is basically a prescription.
2. Law and Order
3. Judge Judy
4. Sleep-16 hours a day is roughly my max even while taking "non-drowsy" (read: doesn't put you in a coma for 8 hours) medications.
5. Staring out the window at the Rocky Mountains

Anyway, now that I've gotten through the prohibitively long introduction I can get to the point. This Barely Legal post cracked me up, being that my law school has a "Snack Bar" which we have lovingly nicknamed "The Max" (1L year we all met down there for lunch) because of the bright red, purple, and teal tables and chairs accented with black fabric which has laser beams in the previously mentioned colors; with neon accent lighting thrown in, just in case the decor wasn't '80's enough to begin with.

¹Anyone ever flown with ear problems? How'd it work out?

Rocky Mountain High

I'm going to Colorado for spring break, try to entertain yourselves while I'm gone with this...I think we all know it's more interesting anyway.

"I'm not going to do what everybody thinks I'm going to do and just flip out man!"

I had a horrible day at work yesterday, I spent the day looking at the most gruesome pictures I'd ever seen. I was actually looking forward to going to school, until I found out my Conflicts Professor was going over our midterms during class. I already knew I'd done really well and I'm not really the type of person who cares to go over an exam even if I don't do well, so essentially, I was there so I could sign the attendance sheet. In a whisper I told my seat mate I'd done really well on the exam and that I was very pleased, as a result the following occured¹:

Gunner Chick²: COULD YOU PLEASE NOT DO THAT?!?!

Elle Woods: What are you talking about?

Gunner Chick: RUBBING IN HOW GREAT YOU DID!

Elle Woods: Sorry.

Professor: Is there a problem back there ladies?

Elle Woods: No, everything is fine.

Gunner Chick: Some people can't keep their scores to themselves.

Professor: Let's try to be sensitive of other people's feelings.

(Elle Woods thinking: What the fuck? Are we in Pre-School?)

...5 Minutes of evil stares from Gunner Chick follow. I then decided I'd already signed the attendance sheet and that I might as well just go back to work where I could actually use my time valuably. So I quietly packed up my things and went to leave. As I turned to walk out the door I looked at the Gunner Chick and in my sweetest, yet most passive aggressive voice possible I told her:

Sweetie you might consider toughening up a bit if you ever want to be a decent lawyer.

Was it immature, catty and bitchy? Certainly. Did it make me feel better to tell her off after what was undoubtably one of the most trying days I've ever been through at work? Of Course.

¹ This is a loose re-creation in the interest of my anonminity. Don't go calling me the James Frey of Law Student Bloggers, you got your damn disclaimer.

² It's worth mentioning that this girl literally argued every question (until I left at least) with the Professor telling him he worded it poorly.

A Reason to Actually go in the Law Library

When I got to school today I made my daily voyage into the law library (the only reason I ever come in here is the wireless internet-it's the only place my law school has it). There were 4 Police Officers standing around a homeless looking gentleman sitting at one of the public computers. I asked a librarian what was happening. Apparently this guy had figured out that you could use the computers to look at porn and had been "making the students uncomfortable" by sitting in the entry of the law library looking at porn on his computer. As an added bonus his monitor glass windows to the hallway. I personally find this hilarious and give props to the guy for realizing he could get free porn access at the law school. Other law students apparently did not find it as funny and were too nervous to approach him themselves so they called the Police. Yet another reason why I'm not a typical law student.

March Madness

Boyfriend: Let me know if you need help with your office pool.

Elle Woods: Actually, I've won every pool I've ever participated in.

Boyfriend: Ohh. Nevermind then I guess.

Elle Woods: I rely on the ratings, mascots and how their Football team did this year when I'm in doubt.

Boyfriend: What the hell does Football have to do with March Madness?

Elle Woods: My logic is that their performance in Football is inversely proportional to their performance in Basketball. It seriously works.

Boyfriend: I have a headache.

We Now Interrupt Your Regularly Scheduled Program...

My showerhead is broken. I didn't like it before since I thought the spray was too direct and was too harsh on my skin, however, now it's started spraying water out the side. Which basically amount to me getting douched in the face with water every morning when I turn it on since I never remember that it's malfunctioning. I'd been thinking about getting a new showerhead such as this one:The issue it that I've never used one and I'm not sure it would have enough pressure, (Apparently I'm the Goldilocks of shower pressure; not too hard, not too soft). So if anyone has ever used one let me know how easy it was to wash the shampoo out of your hair using it. I have pretty good water pressure but I'm worried when it's defused it won't be strong enough.

Additionally I'm not too sure what installation would entail. Surprisingly, I'm actually fairly handy, being that my dad used to use my brother and I as slave labor in our childhood (yes I could just ask my dad about this but it would entail me talking to him). I'm assuming I'd just need some of that white plumber's tape to put on the shower arm and that then you just screw it on, but I'm not exactly sure. So is there anybody out there who knows about laying pipe who can give me some advice about this?

"How can you diagnose someone with an obsessive compulsive disorder, then act like I have some choice about barging in here?"

The other day I was poking some fun at the ASSociate and how his shoes looked like hell. As I stood there, toothbrush and toothpaste in hand (to go brush my teeth after lunch) telling him to wipe his shoes off and then use the shoe shiner in my what I call my "comfort drawer" (it contains all sorts of weird things; but I'm getting there) to shine up his shoes. He laughed and asked if I ever thought I had obsessive compulsive disorder. I laughed back and told him I know I do. I then proceeded to ramble on about how I can't be without glasses cleaner, a toothbrush, toothpaste, mouth wash, among other things. Then I got to thinking about my paranoia of not being prepared and the level it's gotten to, it "might be" (read: is) beginning to border on unhealthy.

In my car I keep (at all times):

1. Toothbrush
2. Toothpaste
3. Mouthwash
4. Dental Floss
   
5. Oral-B Brush Ups (Really the first 3 are leftover ever since this wonderful invention came out)
6. Individual Glasses Cleaner Wipes (since the bottle of spray would freeze in the winter)
7. 2 Umbrellas
8. A Shoe Shiner
9. Gum
10. A Bottle of Water

In My "Comfort Drawer" I keep:

1. Toothbrush
2. Toothpaste
3. Mouthwash
4. Dental Floss
   
5. Oral-B Brush Ups
6. Glasses Cleaner
7. Glasses towel
8. A Shoe Shiner
9. Gum
10. Lip Gloss
11. Loose Powder (in case my face gets shiny)
    
12. Chap Stick
13. Motrin
14. Hydrocortizone Cream (I really can't even explain this one)
    
15. English Breakfast Tea
16. Green Tea
    
17. Hot Chocolate (Ghirdelli)
18. Cough Drops
19. Body Spray
20. Hair Ties
21. Lotion
22. Spare Pair of Nylons
23. Napkins (in case I spill my coffee or water)
24. Band-Aids (because clearly a law office is really dangerous)

Yeah, I'll be the first to admit, that's a little weird.

Dear Conflicts Professor,

I was upset when I learned your midterm is multiple choice. Better yet it's in a class with no hard and fast rules. As icing on the cake you're giving a 15 question test which amounts to 25% of my grade. Could we at least come up with a rule that in multiple choice exams each questions should account for no more then 1% of your grade?

Hugs and Kisses,
Elle Woods

P.S.-Correcting the exams in class so I know just how badly I did immediately without being able to compare it other people's scores or any sort of curve might just be the most awful thing I've encountered in law school.

Yet Another Reason I'll Never Pass Character and Fitness...

A little "Law" called Driver Responsibility (Public Act 165 of 2003; Amended By Public Act 52 of 2004).

Now, in my short driving history (going on 7 years in June people), I have had 6 cars:

1. The Lumina "Dustbuster" Minivan my grandpa gave me when I started driving.
2. The Chevy Corsica my grandpa bought me since he felt bad after the engine fell out of the minivan while I was driving.
3. The Ford Ford Probe that "I bought" with the insurance money from the Corsica after some girl rearended me, while she was going 40 mph outside my high school. She was pregnant and smoking. She had been kicked out her parents house and had moved in with her cousin and was starting at my school that day. I was the first person she met. Over 1/2 the school was late because the accident stalled traffic so badly.
4. The Ford Contour I bought with the insurance money from the probe after I wrecked it driving back to school. I told my parents I was cut off by a semi but that I didn't really remember what happened. They were convinced I fell asleep at the wheel since we'd just had a turkey dinner. In reality: I was singing along with the radio, was about to miss my exit and cut across traffic, loosing control of my car and spinning out while going 80. I'm lucky the road sign was the only thing I hit.
5. The Sunfire my parents bought me after my brother "accidentally" let the Contour overheat (read: didn't pay any attention to the gauges) while I let him borrow it on Christmas break-he'd had his license for 2 weeks at that time.
6. The brand new Honda Civic I bought ON MY OWN after I totaled the Sunfire, I wouldn't have even gotten a car but I was starting 1L year in a month and 1/2 and I had to be able to commute to school. I do have to say buying a car and paying all the insurance and whatnot has made me feel semi-grown up. My dad seriously saved my ass on that one, as I'd been out on the lake drinking most of the day (it was a week after my 21^st birthday), I called him and he managed to get there before the cop did, he told me he didn't want to know how much I'd had to drink but that he'd talk to the cop.

Ohh and for good measure:

1. 2 Weeks after I got my license I borrowed my mom's then brand new Explorer (since it was 90 degrees outside and the Dustbuster didn't have "fully functioning windows" let alone AC; anyway, I hit my neighbors mailbox and giant rock and took out the radiator and the entire undercarriage of the car-and bent the frame.
2. 2 Weeks after I got the Civic I ran a red light and hit by a minivan-the car was in the shop for 2 weeks.
3. In December (I got the Civic in July) a law school friend rearended me while she was following me home. Another 2 weeks in the shop.
4. In February I was moving The Dude's car into a parking structure while he was drunk and having a fit that I was driving his car at all. I backed into a light pole.

So I think you get the picture: Elle Woods=World's Worst Driver who also supremely bad luck with cars and an uncanny ability to find other drivers who suck at driving.

So, I have 8 points on my record (the messed up thing-the tickets I got the points for aren't even listed) which makes me subject to Public Act 165 of 2003, amended By Public Act 52 of 2004. I had heard mention of it, and figured I'd have to pay a fee, but I didn't really investigate when it would need to be paid. Figuring, I'd get something in the mail. Wrong. In theory I did in December, but I never actually did.

So, January 23^rd, 2006 a letter was dated and sent to me. I have no idea when I received it-I just opened it last Friday...Yeah I am bad with snail mail. I know. Thanks. Mock away. This letter was to notify me that effective February 6^th my license would be suspended, pursuant to M.C.L. 257.732 (a), unless I paid my $150 Driver Responsibility Fee. Being that I was reading this on March 3^rd I figured it was safe to say that I had been driving around on a suspended license. Additionally the letter noted that, M.C.L. 257.320 (e) requires a reinstatement fee of $125 be paid to the Secretary of State. Ohh and, pursuant to M.C.L. 257.323 (3) the action is not appealable. Of course. So I figured there was no sense in even calling [Hours] and that I should just call the Treasury Department, pay the $150 over the phone and then go to the local Secretary of State and pay the $125 (at one point I was even hopeful that I could pay all $275 over the phone, and then I remembered how bureaucracy works).

So of course it wasn't that simple. No. If you pay it over the phone they have to mail you a receipt which you then take to the Secretary of State. This process takes 2 weeks. I drive roughly 60 miles a day, minimum. Clearly, not a good option given my driving record. So the people on the phone suggested that I go (read: drive) to my nearest Department of Treasury office, 45 minutes away in order to pay my $150 Driver Responsibility Fee and get a receipt. Then take that to the Secretary of State and finish up my ass raping by paying $125 for reinstatement. Not to mention the $5 I had to pay to park and $4 in gas. Plus my time. I bill at over $90 an hour people, my time isn't cheap.

All and all, the people at the Department of Treasury were rather helpful and the lines moved quickly; plus I know it isn't their fault that I:

1. Suck at driving
2. Wasn't effectively served
3. Didn't read my mail for a month

So I was rather calm by that point and had resigned myself to my fate. Essentially, I was the victim who doesn't fight back since they know they'll just be abused worse.

You thought it was over? Didn't you? No, it's not. I realized that on February 14^th I had been ticketed for speeding on the way to work, yes, I was ticketed on Valentine's Day. Fuck You Very Much Officer. No mention was ever made at that point in time that my license was at all suspended. (Here is where I think I can make some sort of reliance argument on top of the failure to serve one that I think I already might have).

Now, according to M.C.L. 257.904:

A person convicted of Driving While License Suspended, Revoked, Denied, or of any unlawful operation of a motor vehicle while the person's license is suspended, revoked or denied may be sentenced to imprisonment for up to 93 days or fined up to $500.00 or both.

So. Does that apply to me and my V-Day Ticket? Had the suspension not hit the computer yet and did I get a freebie? I don't know and I won't know until I get notice I'm assuming. Note to self, open mail more then once a month in the future so I at least know.

Whatever. I need a driver.

Words of the Wise

One of the best things about having a blog: You can always rely on complete strangers to inform you exactly why and how much you suck.

Opinionistas

You have no idea how much better I feel after reading that given what's happened this weekend.

For All You Lazy Asses

The old site is gone, so if your blogroll still has that one on it stop dicking around and change it. Or don't, what do I care. You're going to be the one who looks like a moron with a link to a site that no longer exists.

Excuse Me While I Kiss This Guy

I always get song lyrics wrong, so it shouldn't be a surprise that when I heard Gwen Stafani's new song Crash I thought the lyrics were:

Drive back baby, do me fast in your car
I'm here waiting crash, into me real hard.

I was in the car with [Hours] and he commented about how she was pregnant and I was all, "Yeah, but that new song isn't very motherly" (and then proceeded to repeat what I thought the lyrics were to him). He then corrected me and told me it was "to me fast your car."

You know you're a hipster when a middle aged man is correcting your hearing problems.

"I'll tell you very bluntly..."

Explanation:¹ This is a voicemail that my Professional Responsibiliy Professor played for us, that an associate at Winston & Strawn left for an associate at Latham. Latham is representing a borrower in a real estate transaction and W&S represents the lender. I don't know what correspondence preceded the voicemail but as I understand it, W&S asked Latham to make some cosmetic changes to mortgages a day before closing and Latham responded by email that they thought the changes were unnecessary. The response from W&S is what follows...

¹Sorry this is a bit late, last night I was too lazy to figure out how to add text to the post without deleting the audio post. This isn't as easy as I make it look people, I actually had to click over to "Edit HTML."

Big Mistake. Huge.

I didn't bring my laptop to class today since all I use it for is freecell. I've been trying to kill time in the computer lab (normally I'm in the regular part of the library). Apparently people (Read: 1L's) seem to think it's ok to scream across the computer lab to each other. They've been doing it for 20 minutes now...Once would be acceptable, twice slightly annoying, this is just ricockulous. I need peace and quiet when I'm wasting time.

This is obviously karmic retribution for all the times when I had a study room just for myself in undergrad.

Revelation

Wasting time before class I just realized that I'm fully prepared to deal with the "good cop/bad cop" situation that is about to occur with [Hours] and [More]. I'm going to play them like I did my parents when I was growing up.

Most kids who have the luxury of parents who they can play against each other come from broken homes. I just came from a home in which my parents are "staying together for the kids" (we're 18 and 22 guys-you can give up now) and "sleep in seperate beds." Needless to say they have different ideas about a lot of things, including parenting. My mom basically let us do whatever we wanted and my dad didn't want us doing anything, well, anything fun. The general rule was tell mom what you were really doing and she'd cover for you with dad.

I know you're wondering, "Elle, how will you ever pull this off at the Firm?" Elementary; [Hours] will become my de-facto father and [More] will become my de-facto mother (the idea of this is rather funny since [Hours] shorter then I am when I wear heels and [More] is about 6'7''), anyway, for example: I want to take some time off (5-6 days) over spring break this month to go to Colorado. [Hours] would have allowed it, but he would have been in a pissy mood. Now I'll just as [More], he'll say yes, and [Hours] (much like my dad throughout my youth) will be left in the dark. I can just see him now wandering around the office asking "Where's [Elle]?" and eventually he'll ask [More] who will have to be the one to tell him I'm on vacation. Sheer Brilliance.

If my plan fails I'll just have to hope Moral Turpitude will hire me. I'm short, I can put a mini-desk under your giant desk in order to save space in your new office. I'll leave the illustration up to MT of that one.

Good News, Semi-Bad News and Irrelevant News

The Good News:

Apparently [Hours] is hiring another Associate since the [ASSociate] is so incompetent. I'm not really sure what the fate of the [ASSociate] will be, and honestly, I don't care. The new Associate he's hiring is someone who worked for the firm before they took the bar in February, nevermind that they won't be licensed until June, apparently they'll be starting soon-as actually being licensed to practice law apparently is not a necessary credential at my firm.

The Semi-Bad News:

Being that [Hours] will now have 2 associates he's informed me there will be less work available for me but he wasn't sure how much but he wants me to stay on. He's acting like it's a bad thing that I'd only have to work 20 hours a week while I'm in school, but then again he's a work-a-holic. His solution to the huge dilemma of me only working 20 hours a week during school was to offer me continued work with him and work with another partner, who we shall call [More].

Normally I'd be freaking out, but [More] is one of the coolest, most laid back guys I've ever met. Plus he has 2 associates who have been there for over 5 years (this in comparison to [Hours] who has been through roughly 9 associates in 5 years). The added bonus being that I have a huge crush on [More], however, clearly that has some negative implications for the longrun.

So, for the time being, it's looking like I'll continue to work "part time" ie-40 hours a week and go to school full time. Not like I really enjoyed sleep that much anyway.

The Irrelevant News:

I've updated my sidebar and now there is a pull down menu (since the links had gotten completely unmanageable) and a search box. Don't act like you're not impressed.

"Well, I don't think it's very intelligent to keep an electrical gadget on the edge of the tub...I tie it to the radiator."

I just put my laptop on a wooden chair and set it next to the bathtub while I watched, of all movies, Snatch.

"Whoever said orange was the new pink was seriously disturbed."

I just tried to buy a new black purse since the trusty Prada one is starting to look a little beat up. I didn't want to spend a fortune, so I decided I'd go to Marshall Field's and try to find a reasonably priced simple black medium sized purse.

What I saw was without a doubt the worst assault to my senses since, well, evidence class on Monday. First off, who wants to carry a bag with "Hobo" in the description. And second, (and even worse) practically every bag was either trimmed with or made of solid gold leather and then accented with metal disks that looked like they'd been put on by a Be-Dazzler.

It is looking as if my best option is going to be going to the Coach store and getting a simple black bag, which will cost way more then what I wanted to spend, but at least it won't hurt my eyes and be out of style next year.

One Day...

I'll proofread my posts (or at least my titles) and perhaps I won't have misspellings and grammatical errors. Failing that, be happy I'm not as lazy as I used to be and that I'll push the spell check button now.