My New Favorite Classtime Activity

Musical Chairs

Today I had my first day of my Family Violence seminar. Normally I advocate being there early on the first day to get a choice seat but generally in seminar rooms it doesn't make much difference since they're so small. So I strolled in at the last minute per usual, took a glance at the available seats. My choices were next to a familiar looking girl, or next to the Stalker.

Clearly I opted for the familiar looking girl, who promptly gave me a dirty look, one that was so familiar I instantly realized where I knew her from. She's the Gunner Chick I told off last year.

Normally in a situation like this I'd just drop the class so I didn't have to deal with the drama, but the topic actually interests me so I suppose I'll have to be earlier for the rest of the semester so I can dodge sitting near either of them. This, however will be a delicate balance, as if I'm there too early the Stalker will pin me in as he's known to do. I love that I have to dodge a stalker in a Family Violence class.

Supersize Me!

I got out of Pretrial at 9, starving and exhausted. So I caved and stopped at Taco-Bell. The one I stopped at is in a row of fast food restaurants. McDonald's, Taco-Bell, Wendy's, Burger King, and KFC. The people in front of me at the drive through had pulled out of McDonald's right before they pulled in. They proceeded to throw a McFlurry cup into the bushes, order $17 in Taco-Bell, pull out of the parking lot, and then pull into Burger King. There were 2 people in the car.

Dog Day Afternoon

I can't wait to bring this up in my No-Fault class.

So let's say you're teaching your dog to drive, and being that it lacks the opposable thumbs necessary to steer, a detail you overlooked, the two of you get in an accident. Do you need to name the dog in the lawsuit, or can you just name the owner and rely on the doctrine of respondent superior? Is the dog covered under the car owners insurance policy? Can animal translators be brought in to assist in eliciting valuable testimony from the dog? If you get a judgment against the dog, how do you collect?

It can be my new de-facto hypo, like Oprah giving away the cars was in Tax.

Common Sensical

Professor: We now have wireless in the classroom. You aren't allowed to use it to IM, check e-mail or search the internet. So you have access to it, but don't use it.

"Let's Dance, This Last Dance Tonight."

As I sit here, about to start my last first day of school ever I couldn't help but think back about the first days of my past.

Kindergarten my mom walked me right up the door of the classroom. Holding back her tears so as to avoid alarming my sense of fear regarding this place where she was leaving me for the entire day. The mother of the boy who lived across the street wasn't so keen. She sobbed. He refused to enter. There was a huge scene. I doubt it happened on that day but I know on one of the first days of school he got a spanking from the teacher since he refused to stop crying. I can't believe spanking was allowed in classrooms back then.

Middle School I can honestly say I don't remember. I think this gets back to my general blockading of those years from my consciousness. High School most of my classes were "advanced." Of course my first "block" was an upper level class. I remember the cute boy with the spikey hair who sat in front of me, and who was popular and for some reason nice to me. Other than that, it's a blur again.

Then there was my first day of college. 250 person lecture hall. Professor with a bad combover who held the mini-microphone rather than clipping it to his lapel. I remember being afraid to sit near people, afraid to make eye contact.

Then there was law school. It was like the same feelings as college all over. Only I was at least a year younger then everyone there, and I felt like it was written on my forehead. I remember it being so nerve racking; the seating charts, the socratic method, the frenzied typing as I sat and pondered how important anything said on the first day could be. Mostly I just remember how tired mentally and physically I was at the end of the day.

This year is bound to be a year of lasts; last first day of school, last blue book exam, last vacation for 5 years. I just hope I'm not too busy to enjoy them.

Sexy Sunday #2

In honor of the season finale of Entourage tonight, I bring you the man who I feel is the hottest on the show, Jeremy Piven.

Fall into the GAP.

This post took me almost 2 hours to write, clearly, it was worth it.*

Apparently, bearded ladies are all the rage these days. I went for a simple eyebrow waxing, and for any of you unfamiliar with the process, generally if you pull into the parking lot at the same time as someone there is a rush to the door. Only, the sasquatch, most likely slowed down by the drag and weight of all her excess hair brought a secret weapon, her kid. She slowed down enough for him to hop out of the car so he could run in and secure a spot for her in front of me.

While normally I would have been slightly annoyed, as I was, then I saw her face (or what was visible of it) and I became enraged. I kid you not, it took them over 30 minutes to wax her eyebrows, moustache, and beard (to give a frame of reference for my male readers-it takes under 5 minutes to wax the normal persons eyebrows-and that presumably takes longer than facial hair since shaping is involved).

I'm of the opinion that there should be a courtesy line cutting privilege to the less hairy members of society.

As an added bonus yesterday the guy in front of me on my way home from work had a blowout and I hit said tire. Jacked up my car, and while it's driveable flapping bumper is enough to drive me insane on the drive to work and school. So instead I'm driving my brother's car. A 1997 SUV V8 with over 178,000 miles on it. Classes start tomorrow. This should be real fun.

*In my defense I was doing multiple things.

Timmy Poops His Pants...And I Almost Peed Mine.

"I Guess This is Growing Up."

This year rather then blowing my refund check I did something I'm kinda proud of. I paid of my credit cards, and the best part is I still have money to spare so it's not like I'll be adding back to them again. I cut one up. However the platinum card is just too pretty to cut up. I've heard of people freezing credit cards in blocks of ice, making it slighty more difficult to carry them around with you, however, the fact then in my freezer would be: $40 in Lean Cuisine, Cherry Garcia Frozen Yogurt, Coffee, Boneless Skinless Chicken Breasts, Ice, "Company" Vodka, a Martini Shaker, and a Credit Card makes it kinda depressing. Nothing says "Financially Irresponsible Single Girl" like individual servings and frozen credit cards.

A Small Sample of the Things that Annoyed me Today.

1. Would it really have been that hard for [law school] to respond to my loan consolidation companies request to provide them with my school status? Apparently. And now I have just over 2 weeks to get it straightened around or I have to make the first payment, something I'm not really interested in at this time.
2. Would it have really been that hard for my loan consolidation company to realize that I'm in school? They have my school status as "active" on my loan for this year, yet for some reason for my consolidation loan I'm graduated. "Funny" my social security number pulls up both accounts, yet my school status does not match. It's even "funnier" how despite this they can't just fix it over the phone, no, of course paperwork has to be involved. What was the purpose of using the same company if simple screw ups like this can't be remedied readily? Don't answer that-it's rhetorical.
3. I'm looking at apartments, since living with "people" during the whole "bar studying process" seems like it would bring out the homicidal nature which I'm sure is just lurking under the surface waiting to take hold. I'm glad I put that sentence on the internets, so when I freak out and do something insane later there can be an articles like this one about me. Don't say I didn't warn you.
4. My latest Time Magazine has pretty much the stupidest cover in the history of all magazine covers. The whole "check if you like Hillary thing" serious goes beyond bordering on idiotic to me. I don't know why it annoys me so much other than it seems it trivializes politics to a note passed between 6 year olds. And it does not seem to be a very effective method of surveying.

Dear Sir,

Just driving a Black H³ with extra chrome communicates "I think I'm more important than you are, but really I'm just a self indulgent douche."

This:


Was just overkill.

Hugs and Kisses,
Elle Woods

P.S.-Not exactly sure why you're a member of a sorority for black women as you were clearly neither a woman or black.

P.P.S.-Going to Michigan State is not something I'd advertise.

"It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp."

[ASSociate] was officially fired today, however he has to come in for the next 2 weeks and be a waste of space. In other words, nothing has changed yet. While clearly this is a positive in the grand scheme of things it does put a rather large dent in my material around here. However, this does free things up so I can post some of his uber idiotic things which I was afraid to post before. Like how he was impeached as Commissioner of his fantasy football league because he "allegedly" used his powers for evil and changed things around since apparently the Commissioner gets everyones password. He doesn't deny said activities went on, he just puts them all on his brother. In other words, his family is shady too.

Rumor has it the "hellhole" I refer to as "school" has finally put wireless in the classrooms. So at least we can all look forward to me live blogging labor law.

Sexy Sunday #1

In honor of the Patriots win over the Cardinals yesterday, I bring you Tom Brady...


Ok, and Matt Leinart, since he's not too harsh on the eyes either, and my brother just moved out to Southern Cali.

More Family Goodness

Me: Umm, why are there rat traps in the front yard? I was unaware you had a rat problem

Dad: We don't.

Me: Ohh, well that doesn't really explain the traps then does it?

Dad: I'm killing chipmunks, they're destroying the grass and flowers.

Me: How very Caddyshack of you.

Dad: It would have been if your mother would have let me use the dynamite like I wanted, but she seemed to think that would do more damage to the grass and her precious flowers.

A Real Crack Operation

Scene: Elle Woods at her parents house alone, and being that she's the homemaker of the year and has just worked out she decides to order pizza.

Me: Do you have any specials today?

Pizza Guy: Yeah either 2 Medium Pizzas with 2 toppings, a large salad and a 2 liter of cola for $19.99 or 2 Medium Pizzas with 1 topping for $12.99.

Me: Ok, well, umm I just want one Medium Pizza.

Pizza Guy: Ok, what would you like on it?

Me: Green Pepper and Onions, can I please get that thin crust?

Pizza Guy: Sure, that'll be $12.88.

While I don't really have a use foradditional leftovers which would last me a week I can't help but feel $0.11 for an additional pizza might have been a sound investment.

PS-I'm blogging on my brothers old laptop right now, and some chick (in lingerie) keeps popping up to tell me "My Free Trial" is expired. I don't know if it worse knowing my brother did a trial of online porn or that the girl is fugly.

Fill in the Blank.

I'm starting to think I'd rather __________ than [Ed.] go into work most days.

The Greatest Generation

Our next door neighbor is a doctor, who has had a steady girlfriend for quite a few years which causes him to come and go at odd hours. My Grandpa has some choice phrases for these outings, such as:

1. He's going to buff the nob.
2. He's going to give a treatment.
3. He's going to polish the cane.

New Feature?

I've been thinking about having a weekly feature for awhile. Basically, it would involve me posting pictures/videos of hot men once a week. Or maybe it's just an excuse for me to post this:



Maybe we could call it "Sexy Sunday", this week I'm just a little belated.

To book, or not to book?

Considering not buying books for any class other then my seminar (I lack the moxy to stroll into a room with 12 people sans books and never participate in discussion). Despite the fact that I'm a huge slacker I've never taken it that far. I only read them when I'm on call, so basically it's a big waste of money. But at the same time it kinda makes you feel a little at ease knowing you have them should you need kindling for a fire to read for a class. Anyone have experiences that might help?

Porn Foley (NSFW)

Karma

Now that [Hours] knows I'm a decent golfer I'm being forced I've been invited to play in some huge golf outing hosted by our biggest client. I'm sure it's a scramble. I hate scrambles. All they amount to is the one time a year when a bunch of hacks can say they shot par.

The Morning After.

Like any abusive person today [Hours] tried to win me over today after his behavior yesterday. He had me do a pre-dep¹ (which he never does) and brought me ice cream (which I refused).

He also invited me golfing tomorrow. We have been golfing a couple times now so I'm fairly certain it's not just so he can kill me and hide the body. Generally when we play I let him win; I've been playing since I was 7, I was the #1 spot on my high school team, and I worked for parks and for 6 years where I got free golf anytime I wanted; and well, he's just a shitty golfer. The only remaining question is do I make him feel a little better and play from the women's tees, or do I embarrass the hell out of him and play from the men's tees?

¹While he was stuck in the dep I took it as an opportunity to look for jobs.

Stressed.

Pondering the chances of ever getting another job ever if I were to not only not accept an offer from my firm but also quit working effective nearly immediately. I think [Hours] has finally pushed me a too far. I realized I'm like a battered wife who is always making excuses for their abuser and I am not sure I can keep it up anymore.

"I'll Be Missing You"

My brother and I exchanged music collections since we've been planning on it and he leaves for college in a week.

He has 8 James Blunt songs. Which would make me think he might be gay, were it not for the fact that a gay man would have better taste than that. Plus he had 12 Lil' Wayne songs, and while I do not know who this Pequito Wayne is, he does not sound like a gay icon. However, that could be balanced out by all the Cher I just gave him.

I will really miss embarassing him.

"Shiny Happy People Holding Hands"

Today The Gay Husband mentioned there is a good chance he'd not only be moving back to my state around May 2009, but that he'd also be moving into the area where I intend to remain.

We proceeded to spend the evening doing what all normal people would do. Looking at floor plans for possible future apartments together.

All is not well...

I know I said my cell phone was fine, but it's not. It's turning itself on and dialing numbers. I finally had to take the battery away from it since it wouldn't play nice. So either the water did damage it or a ghost is having a lot of fun messing with me. However, I'm leaning towards water damage, as I think the ghost could still make it work without a battery based on what I've seen in the movies.

Soaked.

Most of the summer I've managed to keep weekends to "my time." As such they are generally spent out on the lake with friends. Yesterday was no different, except for the fact that it was "my turn" to help dock the boat, which I have never had to do before, and to be honest I rarely even pay attention to the entire procedure since I'm usually cleaning the boat up like any good woman who knows her role.

So there I am, standing on the front of the boat, waiting to make my way to the dock confident in my abilities. Until I step off the boat and it rapidly begins drifting from the dock. Resulting in one of those cartoon-esk situations where I'm beginning to do the splits and I'm not sure which side I should go for. Needless to say, I ended up in the water, fully clothed, pink razr in my pocket.

UPDATE: My excessively expensive blowdryer is magic and has fixed my phone. Just a couple water bubbles under the screen are left, but it gives it character.

The 10% You Don't Want To Be In.

Like all good little test takers I got to the MPRE ahead of schedule, scouted out my room and proceed to wait until the powers that be were ready to check us in. Luckily I had a friend there to gossip with so all was well.

The check in lady from my room announced they were ready to check people in, so we formed a line, readied our IDs and admission tickets and waited some more. When it was my turn I handed her my paperwork and looked down, immediately noticing I should have been at the top of the list, but I wasn't.

MPRE Lady: It's [Woods] right?

Me: Yup.

MPRE Lady: You haven't gotten married or changed your name since you registered?

Me: (Looks at left hand) Nope. No marriage. No Witness Protection Program.

MPRE Lady: Please step aside.

So the "head" administrator was contacted, and eventually came to see me.

Head MPRE Guy: [Elle Woods]?

Me: Yes.

Head MPRE Guy: You're going to need to come with me Ms. Woods.

Me: Alright.

(At this point I'm just hoping they tell me I'm not allowed to take it since I'm so annoyed I want no part of a 2 hour test).

Head MPRE Guy: You're were in the wrong room.

Me: Umm, no, I wasn't.

Head MPRE Guy: Yes you were, you're registered with your last name as [Elle].

Me: Ohh.

(Immediately I realize this is most likely a "user error" as I regularly do stupid things like this when it comes to data entry).

Head MPRE Guy: At least once per test the system screws it up somehow.

Me: Ohh, I'm sure it was me, you don't have to pretend, I'm not going to freak out and do badly as a result of something like that.

Head MPRE: (Blank Look).

Me: You don't have to lead me over to the other room, surprisingly, I can read the signs.

A little over 10% of people fail to get the required score by my state. There were 20 people in my room. According to this post, I'm screwed.

Happy 25th Birthday MTV

While flipping through the TV Channels looking for entertainment not in the form of MPRE studying I happened upon MTV and a little show called Next.

From what I gathered, 5 guys and one girl are put on a bus and they all fight for an orifice, or something like that. One of the herpes delivery methods contestants introduced himself as:

"A 23 year old pre-law student, here to de-brief this girl."

Sadly, I didn't stick around to see if he did. So now I'm just stuck here pondering what law school would take him as a student, if the "de-brief" comment was about getting information from her or removing her "briefs", and what kind of guy calls a women's underwear/underpants/panties "briefs."

Dear Netflix,

How is it that neither my 3 movies which were supposed to arrive yesterday or my movie which was supposed to arrive today have gotten here yet? I have 2 days off work and apparently you feel I should be "studying" for the MPRE or something. What's worse is they can't be reported missing until they're out for 6 days. I pay for the 4 at a time plan not since I really need that many, but because I like to always have options. Keep this up and I'm going leave you for your older, more distinguished, and more financially stable brother, Blockbuster.

Hugs and Kisses,
Elle Woods

cc: The United States Postal Service

/dictated but not read

MPRE Update

Still over 40 pages to read in the outline, plus I might want to take a practice test or 4. But I did get to have lunch with my brother who is moving across the country in a little over a week, I think that is what is really important.

Credit Where Credit is Due

I could not have worked out all the kinks in the new template were it not for Anonymous Law Student, I finally had to just give him my password and whatnot since there were a few issues my obsessive compulsive nature could not not tolerate, yet my limited knowledge of HTML did not allow me to fix.

Plus, he made me a sign.

Ch-Ch-Changes!

Clearly, changes have been made. Not sure if I'll keep the new template, if you love/hate it let me know (contact info to the right), as I am here to serve you dear readers. Also, I was not able to have my super awesome "pull down" menu with this new format...So as a compromise (does anyone else want to say "com-promise") if you were on the drop down list and you e-mail me you will be added to the blogroll, since I love you all. Hell, if you wanted to be added to my blogroll in general, let me know.

Ohh, and as I should have mentioned, comments are back, play nice.

All Men are Created Equal

Why is it that the Lawyers are always referred to as "she" in the BarBri PR Book?

While it's nice to see the "she" used rather then "he" I can't help but thinking that it's used in this case to further the belief that women are dirty little sneaks who are unfit to be lawyers and who are destined to break the Ethical Rules of the profession. (As we clearly are).

"I'm Weird Man..."

If anyone has been paying attention, I'm taking the MPRE soon, as in Friday. For all you non-law types that would be the Multistate Professional Responsibility Exam. Exam, as in test. Of course I haven't really studied unless sitting passively in a BarBri class and filling in blanks, downloading BarBri Exam Soft, and reading 18 pages of 148 page outline counts as "studying."

The thing is, my lack of studying hasn't really scared me yet. They say "nobody" fails the MPRE, unless they don't study at all. I still have over 48 hours to study. Oceans. The reason I'm worried about passing is that I cut my hair. Yes, it always comes down to my hair, doesn't it dear readers? If I still allowed comments I'm sure I'd be getting called a vampant whore who is obsessed with her hair and has nothing else to think about. But, I digress.

When I started law school my hair was short (not THAT short, but short), at that time I made some weird promise to myself which I never expected to keep-but then I sorta did for awhile so I figured I'd keep going. The promise was that I would not cut my hair until I passed the bar. My joke at the time being that it'd be down to my ass before I could cut it. What I didn't account for was the fact that my hair grows at ridiculously fast rates, as in an 1 and 1/2 inches in 2 months. I kid you not, I can tell based on the rate of "re-growth."

So on Monday, the "triple digit heat" (as the news has been calling it) and 157% humidity finally produced enough delirium for me to cut my hair off-into a fabulously adorable cut. Bringing the total amount cut off my hair in the last 2 months (in 2 hair cuts) up to nearly 8 inches.

The repercussions are bound to be severe. See, I'd been growing it out to give to kids with cancer. Except, I found out they don't want my hair. Because apparently "bleach" is used on mine...Who knew? I thought "bleach" was only used on people who my great-grandfather would refer to as "weisse kopfe" (yes I know the "o" in "kopfe" needs an umlaute and that techically the "ss" should be that weird looking German letter that looks like a "B" but is really 2 s's).

So not only were children with cancer deprived of getting my hair by the evil standards forced upon them by the adults who run the organization (because trust me, kids with cancer want my hair) when I was just 2 inches shy of having it long enough to donate, but I broke a promise to myself. During the week which I take the first portion of the Bar Exam.

I think it's clear that if I fail the MPRE, which "nobody fails" it's a result of me breaking my promise to myself and my neglect of children with cancer. Couldn't be that it's 48 hours before and I've barely studied. Could.Not.Be.