I'm never drinking again...

until tonight when I go to ANOTHER Halloween Party.

Snaps for Elle!

As I've mentioned before, my tax Professor is HILARIOUS (at least according to me). He always cracks cheesy jokes and maybe one other person will laugh (usually my seatmate). He's so conditioned to it that now everytime he cracks a joke he looks over at us.

So, Naturally, when I saw Overheard in Law School is now taking submissions knew it would be an outlet for all the random ass quotes I put in my notes during class (usually that's all my notes are). So last night I submitted my favorite from yesterday-and yours truly was their first reader submission to be posted.

Reason #87,000 I HATE Law School

1/2 the people get internet in the classroom, 1/2 do not. I am not one of the chosen few who gets internet so all I have to entertain myself when I go is free cell (solitaire and spider solitaire have gotten to boring).

I'm going to to end up with carpal tunnel from all that clicking. Plus, professor's really like it when you sit in the front and then never take your hand off the touch-pad. It would look so much less shady if I was talking on AIM, that is, right up until someone said something and I laughed inappropriately.

"Tick tick tock it's a quarter to two, And I'm done, I'm hanging up on you"

I was going to write a blog post about Harriet Mier's withdrawing but then I realized you could just go here and read something intelligent about it...Plus, intelligent posts are just not how I roll...Anyway, I decided I'd would rather talk about my interview (read: talk about myself).

It went spectacular and now I'm just waiting for a call. It's been a little more then 24 hours since the interview ended and I'm a mess waiting. It's like the stress of waiting for a guy to call after a great date multiplied infinitly.

I usually put my cell phone on vibrate and throw it in my purse and forget about it for the entire day-if I feel my purse vibrate I might check out who's calling. Today, my cell phone is in my pocket and everytime it rings I prepare to rush out of class/the library in order to answer it. I'm listening to "Hung Up" by Madonna on repeat and I'm not really sure if it's helping my demeanor or making me more anxiety stricken. The consequence of this OCD indulgence is that I'm walking around the law school singing:

Every little thing that you say or do
I'm hung up
I'm hung up on you
Waiting for your call
Baby night and day
I'm fed up
I'm tired of waiting on you

Time goes by so slowly for those who wait
No time to hesitate
Those who run seem to have all the fun
I'm caught up
I don't know what to do

Time goes by so slowly
Time goes by so slowly
Time goes by so slowly
I don't know what to do

Yeah, I'm officially a weirdo. The sick part is that this song applies an aspect of my personal life too, and I'm not really sure if the it's become my new obsession because of the interview stuff, boy stuff, or both.

Madonna, Madonna

I'm getting super excited for Madonna's new album "Confessions on a Dance Floor!"

When I was a little kid (keep in mind I was born in 1983) my favorite songs in no particular order were:

• Popa Don't Preach (Madonna)
• Girls Just Want to Have Fun (Cyndi Lauper)
• Jack and Diane (John Cougar Mellencamp)
• Material Girl (Madonna)
• Free Fallin (Tom Petty)
• Like A Virgin (Madonna)

(Yeah my parents should have known then they were going to have their hands full.)

Anyway, go here if you want to check out "Hung Up"-which I think is amazing.

Or just check out the album artwork (sorry it isn't bigger):

Seriously, how frigging HOTT!

Why I'm a stellar mentor

Despite all my antics last year somehow the law school gave me 2 students to mentor. One of them is the older sister of my best friend-the other I just feel bad for.

He's a graduate of a local private college and he doesn't drink at all.

Before a law school charity even last week this conversation ensued:

Elle Woods: Hey, they announce this stuff to you guys, where is the (event)?

Mentee: It starts here at 5:00 and the BBQ is out front at 5:20.

Elle Woods: So where is the event? (Confused since it was held at a bar last year and there was all you can drink booze).

Mentee: It's right here

(This continues for like 30 seconds)

The Dude: Ok Kid, where is the booze? (Getting to the real point)

Mentee: Ohh there isn't any this year-it was decided last year there was too much focus on drinking.

Elle Woods/The Dude: (Thinking about drinking beer all night with 3 friends for $15.00, running out of beer, getting our cars locked in the parking structure and having to name drop my Police connection to get them out, etc.)

Elle Woods: Ohh.

(Mentee walks away)

Elle Woods and The Dude: (Laugh and smile at each other for making a law school event dry).

Random Halloween Costume Discussions

Convo with the Gay Husband

Elle Woods: my next door neighbors are going the cutest thing for halloween

Elle Woods: the 1 year old son is being the cowardly lion

Elle Woods: the 3 year old is dorothy

Elle Woods: the 5 year old is glenda the good witch

Elle Woods: the dad is the tin man

Gay Husband: honey, they have so many children

Elle Woods: and the mom is the wicked witch of the west

Elle Woods: plus, my mom and i are making my dad be the scarecrow...but he does not know

Gay Husband: clearly they need to focus more on contraceptives than on halloween costumes

Gay Husband: you should make (your brother) be a lollipop kid

Gay Husband: in short shorts

Elle Woods: that is not wizard of oz

Gay Husband: the lollipop kids?

Gay Husband: yes they are, they were like a band of male munchkins

Elle Woods: ohhh...i was thinking of candy land

Convo with "Big"

(regarding our friend who can't seem to find a little black dress for her Halloween Costume)

Elle Woods: dude i have a little black dress this isn't hard

Big: yeah, seems kinda like a standard girl outfit

Big: you don't get that with your maid uniform??

Big: yeah, seeing you as a maid would be pretty damn funny

Big: just like, "God, this is dirty"

Big: "they expect me to touch it?"

Random ADD Post

1. If you really wanted to see this you could just come to the bar with me and bring a balance beam.
2. I'm sorry to whoever found me searching for this.
3. The interview went well, however, I did not know it was an unwritten rule that you write thank you cards-luckily someone set me straight and I took care of it. I'm wondering how long it'll take me to hear back, I'm rather optimistic-they talked to me like I had the job the entire time.

Things people do in law school that piss me off...

1). People think they're smarter then Professor's and feel the need to try and show it off in class. I'm sure a lot of people are smarter then Law Professor's, but you probably are not in the subject they teach. When you've had multiple book deals you can act like an ass all you want.

I'm not for Professor worship or anything like that, but do people really think this does anything other then annoy the Professor and other students, while wasting class time. If I wanted to hear your opinion on something I'd probably talk to you after class.

2). My long ass breaks where all I do is:

• Blog 8 times a day
• Read blogs
• Talk on AIM
• Blare music on my headphones

All while uppidy law students stare at me as if I should be doing something more productive. Hey, someone has to fill the center of the curve-you should be nice to me and thankful I'm willing to take one for the team the way I do...Maybe next time you see me out skipping class you should buy me a drink-did you ever think of that?

3). The fact that my classrooms and the library are so cold I have to wear fingerless gloves and look like a friggin hunter or some stupid sh*t. Whatever, at least I have my pink ones on today.

4). People who don't know what the "MUTE" button on their laptop is.

5). People who talk on their phones in the MIDDLE of the library. Me blaring my headphones is one thing, and me taking an emergency call while in the middle of the books is another thing. I'm talking about the moron who is having a conversation at full volume in the middle of the area where people study. Seriously, if I can hear you over my headphones you are TOO loud. If I'm annoyed I'm surprised the uppidy students who glare at me haven't thrown anything at you yet.

UPDATE: Right after I posted this I walked out of the library and stopped in the court yard to have a cigarette and I realized one more thing (when I was directly confronted with it):

6). People who wear 2 back-packs, one on their back and then one on their chest. IT'S CALLED A BACK-PACK PEOPLE!!! Furthermore, I saw a girl doing this, does she KNOW how unflattering that is. I literally almost stopped her to tell her she takes law school WAY too seriously. She had 2 HUGE back-packs, both about to explode. I honestly do not know even know how she had THAT many books. She was probably carrying around her books for Winter semester-just in case she had any free time-so she could get ahead on the reading and outlining.

It's not like I don't carry 2 bags, I do. I, However, have a theory that there are only 3 acceptable ways to carry 2 bags:

• Laptop case over the shoulder (i.e.-a messenger bag) and a tote bag for books (this is the approach I take)
• Laptop case over the shoulder and a back-pack (ON YOUR BACK)
• Back-Pack case for the laptop and a tote bag.
  

Notice how NONE of the acceptable methods include carrying 2 of the same type of bag (I'm looking at you kid who wears two over the shoulder bags in a giant X on his chest). Nor do any of the acceptable ways contain a rolly bag-they're annoying and loud-not to mention a pain in the ass on the stairs from what I can gather.

Note on my blogroll:

I try to update it as frequently as possible and I try to link to sites that link to me (I also link to blogs that I read even if they don't link to me). If I realize someone is linking to me and I don't have a link I generally check out their site and if it's good reading I'll add a link (just because you link to me and I haven't linked to you doesn't mean I didn't like your site-it probably means I haven't realized you link to me since I don't think I haven't added a site yet).

That said, if I've missed you let me know...I'll check out your site and most likely add a link. I read all the blogs I link to, since I:

1. Like to know what's going on with people are nice enough to read my blog
   
2. Like to know what I'm recommending
3. Usually people who link to me have WAY cooler blogs then I do anyway

In a completely unrelated note: I'm sorry for having such a negative tone the past few days. I have been dealing with a lot of stuff, all of which is my own fault, and therefore I've been being extremely hard on myself and I'm kinda down.

In short: I'm not getting along with my family, my personal life is f*cked up, and with everything else going on I'm having trouble tricking myself into thinking law school isn't that bad (I'm also realizing I'm kinda screwed in at least 2 classes)-which makes me more bitter.

Hopefully it'll all blow over and I'll manage to get over my boy troubles, but until then expect overly sappy posts as my version of therapy.

"You've gone to the finest school all right, Miss Lonely"

I'm listening to Like a Rolling Stone in the library right now (i.e.-skipping class); with everything that's going on in my personal life, my instabilty and doubt regarding my future something about the song really hit me. I started to tear up. (Seriously, I know I'm lame).

I don't know what it is, tomorrow is my interview and I had finally started to feel like I might actually find work, yet I still feel completely lost and I'm not really sure I made the right choice when I decided to come to law school.

I really think the only thing keeping me here at this point in time is my student loans and knowing I'd never be able to repay them on the salary I'd make with my degree from undergrad. Plus, I feel like I've made it this far so I might as well stick it out.

I guess if I do get this job maybe I'll really like it and my faith in my decision will be renewed. If I don't like it (or I don't get it) I guess I can just join the peace corps for a few years (so they'll forgive some of my debt)-it's always been a dream of mine, but I've never had the balls to do it.

Note to Self:

You can cancel the Botox appointment.

I went to 4 bars yesterday and bought a pack of cigarettes-I was carded each time. I was so excited since lately I have not been getting carded for cigarettes at all, and rarely been getting carded for alcohol.

Apparently law school hasn't aged me as much as I thought it had.

It's official...

I have THE MOST unhealthy relationships with men in the history of the world.

I'd like to thank my father for our extremely disfunctional relationship setting the standard for the fucked up relationships with all other men.

It wouldn't be SO depressing if I had any idea how to stop it. But, at the age of 22 it seems that I'm just destined to have unhealthy relationships with men for the rest of my life. Sometimes it's because I pick the wrong men, sometimes it's because I'm not honest with them, sometimes it's just not meant to ever work out, sometimes I drive them away, and sometimes it's a combination of 2 or more of these elements.

I've really begun to think I mess up relationships on purpose so I don't have to actually get close to anyone.

If only I hadn't quit seeing my shrink because "she annoyed me" and "wanted to talk about my negative features too much." I'm sure she'd tell me I do sabotage relationships as a way to keep myself at a distance, in an attempt to assure I don't get too emotionally attached or hurt-but what the hell does she know?

I've never

My fellow blogging blonde wants to play I've never, I'm SO game...(To play, just cut & paste the list to your blog, and bold any of the ones that are true.)

• smoked a cigarette
• crashed a friend's car
• stolen a car
• been in love
• been dumped
• shoplifted
• been fired
• been in a fist fight
• snuck out of your parent's house
• had feelings for someone who didn't have them back
• been arrested
• gone on a blind date
• lied to a friend
• skipped school
• seen someone die
• had a crush on one of your internet friends-this one depresses me.
• been to Canada
• been to Mexico
• been on a plane
• purposely set a part of yourself on fire
• eaten sushi
• been jet-skiing
• met someone in person from the internet-this one also depresses me
• been moshing at a concert
• taken pain killers
• loved and missed someone
• made a snow angel
• had a tea party-how sad is it I've never had a tea party!
• flown a kite
• built a sand castle
• gone puddle jumping
• played dress up
• jumped in a pile of leaves
• gone sledding
• cheated while playing a game
• been lonely
• fallen asleep at work or school
• used a fake id
• watched a sun set
• felt an earthquake
• touched a snake
• slept beneath the stars
• been tickled
• been robbed
• been misunderstood
• petted a reindeer/goat
• won a contest
• run a red light/stop sign
• been suspended from school-I have had in school suspension
• been in a car accident
• had braces
• eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
• had deja vu
• danced in the moonlight
• liked the way you looked at least at one point in time
• witnessed a crime
• questioned your heart
• been obsessed with post-it notes
• squished barefoot through the mud
• been lost
• been on the opposite side of the country
• swam in the ocean
• felt like dying-I went through a phase when I was really depressed.
• cried yourself to sleep
• played cops and robbers
• recently colored with crayons
• sung karaoke
• paid for a meal with only coins
• done something you told yourself you wouldn't
• made prank phone calls
• laughed until some kinda beverage came out of your nose
• caught a snow flake on your tongue
• danced in the rain
• written a letter to Santa Claus
• been kissed under the mistletoe by your boy/girlfriend
• watched the sun rise with someone you care about
• blown bubbles
• made a bonfire on the beach-lots of other bonfire thought
• crashed a party
• gone rollerskating
• had a wish come true
• worn pearls
• jumped off a bridge
• ate dog/cat food
• told a complete stranger that you loved them-uggg, more trouble.
• kissed a mirror
• sang in the shower
• had a dream you married someone
• glued your hand to something
• got your tongue stuck to something
• kissed a fish or a frog
• sat on a roof top
• screamed at the top of your lungs
• did a one handed cartwheel
• talked on the phone for more the 6 hours-close thought
• stayed up all night
• not taken a shower for a week-I had a surgery and I wasn't allowed to...low point in my life!
• picked and eaten an apple right off the tree-I have done so with a pear
• climbed a tree
• had a tree house
• admitted you are scared to watch scary movies alone
• believed in ghosts
• had more than 30 pairs of shoes at the same time-try right now!
• worn a really ugly outfit to school just to see what others would say
• gone streaking
• gone dingdong ditching-???
• pushed into a pool/hottub with all your clothes on
• been told you're hot by a complete stranger
• broken a bone
• been easily amused
• caught a fish
• caught a butterfly
• laughed so hard you cried
• cried so hard you laughed
• laughed so hard you pee your pants
• cheated on a test
• had or do you currently have a Britney Spears CD
• forgotten someone's name
• french braided someone's hair
• been kissed by someone you didn't like
• gone skinny dipping in a pool /lake
• been threatened to be kicked out of your house
• been kicked out of your house

"I've spent $40,000 on shoes and I have no place to live? I will literally be the old woman who lived in her shoes!"

How bad is it that earlier tonight I found a pair of shoes I brought this spring in my closet as I re-organized and I had completely forgotten I even bought them. They are literally BRAND NEW.

The sad part is they're sandals so they'll have to wait until next spring to make their debut (unless some handsome gentleman sweeps me off my feet and takes me on a tropical getaway this winter...ok, stop laughing, I get that I won't be wearing them until it's warm again-but a girl can dream).

The even sadder part is that 2 of my favorite pairs of shoes are M.I.A.-at least they're sandals so I know I have time to find them.

Weekend Wrap-Up

Crazy Fun Weekend...

Friday I got an interview (I seriously screamed and jumped around for 20 minutes since I have a really good feeling about it). I took my new suits to get the sleeves shortened and then I went and bought a new shell (ok I bought 2) to wear under the grey suit I'm going to wear to the interview Wednesday. I got a red one and a dark fuchsia one (super cute).

Sadly, I realized, I can't tell the story about how I ended up coming home in a police car on Friday. I can tell you that I furthered that whole "cops hating lawyers" thing by refusing to take a breathalizer and telling the cop who was trying to give me one that he was just trying to trick me so he could give me a drunk and disorderly citation (and trust me-I did so ever so nicely). Once he explained that I wasn't getting a ride home unless I took said breathalizer I obliged (and blew a PRETTY high BAC-despite my claims of having had only one glass of wine).

So, I was driven home by a cute young officer. I knocked on the glass and made him open it so I could harass him and tell him that I was the most exciting run he was going to have all night (he argued that I would be the most boring-but I knew better) since I was positive that nothing exciting ever happens in the afluent suburb I call home.

Saturday, the gay husband and I went shopping...I did a TON Of damage (pictured below-along with my green shag carpet-Did I mention my room hasn't been re-carpeted since the 1970's?).




As you can see I got:

1. A FABULOUS pair of black pumps from Aldo
2. A light pink scarf with glittery strands
3. A scarf with really cool yarn loops at the end and matching convertible mittens (so my hands don't freeze in class)
4. A new Until There's a Cure bracelet
5. A keychain with my initial on it (not pictured)
6. Leather Protectant from Aldo (not pictured)
7. Body Scrub, Intensive Conditioner, Lip Gloss, Concealer, and 2 colors of Eyeshadow Base from Origins-Origins also gave me tons of free samples!

I still haven't gotten over the tragic footwear situation that occured before I bought the ones that I did (actually I was going to get both pairs). The other ones were also from Aldo; black with a pointed toe, 3'' stilletto heel, a strap over the top of the foot which buttoned with a pink button and PINK piping (which perfectly matched my "Legally Blonde" suit). The real kicker was that they were on sale for $20. Apparently some large footed wench returned them (they only had size 11-a real problem since I wear a 7 1/2)...They were part of the fall 2003 collection-but they were amazing.

Saturday night I celebrated a 21st birthday of a good friend and I might have actually had a higher BAC then what I blew on Friday night.

Today I revised my resume, attempted to get some reading done, took a nap, re-organized my shoes, and cleaned out my closet.

All things considered-an awesome weekend. Let's just hope I get this job so I can afford all the stuff I just bought.

I got you babe...

To the person who "drafted" me to sing Karaoke tonight against my will:

1. If you're going to make me sign Sonny and Cher "I Got You Babe" have the balls to get up there with me-thanks to E. Patrick for singing with me.
2. Anyone who actually wants to hear me sing is seriously disturbed (which we already knew), but I still did better then you did so whatever.
   
3. I know who you are despite your denials.
4. I also saw you steal my cigarettes-I don't know which one I'm more pissed about-so you better watch out.
5. I have pics and video of you singing so as soon as I find a place to host the video you can bet your ass it's going on the internet.

Random Note: Despite barely being 22 years old I realized tonight that I'm getting old. I left karaoke sober at midnight and when I got home I just had a terrible headache (really I've had it since I got to the bar)...Whatever, at least I still have my tolerance.

Thursday Linkage

Bear chase leads to Marijuana Bust.

The worst part is that arguably the smartest living thing involved in the story was later captured and killed.

Tanning Bed Story

This morning I once again forgot my parking card (I switched purses and I still have to yet to take it out of the one I was previously using) , so, again I had to stop and make an ATM and purchase something so I'd have change. Today I purchased a pack of Citrus Mint Orbit Gum (It's seriously delicious).

As a result of my love for this gum I've been chewing it compulsively, and as I popped in a piece after my cigarette break in Constitutional Law II I noticed the rate as which I'd been chewing it and was reminded of a girl I knew back in undergrad. One night when I hung out with her she bought a pack of Bubble Gum and proceeded to chew all 6 pieces compulsively, explaining that if she has gum she cannot control herself and she HAD to chew it immediately; plus, she would only chew it when it still had really strong flavor.

We'll call her "Carly*," I met her in my German 2 class and always thought she was extraordinarily annoying. She was in the business school (read: She was taking the class for fun instead of to fulfill her language requirement) she was also what I have come to call a "gunner," but in the days before Law School I hadn't ever heard the term. My "special male friend" and I used to make fun of her mercilessly. When the class ended I was extremely happy because I didn't think I'd ever have to deal with her again...I was wrong.

That semester they introduced a special 8 credit course which combined German 3 and 4. I was so sick of the stupid language by that point in time that the special male friend and I decided to take it simply to be done with our language requirement. Carly, decided to take it because intensive german sounded fun to her.

Now, if you've never taken an 8 credit class, you wouldn't know how horrible an idea it is. Let me tell you, even if you LOVE the subject matter it's a lot to deal with. The workload for this class was actually lighter then I expected and it was still too much, even for those students, like Carly, who enjoyed the subject matter.

Midway through the semester Carly shed her gunner ways, started slacking, and we became fast friends. My special male friend had always predicted she was wild**, but I never believed it.

One Monday Carly came in looking particularly hungover and started unloading about how crazy her weekend had been. It was the first time she'd ever done so (it was usually me talking about drinking and doing stupid things that I undoubtedly regretted later). The conversation that ensued went something like this:

Carly: I think I'm still hungover from Saturday, I got so wasted at this Pub Crawl back at home.

Elle Woods: (Interested) Ohh yeah, how'd that go?

Carly: Well, we went to like 6 bars, but I only remember the first 3 and then I do remember part of the after party. I went with this guy that I'm not really interested in...OHH MY GOD Elle, it was so bad.

Elle Woods: (Really Interested) WHAT HAPPENED?

Carly: (Details drinking a ton of alcohol for a girl her size)

Elle Woods: So, what's so bad?

Carly: Well, so after the Pub Crawl we all decided we wanted to party more and my date owns a gym so he invited us all to go back there since they're a sauna, hot tub, and he keeps a fully stocked bar in his office.

Elle Woods: So what happened?

Carly: So, I was WASTED and I ended up having sex with him.

Elle Woods: That isn't SO bad, who hasn't used bad judgment when they were drunk before?

Carly: I had sex with him on the tanning bed at the gym, I don't even remember it. I woke up Sunday morning in the tanning bed, REALLY sunburned*** and naked. In the morning he told me I propositioned him and then after we were finished I kicked him out and told him to turn on the tanning bed.

Elle Woods: Are you serious? (Holding back laughter)

Carly: Do you see how sunburned I am, do you think I would make this shit up?

Elle Woods: (Laughs histerically) Yeah, I guess you do have a point.

*Her name was really Carly.

**I really believed it after we took her to Canada for my friends 19th birthday and within 5 minutes of getting into the club she was GRINDING (we're not talking regular grinding people, we're talking straight up sex on the dance floor) with some european guy (she had a big thing for european guys in general-hence the german classes, I later found out that she also spoke french, spanish and italian fluently).

*** Which she was.

Politically Incorrect

As I've mentioned previously, I'm a little disenfranchised with liberals, and part of it is because Political Correctness seems to be taken to extremes and it drives me crazy. Today, I was in the library killing time before Constitutional Law II and I got into a random AIM conversation with The Dude which cracked me up, as most politically incorrect thing do these days.

Elle Woods: Ann Coulter

The Dude: she's right again

Elle Woods: i agree with her more and more these days

Elle Woods: she's been calling for GW's head

The Dude: yeah i took the bush sticker off

Elle Woods: WHOA

The Dude: yeah replaced it with a kwame one

Elle Woods: i parked next to you today

Elle Woods: i did not notice that

The Dude: yeah it's the kwamemobile* now

Elle Woods: i think you just like making me crack up in the library

The Dude: got the windows tinted

The Dude: listen to JLB all the time

The Dude: spinners

The Dude: dead hooker in the back

The Dude: whole nine yards

The Dude: wear a doo rag underneath my hat

The Dude: which is now turned sideways

*His car had previously been called "The BushMobile"

Guys only want girlfriends who have great skills!

A talent of my mom's was mentioned by the Gay husband the other day...In case you don't feel like reading that particularly long post I'll tell you what it is. She can stand on her head and drink a beer*. Now, I only actually seen this trick performed once (albeit at a young and fragile age), but trust me-it's pretty impressive. It's definitely more showy then just doing a keg stand.

It got me thinking about "skills" I have, and whenever I do that I think about a conversation that I had with "The Dairy Queen"** in which we realized that in addition to my mom's cool trademark move, her mom's was putting her fist in her mouth.***

It was at this point in time that the dairy queen and I confessed to each other that we could both also fit our fists on our mouths****. That's right readers, my secret talent is being able to put my entire fist inside my mouth.

*For those of you who are interested in teaching yourself said trick, my lovely mother says the trick is drinking out of the wrong side of the glass. My mom also says it's a GREAT way to get someone to buy you a beer, since nobody believes you can actually do it they always take the bet. (This is also where my mother points out that it's a great way to pick up men and/or flash them by "innocently forgetting" to tuck in your shirt...Yeah, this is what I was working with people-it's a miracle I turned out as well as I did so let's not be too harsh when I do stupid stuff).

** My Best Girlfriend-I also have a "Tastey Treat" Nick-Name but it corresponds to my last name (her's does too-hence why it's so cool) so I am choosing not to divulge it here-but trust me, mine is EVEN cooler-so if you really want to know it e-mail me.

***This was also around when we realized we were doomed.

****To all the men out there who insist I show them this trick as soon as they hear I can do it: STOP! That is annoying.

Exchange of the Day

As my boss was talking about how the man she was having lunch with tends to use a lot of "colorful" language.

Boss: He's even worse then you are.

Legally Blonde: Yeah, I am a bit of a sailor...That's kinda funny since I get sea sick.

Best In Show

I've convinced the Gay Husband to start blogging, so in his honor I'm posting our Random AIM conversation from last night about the raising our love child.

Legally Blonde: i'm sure when we have our love child it'll be good too
Gay Husband: you don't think that will make us feel older?
Legally Blonde: no, because we'll be like keeping up with a little kid...do you know how much energy they have?
Gay Husband: i thought you would be doing all the keeping up, and i would just have to be present so that he/she/zie has a masculine influence
Gay Husband: (i'm hoping she)
Legally Blonde: well, fair enough
Gay Husband: haha, i figured you were going to challenge that
Gay Husband: at least the masculine part
Legally Blonde: well, i was thinking my brother could also be a masculine influence
Legally Blonde: plus, i don't really care if she has a masculine influence
Gay Husband: haha
Gay Husband: honey we have to be careful that our child does not develop with preconcieved notions of gender normity
Legally Blonde: such as? being too femme?
Gay Husband: for one
Legally Blonde: well, that is where my brother can help a bit
Gay Husband: i wouldn't want her to feel she can't participate in sports
Gay Husband: or do other masculine things
Gay Husband: i can't really think of any at the moment
Legally Blonde: i could so teach her how to play softball andbasketball as well as how to golf and ski
Legally Blonde: i would let you handle swimming...since you are better, but i could also teach her that
Gay Husband: honey, i've got swimming
Legally Blonde: haha
Gay Husband: and your brother had better not try to intervene
Legally Blonde: haha
Gay Husband: clearly i am actually trained in it
Legally Blonde: he is not a good swimmer, it's kinda funny to watch him since he's such a good diver
Gay Husband: and clearly i can teach her to cook and sew
Legally Blonde: yeah i can teach her to make "special" brownies
Gay Husband: and your mother can teach her to chug a beer while standing on her head
Legally Blonde: HAHAHA, i'm trying to think of other skills i have
Gay Husband: i can teach her how to work with animals
Legally Blonde: HUNNY! You get all the fun stuff
Legally Blonde: and you don't even want her
Gay Husband: i would def have the better job for when they have those elementary career fairs
Legally Blonde: i'd be like "well handled your parents divorce"
Gay Husband: all the kids always love the veterinarian
Gay Husband: you can explain to her why her mommy and daddy are not married
Gay Husband: or sleep in the same room

Finally, a curve that works in my favor*

I happened upon this post about the hottness curve law school girls are placed on.

Law school women are nasty. Hence, my friend Eman has provided me with a suitable mathematical equation for describing the relative hotness of a legal hottie in comparison to the rest of the female kingdom.

Law School Rating formulat = 2f(x) - 2 = relative hotness

Hence, the average girl at law school is rated a 5 on the normal curve.

So the gross adjustment of f(x) squared would render our legal non-hottie a much more tolerable rating of 8 when one does the simple math. 2(5) - 2 = 8. (sic)

This quite possibley makes Reese Witherspoon the hottest rated woman in the history of male ratings. Given that Reese, star in Legally Blonde, was probably a 9 on her own merit. Given some law school affirmative action on her ratings her rating would jump to an astounding 16. Reese is off the charts.

Witherspoon mathematical model of hotness yields 2(9) - 2 = 16.

*Other then my own curves of course, which work in my favor daily.

Quote of the Day

While "Professor Falls" was talking about why laws prohibiting sodomy are attacking the act itself but have been justified based on societies problems with homosexual lifesyles:

Let me get at this Backwards.

Myself and maybe 2 guys laughed, and they only did after I put my head down I was giggling so badly.

To the man on the yellow bicycle,

Thank you for giving me a "holla" this afternoon from the bicycle that you rode down the middle of the road in front of the law school. Your skills handling that bike (that was far too small for you I might add) as you turned completely around to continue to "holla" at me were spectacular. I was especially impressed that you were able to keep it up for over a block while giving me a coy smile and pagent waive. I was in a pissy mood and while usually this type of thing annoys me, today it made me laugh.

Forever Yours,
Elle Woods

Samples from my Notes Today:

Employment Discrimination:

Cannot be a disparate impact if it’s just that your sample is full of dumbass women who sucked at taking the stupid test; when in reality, had you tested smart women there would not have been a disparate impact.

It's sentences like this that make me wonder if I'm even a liberal (but that is a whole different post-as I realized today that while I like the ideas the Democratic Party stands for I'm generally sick of them and most other liberals).

Constitutional Law II:

After "Professor Falls" said he had it on good authority that a member of the Supreme Court is gay:

Who is the gay on the Supreme Court?

(For the record that was the only note I took for the first 90 minutes of class-ADD was in FULL effect.)

With notetaking skills like this I can't hardly believe I had trouble when I sit down to outline.

"Welcome to Detroit City"

I was going to post about how shitty it was that I:

• Had to get up at 6:00 a.m. to drive my brother to school (how did I ever survive high school?)
• Got only 3 1/2 hour of sleep
• Forgot my Student ID card (which I use to pay for parking and being that I had no cash I had to make a detour to a gas station to make and ATM and buy a Sugar Free Red Bull)

But had those things not occured I would never have gotten to take this picture:

My car was literally HOT as I drove past it (granted I did get pretty close since I made a right turn around it essentially). The Craziest part was that nobody was really acting all that shocked about it. Everyone was just going about their day, giving it a quick glance as they walked past or waited for the bus.

I'm seriously doing anything to avoid reading...

Which means I'm checking my sitemeter (and blogging for the 87th* or so time today). I rarely do so because I'm lazy/know I only get about 60 hits a day/don't really care, but I came upon this-which is awesome!

Someone asked me how far down I was on google if you searched for "Legally Blonde" this weekend and I had no idea (don't even bother checking-I'm not on the first page and who really ever looks beyond there?), but now I can officially say "I'm #5 if you search on MSN for 'Legally Blonde.'"

I would like to point out that said person pointed out (in an effort to cheer me up after essentially pointing out that my blog isn't as cool as his) if you search for "Legally Blonde Blog" my profile is right at the top-so if the stalker finds out the name of my blog he will be able to find it pretty easily. (I can also be found at the very top by doing a google blog search for Legally Blonde-but that isn't very surprising, now is it?)

Stalker bonus fact: He has my phone number. This has AWESOME written all over it. He already left me the longest voicemail I've ever gotten, so shall see what other crazy things he does-since let's be real, you KNOW he's going to...I think the song proves that.

*Is it weird that when I throw out a random number to embellish that I've done something a lot in one day I ALWAYS throw out 87? Ok, that's a bit of an fib. I sometimes say "A-Fin-Nit-Tee" (a la-Napoleon Dynamite) but that's not exactly throwing out a number.

Highlight of my Day...

Driving down the road and seeing that the brick was being put onto the building (to the right, it's not pictured here) and that the sign was up for the new Lodge (which will have alcohol-the current one just has beer and wine). I had to turn around and snap a picture of it.

Man, I LOVE my camera.

Taking Pictures While Driving is Safe

I can't really figure out what would possess a person to put an MSU and U of M flag on their car but this moron did. My brother pointed out that maybe they have children who go to both schools, but in that case wouldn't you just not put a flag on at all?

One thing is for sure, I started singing:

Hail to the Victors Valiant,
Hail to the Conquering Heroes,
Hail, Hail!
To Michigan, the leaders and best!
Hail to the Victors Valiant,
Hail to the Conquering Heroes,
Hail, Hail!
To Michigan, the Champions of the West!

Why my Mom is Funnier then I am...

She cleverly changes Matthew McConaughey's name to:

1. Matthew McHunk-aughey
2. Matthew McHot-aughey

This started years ago when talking about him and to this day I laugh whenever I hear it. I was forced to buy the special yearly edition of Cosmo that focuses exclusively on Men because of pictures like this:

Let the Rain Fall Down*

Because of this weekends focus on "Coming Clean" about things I wanted to come clean to you, my readers, as well...

Recently, with the change of the seasons, I opted for a slightly darker hair color. Technically, I'm no longer "Legally Blonde," but I still act the part so the name still fits. And, fear not, eventually I will get bored/realize blondes really do have more fun/or the weather will change back to sunny, and I will have blonde tresses once again.

*Yes I did just quote Hilary Duff, you got a problem with it?

Why Blog?

Lately, as more and more people find out I've been blogging I seem to be dealing with the question of "Why do you blog?" more and more.

I'm not really even sure who reads anymore so my initial justification of wanting to keep friends who had moved away informed doesn't really hold up. So, I got to thinking. All I could really come up with was that I'm narcissistic and I like that people read what I have to say (despite excessive grammatical errors, generally poor writing, and WAY too many parenthesis...I'm sure everyone is wondering how I even got into law school given my lack of ability to post something without spelling errors/typos/etc).

I often think of Blogging as very therapeutic-but really I think it's just that it's a forum where I can exercise my narcissism without criticism and I enjoy that so much I find it therapeutic.

There is also that I like to tell myself I'm funny (when in reality, deepdown, I know that the only person who ever finds this blog humorous is me-but whatever, I'm narcissistic and don't really care).

In the vein of indulging my "telling of stories that only I find funny" today I was talking to a friend about naming children (and how I had named the little boy next door-Matthew Thomas, if you're interested), and the sorts of names I enjoy the following conversation (roughly) ensued.

Me: I really like the names Oliver and Olivia for kids.

Friend: I like Morgan, for girls.

Me: Yeah, and I like Caleb and Connor.

Friend: Those are names yuppies give their kids.

Me: I have a Caribou Coffee Card on my keychain, I am a yuppie...I also like Gwendolyn.

Friend: What is with people getting into old-timey names, how about Gertrude.

I don't know why, but I thought it was the funniest thing I've ever heard...I doubt any of my 4 readers even cracked a smile. I appreciate that I have any readers any more since I'm not too sure I'd still be reading (but then again for all I know all my original readers are gone).

mmm...Toasty!

The other day I was talking to Mike from Barely Legal and what I was going to get for lunch came up.

Me: I'm having a Quizno's craving...I think I'll go there*.

Mike: I love Quizno's, what do you want to get?

Me: I don't eat red meat, so I'm limited to Turkey and Chicken when it comes to lunch meat.

Mike: Yeah, I really only like turkey.

Me: I ALWAYS get the Turkey, Bacon, Guacamole. Normally I would not eat bacon but it's SOOO good.

Mike: Yeah I always get the Classic Italian.

Me: That isn't Turkey.

Mike: Yeah I know, I always mean to order something else and then when I go to order "Classic Italian" always comes out...I don't even like it.

Today I SWORE I was going to try the Cabo Chicken, but I pulled "a Mike" and "Turkey, Bacon, Guacamole" just came out when I went to order...Ohh well, at least it's a sub I like.

*I did not end up going to Quizno's, I went to Potbellies because it was more on the way to where I was going.

SAY CHEEEEEEESE!

I just bought this digital camera. I am going to pick it up in the store tonight!

I don't really know anything about digital cameraa and what makes them sweet so I just followed my neighbors advice and got one with 5 megapixels and what I thought was a pretty good zoom. Really, I got it because it is "ultrathin" and it'll fit into all the mini purses I carry much better then a less expensive bulky one with the same features.

I'm sure now we'll all have photos to look forward to!

I also got the leather carrying case and memory stick upgrade...Apparently I think I'm a baller who can spend money as if I'm not on a budget.

UPDATE: The camera is SOOO cool. It's even smaller then I thought it was and the case way cuter then most camera cases! I'm so excited about my purchase!!!

Update...

Not that anyone cares about this at all or even wants an update but it's my blog and I'm choosing to be nerdy.

In the Nation Building Game I'm playing my country is shaping up like this:

UN Category: Left Wing Utopia

Civil Rights: World Benchmark (how awesome is THAT)

Economy: Fair

Political Freedoms: Superb

• I'm up to 9 Million People
• The tax rate went down to a 30% average progressive tax
• All Drugs are legal
• People are free to do whatever they want with their bodies-so college students sell their kidney's (that was an unintended consequence)
• Surveillance Cameras are banned
• My economy is now dominated by the IT field
• Tariffs have been abolished

Things are shaping up just about how I had expected.

"The final scene shows a scorched and tattered Baby Smurf sobbing inconsolably, surrounded by prone Smurfs."

This morning I read about the UNICEF Belgium Smurf Commerical.

I'm shocked, I'm doubting something like that would even make it onto the air here. Although it's just violence and we all know kids can watch as much violence as they can-we have to worry when they see a nipple though.

I really want to actually see the commercial...I suppose I could put my "Germanic Language Skills" to good use and look around the UNICEF Belgium website-but that would be kinda annoying.

Why I'm a Nerd...

My friend (with minimal convincing) has me playing a Nation Building Game.

It's fun, you answer 20 or so Political questions and a nation is created and then everyday you get "issues" to decide on which shape your nation. So far the description of my Nation's status is:

UN Category: Liberal Democratic Socialists

Civil Rights: Excellent

Economy: Developing

Political Freedoms: Superb

The People's Republic of ElleWoods is a tiny, environmentally stunning nation, remarkable for its absence of drug laws. Its compassionate, intelligent population of 5 million love a good election, and the government gives them plenty of them. Universities tend to be full of students debating the merits of various civil and political rights, while businesses are tightly regulated and the wealthy viewed with suspicion.

The enormous, corrupt, socially-minded government devotes most of its attentions to Social Welfare, with areas such as Law & Order and Defence receiving almost no funds by comparison. The average income tax rate is 34%, but much higher for the wealthy. An almost nonexistent private sector is dominated by the Automobile Manufacturing industry.

Crime is well under control. ElleWoods's national animal is the English Bulldog, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its currency is the Snap.

We'll see how this develops.

Have you ever wondered what I would look like as a Lego?

Well, thanks to Blonde Justice and this website you don't have to wonder any longer.

And since I'm too hungover to do any school work, yet not sleepy enough to nap yet; you get the benefit of seeing what I look like doing all sorts of different things.

Here I am last night at the bar with an appletini and a cigarette (I wish I could also have a microphone since I definitely sang karaoke with the 1L's last night):

Here's me at school making a phone call (realistically I'd also have a cigarette):

Here's what I'll look like tonight at the Weezer concert singing with them on stage:

Here's me in my new suit looking professional with my palm pilot:

Here's what I look like as a Superhero (I'll let you decide if you think I'm really a superhero or it's just a costume):

In case you were wondering (and I know you are):

• Yes, I do wear a tiara all the time.
• Yes, I do have angel wings. (But I can tuck them neatly under my suit jacket and you don't even notice them).
• Yes, the boobs are to scale in the picture of me at the bar.
• Yes, I was disappointed that there were no high heels.
• No, I do not wear the shirt of the band I'm going to see in real life-that was just for dramatic effect.
• Yes, I do have on pants with my superhero outfit but they're being blocked by my shield. Ok, they're not really pants so much as they they are bright red underwear.
• Yes, smoking hazardous to your health; especially when you're a lego on account of being plastic.

Law School Urban Legend

Well we knew it would happen sooner or later...I'd have to Eat my words about how law school is fantastic and splendid and how I don't actually hate it. I thought it would take to November for this to occur but I'm already doing it on October 6th*.

Anyway, the point here is that I'd like to address a myth. Everyone tells the 1L's that "It gets better after first year." Yeah, that my friends, is just that, a MYTH. While picking your classes makes it a little better by the time you're out of 1L year you've blocked so much of it out that really the rest of law school is just as bad. Particularly since you're sitting there going, it's going to get better soon, and it doesn't. You get better at skimming cases and you learn which Professors you have to read for, but really it still sucks.

As I sit in the library killing time blogging rather then doing something useful like, ohh I don't READING FOR TAX, blinded by my caffeine withdrawl because it takes a Venti White Mocha with an extra shot of expresso (yes, 4 expresso shots in the mornings kids) I'm realizing that I had to leave my house an hour and 15 minutes before my 9am class started and i'm cranky and I hate law school and I refuse to read right now.

I've already missed over 1/2 my alloted absences for 2 of my classes and the others I have no idea how many I'm allowed but I'm sure I'm getting close. I've used 1/2 my "Don't call on Elle Woods" notes in employment discrimination and we're not exactly 1/2 way through yet. So basically, to sum up, I'm going to be bitching about school a lot in the near future.

In exciting news:

• My family has left town and I've got the whole house to myself.
• Tonight is Karaoke Night with the law students-drunken singing and a generally embarassingly good time will be had by all.
• Friday is the Weezer Concert!
• I'm going to the homecoming football game on Saturday and Partying at the Alma Mater that night!

*(SHHH! It's really been my feeling since the end of September but I've been hoping it was a phase-but no I'm sure of it now...LAW SCHOOL SUCKS!)

Office Hours can be fun

The other day I stopped by my Taxation Professor's office hours. I had missed class and I sit in the very front so I decided to stop by and explain to him and ask him a couple questions I had while I was there.

On his door is this picture of him with at least 50 trophies in front of him. I had to ask him what they were for.

He casually responded, "Ohh, they aren't mine...I did win a trophy once. Tennis. Doubles. My wife is very good...I'm not."

Next he launched into a story about the origin of the trophies.

Apparently, his son (a Senior at my alma mater) bought them on e-bay for a great price (and then had to pay $60 shipping). His son bought 65 trophies (most of them dance related from the description my professor gave). He described how they came unassembled and in 6 huge boxes and how confused he and his wife were when they got there. Yet, he did not describe why his son had decided to make such a purchase.

Of course, I couldn't resist asking why he bought them.

He explained that his son likes to give out trophies to people for random things, and in addition to that he likes to hold events and give out trophies. He creates new plaques for the trophies and hands them out. Apparently last weekend he hosted paddle boat races, and of course, presented the winner with a trophy.

My Professor told me all this like it was the most normal thing he'd ever heard, I don't know if that is what made it so funny for me or if it was just the story in general.

Stalker Q & A...

Well, I'm done with my reading for tomorrow and I'm sitting here listening to C-SPAN. Reading CNN and apperently I also cannot stop blogging. So I'm going to answer the questions I got from readers about the Stalker.

Mo's Questions were:

1) Since he follows you everywhere and sits beside you most of the time, does he actually TALK to you or does he pretend nothing's going on?

• Yes he does talk to me. He tends to even come up and talk to me when I've snuck outside (to avoid him) and do things like smoke in peace as I like to do. He types notes to me on his laptop in class, asks me questions that really there is no reason he should know and I get the feeling that he's just doing it to talk to me, he even tries to touch me (which is when I really freak) and tries to hold a normal conversation with me but can't seem to actually do it.

2) Did he begin to stalk you as un anonymous person or did you know from day one he was the one messed up guy?

• I knew he was a little off based on comments from class last year, and then there was the whole blog fiasco (he had a blog and a discussion board and it was vulgar (his fault and my fellow classmates fault) and the law school administration basically told him to shut it down). But now it's become clear that he is just imbalanced.

3) Don't you have some tall intimidating boyfriends who could take him OFF YOUR BACK?

• Yes, and thank goodness they all think (as if there is another way of thinking about it) that he's a total weirdo. Most of my guy friends are being really good about keeping him away from me and helping to get the point across to him that I'm not interested at all. Mike and Russ at Barely Legal have been very supportive and helpful in giving me ideas as to how to help this guy get the point that I'm not into him.

E-Blogger wanted to know:

1) If you liked him, would it still be considered stalking?

• At this level, YES!

"A pit bull in size 6 shoes."

I'm so worked up about this nomination I can't compose a coherent post so I'm just going to have to put some random thoughts out there.

1. Do you think Bush laughs inside when he says things to the effect of Harriet Miers protecting liberty?
2. If confirmed Harriet Miers will be the 110th justice to sit on the U.S. Supreme Court, she'll be the 37th (this could be wrong, Senator John Cornyn keeps saying 40th) to be nominated and confirmed without having previous judicial experience. Preserving the independence of the Judiciary does not mean that senators and the people do not have a right to know her view on hypotheicals, it doesn't mean they have to rule the same way if the facts are different.
3. Nearly 1/3 of the Justices to have served on the Supreme Court not having prior judicial experience seems really high to me.
4. I've watched WAY too much C-Span today.
5. I better go buy some coat hangers
6. Scott McClellan might be my least favorite person ever.
7. I find it odd that Dick Cheney was appointed to pick the Vice Presidentential candidate and Miers has been helping pick Supreme Court nominees.
8. "Professor Falls" is going to be going nuts tomorrow-and I'm SOO excited to hear it.
9. The justices who didn't vote for Roberts have now "cried wolf" so to speak and now it's going to be hard to get voters to understand why this would be a bad person to confirm.
10. "Legislating from the bench" is the phrase of the day. How come liberals are "legislating from the bench" and are "activist", yet decisions like Kelo and Hambi can come down and it's being "judicial"
11. I love Chuck "it could be a lot worse" Schumer; because actually, it could be. He's really an underrated politican. Quote of the day: "Her time as lottery commissioner isn't going to tell us very much."
12. As much as I love Chuck I do not like how he labeled O'Connor's seat as a "swing seat." You can't decide that seats of the Supreme Court are reversed for certain type of people. Although, lately that has happened with the replacement of Thurgood Marshall by Clarence Thomas and now the replacement of Sandra Day O'Connor with another woman. My problem with this isn't keeping women and minorities on th court, it's that I think it actually makes it harder to get them there-now there are just token woman/minority seats and we don't have to worry about filling any of the seats held by white males with anything else.

"The Wedding Song-She's Found Herself a Man" aka-the Stalker Song

The Previous Post is the song the stalker wrote for me, recorded in his living room and sent to me...CREEPY to SAY THE LEAST.

It's just a part of it, as I didn't feel like holding my phone up to my computer speakers for 4 minutes just so everyone could listen to the entire song (plus who would want to listen to a song recorded in a living room and recorded on a cell phone for that long).

So now if you're keeping track:

• The Stalker send me multiple e-mails a day
• All e-mails are signed "Hugs"
• He's 40
• He always wears Jean Shorts
• Is in all my classes
• Tries to sit next to me and has been able to 50% of the time-the last classes I outsmarted him and got there late
• He took up smoking so he could follow me out during our class breaks and stand around outside with me during breaks
• Has definitely been caught checking me out
• Has written and recorded me a song
• Sent me the song
• Stalks me in the library
• Makes comments about liking young girls (apparently 22 is JUST young enough)
• Wants to form a study group
• Sends me his class notes
• Ohh, did I mention HE WROTE, RECORDED AND SENT ME A SONG

CREEPY, SERIOUSLY.

"The Wedding Song-She's Found Herself a Man"

Nascar is not a Sport

Legally Blonde walks into 7/11 to make an ATM, buy some cigarettes and a lighter.

I glance at all the lighters. There some that look like frogs, some that are fancy and have cushioned grips, and then are a ton of Bic ones (my normal kind) but they all have NFL Logos (There are Colts, Browns, and Packers lighters at first glance).

Legally Blonde: Do you have any lighters without sports teams on them?

7/11 Employee: I have some Nascar ones behind the counter.

Legally Blonde: That wasn't really what I was looking for, but I agree that Nascar isn't a sport.

7/11 Employee: Nascar is a sport.

Legally Blonde realizes she asked for lighters without sports teams so technically if you think Nascar is a sport the employee was right to offer. She also realizes she's on fragile ground.

Legally Blonde: Right, well, yeah, I guess I'll take a Packers lighter.

7/11 Employee: Which one?

(Shows me the predominantly green one and the predominantly yellow one)

Legally Blonde: Umm Yellow I guess, It's an NFL lighter, I don't even want to carry it. There aren't any Patroits ones in there are there? Or how about a U of M one?

7/11 Employee: No, but I have these Nascar ones.

Legally Blonde: Yeah, just give me the Yellow Packers one.

Why I'm a law nerd

Gay Husband: I'm trying to petition the school the school to put a Starbucks on the bus...Wouldn't that be nice?

Legally Blonde: I guess-except for all the worker's comp claims from the coffee burns.

PS- I'm not dead...I'm just dog sitting and I haven't really wanted to blog on my bosses computer. I promise when I get a chance I'll find a way to post the song that the stalker WROTE, RECORDED AND SENT TO ME...Ohh yeah, just wait, it's frightening.

Ohh yeah...ONE MORE THING

IT'S GREAT...TO BE..A MICHIGAN WOLVERINE!!!