I just did my own taxes for the 2nd year in a row, it's like I'm an adult or something. Right up until I realize I'm still claimed by my parents and I have no idea why (outside of maybe needing for them to claim me so I can stay on my dad's awesome health insurance).
Painkillers are the shit.
And now, back to your regularly scheduled program.
UPDATE: It's 8:23 a.m. and the Vicodin has me more itchy then a streetwalker's crotch before a trip to the free clinic. While not being in pain is cool walking around like a dog who lost their flea collar is not cool.
I just had to help my grandparents enroll in Medicare Rx Drug coverage. My grandma had been pressuring my grandpa to figure it out for months and after attempting to read the booklet multiple times he was so confused and disenfranchised that he had all but given up.
My grandma doesn't take any prescription drugs at all but apparently she still had to be enrolled in a plan-which she will have to pay $20.47 a month for and then in the future should they ever need Prescriptions they were range in price between $12-$35. Way to save seniors money Dubya, frighten them with increased costs down the road so they enroll whether they need coverage or not. My grandma has to pay $250 a year in case she needs Prescription coverage sometime in the future, when really she's extremely healthy for 77.
My grandpa actually does benefit from the plan I found him, which took me about 2 hours. He had been paying about $2,500 in Prescription drugs a year and now he'll be paying $13.67 a month premium, $50.88 a month in Co-Pay's for prescriptions which applies after he's paid his $250 deductible.
All and all, while it did take me about 3 hours between reading the manual and time spent on the phone it wasn't that hard to figure out, unless you're a senior citizen who doesn't really catch on to complex things which require cross referencing pages, prolonged time on the phone, mathematical computation and adjustments based on what prescriptions you take.
Wow, things are going downhill here when I'm posting my my cell phone and Medicare. Whatever I'm on pain killers and the fact that I even composed a post is impressive.
I took the Which New York Times Columnist are You Quiz and big surprise (Being that I loved article entitled "What's a Modern Girl to Do?"...
You are Maureen Dowd!
You like to give people silly nicknames (I do this all the time-especially with guy when refering to them to my friends) and write in really short, non sequitur paragraphs (Thank you A.D.D.). You're the most playful (Playful...hehehe) of the columnists and a rock-ribbed liberal (Damn Straight), but are often accused of being too flamboyant (Ya think? Is it the insane amounts of pink, the manicures, or all the heels?) and frivolous (You mean writing about your phone all the time is frivolous?). You tend to focus on style over substance (Obviously), personality over politics (Lately I have been, despite having been far more into politics in my youth). But your heart is in the right place (AWWWWWWWWW!). Plus, you are a total fox (This is without a doubt the most accurate quiz ever).
Random Sex and the City Conversation*
Elle Woods: Hunny, Miranda is sleeping with her law books that is so me.
The Gay Husband: Hunny, you are not cynical enough to be Miranda...I picture you more as a Charlotte.
*I've been watching all the seasons in a row since I got the box set.
With all that has been written by me and others lately (I'd insert links but I just got home from the office and I still have deps to read over) about the source of Lawyers unhappiness I think it basically it all comes down to one thing. Billable hours. (I know I'm acting like I'm some existentialist genius for realizing this but hang in here with me).
Now, I'm not talking about the firm montra that you always need to be billing more, we all know when we get into this that the hours are insane. No, what I'm talking about is more the effect Billable hours have on your perception of time.
Who could ever enjoy themselves while living their life in 6 minutes intervals in which they stress out about things that in the grand scheme of things aren't even important and then documenting those 6 minute intervals only to then later type the 6 minute intervals into a computer? When you get to the point where you're upset you "wasted" 6 minutes if you were at the office and didn't bill something isn't it a bit depressing? Shouldn't you allow yourself some time which is just for you everyonce and awhile?
Sadly, while I recognize the problem and how it's starting to effect me, I'm still a slave to the firm and I'm about to start reading deps because I'm missing work Monday for surgery and possibly Tuesday and I want to get a small jump on my February billing.
Everyone who is insisting I need to post a picture in the Elle Woods suit, it, much like my new glasses, is far too unique to post here. Sorry for the disappointment.
I am a genius, and found a loophole in the evil Verizon Wireless scheme which I thought would force me to go into public with my father. I registered our account online and then realized my dad was due for an upgrade at a discount, so I ordered my new phone right then and there.
I present to you, my new phone...
(Yes I did order a pink phone using my dad's phone number but I will be the one using it.)
And it's new carrying case...
Mike (Of Mike and Ike) Responded to my question "How is Ike?" with this picture:
ElleWoods626: you did not even just send me a pic of your dogs ass
barelylegalblog: oh but i did
barelylegalblog: its so cute, look at his little feet
JW at Camel Nose has convinced me to change teams (at least for her). Once the benefits of dating women were spelled out for me I knew it was the way to go. Sadly, I'll have to get over that whole "liking guys" thing (not that women aren't hot too, and I'm sure you're lovely JW) and the super sweet boy I've been talking to. But once I handle all that, I'm so changing teams.
Ohh, and Mike, since you were so turned on if it's ok with JW you can watch.
After much convincing from Mike which consisted of arguments such as this:
barelylegalblog: look, i cant just let some girl who holds herself out to the law school blogging community as the real elle woods say that she would seriously fuck the biggest piece of white trash, waste of a human life in this pop culture history
ElleWoods626: he'd have to be clean
ElleWoods626: i thought that was understood
barelylegalblog: clean shmean, he has a permanent odor of jim beam, stale ciggies and ball sweat
I've been convinced that I would not in fact have sex with Kevin Federline (even if he didn't have cornrows or a scrunchie in) and that I do have some self respect and that I am better then that. Thanks for the intervention Mike, I clearly needed it. Plus I don't want to loose my conveted spot as the only blog that "Mike" from Barely Legal comments on, whatever would I do if I did?
I'm wondering how many of you know (or knew before this post) what collar stays are?
The [ASSociate] came in today looking like crap (again) and my boss went nuts about the collar stays and how he needs to start ironing (of paying someone else to iron) his shirts. The best part was when I asked if I could go to a dep for a case I've been handling next week and then followed up with:
I know I need to have a suit on and have my hair straight and all that...So we don't need to have a conversation about it or anything. Ohh, and is it fine if I wear a suit with pink pink stripes, I wanted to check with you before I wore something that wasn't extremely conservative.My boss just looked at me and said
Your hair is fine curly, and I know you know how to dress, I'm not worried about it. You're capable of acting like a grown up unlike some people that work here. I'm sure any suit you own will be completely acceptable, plus it's not like you don't wear pink 3 times a week so why would pinstripes be an issue?Awesome, simply Awesome. Not only did I get called a "grown-up" I got told I know how to dress by a man that wears insanely expensive suits. Plus, I'd been saving it for a special occasion but now I finally get to wear my "Elle Woods" suit.
The genius that is federal government and bureaucracy never ceases to amaze me. Being that I go to school and work in Detroit to say the Superbowl (and all its street closures) is a moderate inconvience is a bit of an understatement. No valet service or street side parking is allowed. Plus there are little things like mail slots all had to sealed, and all mailboxes were picked up off the street so a bomb cannot be placed in them. However, UPS and FedEx package drop off points were left on the streets and in buildings. Genius, to say the least.
ElleWoods626: honestly i love britney but k-fed is just too much these days
ElleWoods626: have you heard that song
blblogruss: I'm not aware he had a song
ElleWoods626: ohh
ElleWoods626: it's really funny
blblogruss: but I admire his penchant for moocherness
blblogruss: we can smell our own
ElleWoods626: everyone can smell k-fed
blblogruss: he does look smelly
ElleWoods626: marlboro's, not showering since 2002, weed, and whiskey is a unique scent
ElleWoods626: ohh
ElleWoods626: and red bull
ElleWoods626: tons of redbull
That is the only justifiable reason that Britney married him (can't you just see her being a size queen?).
Anyway, When I first heard K-Fed's new masterpiece I knew it was an instant classic (with lyrics like: "I wanna see your kitty and a little bit of titty" how could it not be?) , then I saw his interpretive dance to it (man what a GREAT back-up dancer he must have been) and I can officially say it came damn close to being the new video I watch to cheer myself up. Then I came to my senses and realized that Hasselhoff has been with me for almost 5 years and he cannot be replaced. Not to mention David has more talent in his taint then Kevin Federline has in his entire greasy-white trashy-body.
I'm sitting in the law library and after I got busted dancing around to "This Is How We Do It" I decided to watch the episodes of The Office that I downloaded. It's the one where Michael burned his foot on a George Foreman Grill making himself breakfast in bed. I'm laughing REALLY loud, like way past inappropriate. But then again, it's not like it's the first time I've done something inappropriate in the law library.
Disgruntled Law Student: All I want to know is why there hasn't been a Welcome Back party this term? I don't expect student government to do much, free beer twice a year is all I ask. Is that really too much? What are they even doing instead? I just want some beer! I want to see everyone! Fuck this, I'm going to run for President.
Elle Woods: Seriously, considering what we put up with I don't think free beer twice a beer is too much to ask...But then again, [insert names of 3 friends] and I were single handedly responsible for the Ambulance Chase becoming a dry event since there was "too much of a focus on drinking." The best part, was that the kid who I mentor told me about why the change was made, but had no idea it was because of me. Plus we did all play flippy cup and quarters at the Welcome Back party this fall, so that might be why.
DLS: Ohh, yeah, I forgot about that.
I just had a conversation with a law student I semi-dated this summer. It went as follows:
Elle Woods: Like my new glasses?
Him: Since when do you wear glasses?
Elle Woods: Since I was 19, and basically everyday since I've been in law school.
Him: Didn't you wear contacts?
Elle Woods: No I have contacts but I have an astigmatism and they hurt my eyes so I never wear them...Remember when I used to have to take my glasses off when you kissed me?
Him: No.
Elle Woods: Everytime I talk to you it becomes more clear why things didn't work out.
I got new 2 new pairs of glasses yesterday. They are fabulous. The purchase of these 2 new pairs is making me think I'm replacing my shoe fetish for eyewear. I now own 5 pairs of glasses and 5 pairs of sunglasses (4 regular and 1 prescription), all of which I wear.
I've never taken a class pass/fail, not even in college where we could take up to 30 credits pass/fail. Despite the fact that I generally get decent grades I'm so unsure of myself that I'm convinced I'll get a below C- (I did get a D in Women and the Law in college...Yeah I'll say that again for the people in the back row who missed it...I, Elle Woods, Female and Future Attorney, got a D in Women and the Law-long story but basically I "shaved my legs" so I didn't really "fit in" and my instructor hated me since I "wore makeup" and didn't believe-back then-that men are the root of all that is evil), so being that I lack confidence in myself and I'm always convinced I'm not going to succeed, even though I regularly do, I can never bring myself to take a class pass/fail. (Yes that was all just one sentence, apparently I'm trying to rival The Hot Librarian for longest run on sentence ever posted on a blog). Additionally, I don't care that much about my GPA so I figure it's better to get the credit even if the grade is low. I know this makes NO sense being that I would most assuredly get the credit but what can I say, I guess I'm not a gambler.
After reading Mike's post about Opinionista's last post I skipped down to the "O's" on my blog reading list. At the risk of being harassed even more then I already am in the comments by Mike I have to say what he highlighted is really at the heart of why so many lawyers (and law students) are unhappy.
Opinionista writes:
Faith, or the key to man’s (and woman’s) happiness, is simply the state of being ultimately concerned. Concerned with what? Something that truly deserves it. If you spend life being ultimately concerned with things that are not worthwhile, you’ll end up in a state called “existential disappointment.”That is so true and so well written it really hit me. My way of releasing is to blog and poke fun at what I see at the office and at school because honestly, if you can't realize that a lot of laywers priorities and worries are extremely fucked up, then you live in a constant state of stress, discontent and depression. There comes a point in time when you have to ask yourself if a client is really more important then 5, 10, and even 20 more hours a week with your friends and family. When you think about what you should really be concerned about in life and if putting in extra hours at the office on Sunday is really going to make a difference in your quality of life when you're 60, 70, or 80 I think it's clear that many lawyers and other professionals put way too much emphasis on things they shouldn't and then are unhappy about the outcome.
While legally I'm an adult and all and essentially I've been financially independent from my parents since I graduated from high school there is one thing they still pay for me. My cell phone bill. I've offered to start paying it on numerous occasions and they always say that since we're all on the same contract they'll keep paying mine (really this makes no sense being that they all share airtime, but I have my own plan, but whatever).
As a result, because my dad is the primary account holder I can't make substantial changes without him being there. The last time I went into Verizon with my dad was the day I graduated college (May 1st, 2004). Everytime I go into a Verizon with him we end up getting into a HUGE fight because he always hassles the sales people. How he hassles the people and the stuff he pulls could be a whole separate post; but let's just say that the Verizon by our house now has a sign that reads "No Public Restroom" because he's always complaining that he has to wait so long and he's middle aged and he's about to pee his pants and chairs for people to sit in after he complained that he's old and can't stand so one day he like sat on the floor in the middle of the store (mind you the man is a blue collar worker who climbs ladders all day long)...To say the least his behavior is mortifying.
Normally needing him to make changes isn't too big of a problem, and something I'm willing to deal with in exchange for a free cellphone. However, my cell phone is currently in pretty rough shape. It's pictured below, please note all the scratches and at the upper right corner the receptacle which the antenna used to reside (yes I know I could get a new antenna but that is $15 and I plan on getting a new phone soon).
While the cosmetic issues are clearly annoying to me and the lost reception can be troubling but for the most part they don't effect my ability to use my phone. However, the phone itself is now not functioning properly. The screen routinely freezes (the only way to fix it is to remove the battery and even then it usually takes about 5 attempts to fix it), the alarm clock is inaccessible because the "OK" button no longer works (so basically any feature I would want to use which requires that is lost), and for added fun the Caller ID is regularly wrong about who is actually calling. (Yes I have insurance and could get a new one, but then I'd have to pay $50 and I really don't want to do that any more then I wanted to pay $15 for a new antenna, the bonus to getting a new phone would be not having to pay for the antenna but I digress).
I just realized I've rambled on about my cell phone for a long time, but I swear I'm getting to the point. However, by the time I do the issue will be beaten into the ground. Whatever, be happy I'm posting people, I've been having writers block.
So, despite the fact that I knew I would most likely need my father to be there to sign a new contract or some shit in order for me to get a new phone. Still I braved the Verizon Store on Sunday around noon in the vain hope that I could just get a new damn phone on my own, like a grown up. The catch was, I started looking around at the phone and they were all HUGE or ugly. All the phones had MP3 players (buy an iPod-hell even a shuffle would work-not an iTunes phone, you will not be disappointed) built in or some other crazy feature which I do not need. The only features I find handy on a phone and would like mine to have are:
Yeah, that's about it. I have a sweet digital camera so a camera phone isn't necessary, but it might be handy. Basically, I want a small phone that works well, is durable, cute, and has minimal features. Not very difficult. Ideally I could get a razr. In fact, Verizon now carries a razr, the catch it that it's 2 tone silver and gunmetal and ugly as hell.
Ok, all this waxing on about being not fussy about what I want in a phone was bullshit. I do want a specific thing, that specific thing is this. However, Verizon isn't carrying it yet and nobody can tell me when they will be. The moronic sales guys said they should have it by February. So currently I'm stuck with my shafted phone indefinitely. Splendid.
I had a date tonight. It made me think that Barely Legal Mike is right and I should consider dating women.
First, he asked where I wanted to go. I said it didn't really matter. When he asked what I was in the mood for I said italian food sounded really good (I'd been craving it).
He took me to a bar that had about 4 things on the menu (none of which were italian at all). The waitresses all wore the same black ruffle skirt that was about an inch long (I don't know why but I HATE ruffle shirts), THIGH HIGH BLACK LEG WARMERS, and then black shoes and tops of their choosing. Honestly, if that's what you want to look at while you're on a date with me the least you can do is take me to a strip club so I'm expecting it. Ohh, the added bonus was that there really wasn't anything on the menu I could eat, now that I've been diagnosed with an ulcer (another reason italian was practical since nothing would aggravate my stomach too badly).
There was also a dress code which consisted of: No Hats, No Jerseys, and No Medallions (I kid you not).
There was one bonus (outside of his being too busy staring at the waitress' ass to stare at my chest), there was a dessert store right next to the restaurant and he asked if I wanted to get something there. Lucky for me they were closing and told us we had to get our stuff to go. So now I'm sitting in bed, blogging and eating this:
At least it wasn't all bad.
Otherwise how would I know someone found my blog when looking for this. Sorry you didn't find what you were looking for here and were only here for a second, so tragic. Next time try this guy, he can give you a first hand account, or 2.
I slept 18 hours total this week. Now it's Friday, it's almost 7. I turned down plans with friends in order to stay home and unwind. I'm currently wearing one piece pink footie pajama's (the kind where the ass unbottons) and reading the Michigan Court Rules which my boss has mandated I read, but I'm too busy at the office to sit around and read so that means I'll be spending my Friday night reading them. This is clearly a new low in my life. To make things worse, I have to go into work tomorrow and the next day since we're not where near ready for the trial we have starting next week.
*Yeah, I know that title has nothing to do with anything other then my love of Vince Vaughn.
Way to go me getting this done on Friday for once. I really like the idea of a weekly post done on a certain day of the week, but I'm not sure I want to stick with this one. I do love my iPod and bragging about how sweet it and my Bose stereo are and all but I highly doubt anyone is at all interested in the random ass songs I have on my iPod (outside of me, of course). Anyway, as a result I'm entertaining suggestions for a weekly post (perhaps something others could participate in as well?) and will do some brainstorming over the weekend.
Ok, without further ado, here we go:
My grades are finally posted. (It does kinda make me smile now that I've found out that all my professor's paid a monetary fine for handing them in late).
I expected mediocre grades at best, being that I'd exhausted my absences before I got mono and missed a month of class. However, being common sense tells us that attendance is in no way related to performance in law school I should have known I'd do fine. In fact, I did better then fine. I got the best grades I've gotten in law school and even some of the best grades I've gotten since I started college in general.
Even though I've already bought my post exam presents I think I'll have to reward myself for this one. Perhaps a new pair of heels? A couple DVD's? Clothes? I'll have to pencil in some time for shopping this weekend.
I can "sleep in" until 7 today since everyone is going to be late anyway being that there's 3'' of snow on the roads.
Single straight man capable of tolerating my random breakdowns as a result of law school and work. Must be willing to handle all my medial tasks such as paying bills, cleaning, laundry, cooking, etc. Also should be able to read and summarize cases when necessary. Should be available for cuddling with the possibility of more if the mood strikes me. Independently wealthy a plus. Being attracted to women a necessity. Must open doors, pay on the 1st date, accept "social" drinking, have your own transportation, and be employed. Over 6' and ability to call back within a reasonable timeframe pluses. Direct serious inquiries to LegallyBlondeBlog@gmail.com or AIM: ElleWoods626.
Ohh how I love the new [ASSociate]...While I might get screamed at to the point that I cry he continually proves to be far more incompetent.
Ok well, I warned y'all it might be late this week, and it is...But I need to get some blogging therapy done after this weekend and I can manage to hit forward on my iPod a few times to get 10 Random songs, so here we go...
After a SUPER fun day of travelling and getting a "same day hangover," from getting drunk enough to tolerate flying but sobering up to be able to drive home, I'm back north of the Mason-Dixon Line. During my trip to the South I also learned that the Mason-Dixon line has some sort of "East of or West Of component but I have no idea if I'm east of west you will all just have to deal with it.
Currently I'm headed to bed since I have to be at Bill, More & Hours first thing tomorrow so I get degraded for taking personal time but rest assured details of my adventures in travelling within the next couple days (I'm hoping for tomorrow but that would also require that I get my read done and finish tutoring my brother in calc* at a decent time).
And no, I didn't eat any grits while I was there. I refuse to eat anything that shares a name with abrasives.
*Yes one of my skillz is calc, don't act like you're not impressed.
Sometimes you spend time with someone who you think you care about and realize something you never thought possible. Someone else was the one, they will always be the one, and nobody could ever or will ever compare to them...No matter what happens. The real question is, what do you do now?
*My apologies for the random sentimental post.
I come home after what was a stressful day to say the least. I'm telling my grandparents about how I cried after my boss basically told me I had to stay until whenever I finished my memos for him (that he told me about mid way through the day today) without regard for the fact that I had to be to my PR class since I'm only allowed 2 absences, tore me a new one over the motion I've been writing to save his ass because it wasn't filed yet when really his crazy process server has been refusing to give me the affidavit's I need, and then proceeded to berate me in front of a client and an expert for something that was not at all my fault. I know these are all small things but it added up and as I walked out of his office the tears welled up and suddenly I found myself in [Juan's] office sobbing, trying to ensure nobody else actually saw me cry. (This plan failed miserably when 2 partner's and the office manager walked in and saw me sobbing. The partner's made sure I was ok but were understandably hands off, the office manager and [Juan] were amazing at calming me down-However, I feel like a major ass for crying at work*).
So I'm explaining all this to my grandparents in even more detail and my grandpa looks at me and goes. Where do you work "Wine'em, Dine'em, Fuck'em and Dump'em?" I laugh and he goes, well "Screw him! NO WAIT DON'T SCREW HIM!!!"
On that note me and my newly purchased pink luggage are off to the airport for a much needed 4 day weekend in the warm southern climate.
*I feel like Tom Hanks is sitting on my shoulder wearing his uniform from A League of Their Own going "There's no crying at the firm!"
Well, not everything, I've never seen a Donkey Show...Thank God.
Elle Woods: DUDE! Did you see this1?
The Dude: Yeah, That's HILARIOUS. I never knew people sold such crap on there. We could be rich!
Elle Woods: We? What's this we shit?
The Dude: The Royal We.
Elle Woods: I've already heard your get rich quick scheme.
The Dude: Marrying a rich chick?
Elle Woods: No, the making stuff out of Cigarette Butts one.
The Dude: Isn't that great! They're free and we could make chairs and hats and t-shirts and stuff.
Elle Woods: And they smell super good and aren't germy. I'm so not backing you in that operation. In the marrying a rich chick one I will though...I can see it now. "Don't wear that!"... "Don't call her drunk!"
The Dude: "Don't ask her out to your car."
Elle Woods: "Do poke holes in the condom."
1 Featured on Leno.
The Short List:
Today I met this girl's doppleganger. The girl I met today cuts the bindings off her books and only brings the required pages to class. When I looked shocked about it she acted as if it was super weird I had never done it. To each her own I suppose.
I know law school seems like high school. Particularly 1L year when you have classes with the same 95 people all day long everyday. Legal writing is a welcome break where you only have to see 24 people who you see EVERY .SINGLE . DAY. However; despite the lockers, attendance policies, seating charts, and gossip; I assure you law school is not actually high school. Everyone here is mature of legal age and nobody really needs to be told what to do, particularly by some 1L who clearly is a little high strung. I write you this since apparently you did not understand that you have better things to be worrying about (like checking for your torts grade for the 87th time-don't worry, it isn't there, but you should check just to be on the safe side; or start outlining for finals, you should get a jump on it now before the Appellate Brief writing starts getting heavy and you get behind on it) then to tell me what I can and cannot do in the library. I had a stressful day at work and if I want to kick back, take off my shoes, put my feet up, enjoy a bottle of water and a cup of coffee, I sure as hell can. I don't need you threatening to go tell the librarian's on me for having a beverage in the library. And contrary to popular belief, there isn't a "No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service" Policy in the library...Just as the 3L's who got caught hooking up in the stairwell last year. I really don't know what your deal was but I really suggest you seek professional help if what I was doing was that bothersome to you.
All My Love,
Elle Woods
P.S.-I could see you having a right to complain if I was doing this and my feet smelled, were ugly, or were not pedicured...However, that is not the case, so get over it.
P.P.S.-Never mess with people who wear business casual to law school on a daily basis. We have jobs (most likely at a law firm) and being that you'll never be in the top 10% (since you're wasting time all sorts of time you should be using to study trying to tell people what they can do in the library) you might want to gain some favor with us now.
I haven't graded your exams yet because if I did and then I died before grades were due that would have been a waste of time.Yeah, as if my time wasn't wasted taking your total bullshit multiple choice exam which didn't even test on what you "taught." Not to mention the time I wasted sitting in your class looking at your super awesome power point slides which consisted of the same thing for every case:
Yes, I do know this is pretty much the worst post ever made, but I swear it all makes sense to me. Plus it helped me pay attention. So best case scenario it helps my grades, worst case scenario my grades stay the same and I have something to laugh at when I'm reviewing for exams...Sounds like a win-win situation to me.
NOTE: The cussing is the big new addition...In case that was unclear. I mean I have cussed in my notes before, but not to this degree for some dumbass reason I'm just realizing now this is the key to keeping my attention.
While doing research today I found out that because when I had mono I turned slightly yellow I can no longer donate blood. I'm kinda bummed about that, I used to donate about 3 times a year. Now I just feel like a Sketchy-Dirrty Skeez Ball who can't give blood.
Traditionally I like going to law school in the city. While unfortunately I don't feel comfortable enough with my numchuck skills to live in the city by myself I like coming down here for the most part. I get pissed at all the negative press regarding the city and am one of the first people to come to it's defense. I realized today that the reason I tend to like the city is most likely because when I come down here I'm traditionally in the protected sphere of the law school or my office. (Read: Limited interaction with weirdos). Today I have been hassled for cigarettes more times then I can count and for added fun some guy tried to get me to buy his CD. I had my money on it being blank, and plus I would probably not like it anyway...Needless to say I did not buy it.
As if that wasn't charming enough I was also recently confronted with the ghetto-ness of my school. While going to my safety school had it it's perks, for instance I don't have to read my books and thereby cause them to fall apart, today one of the major faults became apparent. Communication with students has never really been a strong suit for my school. I honestly have no idea what courses will fulfill my upper level writing requirement, and I really don't know where to go to find out. So my evidence class is being taught by a judge, and as such he's not a full time faculty member. I found this out when I went to see if there was a course website yet, which I'm assuming there is not since he does not even have an e-mail address provided by the school. As if giving part time faculty e-mail would be that big of a hassle, it's not like it costs the school any extra money...Seriously, WTF is that!?!?!?
So, I show up to my evidence class. And nobody is there. Which makes me feel really good since I had my previous class in that room and I'd left all my stuff (Laptop, Purse, iPod, $50 Cash, books, car keys) and when I returned the room was completely empty. Super. Fucking. Awesome. So I presume it's my mistake, I go grab my schedule...No, I'm right, it's in here. I go check the room changes list...Nothing. As I walk back in I notice a sign posted on the door (about waist high (not eye level which would make sense) stating that evidence had been cancelled. Normally this would be a good thing, but I scheduled dinner with a friend I can't get ahold of them to cancel so I'm stuck here, blogging. Additionally, I just checked my e-mail to make sure I hadn't missed one regarding the cancellation, and big surprise since my Prof doesn't have school e-mail, nothing. But what really pisses me off is there was also nothing from the registrar. Fucking Ricockulous. (Yes that is a word, leave me alone you asshole).
Elle Woods: You didn't tell me the other Doctor was Dr. McDreamy's younger brother!
Mom: Ohh, you think he's cute? I'm going to tell him.
Elle Woods: DO NOT! You are such a bitch!
Mom: Ok, fine I'll just tell [Dr. She works for].
McDreamy: Hey that's no way to talk to your loving mother.
(Elle Woods looks shocked.)
Mom: She just called you Dr. McDreamy.
(McDreamy blushes)
McDreamy: Why thank you, you're rather cute yourself.
Elle Woods: Ohh, thanks...I'd watch out if I were you, she's been trying to marry me off to a Doctor for years now. She'd probably be willing to settle for a Dentist at this point.
McDreamy: How old are you?
Elle Woods: 22, but she's been trying since I was about 16.
McDreamy: She wanted to get rid of you that badly?
Elle Woods: Apparently. See why I called her a bitch?
Mom: No I wasn't trying to get rid of you, I just, I mean...
Today I realized that I should probably go buy books, to the tune of $507.90. What really hurt was that outside of the days I'm "On Call" this term I most likely will never open them. So this girl who is literally the definition of Gunner is in the aisle buying her books also. She's a nice enough person besides always sitting in the front of the class practically yelling "PICK ME! PICK ME!" So of course I had to say hello, and lucky for me, she had the book list which I did not (go figure). I found all my books except for Professional Responsibility, of course I went into helpless girl mode and asked the gunner for help. After we both searched the shelves twice she realized it might be over with the first year books since it's also a required class, and of course, there it sat.
Despite being overly helpful I next noticed her doing something which personifies why people hate lawyers (actually I suppose my bosses behavior is a better example of that) and law students. She was checking the bindings on all her books, holding the ends together and comparing them because apparently her books so much wear and tear (presumably from reading them) that they fall apart. The look I gave her was somewhere between fright and shock when she explained what she was doing to me. I then commented that they wouldn't fall apart if she didn't read them, she returned me the same look I'd just given her.
So I wake up hungover as hell this morning (Horray for having to go to my mom's office and have her take impressions for my new bite guard while I'm sick as hell, I can't wait to have the impression material that tastes like ass jammed in my mouth) and as I made my way to the nearest faucet to fill my water glass I found this:
Apparently Bruiser is a badass Japanese Fighting Fish who also kills other species. I only wish he would have eaten the damn thing as well so I didn't have to remove it from the tank whilst hungover.
*Phrase Stolen from thenambypamby.
TheNambyPamby tagged me (yes ladies it was good) so I suppose I'll do this meme. I have to say 3 things that nobody knows about me and then tag 3 others. The thing is, that is sorta impossible (read: difficult and I'm lazy and way to tired to think) so we're going to go with things most people don't know.
The Dude: hey so i was at the bar tonight
The Dude: and during the patriots game this broad was like, oh my god tom brady is my husband but he doesn't know it yet
The Dude: i checked to make sure it wasn't you in disguise
The Dude: it wasn't
Tom stole this from some guy who stole it from some other guy, but given my love for my iPod (and the fact that I finally did my shopping and the Bose speaker is amazing) it probably shouldn't be surprising that I've chosen to participate. However, I'm clearly late (not like pee on a stick late, like fashionably late) this week (since it's supposed to be a Friday thing) and then next Friday I'll be on a plane so we'll see how long it lasts.
The other morning I was listening to the radio and they played something I'd heard about before. It's call The Mosquito, think of it as an electric fence to keep teenagers out of stores. It plays a high pitched sound which drives adolescents nuts (most people under 20 can hear it), but can't be heard by people over 30. On the radio show they explained that to be able to hear these high pitched noises the hairs in the inner ear need to be standing up so they can pick up the vibrations, but as you age the hairs get brittle and break off or fall over so you don't hear things as high pitched anymore.
The entire time they played it on the radio I just heard static. Impossible I thought. "You're only 22 1/2 and 30 year olds are calling in saying it's piercing and that they cannot stand it." So I decided to do the only logical thing and call the radio station and ask them to play it for me over the phone since I'm 22 and I was hearing nothing, I just assumed they weren't broadcasting it over the air. The guy kinda laughed and said, we've been broadcasting it all morning. "What! Impossible! All I hear it static! I'm not old!" [Radio Station guy hangs up phone on me].
Seriously, you have no idea how upset I am that I can't hear this thing. I've decided it's not that I'm old; it's that I've been to so many concerts, listened to my family scream a bunch, listen to my music so loud, and have been in too many bars and as a result I've suffered hearing loss. Yeah. That's it. Since clearly it could not be that I'm old.
Scene: Elle Woods walks into the office wearing her Sand coloured UGG boots (I walk to work in those and then put on my heels when I get there), a Camel coloured pea coat, and an off white fuzzy scarf over a black skirt suit with pink pinstripes and a pink camisole. [Juan], the hot associate, gives her a confused look.
Elle Woods: There's a perfectly legitimate reason why I'm dressed like an eskimo.
[Juan]: I'm sure there is.
Elle Woods: Do you want to do lunch today?
[Juan]: Are you going to spear us a fish?
My refund check from school really needs to get here so I can go buy this, this, these, and this (for my desk).
[Hours] to [ASSociate]: Just take off your Goddamn diaper and write the fucking motion!
Today I got to make my first venture to the District Court. Now, I should make clear that this court is the court that everyone HATES going to since they're so bad there and completely unhelpful. Why did I have to go there? To ask what was needed in a motion to extend a summons. In other words, my boss wanted me to experience said evil court but didn't want me to actually be doing anything important the first time I went there.
Additionally, I had already told my boss I had found a form on Westlaw and had drafted the motion. (This was the first motion I'd ever written and we don't have a sample since as a defense firm we never really have to serve people, let alone extend the summons, but my boss is doing a special favor...Whatever).
So I had to go to the District Court to find out what was needed in order to file the motion to extend (which I knew before I even went to the court) and to get a form (which I already had a better version of)...Clearly I was in a super good mood. Being sent to that court is bad enough, but being sent with no reason is just cruel and unusual punishment. I.LOVE.MY.JOB!
Ohh, By the way, the new ASSociate is still a moron and now he's f*cking with my billables so we're about to fight. More on that later.
The Doctor says "Ohh, nothing is embarrassing, you should hear some of the questions I get. Go ahead, ask away!"
She asks, "Can you get pregnant by having anal sex?"
The Doctor replies, "Why of course....Where do you think Lawyers come from?"
On a separate and not really related note.* Today I was asked by the 7 year old I was babysitting for what a Lawyer does. I stared at her for about 30 seconds and then told her I couldn't really explain it to her.
*Actually, the reason I thought of that joke was because I wanted to have the title for this post be something like "Mommy where do babies come from?" But then I remembered this joke and realized it was much better, so in my ADD Driven mind they were related.
I booked my airfare tonight for vacation #1 of the year, apparently I might accomplish one of my Resolutions after all.
For the Anonymous commenter who was wondering a month or so ago why I didn't used to actually spell out curse words in the last 2 days I've had search engine hits for:
Here we go with yet another fun recap of a stellar day at Bill, More & Hours. My day went surprisingly well being that today was my first day back in the office while the Partner I work for was there since I left in November. Well, everything went ok except for being getting stuck there until 6:30 (when I got there at 7:30) correcting what could have amounted to his malpractice...But let's not go there because I'm still a bit cranky about that and I'm rather sure it's not a topic I should be blogging on at all anyway. Despite being pissed about my day I do have to say it went rather well in comparison to the Associates who was demeaned in front of me multiple times today.
Anyway, within a couple days at work, given the name I've chosen for the Firm it should be pretty clear what I realized the focus was on...For those of you who don't get it and who have no idea what the focus is in essentially all law firms-it's ALL about billing. Being that it's all about billing I realized quickly that not knowing how to bill properly (read: stretch your time, break down things so you can bill more, and being explicit when you do bill so the client understands) is very important. In fact, there is no more surefire way to piss off a partner and be humiliated, let alone a named partner then to fuck up your billing more then once.
Unfortunately for [ASSociate] he hasn't figured that out despite having been at the firm for about a month and 1/2 now. Said associate is the one my boss hired while I was out sick. I met him last week and thought he was kinda weird, but today I realized it was more either best case scenario he's extremely stressed, or worst case scenario he's incompetent.
First thing this morning my boss, [Hours] called me into his office while [ASSociate] was in there and told me to explain to him the stages of a case and the evolution of a case. I did what I was asked despite knowing that it was probably humiliating to the associate. My boss then proceed to ask said associate why a clerk had read the memo on handling a case and understood it when I wasn't even asked to and he hadn't. Clearly, he didn't have an answer.
Then [Hours] proceeded to tell me to sit down while he went over [ASSociate's] time sheet. Essentially he yelled at him for not having fixed mistakes while I sat there and listened, terrified to defy [Hours] and leave, yet knowing my presence was creating a whole different level of humiliation for the young associate.
The harassment about the time sheets continued and [ASSociate] was "gently reminded" (read: screamed at) that [Hours] had already been through this with him and that he better not have to do it again. After a few more question regarding files that [ASSociate] couldn't answer [Hours told him "Just fucking fix it, I'm sick of this shit." I was in shock. Had my presence just been used to demean the associate more? Was [Hours] trying to scare me? I've never been talked to the way that [ASSociate] was and I was really in shock that anyone was treated that badly. I'd never even heard [Hours] swear, let alone have it directed at me. I kept trying to give the associate reassuring smiles but I don't think much I could have done would have mattered at all. Sadly for the associate, this humiliation is not where it stopped.
Later in the afternoon as [Hours] and I were dealing with his crisis [ASSociate] came in again. He handed [Hours] his time sheet again. [Hours] looked at it for about 10 seconds, threw it on the floor, and the screaming began.
[Hours]: I already fucking told you to fix this! Why am I dealing with this? This isn't rocket science! Fix it or your fired, it's that simple!
[ASSociate]: (meekly) I'm sorry, I promise it won't happen again.
([Hours] rolls his eyes and takes a call from a client. ASSociate lowers his head and picks up his time sheet, I want to cry for him. [Hours] schedules a meeting for ASSociate, promptly uses meeting to berate him again.)
[Hours]: Come look at this! This is how you enter a meeting in the computer! The ones you set up I have no idea who it's with, where I'm going, what it's regarding! Fucking fix it! Just fix it! Now, what did you come in here for?
[ASSociate]: (Literally looks like he's about to cry as I throw him a sympathic smile) I wanted to know what you wanted me to do about this Motion we got from the plaintiff?
[Hours]: Fucking fix it, I do not want to have to deal with this. Give them the stuff they're requesting...JUST FUCKING MAKE IT GO AWAY!
([ASSociate] leaves, looking confused and discouraged. At this point I realize he has no idea how to make it go away and I ask [Hours] for a second, follow him out to his office and tell him I'll come help him when I'm done with [Hours'] crisis. The look of relief on his face makes me realize he's about to breakdown and that he's completely overwhelmed and lost but my gesture might be enough to get him through the day.)
I seriously am having issues with it being 2006. My little brother graduates high school this year and will most likely move across the country, plus I'll be turning 23. Granted I'm the youngest person in my 2L class and I have no right to complain but I always think about the conversation from Reality Bites between Lelaina and Troy:
Lelaina: I was really going to be something by the age of 23.While I know I'm closer to being a person I'm happy with then I have ever been (a development which has come along in the last few months with the help of a lot of critical thinking and Effexor XR...Yes, I take medication for depression and anxiety and I would appreciate not getting any criticism Mr. Cruise). I'm still not the person I want to be, but I'm trying everyday to be that person, and really what more can you do?
Troy: The only thing you have to be by the age of 23 is yourself.
Lelaina: Yeah, well, I'm not sure who that is anymore.
