Special Law Student at Play

I had to take today off so I could work on:

1. Interrogatories for Pretrial which are due tomorrow.
2. A dep outline for Pretrial for a dep I'm taking tomorrow.
3. An outline and source list for a 30 page paper; which, in reality, was due Thursday of last week but I didn't happen to notice it on my "Tasks List" or my "Calendar" or the "Syllabus" when I looked at it on Tuesday of last week.

I've known I had all of this since about Thursday of last week, but what I did I do last weekend? Watched the Michigan/Michigan State game, watched the Tigers crush the Yankees, and painted my parents house while they were out of town.

I really should have taken my "labor intensive" classes last year.

You, You Got What I Need

I heard "Just a friend" by Biz Markie on the radio today. Sheer genius. I dare you to watch the video and not smile.




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"She had 9-10 pants and a very big bra."

Marijuana may stave off Alzheimer's

Isn't it ironic?

The Brent Musberger Drinking Game

I found this little game sometime after the end of the college football season last year and have been saving it. I thought Michigan/Michigan State Week would be a good time to share it.

1. "The Pardner": A person is picked to be the Pardner at the beginning of the game. The first time Brent says "Pardner," the Pardner has to take 1 drink, and then picks someone else to be the Pardner. The next time Brent says it, the new Pardner has to take 2 drinks, and then pick a new Pardner, and so on and so on. The Pardner must wear a special "Pardner" hat.
2. "Folks": Everyone drinks 1 when Brent says "Folks." However, if Brent says "Hold on Folks", everyone must drink once but the first person to drink has to finish their drink for not holding on.
3. "It's a foot race!": Whenever Brent says "It's a foot race" everyone has to finish their drink. The first one done becomes "That Man" and gets to punch the Pardner in the arm.
4. "There's that man again": After someone becomes "That Man," they get to give away 3 drinks to someone of their choosing the next time Brent says "That Man." That person then becomes "That Man." If Brent says "That Man" before "It's a footrace," The Pardner becomes That Man. If The Pardner becomes That Man first, he gets to punch the new That Man in the arm twice after giving away the 3 drinks. There must also be a special hat for "That Man."
5. "Dr. Pepper": Every time Brent says "Dr. Pepper" everyone has to yell out "I'M A PEPPER!" and take 2 drinks. Afterwards, each person must give out a satisfied "AAAAAAAHHHHH!", as if in a Dr. Pepper commercial. Anyone who fails to do so must drink again.
6. "Jack Arute": Whenever Brent says "Our ol' buddy Jack Arute" everyone has to say "AROOOOOOT!" Last one to do it has to do a shot. If everyone does it simultaneously, the Pardner must do a shot.
7. "In the college game": Whenever Brent says this little gem, everyone must say "Shut the f**k up Brent", drink 2, and punch the Pardner in the arm.
8. Mentioning a Big 12 (ed.) school during a Big 10 (ed.) game: Whenever Brent does this, the first person who names the Big 12 (ed.) school's mascot gets to make somebody drink for 11 seconds, since there's 11 schools in the Big 10.
9. Calling a touchdown before the player actually scores: For example, during an interception return, Brent says "It's a touchdown!" before the player actually scores. In this case, everyone must start drinking and continue to drink until the player actually does score. If by some odd event, the player does NOT score, everyone must finish their drink.
10. "Gary, my man": Whenever Brent says "Gary, my man", the Pardner gets to choose someone to be Gary. From that point on, that person must be referred to as "Gary, my man" until the game is over. "Gary, my man" gets to give away 5 drinks the rest of the game any time Brent says "Gary, my man". If someone talks to "Gary, my man" without calling him that, they have to do a shot. If there is someone playing the game actually named Gary, that person is automatically "Gary, my man".
11. "The Major": If Brent has a pet nickname for one of the players during the game, for example calling Major Applewhite "The Major", everyone must drink 5 anytime Brent uses this nickname. However, "Gary, my man" does not drink but gets to give away 5 drinks since this person already has a nickname of their own.
12. "John Saunders": The first time Brent quips with John Saunders, everyone must drink 1. The next time, everyone must drink 2, and so on and so on.
13. In the booth: Whenever there's a camera shot of Brent in the booth, the Pardner must make a toast to Brent. After the toast, everyone must drink 1.
14. "My Friend": Every Pardner gets to choose a "Friend." The friend must always get up to get the Pardner another drink (since the Pardner will be doing quite a bit of that). However, when Brent utters "My Friend" the friend gets to punch the Pardner in the arm for making him get up so much.

WARNING! Play at your own risk.

Fair and Balanced

Perderass? Perfers boys? Must be a democrat! Don't do any further research into it. Nevermind all those mentions that Dennis Hastert (R-Illinois) helped to cover it up for a year.

Family Ties

Once again my family proves it's bizarre...

Grandpa: I went and looked at a Thai restaurant today, I was thinking of buying it. The owner had the hots for me.

Me: Ohh?

Grandpa: Yeah, so I told her about my friend Jeff who is married to an asian. He says you haven't screwed until you've screwed an asian...She said "I show you."

Me: Yeah umm, I have some school work to do.

Parking Garage

Hours: I thought you drove a Prius or some earth friendly crap like that.

Me: I used to.

Hours: And now you drive this?

Me: Yeah. I was sick of driving a little car in the snow and barely being able to get out of my driveway.

Hours: I hope you know that's a chick car.

Me: Well; first off, I am a chick; second, you drive a "truck" which is basically the same; and third, if anything mine is MORE manly since yours doesn't allow you to choose when it goes into 4-Wheel Drive like mine does.

Hours: Mine's black, that means it's inherently NOT a chick car. Plus I'm about to buy [dream car].

Me: Relying on color to prove you don't have a chick car really is an interesting approach. Plus you're getting your dream car used.

Hours: Keep it up and I might be able to afford a new one once I won't have to pay you.

Me: That logic is worse than "my car isn't a chick car since it's black," you'd make less without me around. Face it, you're stuck with me now that [ASSociate] is gone.

Hours: I know.

Dear CNN,

I know we've had our differences in the past, but I still visit you with the hope that maybe we'll be able to rekindle our love affair. However, I'm really starting to question your judgment when this:


Is your picture for the story entitled "Girls Executed, Boys let go." Strange choice; strange, strange choice.

Hugs and Kisses,
Elle Woods

Blawging the BLUEBOOK: Things That Go Bump in the Night

So, I agreed to partake in this since it seems like fun. Don't ask me questions since I do not know the answer. Anything with citations is beyond me as I think we all know.

The Rules:

1. DON'T CHEAT!
2. Have it back within a week. (Deadline is next Monday, 9th, at noon).
3. Send your answers to MiMonAiM@aim.com.
4. Winner is whoever has all correct the fastest.
5. MiM has the final authority on who wins.

The Prizes:

1. A .jpg trophy with your name on it designed by the fabulous aLs.
2. Choose one topic for every participating blawger to post on the following Monday.
3. Choose the contest topic for the following month.
4. A FREE T-SHIRT of your choosing from MiM's stores Here or Here.
5. A kiss from yours truly...Ok, maybe I made that one up.

The Questions:

1. Which blawger is described by the following rhyme?

This blawgger is always in a state of fright,
That a zombie attack might go bump in the night,
This student is no fool,
He knows zombies will eventually attack his law school,
So even though you might think he's a sap,
This blawger drew up a tactical law school zombie map.

2. In her post, "And now for today's Sexuality and the Law reading excerpt," Ruth quoted an old Plymouth Colony law involving conversing with devils. Which two devils are named in that post? Amicus Curiae, March 2006.

3. On July 20th, Lily Graypure says that she's never seen a ghost or been posessed by a demon. She then claims that never seeing a ghost or demon or feeling the hand of god is evidence that its ok for her to go into corportate law. Why? LawSchoolVirgin, July 2006.

4. The littlest tortfeasor thought that a middle-of-the-night car accident sounded like ________, which is why she blatantly ignored it and went back to bed. Little Tortfeasor, September 2006.

5. The casts of what two 1980’s shows sang at Moonlighting in Misery’s wedding in his post A Midnight Visit from the Ghosts of Posts Past? Moonlighting in Misery, September 2004.

6. When is it acceptable for a one year old to have breasts the size of oranges? 3 Blind Mice and a Sister-In-Law, September 2006.

7. This blawger shows her patroitic side by who she wants to bump her in the night. Who is it she wants?. Legally Blonde, August 2006.

8. One member of this blawger’s study group wrote herself a simple note of one thing she had to do the night before the final. She wrote it on her outline. What did the note say? The Namby Pamby, May 2006.

Sexy Sunday #7

Since the Housewhores are back, I bring you everyone's favorite homewrecker.

"I'd take State."

Seriously, can someone please explain to me why John L. Smith slapped himself? He's starting to come off as a little crazy.

The clip has been all over the news here, not sure if it's been getting as much national coverage since I can't seem to find it anywhere online.

I'm sure all the state fans out there are excited to see their coach is off his rocker a week before the U of M game.

The Body...Riiiiiiiiiiight.

Take the quiz:
Which Victoria's Secret Angel are you?

Heidi Klum
You are a girly girl and love pink!

Quizzes by myYearbook.com -- the World's Biggest Yearbook!

Scenes From an Italian Restaurant

Scene: Dr. Feel Good and I are having dinner, after he's had the pleasure of meeting my entire family when they happened to be there (despite my best efforts to dispel them) when he came to pick me up.

Dr. Feel Good: You family seems to have a bit of identity crisis.

Elle Woods: That's one way to put it, you are going into psych so I'm sure you have other ways.

Dr. Feel Good: No it's just, you're very Nordic looking and yet...Your mother's skin is roughly the color of my oak dining room table, yet her hair is blonder then yours-which I suspect is not a natural occurrence, your father has olive skin and black hair, and your grandmother just made me taste the spiciest mexican food I've ever eaten.

Elle Woods: Wow you didn't even touch on my grandpa.

Dr. Feel Good: Wasn't going to go near him walking around in his underwear with a 10' pole.

S is for Smart.

This morning I saw a license plate resembling this:


I decided I had to speed up to see what tool would have that license plate, particularly after seeing this lovely plate last month.

The driver was applying her makeup, while driving 70 mph down a 3 lane freeway with 20 foot concrete walls. Sparty on!

"I got to say it was a good day."

I did really well in my mock dep for pretrial today. I was the only person who was able to turn around the hostile witness, which in turn allowed me to get a lot more information. Then again, these are law students, the majority of which are law reviewers,¹ who "lack social skills" so I guess I'm not really surprised that they were unable to be congenial.

My favorite part was when one of them asked the witness if they'd ever put meat in their toaster. Classic.

While it was cool that I did well and people noticed, I was rather put off that they were all whispering about how I was doing as I was taking the deposition. I was also annoyed that they seemed semi-surprised by it. Just because I don't choose to memorize the U.C.C. doesn't mean I don't know what I'm doing.

¹I'm referencing these particular law reviewers, since I personally know them and know they lack some social skills, not all law reviewers in general. Plus as we all know most law students lack social skills anyway so it most likely had nothing to do with them being law reviewers, I just wanted to point out I did better than then did.

Laziness.

Why I ever took pre-trial advocacy is really a mystery to me. Drafting a complaint, answer, 2 sets of interrogatories and requests to produce, 2 answers to interrogatories and requests to produce, a Summary Disposition Motion and a Response to a Summary Disposition Motion. And, as an added bonus; not 1, not 2, not 3, but 4 depositions taken in front of my peers and the opprotunity to argue 2 Summary Disposition Motions in front of my peers.

For someone who attended their Criminal Procedure II class once this all seems a bit intense, so needless to say, I'm cutting corners wherever I can. Today my first interrogatories are due. The "case" is in Federal Court so I'm limited to 25 interrogatories. I decided to stay well within the rules and submit 18.

Yet another reason 3L is better than 1L.

Love or Law School?

Much has been written about love and law school, and how for women in particular, it's no secret that they generally don't mix.

The issue has come to my attention again recently as a friend of mine (male), who is an engineer has started dating a cocktail waitress. For the record and before anyone jumps down my throat for "judging" people with less education, I have met her and I have talked with her. Well, we more talked at each other, since we had nothing to talk about. It's the old cliche about how the more educated a woman is the less likely she is to get married.

Add to that the fact that women with professional degrees tend to be very career oriented and have no intention of getting married before 30 and things are further complicated by the fact that, as aLs so tactfully put it:

By the time you're 30 and guy your age who you'd be interested in marrying is going to be stable enough financially to be going after 23-25 year olds.

Thanks aLs, I love you too. Luckily, I've always liked older men. However for those ladies not willing to marry 5-10 years out of their age bracket that generally leaves the options of:

1. Cat Lady
2. Sperm Bank
3. Holding out until you're really really rich and can get a trophy boyfriend/hubby

(Not that my prospects are much better even though I tend to like older guys).

In addition the whole "women don't generally marry down" issue there is the timing issue. Very few men are able to understand our schedules during law school, or after, and the ones who can are generally just as busy, which makes a relationship nearly impossible. What man really wants a wife who is 12 hours a day, and brings home more work and takeout chinese?

What's my point here? I don't really have one. As usual. I just think it sucks.

Maybe my point is lately I've gone on a few dates with this Doctor (who we shall call Dr. Feel Good). Who is very nice, but also very average. I've never been one to settle for average at anything in life. But is there a point (and I seriously hope that point is not age 23) at which you give up that whole quest for "all consuming love, can't live without you love" as they put it on Sex and the City, and just settle down with someone who you have the same taste in movies with, can talk to, and enjoy being around?

This article that Moonlighting in Misery wrote about, seems to make me think maybe. If love is just a chemical produced in your brain that wears off after 2 years then aren't we better off just going for someone who we have common interests with and can talk to?

3L is the Best.

I have a presentation at 6:10. I've yet to prepare for it at all. I also have yet to buy (and do not intend to buy) the book for the class.

Because I'm a Master Negotiator.

Ella (spanish pronounciation, just like Jesus the iPod) the SUV and I went over to my parents so I could show her off. The following ensued...

Dad: Pop the hood.
Me: Hold on let me figure out how.
Dad: Please tell me you didn't buy a car without at least looking under the hood and pretending to interested.
Me: I didn't.
Dad: Good, so you looked?
Me: No, I leased it.
Dad: [Elle]?
Me: Yeah?
Dad: Please tell me you knew you got the big engine.
Me: Now I do.
Dad: How you got as good a deal as you did is beyond me.

Sexy Sunday #6

Since there was a request for more sports cuties, and since Brady Quinn rallied to beat MSU yesterday I suppose I can post a Fighting Irish Quarterback.


One more, for Luck.

Impulsive.

Today I "bought" a new "car" on a whim. In reality I leased an SUV, but that doesn't have the same ring, does it?

The exciting part was that I have "A Plan" credit, and while I might not get A's in law school all the time it's comforting to know I'm ranked well where it counts.

Over Qualified

I've decided that after over 2 years of law school the job I'm most qualified for, and would arguably enjoy most, is a seat filler. Like they use at the Academy Awards. Except, I feel like that is a tough gig to get. Maybe I could start of slow, dance recitals for absentee parents, little league games, staff meetings and work my way up to the AVN Awards, the MTV awards, the Tony's, the Emmy's and one day the Oscars.

Don't Believe the Hype.

ElleWoods626: i just want someone to cuddle with
ElleWoods626: and my de facto boyfriend is not around
lawschoolvirgin: i do too
ElleWoods626: we can cuddle
ElleWoods626: not in a lesbian way
lawschoolvirgin: I figured.
ElleWoods626: you have to be the big spoon
ElleWoods626: i'm only 5'2''
ElleWoods626: and i'm not wearing my heels to bed for you
lawschoolvirgin: pretty easy to top that
lawschoolvirgin: i'm only doing it if we wear hot lingerie
ElleWoods626: fine.

Mother Nature: 2, Elle Woods: 0

The skunk just sprayed my room again. At least last year it happened when I had mono, so being smelly wasn't a big deal. This year I'll just be the smelly kid. So tomorrow, if you're sitting next to a blonde girl who reaks of skunk feel free to give me a wink and a nod and let me know that you know.

Oxymoron.

The findings showed that Clarett was competent to stand trial, his attorneys said.

I think we all know Ohio State Students lack the mental capacity to stand trial. That said, and as much as I love him for all the shit he talked about OSU, it couldn't happen to a nicer guy.

Sexy Sunday #5

Gary Hall Jr., the best thing to happen to breaststroking¹ since swim caps.

¹So he swims freestyle, sue me.

Booze, Drugs and Law School

Interesting article about Lawyers, Depression, Alcoholism and Cocaine Abuse.

Regarding Depression:

Whereas only 3 to 9 percent of individuals in Western industrialized countries suffer from depression, by late spring of the first year of law school, 32 percent of the students were depressed. The percentage increased again by late spring of the third year when 40 percent of the class reported significantly elevated depression levels. Two years after law school, 17 percent of the same subjects were still reporting that they were depressed.

Was that uplifting enough for you?

Although we were unable to collect empirical data about the frequency of lawyers attempting to commit or committing suicide, and how these rates contrast to the general population, it is our clinical impression that, unless lawyers enter treatment and end their isolation, they are at much greater risk of not only acting upon their suicidal ideation but of also being lethal during an attempt.

Now to the booze...

Eighteen percent of the lawyers were problem drinkers. This percentage is almost twice the approximately 10 percent alcohol abuse and/or dependency prevalence rates estimated for adults in the United States.

A bit of good news...

Less than one percent of the lawyers exceeded the clinical cut off established to determine cocaine abuse. This figure is significantly below the national average of 3 percent of the adult population. On the other hand, 26 percent of our sample have used cocaine at some point in their lives, compared to 12 percent for the general population...The number of years that lawyers practice did not affect the percentages of subjects who suffered from depression or cocaine abuse...Alcohol abuse and dependency is a chronic and progressive disease. It can take many years to become evident in some cases. As a result, those who have practiced longer appear to be more susceptible to developing problem drinking.

So if you're not depressed or a cokehead now you most likely should be ok. Unless you're a lush, because you're probably going to become an alcoholic. Sweet.

This Just In.

Everyone's been playing nice, so no more comment moderation. Maybe I'm Crazy, and in honor of that...

Parting Ways

Interesting article about what your hair part says about your personality and how you are perceived.

Men W/Left Part: Natural for men, usually works well for them. Perceived as popular, successful, strong, traditional. Can be out of touch with the feminine side of themselves. Examples: John Wayne, Tom Brokaw, John F. Kennedy, Edward M. Kennedy

Women W/Left Part: Usually ok, especially for women interested in making it in business and politics. Perceived as intelligent, incharge, reliable. Can sometimes be perceived as too “masculine”, and/or can create difficulties with fulfilling traditionally feminine roles. Examples: Hillary Clinton, Margaret Thatcher, Christine Todd Whitman

Men W/Right Part: Usually unnatural for men. Can create an uncomfortable image; can cause social shunning, sometimes leading to unusual or eccentric behavior. Perceived as atypical, open, radical. Can work ok if the man is very confident, attractive, or striving to be respected in a non-traditional male role. Examples: Al Gore, Rush Limbaugh, Robert F. Kennedy, Charlie Rose, Tom Snyder

Women W/Right Part: Natural for women. Usually works ok. Perceived as very feminine, gentle, caring. Can cause problems of not being taken seriously. Examples: Martha Stewart, Jane Pauley, Betsy McCaughey Ross, Geraldine Ferraro

Men + Women W/No Part, Center Part or Bald: Natural for men and women. Perceived as balanced, trustworthy and wise. Can lack the flair associated with the other types. Examples: U.S. Presidents 1-9, Joseph P. Kennedy II, Sean Connery

I've been a lefty for years. Interestingly enough, I thought about all the people in my office. My extremely scientific study revealed:

• Female Attorneys: All are parted on the left side with the exception of the one who has hair down to her ass and ALWAYS pulls it back in a 1/2 pony tail. So she's not really exception, I just can't accurately assess her. In actuality she seems like a no part or a right parter.
• Secretaries/Paralegals (all female): The majority part on the right, with a few who part in the center.
• Male Attorney's: The majority are left parters. A few no parts. A few balds. One of them has a right part. While one of my favorite people in the office, he is definitely quirky and relates better to his cats than to most people.

Hat Tip.

Why Isn't it Friday Yet?

The Thing I Hate Most About Law School...

Is having the answer dangled in front of me. Just tell me, I'll learn it, regurgitate it on the final exam and we can go on our respective ways.

At Last.

Light at the End of the Tunnel

When I started law school I was a fresh faced 21 year old who felt like a 5 year old in her mother's dress and shoes. Terrified to be exposed as the young kid I was to all my classmates.

When last years crop of 1L's came in I realized I'd had nothing to worry about the previous fall. I looked about the same age as most of them (granted by this stage in the game I was in fact the same age as most of them).

Then this years crop of 1L's showed their eager faces. No dark circles. No vacant looks of dispair. A certain bounce in their step long lost to any 3L. Cute and comfortable dress rather than the business casual most 3Ls are forced to don in the name of employment. This year I realized I'm ready to be a lawyer, and it was the first time I've felt good in the law school building in a long time.

The Calm Before the Storm

[Hours] has been being extremely nice lately. Bringing lunches and ice cream, joking around, understanding of my school schedule, no yelling, no throwing inanimate objects. Either he is being heavily medicated or he's going to throw a stapler at myself, an associate, or our secretary in the near future.

IM Conversation With My Mom

Me: I'm in class.

Mom: Ohh, I'll let you go.

Me: Ehh, I didn't even buy the book for this class. I'm not concerned.

Mom: Oops. What class?

Me: Alternative Dispute Resolution.

Mom: Sounds like a Christmas at our house. And boring.

Me: Sounds like you know everything you need to know about law school.

I Can't Decide if I Hate Westlaw or Law School More Right Now.

The next time my brain thinks something like "take [fill in the blank with any class that requires drafting of pleadings], you want to litigate and you're nervous around people...it'll be good for you" I'm numbing it into submission with excessive amounts of alcohol and maybe even some illicit drugs.

The last thing I need is to be drafting a complaint for breach of contract right now. To make matters worse Westlaw has apparently decided to block me, and only me, from access to all it's form pleading goodness. And before you say "what about Lexis Nexis?" I'd like to remind you that Lexis sucks.

Sexy Sunday #4

I'm fairly certain nobody has better abs than Paul Walker. Amazing "Love Handles."

Dear CNN,

You are no longer my homepage. Two Paris Hilton articles under "Top Stories" in 3 weeks was bad enough. But the this:


Means google will officially become my homepage. Paris Hilton featured above Bob Dylan having the #1 album for the first time in 30 years? Seriously, I think I would have preferred Suri Cruise to beat out Dylan if I had to choose. At least she's famous for having famous parents, although under that theory Nicole Richie would also be better than Paris Hilton, and not for whatever reason it is that Paris Hilton is famous.

Fret not, I will still visit you often as yahoo news isn't any better.

Hugs and Kisses,

Elle Woods

In Her Shoes...

Today on the way home from school I was listening to the radio, they had taken a call from a listener.

She's 26 years old, had been dating a guy for 7 years, they'd broken up, and she'd found out he'd given her HIV/AIDS. He claims he didn't cheat. He admitted he knew he had it. She has full blown AIDS and was given 6 months to live. She doesn't want to subject herself to the regiment of AIDS medication, doesn't want to live with the disease and also doesn't want him to live another second of his life. She had told her friends she wants to "end his life" (interestingly, she would not say "kill", and was upset her friends were not supporting her.

The obvious options are:

1. Kill him, as she mentioned. Her spending the remainder of her life in jail is also not an appealing option, however from the sound of things she was more the murder/suicide type. Additionally, I think this is way too humane for this guy in a lot of ways, in that a gunshot is a lot less painful than dying of AIDS.
2. Bring a case of attempted murder. While him dying in prison seems appealing she will most likely never get to see the result and as such I can see how from her perspective this option is not appealing. Plus I don't really like the idea that tax payers would have to may for this scumbags' medical treatment while he's in prison.
3. "Lorenna" him. I like this option the best. He suffers immediately and in the long term from dying of AIDS, and you stop him from spreading it a la Telly in Kids. The biggest downsides would be the medical workers he could then expose to the disease and the possibility of a prison term.

Thoughts?

Yay!

Apparently, I'm "ethical" enough to be a lawyer. Which is the equivalent of being "disease free" enough to be a $5 hooker. But I'll take the validation.

Netflix and I...

had a Baby. Like the good parents we are, we had to get the necessary accessories. So we can break federal copyright laws back up my movie collection together.

On a completely different note, as almost everyone knows, Steve Irwin a.k.a. The Crocodile Hunter has passed away after a freak stingray accident. What you don't know is that he put a snake on me on live television. Granted, it was TRL (lay off me, it was 2002 people). I met Joey Fatone too. It was awesome. I think it's safe to say that tape will be backed up to DVD. It's basically a collectors item.

Sexy Sunday #3

My New Favorite Classtime Activity

Musical Chairs

Today I had my first day of my Family Violence seminar. Normally I advocate being there early on the first day to get a choice seat but generally in seminar rooms it doesn't make much difference since they're so small. So I strolled in at the last minute per usual, took a glance at the available seats. My choices were next to a familiar looking girl, or next to the Stalker.

Clearly I opted for the familiar looking girl, who promptly gave me a dirty look, one that was so familiar I instantly realized where I knew her from. She's the Gunner Chick I told off last year.

Normally in a situation like this I'd just drop the class so I didn't have to deal with the drama, but the topic actually interests me so I suppose I'll have to be earlier for the rest of the semester so I can dodge sitting near either of them. This, however will be a delicate balance, as if I'm there too early the Stalker will pin me in as he's known to do. I love that I have to dodge a stalker in a Family Violence class.

Supersize Me!

I got out of Pretrial at 9, starving and exhausted. So I caved and stopped at Taco-Bell. The one I stopped at is in a row of fast food restaurants. McDonald's, Taco-Bell, Wendy's, Burger King, and KFC. The people in front of me at the drive through had pulled out of McDonald's right before they pulled in. They proceeded to throw a McFlurry cup into the bushes, order $17 in Taco-Bell, pull out of the parking lot, and then pull into Burger King. There were 2 people in the car.

Dog Day Afternoon

I can't wait to bring this up in my No-Fault class.

So let's say you're teaching your dog to drive, and being that it lacks the opposable thumbs necessary to steer, a detail you overlooked, the two of you get in an accident. Do you need to name the dog in the lawsuit, or can you just name the owner and rely on the doctrine of respondent superior? Is the dog covered under the car owners insurance policy? Can animal translators be brought in to assist in eliciting valuable testimony from the dog? If you get a judgment against the dog, how do you collect?

It can be my new de-facto hypo, like Oprah giving away the cars was in Tax.

Common Sensical

Professor: We now have wireless in the classroom. You aren't allowed to use it to IM, check e-mail or search the internet. So you have access to it, but don't use it.

"Let's Dance, This Last Dance Tonight."

As I sit here, about to start my last first day of school ever I couldn't help but think back about the first days of my past.

Kindergarten my mom walked me right up the door of the classroom. Holding back her tears so as to avoid alarming my sense of fear regarding this place where she was leaving me for the entire day. The mother of the boy who lived across the street wasn't so keen. She sobbed. He refused to enter. There was a huge scene. I doubt it happened on that day but I know on one of the first days of school he got a spanking from the teacher since he refused to stop crying. I can't believe spanking was allowed in classrooms back then.

Middle School I can honestly say I don't remember. I think this gets back to my general blockading of those years from my consciousness. High School most of my classes were "advanced." Of course my first "block" was an upper level class. I remember the cute boy with the spikey hair who sat in front of me, and who was popular and for some reason nice to me. Other than that, it's a blur again.

Then there was my first day of college. 250 person lecture hall. Professor with a bad combover who held the mini-microphone rather than clipping it to his lapel. I remember being afraid to sit near people, afraid to make eye contact.

Then there was law school. It was like the same feelings as college all over. Only I was at least a year younger then everyone there, and I felt like it was written on my forehead. I remember it being so nerve racking; the seating charts, the socratic method, the frenzied typing as I sat and pondered how important anything said on the first day could be. Mostly I just remember how tired mentally and physically I was at the end of the day.

This year is bound to be a year of lasts; last first day of school, last blue book exam, last vacation for 5 years. I just hope I'm not too busy to enjoy them.

Sexy Sunday #2

In honor of the season finale of Entourage tonight, I bring you the man who I feel is the hottest on the show, Jeremy Piven.

Fall into the GAP.

This post took me almost 2 hours to write, clearly, it was worth it.*

Apparently, bearded ladies are all the rage these days. I went for a simple eyebrow waxing, and for any of you unfamiliar with the process, generally if you pull into the parking lot at the same time as someone there is a rush to the door. Only, the sasquatch, most likely slowed down by the drag and weight of all her excess hair brought a secret weapon, her kid. She slowed down enough for him to hop out of the car so he could run in and secure a spot for her in front of me.

While normally I would have been slightly annoyed, as I was, then I saw her face (or what was visible of it) and I became enraged. I kid you not, it took them over 30 minutes to wax her eyebrows, moustache, and beard (to give a frame of reference for my male readers-it takes under 5 minutes to wax the normal persons eyebrows-and that presumably takes longer than facial hair since shaping is involved).

I'm of the opinion that there should be a courtesy line cutting privilege to the less hairy members of society.

As an added bonus yesterday the guy in front of me on my way home from work had a blowout and I hit said tire. Jacked up my car, and while it's driveable flapping bumper is enough to drive me insane on the drive to work and school. So instead I'm driving my brother's car. A 1997 SUV V8 with over 178,000 miles on it. Classes start tomorrow. This should be real fun.

*In my defense I was doing multiple things.

Timmy Poops His Pants...And I Almost Peed Mine.

"I Guess This is Growing Up."

This year rather then blowing my refund check I did something I'm kinda proud of. I paid of my credit cards, and the best part is I still have money to spare so it's not like I'll be adding back to them again. I cut one up. However the platinum card is just too pretty to cut up. I've heard of people freezing credit cards in blocks of ice, making it slighty more difficult to carry them around with you, however, the fact then in my freezer would be: $40 in Lean Cuisine, Cherry Garcia Frozen Yogurt, Coffee, Boneless Skinless Chicken Breasts, Ice, "Company" Vodka, a Martini Shaker, and a Credit Card makes it kinda depressing. Nothing says "Financially Irresponsible Single Girl" like individual servings and frozen credit cards.

A Small Sample of the Things that Annoyed me Today.

1. Would it really have been that hard for [law school] to respond to my loan consolidation companies request to provide them with my school status? Apparently. And now I have just over 2 weeks to get it straightened around or I have to make the first payment, something I'm not really interested in at this time.
2. Would it have really been that hard for my loan consolidation company to realize that I'm in school? They have my school status as "active" on my loan for this year, yet for some reason for my consolidation loan I'm graduated. "Funny" my social security number pulls up both accounts, yet my school status does not match. It's even "funnier" how despite this they can't just fix it over the phone, no, of course paperwork has to be involved. What was the purpose of using the same company if simple screw ups like this can't be remedied readily? Don't answer that-it's rhetorical.
3. I'm looking at apartments, since living with "people" during the whole "bar studying process" seems like it would bring out the homicidal nature which I'm sure is just lurking under the surface waiting to take hold. I'm glad I put that sentence on the internets, so when I freak out and do something insane later there can be an articles like this one about me. Don't say I didn't warn you.
4. My latest Time Magazine has pretty much the stupidest cover in the history of all magazine covers. The whole "check if you like Hillary thing" serious goes beyond bordering on idiotic to me. I don't know why it annoys me so much other than it seems it trivializes politics to a note passed between 6 year olds. And it does not seem to be a very effective method of surveying.

Dear Sir,

Just driving a Black H³ with extra chrome communicates "I think I'm more important than you are, but really I'm just a self indulgent douche."

This:


Was just overkill.

Hugs and Kisses,
Elle Woods

P.S.-Not exactly sure why you're a member of a sorority for black women as you were clearly neither a woman or black.

P.P.S.-Going to Michigan State is not something I'd advertise.

"It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp."

[ASSociate] was officially fired today, however he has to come in for the next 2 weeks and be a waste of space. In other words, nothing has changed yet. While clearly this is a positive in the grand scheme of things it does put a rather large dent in my material around here. However, this does free things up so I can post some of his uber idiotic things which I was afraid to post before. Like how he was impeached as Commissioner of his fantasy football league because he "allegedly" used his powers for evil and changed things around since apparently the Commissioner gets everyones password. He doesn't deny said activities went on, he just puts them all on his brother. In other words, his family is shady too.

Rumor has it the "hellhole" I refer to as "school" has finally put wireless in the classrooms. So at least we can all look forward to me live blogging labor law.

Sexy Sunday #1

In honor of the Patriots win over the Cardinals yesterday, I bring you Tom Brady...


Ok, and Matt Leinart, since he's not too harsh on the eyes either, and my brother just moved out to Southern Cali.

More Family Goodness

Me: Umm, why are there rat traps in the front yard? I was unaware you had a rat problem

Dad: We don't.

Me: Ohh, well that doesn't really explain the traps then does it?

Dad: I'm killing chipmunks, they're destroying the grass and flowers.

Me: How very Caddyshack of you.

Dad: It would have been if your mother would have let me use the dynamite like I wanted, but she seemed to think that would do more damage to the grass and her precious flowers.

A Real Crack Operation

Scene: Elle Woods at her parents house alone, and being that she's the homemaker of the year and has just worked out she decides to order pizza.

Me: Do you have any specials today?

Pizza Guy: Yeah either 2 Medium Pizzas with 2 toppings, a large salad and a 2 liter of cola for $19.99 or 2 Medium Pizzas with 1 topping for $12.99.

Me: Ok, well, umm I just want one Medium Pizza.

Pizza Guy: Ok, what would you like on it?

Me: Green Pepper and Onions, can I please get that thin crust?

Pizza Guy: Sure, that'll be $12.88.

While I don't really have a use foradditional leftovers which would last me a week I can't help but feel $0.11 for an additional pizza might have been a sound investment.

PS-I'm blogging on my brothers old laptop right now, and some chick (in lingerie) keeps popping up to tell me "My Free Trial" is expired. I don't know if it worse knowing my brother did a trial of online porn or that the girl is fugly.

Fill in the Blank.

I'm starting to think I'd rather __________ than [Ed.] go into work most days.

The Greatest Generation

Our next door neighbor is a doctor, who has had a steady girlfriend for quite a few years which causes him to come and go at odd hours. My Grandpa has some choice phrases for these outings, such as:

1. He's going to buff the nob.
2. He's going to give a treatment.
3. He's going to polish the cane.

New Feature?

I've been thinking about having a weekly feature for awhile. Basically, it would involve me posting pictures/videos of hot men once a week. Or maybe it's just an excuse for me to post this:



Maybe we could call it "Sexy Sunday", this week I'm just a little belated.

To book, or not to book?

Considering not buying books for any class other then my seminar (I lack the moxy to stroll into a room with 12 people sans books and never participate in discussion). Despite the fact that I'm a huge slacker I've never taken it that far. I only read them when I'm on call, so basically it's a big waste of money. But at the same time it kinda makes you feel a little at ease knowing you have them should you need kindling for a fire to read for a class. Anyone have experiences that might help?

Porn Foley (NSFW)

Karma

Now that [Hours] knows I'm a decent golfer I'm being forced I've been invited to play in some huge golf outing hosted by our biggest client. I'm sure it's a scramble. I hate scrambles. All they amount to is the one time a year when a bunch of hacks can say they shot par.

The Morning After.

Like any abusive person today [Hours] tried to win me over today after his behavior yesterday. He had me do a pre-dep¹ (which he never does) and brought me ice cream (which I refused).

He also invited me golfing tomorrow. We have been golfing a couple times now so I'm fairly certain it's not just so he can kill me and hide the body. Generally when we play I let him win; I've been playing since I was 7, I was the #1 spot on my high school team, and I worked for parks and for 6 years where I got free golf anytime I wanted; and well, he's just a shitty golfer. The only remaining question is do I make him feel a little better and play from the women's tees, or do I embarrass the hell out of him and play from the men's tees?

¹While he was stuck in the dep I took it as an opportunity to look for jobs.

Stressed.

Pondering the chances of ever getting another job ever if I were to not only not accept an offer from my firm but also quit working effective nearly immediately. I think [Hours] has finally pushed me a too far. I realized I'm like a battered wife who is always making excuses for their abuser and I am not sure I can keep it up anymore.

"I'll Be Missing You"

My brother and I exchanged music collections since we've been planning on it and he leaves for college in a week.

He has 8 James Blunt songs. Which would make me think he might be gay, were it not for the fact that a gay man would have better taste than that. Plus he had 12 Lil' Wayne songs, and while I do not know who this Pequito Wayne is, he does not sound like a gay icon. However, that could be balanced out by all the Cher I just gave him.

I will really miss embarassing him.

"Shiny Happy People Holding Hands"

Today The Gay Husband mentioned there is a good chance he'd not only be moving back to my state around May 2009, but that he'd also be moving into the area where I intend to remain.

We proceeded to spend the evening doing what all normal people would do. Looking at floor plans for possible future apartments together.

All is not well...

I know I said my cell phone was fine, but it's not. It's turning itself on and dialing numbers. I finally had to take the battery away from it since it wouldn't play nice. So either the water did damage it or a ghost is having a lot of fun messing with me. However, I'm leaning towards water damage, as I think the ghost could still make it work without a battery based on what I've seen in the movies.

Soaked.

Most of the summer I've managed to keep weekends to "my time." As such they are generally spent out on the lake with friends. Yesterday was no different, except for the fact that it was "my turn" to help dock the boat, which I have never had to do before, and to be honest I rarely even pay attention to the entire procedure since I'm usually cleaning the boat up like any good woman who knows her role.

So there I am, standing on the front of the boat, waiting to make my way to the dock confident in my abilities. Until I step off the boat and it rapidly begins drifting from the dock. Resulting in one of those cartoon-esk situations where I'm beginning to do the splits and I'm not sure which side I should go for. Needless to say, I ended up in the water, fully clothed, pink razr in my pocket.

UPDATE: My excessively expensive blowdryer is magic and has fixed my phone. Just a couple water bubbles under the screen are left, but it gives it character.

The 10% You Don't Want To Be In.

Like all good little test takers I got to the MPRE ahead of schedule, scouted out my room and proceed to wait until the powers that be were ready to check us in. Luckily I had a friend there to gossip with so all was well.

The check in lady from my room announced they were ready to check people in, so we formed a line, readied our IDs and admission tickets and waited some more. When it was my turn I handed her my paperwork and looked down, immediately noticing I should have been at the top of the list, but I wasn't.

MPRE Lady: It's [Woods] right?

Me: Yup.

MPRE Lady: You haven't gotten married or changed your name since you registered?

Me: (Looks at left hand) Nope. No marriage. No Witness Protection Program.

MPRE Lady: Please step aside.

So the "head" administrator was contacted, and eventually came to see me.

Head MPRE Guy: [Elle Woods]?

Me: Yes.

Head MPRE Guy: You're going to need to come with me Ms. Woods.

Me: Alright.

(At this point I'm just hoping they tell me I'm not allowed to take it since I'm so annoyed I want no part of a 2 hour test).

Head MPRE Guy: You're were in the wrong room.

Me: Umm, no, I wasn't.

Head MPRE Guy: Yes you were, you're registered with your last name as [Elle].

Me: Ohh.

(Immediately I realize this is most likely a "user error" as I regularly do stupid things like this when it comes to data entry).

Head MPRE Guy: At least once per test the system screws it up somehow.

Me: Ohh, I'm sure it was me, you don't have to pretend, I'm not going to freak out and do badly as a result of something like that.

Head MPRE: (Blank Look).

Me: You don't have to lead me over to the other room, surprisingly, I can read the signs.

A little over 10% of people fail to get the required score by my state. There were 20 people in my room. According to this post, I'm screwed.

Happy 25th Birthday MTV

While flipping through the TV Channels looking for entertainment not in the form of MPRE studying I happened upon MTV and a little show called Next.

From what I gathered, 5 guys and one girl are put on a bus and they all fight for an orifice, or something like that. One of the herpes delivery methods contestants introduced himself as:

"A 23 year old pre-law student, here to de-brief this girl."

Sadly, I didn't stick around to see if he did. So now I'm just stuck here pondering what law school would take him as a student, if the "de-brief" comment was about getting information from her or removing her "briefs", and what kind of guy calls a women's underwear/underpants/panties "briefs."

Dear Netflix,

How is it that neither my 3 movies which were supposed to arrive yesterday or my movie which was supposed to arrive today have gotten here yet? I have 2 days off work and apparently you feel I should be "studying" for the MPRE or something. What's worse is they can't be reported missing until they're out for 6 days. I pay for the 4 at a time plan not since I really need that many, but because I like to always have options. Keep this up and I'm going leave you for your older, more distinguished, and more financially stable brother, Blockbuster.

Hugs and Kisses,
Elle Woods

cc: The United States Postal Service

/dictated but not read

MPRE Update

Still over 40 pages to read in the outline, plus I might want to take a practice test or 4. But I did get to have lunch with my brother who is moving across the country in a little over a week, I think that is what is really important.

Credit Where Credit is Due

I could not have worked out all the kinks in the new template were it not for Anonymous Law Student, I finally had to just give him my password and whatnot since there were a few issues my obsessive compulsive nature could not not tolerate, yet my limited knowledge of HTML did not allow me to fix.

Plus, he made me a sign.

Ch-Ch-Changes!

Clearly, changes have been made. Not sure if I'll keep the new template, if you love/hate it let me know (contact info to the right), as I am here to serve you dear readers. Also, I was not able to have my super awesome "pull down" menu with this new format...So as a compromise (does anyone else want to say "com-promise") if you were on the drop down list and you e-mail me you will be added to the blogroll, since I love you all. Hell, if you wanted to be added to my blogroll in general, let me know.

Ohh, and as I should have mentioned, comments are back, play nice.

All Men are Created Equal

Why is it that the Lawyers are always referred to as "she" in the BarBri PR Book?

While it's nice to see the "she" used rather then "he" I can't help but thinking that it's used in this case to further the belief that women are dirty little sneaks who are unfit to be lawyers and who are destined to break the Ethical Rules of the profession. (As we clearly are).

"I'm Weird Man..."

If anyone has been paying attention, I'm taking the MPRE soon, as in Friday. For all you non-law types that would be the Multistate Professional Responsibility Exam. Exam, as in test. Of course I haven't really studied unless sitting passively in a BarBri class and filling in blanks, downloading BarBri Exam Soft, and reading 18 pages of 148 page outline counts as "studying."

The thing is, my lack of studying hasn't really scared me yet. They say "nobody" fails the MPRE, unless they don't study at all. I still have over 48 hours to study. Oceans. The reason I'm worried about passing is that I cut my hair. Yes, it always comes down to my hair, doesn't it dear readers? If I still allowed comments I'm sure I'd be getting called a vampant whore who is obsessed with her hair and has nothing else to think about. But, I digress.

When I started law school my hair was short (not THAT short, but short), at that time I made some weird promise to myself which I never expected to keep-but then I sorta did for awhile so I figured I'd keep going. The promise was that I would not cut my hair until I passed the bar. My joke at the time being that it'd be down to my ass before I could cut it. What I didn't account for was the fact that my hair grows at ridiculously fast rates, as in an 1 and 1/2 inches in 2 months. I kid you not, I can tell based on the rate of "re-growth."

So on Monday, the "triple digit heat" (as the news has been calling it) and 157% humidity finally produced enough delirium for me to cut my hair off-into a fabulously adorable cut. Bringing the total amount cut off my hair in the last 2 months (in 2 hair cuts) up to nearly 8 inches.

The repercussions are bound to be severe. See, I'd been growing it out to give to kids with cancer. Except, I found out they don't want my hair. Because apparently "bleach" is used on mine...Who knew? I thought "bleach" was only used on people who my great-grandfather would refer to as "weisse kopfe" (yes I know the "o" in "kopfe" needs an umlaute and that techically the "ss" should be that weird looking German letter that looks like a "B" but is really 2 s's).

So not only were children with cancer deprived of getting my hair by the evil standards forced upon them by the adults who run the organization (because trust me, kids with cancer want my hair) when I was just 2 inches shy of having it long enough to donate, but I broke a promise to myself. During the week which I take the first portion of the Bar Exam.

I think it's clear that if I fail the MPRE, which "nobody fails" it's a result of me breaking my promise to myself and my neglect of children with cancer. Couldn't be that it's 48 hours before and I've barely studied. Could.Not.Be.

Randomness

1. Toying with the idea of a new template. However, my HTML skillz are limited, so you guys will most likely have to keep reading my incoherent ramblings on this template which I have grown bored with.
2. Last night at a party I was at with my parents a guy I'd never met told me he was in love with me. Strange. I told a friend about it and they suggested maybe it was love at first sight. That was even stranger.
3. The weather is awful so I can't enjoy the lake today. Rather then studying I've watched The Way We Were and Taxi Driver. Strange combination.
4. A few weeks ago we were talking about Taxi Driver at my parents house, my dad is convinced that since the "borderline kiddie porn" that Jodie Foster did in it gave her gay. He also thinks some movie that Brooke Shields did which was also "borderline kiddie porn" is what caused her post-partum depression. Clearly, he is a idiot.
5. I've recently started Netflixing Oz, I think the fact that Ryan O'Reilly is my favorite character thus far in combination with the fact that Ari is my character on Entourage says a lot about me as a person.
6. Just how little studying can I get away with and not only pass the MPRE but get a score I can admit around the office?

1 Year Away...

So today, I'm driving home, dancing and singing along to one of the best songs of all time, and well, you know that part of "Love Shack" by the B-52's where the lady with the blonde with a beehive shouts:

Tinroof, Rusted!

Yeah so, as I was listening to it I thought about when that show "Pop-Up Video" that was on VH1 and how at that part of the song a bubble used to pop up and would say that the band denied that being a southern slang term for being pregnant and that it was just something the beehive blonde made up on the spot. Which I always thought was was stupid, since it seemed stupid to make up or to lie about the meaning either way.

It was at that moment when I realized exactly one year from that second I'll be finishing taking the bar. I don't think I need to say which I'd rather focus on more.

Signage

Sadly I could not take a picture since, well, cameras and camera phones are not allowed in courthouses. But recently when I went to what I like to refer to as "The Worst Courthouse in the History of the World" I saw a sign that read:

Traffic and Civil Division "ONLY"

I get that it was marking the line to check in. But why the quotes?

We Interrupt Your Regularly Scheduled Programming...

to bring you a picture of Becks in a man-kini. Yummy.

To Bar Exam Takers...

Good Luck!

Just remember the one thing I've learned thus far in law school-Unforseeable consequential damages are not recoverable.

BarBri MPRE Observations:

1. Leading me to believe there will be a lecture when there is a video is just wrong. I have better things to do from 9 am- 1 pm on Saturday. Such as sleep, be out on the boat, or color code my sock drawer. I can watch a video on my own time.
2. The video does have benefits. Such as gunners not being able to ask questions.
3. And not feeling obligated to feign laughter at the profs jokes.
4. I haven't had to "fill in the blanks" since elementary school-interesting to know BarBri thinks that is the most effective way to learn.
5. I'm going to kill myself when I have to sit through a summer of this next year. Seriously.

Best of Luck

Anyone wanting to wish the neurotic person in their life luck on the bar exam now has the option of sending a "personalized" message from none other then The Anonymous Lawyer.

And remember, Anonymous Lawyer the book comes out July 25th.

One More Reason...

Not to go to Ohio State.

"Paranoia, Paranoia, Everybody's Coming to Get Me."

I just woke up and my left arm is extremely itchy. I do not seem to have any bug bites, I haven't tried any new lotions, I'm not detoxing from use of opiads, and my fabric softener is the same one I always use. Which to me leaves only one plausible explanation-someone put itching powder in my bed-perhaps during my brothers graduation party this weekend-or maybe I'm being a little paranoid. Whatever.

"Hey Jealousy."

I billed 10 hours today. Even with 2 days off for the 4th and not working weekends I'm well on track to billing the [Bill, More and Hours] associate quota for the month.

I'm kinda jealous of all those summers with jobs where they get to bill 3 hours a day of fake work. Although knowing I do real work is cool (for me) and scary (for our clients) at the same time.

Really?

What Famous Leader Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

The only word I seem to be able to read in that description is "emaciated", which is really making me question it's reliability.

As Seen on.

New Blog

Law and Alcoholism has a new blog, very different from his current one, but I'm a philosophy person as well (although I will not hold myself out to be nearly as into it as he is) and I think it's an interesting concept.

It also made me happy my parents raised me as an atheist so I don't have to be conflicted about my beliefs.

Randomness

1-I love that I have went back to contacts. While I still love glasses since they are another accessory the attention I get from being free of them is fab.

2-Still dancing in my room for exercise at night.

3-I need to learn this dance:



P.S.-I love Duckie.

Irony...

[ASSociate]: Why are you taking your shoes off?

Elle Woods: Because I'm going to walk over to [place] and I keep flip flops in my drawer, then if I have to walk around in the city I don't have to do it in heels.

[ASSociate]: Sounds like a great idea. I know just what you mean, walking in heels kills my feet.

Elle Woods: I will assume that was a joke since you really do not seem like the drag type.

Cut to me walking back to the office from [place], roughly 6-7 blocks from my office. All of a sudden I almost fall over. I look down to see what non-existent obstable I'd tripped over this time since I'm always super graceful only to see a broken flip flop. I try to walk with it still broken and I realize I will fall over if I keep this up. So I walk back to my office barefoot. Disgusting. Dis-Gust-Ing. Plus everyone was looking at me like I was a crazy person, so to prove them wrong I kept telling random people "there is a perfectly logical explanation as to why I'm barefoot" which in retrospect, most likely made me look even more insane.

Like A Rock

Everyone knows Corporate America is the new black these days. With Ken Lay's "death" all over the news lately (or last week, whatever) one can't help but reminisce about the good old days when American C.E.O.'s made Martha Stewart look like a sweet housewife rather then someone who had to cut a bitch in the joint over a knitting needle.

However, with all the negative press corporate America has been receiving I find this particularly interesting. Clearly Diamler Chrysler trying to Humanize their C.E.O., but just what is it about that moustache and accent that makes him so endearing?

I've heard the good Dr. speak, and my brother is friends with his daughter so I can say that the campaign makes sense being that he is a very "likeable" guy. I suppose it makes more sense then having some "American Idol" sell your cars (I'm looking at you Ford).

Recent Decision

Dancing alone in my room might be the best stress relief ever. Eva.

Motion to Compel [Building Management] to Provide Reasonable Working Conditions

The Plaintiff, Elle Woods, hereby moves This Honorable Court to Compel [Building Management] to provide suitable working conditions based on terms and conditions of the Operating Agreement signed by [Building Management] and Ms. Woods' employer, [Bill, More and Hours]. Elle Woods states as follows:

1. [Building Management] is the sole owner and operator of the facility at [address].
2. [Bill, More and Hours] are tenants in [Building] at [address] who pay rent in exchange for office space as well as the expectation that reasonable repairs and maintenance shall be performed by [Building Management]. (See Exhibit A)
3. Ms. Woods has been using her current office on [Floor] for over 7 months at the time of the filing of this motion.
4. Ms. Woods office contains 2 overhead light fixtures of the non-flattering fluorescent variety.
5. During her entire tenure in the office in question one of the overhead lighting fixtures has remained off.
6. When Ms. Woods inquired as to why one lighting fixture was not operational she was told by an agent of [Building Management] that the previous employee was "sensitive to light" and that it would be turned on again.
7. 3 months have passed since the promise to turn on the overhead light.
8. At the time Ms. Woods made an inquiry about the overhead light which was never on she also made a complaint about the flickering of her other light.
9. At this time she was told this light could not be replaced until all 3 fluorescent tubes were burned out.
10. Ms. Woods has waited patiently in a dim office with flickering lights for over 3 months.
11. This morning (7.10.06) when Ms. Woods turned on her office light none of the lighting was functioning.
12. Ms. Woods made a call to maintenance and explained the situation politely and that her window does not get a lot of sun.
13. Ms. Woods wears glasses and does not wish to do any further damage to her eyes by reading in a dimly lit environment.
14. At no point during the day was Ms. Woods visited by maintenance to repair her lighting.
15. These conditions cause strain on Ms. Woods eyes and are unacceptable working conditions.

Wherefore, Plaintiff respectfully requests this court Compel [Building Management] to repair Ms. Woods lighting, as she is sick of feeling like a Vampire in her office and clearly [Building Management] is in breach of their duty to service their tenants as provided in the terms and conditions of the lease agreement (See Exhibit A) as well as any fees, costs, and damages for emotional distress this Court sees fit.

Signed,

Elle Woods-Junior Attorney at Law

K-Fed's Music Debut Was A Joke

K-Fed is now claiming Popozoa was a joke. I refuse to believe that K-Fed punk'd the nation. I am currently debating if his song "America's Most Hated" should go on the "Grad Mix" because of the line "I built a kingdom down the street from Pepperdine."

Sick!

So as my long time readers might know, I'm a smoker. The thing is, I've been cutting back lately, to one after lunch that I bum from my associate "friend" and some on the weekends when I go out. Which means when I get late night cravings I have to dig into my "emergency stash" which is a pack of Kool's (I HATE menthol) I bought about 8 months ago because a friend and I were getting my mom to smoke again (she quit when she got pregnant with me), it had to be Kool's since, "she only smokes Kools" and "Marlboro's make her sick" (how I came from this woman's womb is beyond me).

So as some of you may know, cigarettes get stale. And these are SUPER stale. And menthol. Meaning, they are extra gross. But sometimes I want nicotine more then I care about how sick they are, so I smoke them. Like tonight. And then sometimes they are so sick, since they are stale and menthol that I want to go throw up. In other words, I just smoked a disgusting cigarette and I wanted to complain. That is all.

Quote from My Grandma

Referring to fireworks:

"I like the spermy ones."

Help!

Being that my little brother (the baby) not only graduated high school this year but is also going across the country for school my mom has gone majorly into "nesting" mode. In other words, you can't spell "smother" without "mother." With my brothers grad party coming up not only have I been getting phone calls daily hourly regarding her changes in the menu but also tasks assigned to me. The most recent task is creating a playlist with roughly 6 hours of music to be played during the party. The catch is she wants "California themed music" since that's where my brother is going to school (graduation themed music will also suffice). Obvious choices are:

1. Anything by the Beach Boys
2. Californication and Dani California by Red Hot Chili Peppers
3. Hotel California by The Eagles
4. Going Back to Cali by Biggie Smalls
5. California Love by 2Pac and Dr. Dre
6. California by Phantom Planet
7. Going to California by Led Zeppelin
8. Beverly Hills by Weezer
9. LA Woman by The Doors
10. 4/29/1992 by Sublime
11. Santa Monica by Everclear
12. Malibu by Hole
13. Graduate by Third Eye Blind
14. Freshmen by The Verve Pipe
15. I'm Eighteen by Alice Cooper

So this is where I need help, since clearly 15 songs isn't going to cut it. I'd appreciate any suggestions. Also, suggestions for "hip" music would be helpful since my music taste tends to lean towards the '70's would be appreciated as well. Drop me an e-mail at legallyblondeblog@gmail.com.

Thanks in advance!

"It's 3 a.m. I must be lonely."

Sometimes I wish I wasn't a total insomniac. Or that when I was able to sleep I'd do it on a normal schedule instead of 4-5 hours a night, 20 minutes in my office after lunch (after which I spend another 10 minutes or so debating if I can bill a file for that time), and 30 minutes or so when I get home.

But at least Netflix has my back and sends me e-mails to question when my DVD's arrived so I can feel like somebody cares at 3:00 a.m. and so I can have something to do once I finish catching up on my blog reading. Good old Netflix, always thinking about me.

While we're on the subject of things replacing "companionship" with "the opposite sex" I thought I'd also take this time to point out that I've ended the last serious relationship I've had in awhile. While he was amazing, always came when I called, always on time, always did what I asked, I had to break it off with the copy shop guy. As much as I appreciated him coming to my desk to pick up any copying I needed done and delivering it back within 24 hours he also always brought me a box of candy. Which at the time allowed the feeling that we were in a fake, immensely happy relationship to foster even more. However, I went on a diet, so I had to break it off. I hope he isn't too hurt that I've abruptly stopped calling. I also haven't worked out how I'm going to appease [Hours] without chocolate on hand at all times.